Men need to creep on “prime jailbait” to protect themselves from getting “stuck with an old hag for more years than is necessary,” incel creeper explains

By David Futrelle

When an adult man hits on, or simply obsesses about, underage girls, most of u see that as predatory behavior. Heck, the word “predator” is even in the title of that old Dateline Series with Chris Hansen.

But not so fact! According to one ingenious fellow posting on the Incels.me forum, it’s not creepy for adult men like him to salivate over “prime jailbait.” It’s basically a form of sexual self-defense. You see, women age — no really! –and only by pursuing young teen girls can men protect themselves from getting trapped for life by a woman who will grow old and ugly on them.

“The point of getting with a 15-year-old girl isn’t just a preference for 15-year-old girls,” writes Leucosticte, a prolific commenter on Incels.me with nearly 1300 posts to his name. “it’s also a preference to NOT be stuck with an old hag for more years than is necessary.”

That’s the tl;dr. But the route Leucosticte takes to get to this conclusion is somehow even creepier than the conclusion itself. So let’s go through it.

Leucosticte starts off his post by portraying men as hapless victims of an army of purple-haired fat girls oppressing them by being purple-haired fat girls in their presence — thus preventing these poor fellows from getting the “looksmatched” partners that are evidently their birthright.

Most men these days, even betas, will not get their looksmatch. So many girls these days are mentally and physically unsuitable for producing offspring with, because they’re venereally-diseased sluts, morbidly obese landwhales, and/or borderline-personality-disordered, purple-haired, septum-pierced freaks, that there’s not much left to choose from, for those men who even have the luxury of a choice.

Such oppression!

That’s a tough pill to swallow, but what’s even worse is that women age a lot less gracefully than men. That means, even if — by some miracle, given the realities of today’s sexual marketplace — she starts out being your looksmatch, as time goes on, your looks will still be pretty close to what they are now, but hers will go into a much steeper decline.

By contrast, incels age like fine wine whine.

Eventually she’ll be an old hag who’s an embarassment to be seen with.

Because apparently the most important thing about having a girlfriend or wife is what complete strangers think about her looks relative to yours.

You see this all the time — a good-looking guy in, say, his 40s or 50s, is with his agematched wife, who’s now so wrinkly that she looks the creature from the black lagoon, only uglier.

Honestly, no, I don’t see that all the time. Sure, I’ve seen conventionally attractive men walking hand-in-hand with less conventionally attractive women, but I’ve also seen plenty of “pretty women out walking with gorillas down my street,” as the Joe Jackson song has it, Most of the time, though, the straight couples I’ve encountered in my life have tended to be roughly “looksmatched” — that is, both partners are similarly situated on that supposedly objective ten-point scale so beloved by pickup artists and incels alike.

I have yet to meet anyone who even vaguely resembles a fictional aquatic monster-person.

No matter how successful he may become, he’s still lower-status, in a way, than a teenaged Chad who gets to be with a fresh jailbait, because he doesn’t have that same privilege of enjoying that tight, youthful pussy.

I would offer some sort of rebuttal here but I’m too busy throwing up in my mouth a little.

Imagine working hard your whole life and realizing, your only reward is money and power that can’t be converted into the only currency that matters, i.e., sexual access to fertile teenage girls.

The only “currency” that matters to you, you creepy fuck.

As you become middle-aged, if you’ve stayed in good health, your dick will continue to be capable of getting just as hard as it does now (when you’re given the proper stimuli); but your wife’s pussy will loosen significantly over time, so it’s not just her form but also her function that will decline.

I would say something about it being pretty obvious that this guy has never actually been with an older woman, but it’s even more obvious that he has never been with any human females of any age.

You’ll be walking through the house and wonder, “What’s that weird smell?” and then realize, it’s just the accumulated sweat under her sagging breasts that’s starting to stink like an armpit.

