By David Futrelle
Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the incel obsession with “Jailbait” stems from their pedophile — sorry, I mean ephebophile — fantasies, or if they’re just looking for an excuse to suggest that all the adult men out there having sex with adult women are secretly as sad and pathetic as incels are.
Take, for example, this post today on Incels.is — a backup site for Incels.me, which has apparently been booted from the internet by its domain provider — setting forth the proposition that “if you miss out on teenage love, you are an incel for life tbh.”
Here’s the full text, if you want to avoid eyestrain:
OverBeforeItBegan
Highest inhib BDDcel
–
Joined
Jul 26, 2018
Messages
827
Today at 5:32 PM#1Getting some ancient 25 year old (at best) used up slut that is looking for a “safe man” after highschool/ college Chads and Tyrones are done using her holes is the equivalent of escortcelling. You might still get the occasional sex but it will be nowhere near the same as to what superior men got while you get the degraded version of your girlfriend/wife. She’ll just be reminiscing about her youth and the countless Chad cocks she got plowed by.
No love is as pure as Teenage Stacy worshiping your dick. You cannot make up lost time.
The one good thing about this is watching cucktears copers [i.e. commenters on the IncelTears subreddit] saying things like “i’m happy I met my wife when she was 30 years old because she’s more mature now and gives me better handjobs because of her experience “
You can feel their pain from their posts.
I suppose there’s a a third possible explanation here: that OverBeforeItBegan is trying to convince himself that his Incels.me handle is an accurate one by “proving” that there’s nothing he can do to make his life better so he might as well just wallow in misery forever.
Of course, it’s also possible that the correct answer is “all of the above” — that OverBeforeItBegan is a pedophile-sorry-ephebophile who wants to think most men are secretly as miserable as he is and that nothing will ever make anything better for any of them.
I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a social movement quite so devoted to making (and keeping) everyone involved in it feeling miserable, bitter, and hopeless.
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@ Jo, Wetherby:
I know—with pretty much any other human activity, the accepted logic is that one gets better at it with practice. No one ever fantasizes about how great it would be to play a duet with someone who has never picked up a violin before.
@Prophet309
Got it in one. That’s what I call Mr. Pants. Cat. Though to be sure we are both cats. Which is why we aren’t actually married — we both dislike the idea of a legal and witnessed document saying that we have to stay put, we prefer the idea of being able to wander off. That being said, we have been “properly” together for so long now (since 2010, I think; it’s hard to pinpoint it exactly since Mr. Pants has always sort of been around) that the government probably considers us common law married. We intend to remain in this arrangement indefinitely (or until something shiny or a really interesting cardboard box distract us).
Speaking seriously, I have to wonder about this common wisdom that having sexual experience makes you a better sex partner.
We routinely conflate age and experience. How much of it is actual sexual experience, and how much is general social and sexual maturing? How about adults who keep getting new theoretical sex education, perhaps relatively basic stuff that should’ve been taught in school but wasn’t?
Is it relevant to practice sex a lot, or with more than one partner, or both? Or is the relevant difference just between some experience vs. no experience at all? I suppose with each individual partner you get gradually better after the first time, as you learn that particular person’s quirks (assuming you’re willing to learn anything, that is). Does any of it translate to subsequent new relationships?
@ Lumipuna
Don’t forget all the things you can learn from “practicing” by yourself. If you approach masturbation with proper ambition, it’s highly relevant experience. You learn a lot about how to touch others from touching yourself, regardless of whether your genital configuration is the same as your partners’ or not. And knowing what you like, what works for you, and how to let go/be in the moment/focus on what you’re experiencing makes you a much better partner.
Ugh…apologies for the OT
LA Brewery Owner Fights Men’s Rights Activist Over Women’s Beer Forum
Logically this should obviously be the case. However, the male fantasy of being the superior older master to mould an untutored younger woman (whose innate natural talent he, and no other man, has uncovered) in just the way that he likes is one that exists outside of the purely sexual sphere as well. I could absolutely see some slightly creepy 40 year old violinist fantasising about this rather than dueting with a female violin maestro of talent superior to his.
@Violet the Vile
THIS! A thousand times this!
Seriously, the girls I went to high school with were as pimple-faced, brace-wired and awkward as I was! It was Degrassi High, not Riverdale! Fuck, even Degrassi: The Next Generation was too glam for real school.
Geez freakin’ Louise, these dang-meme-dwelling CHUDs need to stop living on a steady diet of teen sex comedies and Digital Playground long enough to realize that the high school juniors they’re conjuring up in their heads neither resemble nor have the inhibitions of Sasha Grey!
(CW: Misogyny and murder to follow)
Just to offer an example of how this distortion manifests, I mentioned I was listening to a Canadian true crime podcast called Dark Poutine. One of the stories they highlighted was the murder of Dorothy Stratten. Some might be familiar with her story through the film Star 80 starring Mariel Hemingway and Eric Roberts, but Stratten was a Vancouver-born model who was selected as the August 1979 Playboy Playmate and went on to be named Playmate of the Year for 1980. They played a clip of Stratten being interviewed by Johnny Carson and Stratten had such poise and a professional bearing that you could be forgiven for forgetting that she was only 18 or 19 years old at the time. Wearing makeup she looked far older than she actually was, and the amount of fame she acquired so fast at such a young age was not helped by the circumstances of her discovery.
