By David Futrelle
Just when I thought things couldn’t get any worse, some dude drops this bit of erotic fan fiction into the comments here:
Donald, is that you? (The dude’s #IP points to Poland, so probably not, but you never know.)
Assuming this didn’t come straight from The Donald himself — hey, he used to call up newspapers under a fake name to try to convince them that Madonna had the hots for him — I have a few thoughts.
Apparently MAGA now stands for “Make America Gag Again?”
Seriously, no one other than full-blown MAGAheads want to even think about Donald Trump having sex with anyone.
Indeed, Melania herself often seems to physically recoil from his touch. Look at these pictures and tell me with a straight face that these two have a happy sex life.
I mean, come on, dude, if you’re going to try to own the libs with your sexual fantasies about the Trumps, at least try to make them slightly more plausible than a Penthouse Letter.
Then again, it’s not clear if Mr. GreatBalls understands any better than President Grab Them By The Pussy himself that sex requires the consent of both partners. Seriously, dude, no man gets to have “whatever part” of his partner’s body “he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants,” no matter how much “dragon energy” he has.
For those of you feeling a bit queasy, here’s something of a brain cleanser.
https://twitter.com/m_yosry2012/status/1051149737863327745
Don’t be too harsh on the poor kitty. What happened the last time YOU tried to jump on top of the fridge?
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Cause ladies love being treated like they’re meat.
?
I just love it when women are associated with inanimate objects, particularly inanimate objects that are for food. /s GBoF-Women are not food, arsehole.
MissEB47, yes not only objects but consumable and perishable ones at that.
Kitty didn’t suss how slippery the table was. Is it bad that I still laughed…
As to the rest: no. Just…no.
Wait a minute…I thought likening a woman’s pudenda to beef was supposed to be the most disdainful of insults to her sexual desirability, implying that her labia had discolored from age and/or hard-riding the Cock Carousel?
How nice, Melania’s a piece of meat to more men than just the one! I wouldn’t call her “juicy”, though. Or “sirloin”. Given her behavior of late, I’d say she’s an overcooked rump roast, if anything.
Also, dragons are imaginary, just like “male energy” and “MAGA”.
PS: White Cats Can’t Jump is the movie no one asked for, but I’d love to see.
Thinwhiteduchess1
“MissEB47, yes not only objects but consumable and perishable ones at that.”
So true. I’ve lost track on the weird food and drink items we have been compared to. On this blog alone we have been compared to cheeseburgers, hamburger helper, milk, oranges and now we are meat. Non food items include, busses and plates. This is just off the top of my head. I’m sure there have been many more.
MissEB47 I know! Its always something that depreciates over time or use.
Apparently this fellow hasn’t heard that Melania “hit the wall” more than a decade ago, and hence Trump is supposed to trade her in for someone young enough to be his granddaughter. I suppose if he’s from Poland it’s possible their version of MRAs have different ideas than ours.
Cat’s reach should always exceed its grasp.
@Full Metal Ox
I think we may have stumbled upon the beginnings of the manosphere’s complex hierarchy of womens-bodies-as-beef analogies. Roast beef = bad, prime sirloin = good. Maybe they’d just rather fuck something that’s been grilled than something roast
Hmm. In an earlier column we heard from a commenter named Eldridge the Cleaver. The late Eldridge Cleaver, the Black Panther who wrote Soul on Ice, was a self-admitted rapist. To be fair, in his book he did express remorse for his actions.
Now we hear from thinwhiteduchess1. One of David Bowie’s personas was the Thin White Duke, seen by many as a fascist. Bowie later chalked up this sketchy behavior to lots and lots of drugs.
Just sayin’.
Aww. That cute couple who make us forget about Trump and Kavanaugh and climate change for moments at a time are expecting!
Prince Harry and Meghan announce they are expecting a baby
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2018/oct/15/prince-harry-and-meghan-markle-pregnant-baby-spring
Not a monarchist . . . but I’m happy for them!
PS: Sorry about the preceding code sitting all by its lonesome. Editing or deleting that message was impossible.