Well this is a new one to me. I had no idea that middle-aged married men were being oppressed by their wives’ … underboob BO?

Her female appendages are no longer as pert and bouncy as they once were; they’ve fallen and they can’t get up. She needs to call Life Alert.

This is clearly a guy whose entire understanding of human anatomy comes from anime. It’s perhaps appropriate to point out that his avatar on Incels.me is an anime schoolgirl tied down on a deck.

This is all just part of marriage, but it should at least be staved off as long as possible into the future. The point of getting with a 15-year-old girl isn’t just a preference for 15-year-old girls (although that does have a certain allure); it’s also a preference to NOT be stuck with an old hag for more years than is necessary.

I’m going to let Jennifer Lawrence handle the response to this one.

Thet’s not really strong enough. Let’s have another go at it.

Still not enough.

Closer. Let’s add a bit of this:

And a couple of these:

Combine in pot. Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally.

When you’re forced to settle for an older foid, you not only get fewer years with her when she’s in her youthful prime, but you’re subjected to more years with her when she’s such a dessicated, walking corpse-like bag of decayed flesh that every day when you wake up in the morning and see her lying next to you, you panic initially before you sigh with relief to realize, it’s not actually the zombie apocalypse, but just another day with your wife.

Jennifer?

The world’s biggest pile of bullshit, possibly.

Still, it’s a real punch to the gut to realize (maybe after having had a nice dream of teenage pudenda) that she’s all you’ll EVER have from that point onward; and not only that, but her looks will continue declining even further until finally the grim reaper mercifully arrives to take her away.

Sorry, Ms. Lawrence, we’re still not done here yet.

Leucosticte keeps digging his hole deeper:

But even then, you STILL can’t get with a prime jailbait because that would be considered gross, disgusting, predatory, etc. even if you haven’t aged too badly and a lot of chicks would actually prefer an older man such as yourself.

We return you now to the red carpet where Jenifer Lawrence has some more thoughts on the question of whether young women are desperate to bang middle-aged incels.

Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse, Leucosticte brings in Ivanka Trump.

Why do you suppose Trump is so fond of Ivanka? He got to be with her throughout her youthful prime, and she’s still a lot younger than him.

WHAT!? Is Leucosticte confusing Melania (Trump’s latest wife) with Ivanka (his favorite daughter)? Or does he actually mean to say Ivanka.

As [Trump] says, 35 is check-out time. But, if you’re not allowed to check out, at least if you’ve been with her since she was, say, 15, that’s 20 years of memories you can treasure and look back on as you’re trying to get aroused enough to get an erection you can shove into the cleft between the arthritic legs of the half-mummified living carcass that is her body.

Come on, man, you’re making J Law go dead inside.

Leucosticte now decides to bring Brett Kavanaugh into the mess.

I think the reason Kavanaugh mentioned he was a virgin throughout high school and college is to make the point, “I didn’t even get ANY teenage pussy, so that makes it all the worse that now I have to pay a penalty as though I did try to rape a girl in her nubile prime. I should at least get to do the crime if I’m going to do the time.”

Er,

I’m not sure how much more of this I can take.

He spent all those decades orbiting dozens of chicks, and people don’t even want to consider those girls’ statements about his character credible. If he doesn’t get confirmed,

(This was posted before Kavanaugh was confirmed.)

he might as well just flip out and go ER [Elliot Rodger], because that means the Senators think he’s a rapist, which for him would be the epitome of getting cucked.

Yes, that’s right. He honestly suggested that if Kavanaugh hadn’t been confirmed to the supreme court, he would have been reasonable for him to go murder a bunch of people as revenge for the fact that he didn’t score himself some “primo jailbait” back in high school

That’s how these guys think.

L Jaw, any thoughts from you on this weird twist ending to Leucosticte’s terrible post?

Aw, crap. I think Leucosticte broke Jennifer Lawrence. I feel kind of bad for bringing her into the middle of all this in the first place.

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