Stratten was working at a Dairy Queen in Coquitlam when she met a 26-year-old club promoter and pimp named Paul Snider. It was Snider who convinced her to take nude modeling shots and passed them on to Playboy. Conforming to Hefner’s ideal woman, she was a shoe-in for Playmate and within a year, she went from a poor kid from Coquitlam to the toast of Los Angeles. This didn’t sit well with Snider, who despite marrying Stratten and following her to LA, found her attempts to control her rebuffed by Hefner, Stratten’s friends and eventually Stratten herself. Stratten eventually had an affair with director Peter Bogdanovich on the set of They All Laughed (which the folks at Dark Poutine watched and commented that Stratten had great comedic timing). Stratten’s separation and planned divorce from Snider sent him over the edge and on August 14, 1980, he lured Stratten to the house they once shared, brutally sexually assaulted her at gunpoint and murdered her with 12-gauge shotgun, which he then used on himself.
In the wake of such a horrific tragedy, everyone was left reeling. Stratten’s family, pretty much all of the Greater Vancouver Area… and I don’t think Bogdanovich was ever quite the same man. It was a tad creepy that he eventually married Dorothy’s younger sister Louise four years later, given the 30 year age gap. Naturally, Hefner’s first instinct was to protect the Playboy brand from any liability in Stratten’s death. Compassionate guy.
The observation that the Dark Poutine guys made was that she was a young woman barely out of girlhood who had been taken advantage of by a parade of older men (be it Snider, Hefner or Bogdanovich) and had expectations and fame heaped upon her that she could barely keep a handle on. But the added tragedy is that she was keeping a handle on it and had she lived, she likely would have been a major star within a couple of years. She had the maturity and poise of a woman far beyond her years, but was working a Dairy Queen in high school not a year before and this is what these incel CHUDs keep envisioning who these high school “Staceys” are! They’re still carrying a lot of the vulnerability of childhood with them, no matter how mature they appear in photo spreads and interviews or even on PornHub 40 years after Dorothy Stratten! Stratten herself admitted as such in a written interview, that as mature as she felt in LA, a part of her still felt like a lost kid from Coquitlam.
Forgive the lengthy retrospective on a grim topic, but I think it’s a perfect illustration of the problem and how long it’s been manifesting itself.
@wwth
Couldn’t be put better. Basically Paul Snider wannabes.
dust bunny:
Yep, I put that euphemistically under “sexual maturing”. Even without particular ambition, you might continue learning something from time to time.
Awh. You guys had a stats discussion and I wasn’t invited? I’m hurt. Curse my lazy desire for five hours of sleep a night!
I’ve found that a large number of these Incels are teenagers, just from my own biased sample. They’re in the belief that, if they don’t have sex in high school they’re virgins forever, and that that’s the worst possible fate. And – well, yes. That this pain of being sexless-at-18 is more important than the humanity of other people. Rapists without a spine.
There’s a good enough mix of older MRA-misog’s in there too, though, that I wouldn’t say it’s about teenaged angst turned up to 11. It’s about teenaged self-adsorbtion, certainly, but that’s more about men that never learn to see past the tips of their own dicks.
Either way, I’d rather argue about the definition of average. It’s a surprisingly complicated topic, because it varies depending on what you’re talking about! Mean, media and mode are more precise – but even then you have to be careful! Any time you’re reducing a sample or population into a representative value you’re losing important aspects of that group, so you have to think hard about what’s important and what can be dropped. That’s more important than which one you’re specifically using, I think.
So, it’s ‘I’m miserable because I Am deprived of a sex , but I’m over nineteen so I’ll never have a good sex life (it only works for a teen-aged Chad, Brock, or Brett as the recipient of cock worship (what a bizarre image that conjures). So, if I ever have sex I will be deprived still.
AND ITS ALL STACEY’S DOING!
Luckily, these worms have these outlets through which they can get understanding and encouragement.
Also, escortcel? Is that an unattractive gigilo?
@Moon_custafer:
Nope, these guys aren’t interested in duets, or skill, or even music. Women are the violin. And the audience is what counts.
Sex: a lossy compression format.
@ Ape
Oh, ok! For some reason I’m the shameless masturbation advocate of my own social network (it’s very strange, the roles we get stuck with) and I take every opportunity to say something in favour of it out of habit. I…should maybe rethink this.
@ Scild
You’re always invited to talk statistics, whether there’s a discussion going on about it or not!
My favorite abuse of statistics is telling people they have more than the average number of fingers and toes.
Because I’m mean….
OT, but something I found amusing.
Remember a couple threads back where I posted the old episodes of Square One Television and Mathnet? Well one of the episodes had something that was very amusing.
It was a 1990 episode where the culprit was literally a Donald Trump parody named Ronald Crump.