Here in the UK some of us suspect that the Family Who Receive State Handouts will be doing their royal duty by having as many royal births, royal marriages and royal deaths as royally possible in the coming months and years, in order to royally bury the unending stream of bad news about brexit …
(that’s not Markle’s fault personally, of course, and congrats to the happy parents-to-be! But she has had the misfortune to marry into The Firm)
Times like this, I miss the Obamas. Now *there* was a happy couple.
Men who liken women to meat are 100% pork, and undercooked at that. Oink.
“Dragon Energy” sounds like a bogus penis supplement containing chili pepper and ground-up dung beetles, sold from a P.O. box address.
I’m surprised Trump hasn’t tried to market that to his supporters. Too busy grifting internationally and siphoning off taxpayer money, I guess.
Current British slang is to use “gammon” to refer to middle aged white men pink and sweaty with belligerent opionated shouting and an over developed sense of their own importance comparative to anyone not like them.
I don’t suppose it’s a term that’s taken off stateside as gammon is quite a British way of having meat (hence it’s utility as a term for Little Englanders)
This brings to mind that article from Wonkette again: these guys are really upset at the very real resistance that is going on to what they believed is the status quo. Like the article said, that phrase “and they let you do it” summed up the relationship between women and powerful men going back centuries.
But they ain’t letting you “do it” anymore, guys. Not now that social media has connected women to the point that they’re realizing that every woman has to put up with this.
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Black magician, self-styled “Great Beast” and all-round professional troll Aleister Crowley allegedly supported himself in his twilight years by hawking “Elixir of Life” pills, the main ingredient of which was his own semen. So, yeah. That there’s probably a fair number of Trump supporters who’d probably jump at the chance of quaffing their God-Emperor’s LIQUID GOLD in the hope of gaining his pheersum powers of pussy-grabbing is something I don’t want to dwell too long on. ?
(BTW, in searching for Aleister Crowley and “pill”, it turns out that there is already fertile cross-pollination between the black-magic/Illuminati conspiracy-mongers and the “red pill” people. There’s probably a deep vein of batshit to be mined there, particularly when you consider that Crowley was acquainted with Jack Parsons, one of the founders of the JPL. Sex magic and rocket science: you couldn’t make it up! ?)
@MissEB47
Also (and most nauseatingly, IMO) gum:
https://hellogiggles.com/news/anti-abortion-group-sex-ed-schools-chewed-gum/
Trump is – apparently – a Dragon now? Look, I know he’s megalomaniac and all, but trying to make himself a Dragon-Emperor of United States instead of president sounds like a bad idea.
Although considered his love for hoarding gold… lack of social skills… and the fact that he have a cult devoted to him…
You know what? Scratch this. He’s a dragon in disguise already
And they speak of dating women like it’s a mix of the Stock Market, the supermarket Produce section and a car lot.
I mean…..”Sexual Value/Marketplace?”
**************
These guys may as well give up on “un-incelling” themselves, “Go Their Own Way” and make like that weirdo with the McDonald’s chicken sandwich in this one shock video I heard about.
**************
About Crowley; Wow, that’s just pathetic. Kinda desperate and sad, actually. You go from making a big living being “The Most Wickedest Man In The World” and this big name among occultists and spiritual seekers to….some heroin addict hawking his own spooge.
(While I find Crowley to be wacky; I as a ‘magickal’ person, myself, still have an odd respect for the guy.)
That Trump/Kanye “Dragon Energy” stuff sounds like a successor to Charlie Sheen’s “Tiger Blood”.
Now I’m imagining a weird shop that sells “Tiger Blood” tincture, “Dragon Energy” drink, “Crowley’s Magick Elixir Semen Pills” and Alex Jones’ entire Pharmacopeia of “Goofballs for Goofballs”.
**************
True; Except dragons are awesome. Trump’s more like Jabba The Hutt.
We are like Phoenixes; We’ll rise from the ashes and roast these turkeys, eventually.
“Dear Penthouse: I never thought this would happen to me, but today my country was taken over by a dumbass fascist who loves Kim Jong-un more than his own wife.”
Seriously, has Trump ever said that he loves Melania (or anybody besides Kim) in public? How often does he even use the word “love”?
Oh, and DRAGON LIBELZ!!!1!
P.S.
We’ll roast them metaphorically, with votes!