New incel theory: If you’re a guy who missed out on “Teenage Stacy worshiping your dick” you’re an incel-for-life

No love is as pure as Teenage Stacy worshiping your dick.

Wait… they’re incels, how would they even know if this is true?

I like incels. They make my life seem so joyous. I mean, sure, I’ve never been in a relationship either, but I do things! I have goals and stuff! I don’t have time (or desire, really) to wallow in bitterness on the internet, so I must be doing pretty good. Viva la vida aburrido!

Seriously, I don’t know how you can follow this stuff. This is miserable, depressing shit.

damn, what a miserable bunch

Dear Incel Penthouse,

Is the reverse also true? For example, Mr. Pants had steadfastly avoided my romantic overtures in high school, then briefly succumbed to them in college, then ran away in a fit of pique and wandered about for ten years, falling in and out of love with half a dozen other women, while I did much the same (though only some of mine were women), until the alleged wall was due on the horizon. At this time, Mr. Pants hurried back with his own overtures and was admitted back into the fold, whence he hasn’t strayed since. Is he secretly pining for Stacy? Or am I the Stacy he went back to? I need to know because I derive my whole understanding of life from the words of solipsistic garbage trolls with negative canthal tilt (who are not James Franco).

Incels could be used to illustrate the concept of a crab pot.

David, I hope you get lots of cuddles from your cats after having to read this garbage.

went thru the bargain bin dvds at walmart, and WOW, “Purple Rain”!!

though it’s theater run was during the undoubtedly worst year of my life,

What a movie! What an artist!!

WHAT A SONG!!!!!

‘scuse me, all, I gotta go for a drive and listen to that song again at disfiguring volume!!!

There’s a common thread in some US movies, and some anime, where the high school years are foregrounded as the most important of a person’s life.
It’s deeply sad. Our incel here seems to subscribe religiously to this idea.

There must be a word for what these guys are doing. They are like a cult built around self loathing and self pity. What is this called?

.. ancient 25 year olds ..

Here, in this eternal darkness, where time has gone on so long it has ceased to have meaning, I, an Ancient Creature, one of the Old Ones, as old as time itself, from before time..

Am 40 years old.

Conversely, I seem to be a young jailbait nymph in the eyes of (lecherous) senior citizens.

It must be some kind of time disturbance or something.

@Mish

maybe it’s a generational thing, but yeah I definitely remember that concept being fervently preached to us, though I knew it was total bullshit, as did anyone I talked with who was also a bully victim.

Even if teenage Bina (not Stacy, Bina — me, not some generic feeeeemoid) had been sexually active, literally the last thing in the world she’d have worshipped was any dude’s dick. My wildest fantasies ended well short of that.

Also, I wasn’t a fucking idolater. Or a fool. Unlike these guys, who are clearly both. They have the most wildly out-of-touch conception of “reality” ever. Dicks are literally the most underwhelming thing about men. Nobody worships that, literally OR figuratively — except maybe the most solipsistic and immature dudes. I.e., these guys.

And they wonder why they’re “incels”? As usual, volasshole is the correct term.

So I suppose my trans, pansexual ass is the Chaddest of Chad’s to them? I was never really without a girlfriend during high school, and have not been without a partner for more than a few months at a go since a month after my 15th birthday.

But I was also a video game playing, D&D running, book dwelling dweeb.
How can both be true?

“I didn’t get the life I wanted to have when I was sixteen. It’s not like I’m interested in anything that happens after that.”

Welp, it’s a point of view.

Excuse me, but can you please get me some AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! With a side of AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

@Walter

They’re called hopeless cases that are too cowardly to kill themselves in spite of insisting they have no reason to keep living. Really, by their own logic they ought to have stopped whining and just crawled into a hole to die already.

“Oh boo hoo why didn’t people worship muh teenage pee pee :(“

We interrupt this incel mocking to bring you the following special bulletin….

THE RED SOX ARE GOING TO THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled incel mocking.

@Chris Oakley
Huh, I didn’t expect that of all things. Then again I didn’t expect Gritty the hockey antifa icon to be a thing either.

There must be a word for what these guys are doing. They are like a cult built around self loathing and self pity. What is this called?

Digital self-harm.

H/T to ContraPoints: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNvsIonJdJ5E4EXMa65VYpA

@dashapants

I almost laughed out loud at that one—your description makes your husband sound like a particularly stubborn and/or skittish cat. XD

@Bina

Dicks are literally the most underwhelming thing about men.

Wait, seriously? I knew men tended to obsess about dicks more than women, but is it really to that extent?

Sorry for the, um, awkward question—your statement just made me really curious.

Just going to shout this out for the incels here.

I was a virgin until 21!

I’m now married to my wife of 5 years!

And we’re same age!

