By David Futrelle
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, some dude drops this bit of erotic fan fiction into the comments here:
Donald, is that you? (The dude’s #IP points to Poland, so probably not, but you never know.)
Assuming this didn’t come straight from The Donald himself — hey, he used to call up newspapers under a fake name to try to convince them that Madonna had the hots for him — I have a few thoughts.
Apparently MAGA now stands for “Make America Gag Again?”
Seriously, no one other than full-blown MAGAheads want to even think about Donald Trump having sex with anyone.
Indeed, Melania herself often seems to physically recoil from his touch. Look at these pictures and tell me with a straight face that these two have a happy sex life.
I mean, come on, dude, if you’re going to try to own the libs with your sexual fantasies about the Trumps, at least try to make them slightly more plausible than a Penthouse Letter.
Then again, it’s not clear if Mr. GreatBalls understands any better than President Grab Them By The Pussy himself that sex requires the consent of both partners. Seriously, dude, no man gets to have “whatever part” of his partner’s body “he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants,” no matter how much “dragon energy” he has.
For those of you feeling a bit queasy, here’s something of a brain cleanser.
https://twitter.com/m_yosry2012/status/1051149737863327745
Don’t be too harsh on the poor kitty. What happened the last time YOU tried to jump on top of the fridge?
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Odd thing is, I’ve actually seen Dragon Energy stuff sold in regular food markets, as a flavoring / ingredient in caffeine drinks. Of course the dragon being referred to is actually dragonfruit, not the mythical animal, but still.
OT, just for levity, but did any of you guys ever watch Square One TV back in the day? You know, that old PBS kids show that was kinda like Bill Nye, but for math?
When we were talking about nostalgia a couple threads back, I wanted to look it up to see if it was on YouTube.
Sure enough, it is:
I remember I actually wrote to PBS about how much I loved Square One TV and they sent me back a fridge magnet and a photo of Kate Monday and George Frankley from their Mathnet segments.
Some of that stuff actually got pretty advanced for a show aimed at children. That’s kinda the thing I liked about it: the show never patronized you. It said to everyone watching “You can get this stuff! It has real applications and more often than not, it’s just a matter of thinking it out.” It was done by the same folks that did Sesame Street, so it was very much in that same vein of educating for everybody and they did it with a lot of flair. Some of the pop culture references were a bit dated, but they must have had fun writing a lot of those sketches.
And some familiar faces show up in the Mathnet bits. Here’s a pre-Simpsons Yeardley Smith playing who I think is supposed to be a high schooler:
All I can hear is “I had a cat named Snowball, she DIED, she DIED!”
Edited to add: And I just noticed she had a Sesame Street bag. Well played, Square One!
Hey David, I haven’t seen any left-wing media talking about this yet which is too bad because it’s fucking hilarious. (The right-wing media are all over it, of course.)
A Republican congressional candidate for Vermont, Deserae Morin, posted a picture of a rape & death threat she received by post – both the envelope it came in, and the actual physical letter, which was made in the old-school pulp detective novel style, with news & magazine cutouts glued onto a piece of paper.
However, some hypocrites on the left have been not #believingwomen about her receipt of this rape and death threat! All because you can see in the picture of the letter that the glue is still wet.
http://truenorthreports.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/1211.jpg
Pro tip for right-wingers trying to impersonate left-wingers: anyone proud enough of their communism to call their fellow-travelers “comrades” is going to call themselves a communist, not a socialist. Actual communists are proud of their communism.
And the threat to kill the Constitution? Lolwat?
And here’s more in “How do you do, fellow libtards”
https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/oct/12/arizona-republicans-communists-democrats-donation-attempt
@ Katamount:
I watched part of a Mathnet episode (from later, when it was the whole show) the other day, because it had come up in a discussion of character actors.
American airlines must have sponsored the episode, since the scenes of travelling from New York to Monterey took slightly longer than the plot required, but one of the scriptwriters had taken the opportunity to write in the following bit of dialogue: “Our in-flight movie is The Wright Brothers’ Hoax: Why Man Can’t Fly; starring the only man Will Rogers ever met and didn’t like…”
@Moon_custafer
I’m in the middle of watching The Passing Parade and not only does it have James Earl Jones as their boss, but it has numerous not-so-veiled references to Bruce Springsteen (who they call Steve Stringbean).