And what was the crime?
Aiding a foreign government against the United States.
https://youtu.be/V8u97IbKG-c?t=3898
Yes, the 1990 kids show was making fun of Donald Trump back then and portraying him as a treasonous cad. Well played, Mathnet writers, well played.
Scildfreja:
Apparently it takes more than a hydraulic skeleton…
(/biology nerd)
I used to think incels aren’t much dangerous as sexual predators, not like PUAs who seem to cultivate the art of date rape.
Then again, they do very much propagate rape culture, and apparently some of them aren’t actually that lazy/incompetent at pushing their way with women. The extreme misogyny of the community attracts and inspires all kinds of creeps who aren’t “truecels”, people like that Nathan Larson or whatever.
Yup – I’m still reeling at the phrase “ancient 25 year old” too. So much so that I had to read it twice. There is just so much WTF there that I can’t even. Not to mention sweet cock worship by the Stacies – especially disconcerting because Stacy was my nickname as a child.
For incels and related misogynists smart enough not to say this stuff out loud sex as conquest, conquest not only of the body of the woman and the woman herself, I think there is a psychological component for these guys of victory by not genuinely interacting with the woman unfortunate enough to be in their bed or their fantasy. Their way they have victory not only over the woman but over the Feminine.
I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a social movement quite so devoted to making (and keeping) everyone involved in it feeling miserable, bitter, and hopeless.
I don’t know if anyone has already mentioned it – and maybe it was on here I read it – but I saw a thing a while back about “crab buckets”. The idea is that if you put one crab in a bucket, it will try to climb out. Put a bunch of crabs in a bucket, and the ones at the bottom will actively try to stop the ones higher up from climbing out. And there are a few online “communities” that are crab buckets – pro-eating disorder ones, for example – but I have to say the first thing that always springs to my mind as a textbook crab bucket is the uncle community.
I didn’t start dating until I was 18. My adult romantic/sex life has, for the most part, been perfectly normal.
Just my anecdotal experience, of course.
Random question: why are all these names for these characters in Forever Aggrieved High School Virgin most popular in the 1970s and 1980s?
How old are these incels?
Also, in other parts of the culture wars, isn’t it considered a good thing when immature and inexperienced teenagers don’t have sex too early? OOOh! Oooooh! I know! Maybe, maybe, incels are the successful illustration of the wonders of abstinence only education!
(Just to be clear, I am aware of the sexual double standard and it is only girls/young women who are supposed to be abstinent and wait for the reformed rake to come and show them how it is done, but the hypocrisy of the entire thing just struck me.)
“No one ever fantasizes about how great it would be to play a duet with someone who has never picked up a violin before.”
I’m a violin teacher, so that’s something I’ve actually done.
I was a virgin until 22. Did not expect it to change. Extremely awkward, shy, poor, i had a good list of reasons why id be single forever. A friend set me up with a girl he knew, though that relationship went badly. She was way more into me than I was into her, so I called it quits before it got too far. Maybe a few weeks later, my current girlfriend invited me to go hang out with her and her girlfriend. How’d I do it? I didn’t really do anything. I was living my life, hanging out with friends, and ended up clicking with some people in my social circle. I wish I figured out that’s how it worked sooner. Might not have gotten me laid faster, but it would have made me feel better.
Which these incel assholes can’t seem to grasp. Friends, relationships, sex, whatever, those don’t just appear. You have to do stuff that puts you near people. Probably without doing it just to get laid either. But those are the very things that get shamed on incel boards as “cope”. Normal human social activities are literally and figuratively a four letter word to them.
Also just noticed that my phone autocorrected “incel” to “uncle” and I didn’t notice because I was trying to finish my comment before getting off my bus.
How embarrassing.
@Sillabub: I’m a bit of a language nerd and some years back I used to read some Singaporean bloggers because I find the Singapore dialect of English fascinating (using as it does regional or obsolete English vocabulary, particles borrowed from Malay and additional vocabulary from Hokkien Chinese) One of the common bits of “Singlish” slang was “uncle” meaning any creepy old guy. I guess a lot of incels are uncles in Singapore at least ?
The thing about pedophilia is…it usually results from a desire to feel powerful over a feeling of attraction. It has less to do with sex and more to do with dominance. I’ve had the misfortune of coming across some anime porn featuring very young looking women, but they all had breasts. Unlike actual youths.
These idiots think ‘jailbait’ will be attracted to them because they don’t leave home often enough to know that is utter bullshit.
Not only that, they think children are stupid enough to fall for their “I’m a dominant male” fantasy.
Which is odd considering the whole “lean into your weakness” aspect of the incel um…I hesitate to call it a movement. Terrorist organization? Hate group at the very least.
Hey, if children 15 and under started coming out in droves, holding up signs saying “WE WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH CREEPY WHITE MEN!,” I would reexamine my opinions on pedophilia.
But they aren’t. It’s not about the kids or what they want.
It’s about all mighty white male crybabies who think they are entitled to whatever they decide they desire because they were born into a society which isn’t hard enough on them for being creeps and perverts.