High school notch counting means nothing!

Mish: for a while, when I was a silly little teenage warthog, that idea made me even more miserable than usual.

“These are the best years of your life, sonny!”
“You mean… it gets WORSE?”

I am happy to instruct any younger people listening that it does not necessarily get worse.

She’ll just be reminiscing about her youth and the countless Chad cocks she got plowed by.

He’s right, I’m always hearing women talking about how their heterosexual teenage sexual experiences were the most satisfying of their life and how the more experience they and their partners have, the worse the sex becomes.

Hold on.

I’m sorry, I just checked and that appears the be the absolute opposite of the truth. In fact, the vast majority of women I’ve talked to describe their teenage sex as pretty terrible and the sex they have later in life as far better.

Funny how incels manage to be wrong about literally everything. It’s quite an achievement.

I’m not sure I’ve ever encountered a social movement quite so devoted to making (and keeping) everyone involved in it feeling miserable, bitter, and hopeless.

I know! It’s kind of like my father is posting all over the Interwebs.

If there’s one thing I learned from living with that man, it’s the profound truth of the maxim Misery loves company.

And if Misery can’t find that company, it will try to create it out of vulnerable people.

This isn’t true of all miserable people, of course. Many of them are really nice. They’re just depressed. But some miserable people try very, very hard to bring others down to their level. Maybe it brings meaning to their lives.

So maybe it’s more true to say Some Misery loves company.

@Mish: Yes, that’s a very good point. Teens were, and still are, mythologized in many Hollywood movies. The 1980s, for example, is sometimes referred to as the golden age of teen films, mostly for John Hughes’ movies like “16 Candles”. Hughes’ movies are some of the blandest, “white bread” flicks out there, IMO.

@Weird Eddie: Pretty sad that “Purple Rain” is in the bargain bin. Hard to believe it’s 35 years old, and Prince is gone.

@Cheerful Warthog: What perverse cruelty possesses people to hand kids that line? Rhetorical question.

@Bina

Dicks are literally the most underwhelming thing about men.

I think I’d have to award “most underwhelming” to testicles. They look weird, feel weird, and they aren’t particularly exciting or fun even if you’re looking forward to the rest of the the package. Naturally, plenty of men (and manly phrases) think they’re awesome.

I was going to reply with “I’ll see your dick, and raise you balls”, only it turns out that poker analogies don’t fit every occasion. Who knew?

I’m very much happier now than I was as a teenager. I know a lot of people are. Heck, I’m happier than last week; kittens will do that.

I think the idea that school days are the greatest is probably pushed by people who want their teenagers to shut up.

How old are the incels posting this stuff? I mean “25 year olds are ancient”, “30 year olds are more mature” and “you’ll never have a sex life if you’re not getting some as a teen” are all kind of understandable viewpoints from a sadsack 15 year old who’ll probably grow out of it. And creepy af from a full grown adult man.

@Dan Kasteray

Just going to shout this out for the incels here.

I was a virgin until 21!

I’m now married to my wife of 5 years!

And we’re same age!

High school notch counting means nothing!

21 is still pretty young. Plenty of people are still virgins long after that and still have happy sex lives. I mean, if we assume that the average age for losing your virginity is about 18, which seems to be what most suggest, then that means a whole half of people didn’t have sex at all in high school (or for an indeterminate number of years after) and the vast majority of them are not now living in incel hell.

Even people who lose their virginity under 18 are almost certainly not “getting plowed by countless Chad cocks” but are more likely having one or more vaguely satisfying fumbles with a single partner.

if we assume that the average age for losing your virginity is about 18, which seems to be what most suggest, then that means a whole half of people didn’t have sex at all in high school (or for an indeterminate number of years after)

(engage stats pedant mode)
Mean age, not average age.
(disengage stats pedant mode)

Mean age makes sense. I see the figure usually cited as 16-17 and it seems ridiculously low for an average. The distribution must be fairly skewed.

@Z&T

such true
so much lol
so many lecherous senior citizens

Also, a shout out to everyone else who didn’t lose their virginity till they were in their 20s, has never managed to sustain a relationship past three months, and still manages quite a high level of happiness

And just out of curiosity, I’d be interested how incels explain the extremely high number of under 25s who are interested in women over 40. Seriously, I and all my friends on dating sites are deluged with dick pics, date requests, and propositions from guys who are young enough to be our sons

(thanks sweetie but I am 41 and looking for the closest equivalent I can find to Alan Tudyk)

It’s a whole thing. And while it’s about sex for some of them, for other’s it appears to be quite genuine. “Girls my age are boring” is something I hear a lot.

I think it’s because they grew up with the idea of milfs and cougars and as far as they’re concerned “the wall” is just not a thing. It always happened a bit, but it really started a couple of years ago, and it’s a little disconcerting to be honest.