Also realized I effed up the link to Yeardley Smith, so that’s here:
Ugh, “dragon energy“. These people say we’re just NPC puppets spouting buzzwords, but here they are with nothing but memes. “Dragon energy“, “big dick energy“, “MAGA“. No actual reasons behind their beliefs, just smug sneering.
If we’re NPCs, they’re the mob spawns on the overworld map. The kind that makes the screen tear and drop into a fight, where the bad guys have set patterns and spout the same tired one-liners over and over. The sort you level up on by beating over, and over, and over.
Huh, that works sorta, doesn’t it.
Wish the drops were better, though.
@SpukiKitty:
I dunno… there’s a certain debased triumph in it, that even in extremis Crowley could find some way to spit in the eye of respectability. Mind you, it’s one thing being reduced to some heroin addict hawking his own spooge, quite another to being reduced to some heroin addict hawking his own spooge and finding a market ?! Though I’m pretty sure his customers weren’t 100% informed of what was in those pills…
@Button:
Damn right! Also, while not entirely eschewing misogynistic tendencies, that’s more of a fashy thing. Communist insults are of a different character: since when has any self-respecting Communist death threat not contained the words “jack-booted thug”, “fascist”, “running-dog”, or “jackal”? ?
Now, write out “I Must Not Exhibit Counter-Revolutionary Tendencies” one hundred times and think about your class enemy!
I’d bet my last dollar it he had lost the election, he would have. Unfortunately (for Melania) if he tried now he’d likely lose 1% of the bigot base, which he can’t spare
Kat, I’m not sure what you are trying to say. I chose the name because its recognizable as a Bowie tribute.
@Weird Eddie: What makes you think he won’t do it anyway?
Let’s get past the obvious
The state of our guest writer, shall we say, is a mess
But beyond the the blatant lack of care for one’s neighbor
Gotta question what he happens to savor
Sirloin is nice, but it don’t take the throne
One might say that goes to the T-bone
In succession quiet as a post-trap mouse
There’s filet mignon! A strip! The porterhouse!
“But that isn’t from the thigh,” well, neither’s what came first
There’s leg and there’s shin
And what you boil for gelatin
But no, sirloin’s sourced from part of the back
And while it may make for a mighty fine snack
It’s hardly the capital treat
What does this guy know about meat?
(And a slight postscript, I feel I must say
I’ve only heard “dragon energy” used by Kanye
Plus a couple of silly folks reading the relevant tweet
But right now, I made myself want to eat.)
Regarding most of the OP: *shudder*
Regarding the brain bleach: the top of the fridge was actually one of the favourite spots for the first cat our family had. She’d regularly jump onto the counter-top, then onto the fridge, and settle down in the little gap between the top of the fridge and the underside of some cabinets at the ceiling, where it was nice and warm from the warm air coming up the back radiator of the fridge.
Sometime when she was about eleven or twelve, she started having trouble making the jump. I still remember once hearing a scrabble and thump from inside the kitchen and looking in to see the cat sitting on the floor, looking up at the fridge with this expression of utter betrayal.
(She would also hide in the glove compartment of the car when on trips, having figured out that she could climb in the back due to the way it was set up. This was back in the late 1970s.)
I only know Crowley as the name of the demon in Good Omens.
@RedSilkPhoenix:
I’ve had dragonfruit–with the disclaimer that southwestern Ohio probably isn’t the place to experience a tropical South Asian fruit at its best. It looks like something you’d serve the Fire Lord on a golden platter, but tastes like a fifth-generation copy of the ghost of a kiwi; the thick white pulp and the Day-Glo magenta skin might lend body and color respectively to smoothies, but the flavorant would have to be something a lot bolder.
Note, for example, how this Starbucks special pairs the dragonfruit with mango: https://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/refreshers/mango-dragonfruit-starbucks-refreshers-beverage
And Brandon Matzek’s Pink Dragon Fruit Soda sharpens it with lime (and here may be part of my problem: I’ve only ever tasted the white-fleshed version; apparently there are sweeter pink- and magenta-fleshed varieties.)
https://www.kitchenkonfidence.com/2011/08/pink-dragon-fruit-soda
@Button:
I don’t suppose I’m the only one imagining this message being delivered in a Yakov Smirnoff-accented voiceover?