I did actually go on a couple of dates, but they’re just too young. I feel like I’m taking advantage of them, and that’s not sexy 🙁

Excuse me, but can you please get me some WAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! With a side of WAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

ftfy. Also, I too watch SootHouse. ☺

I never had a “teenage Stacy worshipping [my] dick” (either in my teens or later) and I’ve done all right for myself since.

I suspect I had more actual female friends in my teens than the average incel, thanks to a bizarre technique called “treating women as fellow human beings and listening to what they have to say”, but since my mid-teens coincided with the first outbreak of AIDS awareness campaigns I was ridiculously paranoid about sex, to the extent of largely avoiding PIV encounters. And perhaps because I had a fair number of female friends, I was also perhaps unreasonably concerned about unwanted pregnancy, as my mum had made it very clear to me that if anything like that happened she’d expect me to do the decent thing, and that precisely what constituted “the decent thing” would most likely not be my decision.

In retrospect, I think this was a thoroughly good thing, and for all sorts of reasons.

Oh, and by far my best sexual partner – as in most voracious, imaginative, adventurous and responsive – throughout the whole of my twenties was in her early forties. I find it impossible to imagine how any inexperienced teenager could come anywhere close to that – indeed, part of the problem with the incel worldview is that they’re convinced that sex with a virginal teen is some kind of amazingly mindblowing experience, whereas in a huge number of cases it’s merely fumbling, awkward, embarrassing and sometimes humiliating, especially when neither of you really knows what you’re doing but you’re determined to pretend otherwise.

(Which reminds me: circa twenty or thereabouts, I had a fascinating quasi-relationship with a close friend’s slightly younger sister, who was obsessed with sex to the point where it was practically all that she wanted to talk about with me, and I was only too happy to indulge her – up until then, these were by far the most graphic and psychologically complex conversations I’d had about sexual relationships with anyone else – but we never got around to actually doing anything aside from a single drunken snog under a lamppost one evening. So we were clearly physically attracted to each other, but I think we both instinctively knew that we weren’t destined to be soulmates – although she remains a friend to this day in a way that she might not have been had we crossed that line.)

@Jo

if we assume that the average age for losing your virginity is about 18, which seems to be what most suggest, then that means or for an indeterminate number of years after)

(engage stats pedant mode)
Mean age, not average age.
(disengage stats pedant mode)

As they were talking about “a whole half of people didn’t have sex at all in high school”, isn’t it more likely they meant median? “average” is less wrong than “mean” in that case.

[pedantry intensifies]

But mean is exactly the same thing as average? What am I not getting here? Median (or mode, or midpoint of a distribution) should never be called average (or mean), that’s just wrong, and unnecessarily confusing.

@ Bina

Dicks are literally the most underwhelming thing about men. Nobody worships that, literally OR figuratively — except maybe the most solipsistic and immature dudes. I.e., these guys.

I’ve known… some folks who do. Granted, most of them gay/bi dudes. But not all! Granted, the straight ladies who stan dick tend to be really young and/or have a strong & tragic “cool girl” vibe to them. But not all!

^ I took a while to type the above, the mean part is in response to Jo/Lumipuna rather than Pie.

@dust bunny

But mean is exactly the same thing as average? What am I not getting here?

“Average” isn’t strictly defined. I kinda like Wikipedia’s definition, that it is some number representative of some set or distribution of numbers. People do indeed often use average to, uh, mean arithmetic mean, that that doesn’t mean that’s what it actually means. If you see what I mean.

Median (or mode, or midpoint of a distribution) should never be called average (or mean), that’s just wrong, and unnecessarily confusing.

The median is absolutely not the same as the mode, especially in skewed distributions. Don’t mix them up.

Anyway, depending on the distribution of numbers you’re looking at, the median could be a far better representation of them than the arithmetic mean. There’s nothing special about either kind of average, and there’s nothing to stop you picking the one that seems most appropriate.

I’d suggest that the arithmetic mean is not the best representation of a fairly skewed distribution like “age at which you lost your virginities, whatever that happens to mean”.

Despite talking about their supposed preference for vaginal tightness, incels are not actually out to have satisfying and fun sex.

They want women subjugated, so a vulnerable and easily manipulated young woman who they are taking advantage of is more of a turn on than a fully consenting partner who knows what they’re doing sexually. That’s the only reason any men ever creep on teen girls. Despite the widespread fetishization of them in our culture, it is not the time of life most women are at their height of attractiveness. In reality, most are awkward, still have childlike faces and frequently have acne and/or braces.

Never forget, incels are just rapists who lack the courage or social skills to successfully rape.

@wwth

beautifully put

Despite talking about their supposed preference for vaginal tightness, incels are not actually out to have satisfying and fun sex.

Indeed not – a preference for vaginal tightness as distinct from something comfortably embracing strongly suggests that they’re not the slightest bit interested in female pleasure and want to come inside her as quickly as possible. Preferably without a condom, as that makes them feel more manly. See also their obsessive focus on the vagina as a receptacle for the penis, rather than any other parts of the female anatomy whose function is primarily to give her pleasure.

They want women subjugated, so a vulnerable and easily manipulated young woman who they are taking advantage of is more of a turn on than a fully consenting partner who knows what they’re doing sexually. That’s the only reason any men ever creep on teen girls. Despite the widespread fetishization of them in our culture, it is not the time of life most women are at their height of attractiveness. In reality, most are awkward, still have childlike faces and frequently have acne and/or braces.

Indeed – I have a teenage daughter, and while I’m resigned to the fact that she’ll most likely be sexually active fairly soon, the notion of her or her friends being the epitome of sexual allure is just baffling to me. Except, of course, for the reason you state.

Which is why her mother and I are being graphically honest with her about what creepsters will be after (my wife is being especially blunt here, and from a position of considerable authority). Same goes for her sending sexually graphic messages and/or photos – we’ve been drumming into her that if she doesn’t want whatever she’s sending to end up on social media, she shouldn’t send it, no matter how much she trusts the recipient at the time (emphasis on the last three words). Thankfully, she seems level-headed enough to have taken all this fully on board.

@ Pie

I wasn’t mixing them up, just listing three separate things that should not be called “average”, two of them less immediately relevant and therefore in parentheses. I see how that looks now. It didn’t occur to me that could be read as me listing what I believe to be synonyms, because first, why would I do that, and second, who on this earth could ever think mode, median and distribution midpoint are the same thing????

So average is basically pretending to be a mathematical term, coyly implying it means mean, but actually ANY colloquial use of it is correct? Ugh, I think I’m developing an allergy to the word. This is causing me to break out in hives. Literally, my arms and neck are itching.

Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh.

Yes, I meant to write median and somehow had a brain fart and wrote mean, thus looking like not only a knob, but an ignorant knob too.

Luckily I lost and then found my bag today, so I’m in a good mood which making a fool out of myself on WHTM has only slightly dented.

a preference for vaginal tightness as distinct from something comfortably embracing strongly suggests that they’re not the slightest bit interested in female pleasure and want to come inside her as quickly as possible.

I’d go further than this. Many of them actively prefer it when their partner isn’t enjoying intercourse and it hurts and humiliates her. That means they’re making her do something she doesn’t like, ie. they’re using their power over her, which is satisfying to them. And some of them even think sexual desire and pleasure make a woman impure and unworthy, so sex should only be had in ways that make it umpleasant and painful for their partner (unless she’s the side piece jezebel, not the trophy virgin).

@Prophet309

@Bina

Dicks are literally the most underwhelming thing about men.

Wait, seriously? I knew men tended to obsess about dicks more than women, but is it really to that extent?

Sorry for the, um, awkward question—your statement just made me really curious.

It is generally true that men tend to obsess over, and attach too much value to, their penises, however…
TMI alert: dicks (that I’m interested in) are literally mouthwatering to me. And for the record, I’m neither young nor a Cool Girl 🙂

I think part of the problem is that most incels don’t know any real teenagers. They are going from films (and porn) where the part of a teenager is played by a glamorous 30-year-old

that’s not what real teenagers are like

(Obviously the teenage incels know other teenagers, but their perceptions are a bit skewed as it’s their entire peer group)

Jo:

Yes, I meant to write median and somehow had a brain fart and wrote mean, thus looking like not only a knob, but an ignorant knob too.

I saw your meaning, and relied on your word choice instead of checking it against my own, somewhat rusty memory.

Indeed not – a preference for vaginal tightness as distinct from something comfortably embracing strongly suggests that they’re not the slightest bit interested in female pleasure and want to come inside her as quickly as possible. Preferably without a condom, as that makes them feel more manly. See also their obsessive focus on the vagina as a receptacle for the penis, rather than any other parts of the female anatomy whose function is primarily to give her pleasure.

More than this, your average manosphere dude doesn’t even seem particularly interested in his own pleasure during sex.

It’s come up in discussions before how pick-up artists, notably Roosh in his rape guide Bang, don’t actually appear to enjoy sex at all. They’re just looking for “conquest” to massage their fragile egos.

(And on the average thing, I did mean “mean” but I was also giving a statistic that was colloquial rather than backed by research – i.e. this is the age generally perceived to be the average – so perhaps colloquial terminology was more appropriate than statistical)

Mish – Attaching value to the penis is a common stretching technique to make the penis longer. As for overdoing it, there’s no such thing as overdoing penis enhancement.