@VonRagnar:
VonRagnar
October 15, 2018 at 11:06 am
@SpukiKItty:
A couple things that a lot of Westerners (and certainly Agent Orange) fail to realize about the concept of Chinese dragons and their imperial symbolism:
A. The Emperor reigns by the Mandate of Heaven, but that Mandate can be forfeited; Heaven demands that an unworthy Emperor be toppled to restore the proper order.
B. Chinese dragons don’t carry the same mythic connotations as the European variety; they tend to be divine functionaries rather than monsters to be slain, and their elemental associations are with air, water, and weather rather than fire. Dragon Energy would be likelier to manifest as the ocean the youngest of the Seven Chinese Brothers wept over the Emperor’s cruelty–washing his Imperial Doucheness so far down the river that he hasn’t been heard from to this day.
Incoming rant.
I’ve seen a lot of hot takes today from the more progressive than though set on that Elizabeth Warren video. Lots of scoffing about how it’s not going to convince Republican voters. Lots of judgement about what a sucker Democrats are for responding to this.
Well, fuck that.
Look at which elected officials/candidates the right has been going after with smear campaigns the most in the past decades. They tend to be female, POC, non-Christian or some combination of those. Going after the targets of racist and/or misogynistic hate campaigns for not responding correctly, or going after them for not doing progressivism well enough to simply magically dissipate the effects of these smears is some victim blaming bullshit.
First of all, the beltway media always gives right wing conspiracy theories airtime and treats them semi-seriously. We all know that if Warren does run in 2020, they will only be interested in asking her about the Native American ancestry thing. They will not talk about the issues. Just like with “but her emails.” It looks to me like she is trying to nip it in the bud now so that she can focus on the issues from now on. What else is she supposed to do here?
Second of all, it does not matter what non white Christian male candidates do or say. They will be smeared by the bigots on the right. Because what they did not wrong was not failing to be enough of a fiery progressive or failing to be civil and accommodating. What they did wrong was belong to the wrong demographic. As progressives, we should be rallying behind Democrats being hit by bigoted hate campaigns, not seeking out a reason to slam them for not passing some litmus test. When we expect female or POC politicians to avoid being targeted by smear campaigns before we can fully support them, we make it harder for people who are not white and male to run for and hold office. Sorry to yell but, THAT IS NOT EVEN REMOTELY PROGRESSIVE.
For fucks sake, people of the left. Do better than this. Put the blame where it belongs. The right and the cowardly press that treats any of their conspiracy theories with any dignity.
End rant. With this caveat. I’m not ranting about the criticism some Native Americans have of the video or of white people’s responses to the video. These are valid criticisms. Who I’m side eyeing are the dudes (and they are mostly dudes) who are apparently so certain that if they were Elizabeth Warren, they would be able to deal with this in a way that both shuts up Republicans and satisfies 100% of all progressives.
thinwhiteduchess1-
Always. For men, it’s the opposite. They are compared to things that gain value over time. The whole ‘men age like fine wine’ thing.
Cole-
Ew!!
TROUBELLE!
Hi, haven’t seen you in forever ‘n’ a half!
@Weird Eddie
Heh. Just been more busy with things. Got a history paper tonight, programming due tomorrow, options paper after that. But I needed to touch back eventually.
Long, but worth a look:
https://www.commondreams.org/views/2018/10/12/trump-kavanaugh-and-path-neoliberal-fascism
@Alexisagirlsname, re: gammon
Yes, I know the type, I have spent way too much time working in offices full of them. Ick.
And I kind of had a horrifying realization earlier that the meat analogies are also applied to male anatomy, but it’s almost always men doing that too. You really know you’re living in an abusive culture when “normal” sexual slang sounds like the fevered dreams of a serial killer.
@Button I made the mistake of going to the article you got the image from & reading some of the comments. These people truly inhabit an alternate reality. And they’re trying to force their version on everyone else.
*bluuuuu…*
That description on a “gammon” reminds me of this….
….The guys from MST3K calls them “Doughy Guys”.