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Angry incel: “I finally told my mom that it’s her fault that I’m ugly”

It’s all your fault, MOM!

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By David Futrelle

Sullen teenagers have been yelling “I didn’t ask to be born” at their parents for, well, probably for millennia now. But leave it to the “involuntary celibates” of Incels.me to come up with a new twist on this ancient theme. In a recent post on the Incel,me forums — highlighted by the excellent Just Incel Things Twitter account — one bitter young man made this dramatic announcement:

I finally told my mom that it is her fault that I am ugly and that I have paid for her mistake my whole life. My dad just stood there and said nothing, I suspect he knows how I feel. My mom, just like every single woman on the planet, tried to lie to me. She said there's nothing wrong with the way I look. I just wanted an apology from them. They should at least recognize that my life is fucked because of them, I'm their creation. Once I asked my mom why the fuck she had me and she just said that she's always wanted to have a baby. That's it. I exist because of a foid's selfishness, that's the meaning of my existence.

Setting aside the fact that genetics is a complicated thing — conventionally attractive parents can have ugly kids and vice versa — one has to wonder how exactly Mr. Wizardcel managed to apportion the blame for his alleged bad looks between his parents — each of whom contributed equally to his genetic makeup.

Is his mother notably uglier than his dad, or does he just think she’s somehow more responsible for his looks because he lived in her womb? Or maybe his father is the ugly one — and Mr. Wizardcel blames her for marrying him? (Men’s Rights Activists and other reactionaries have made similar arguments blaming the mothers of violent men for existence of male violence in the world.) These guys are ingenious at figuring out ways to blame women for things over which they have no control.

So how did other incels react to Wizardcel’s announcement? Several called him out for taking out his frustrations with life on his mother and her genes. But others agreed with him wholeheartedly — and some went on to suggest that his existence was even more meaningless than he already assumed.

“There is no meaning of an incels existence,” wrote someone called Justshavebruh, because life is defined by “the ability to procreate and we’re not able to. We are not even alive per definition.”

Someone called Platypus took this weird evo-psych “argument” and ran with it, arguing that

for a biological being to fully express its life, it must make full use of its entire array of biological features. The less features you use, the closer to death you are. It’s self-evident looking at how old people become less and less physically able, until they die. 

Not being able to procreate, is a deathlike existence.

Justshavebruh responded by declaring that

A virus is more alive than an incel. We also need an host to procreate. But we simply are not able to. Which means:

omae wa mou shindeiru

NANI?!

Just a word of advice, fellas: If you think of yourself as a virus (or something worse) and women as “hosts,” well, you aren’t going to get a lot of dates. And you shouldn’t get a lot of dates. Or any.

(That last little bit in the quote is a reference to an anime; according to Urban Dictionary the phrase “omae wa mou shindeiru” roughly translates to “you are already dead.”)

I don’t know what more to say to this line of argument than this:

I’ve heard people argue, in all seriousness, that we should be willing to overlook the violent misogyny that permeates incel culture because, well, that’s just a form of male bonding, and these communities provide support for depressed young men.

But that’s wrong, in every respect. We can’t dismiss the violent misogyny; not only is it awful and dangerous in itself, but, as the discussion above about viruses and hosts makes pretty clear, it’s also inextricably linked to the incels’ particular brand of self-hatred.

Incel communities like Incels.me aren’t “support groups.” They’re “kick-out-the-supports” groups. They lead already angry and depressed men to hate their lives even more — and to blame women for everything they think is wrong with them. This isn’t just a bunch of angry young men venting on the internet. Because nothing gets vented; the pressure just builds and builds. These communities are incubating future Elliot Rodgers and Alec Minassians.

As absurd as incel discussions often look — with their cracked anti-logic, their memes and jokes and anime references — this is what radicalization looks like, and it’s happening every hour of every day on the online venues where incels congregate.

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C.S.Strowbridge
C.S.Strowbridge
1 year ago

These people are dangerous. Being a Incel should be grounds for involuntary 72-hour psychiatric hospitalization.

This has nothing to do with mental health, but being a danger to themselves and others.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
1 year ago

I’m struggling to say something that doesn’t violate the comments policy.

I feel sorry for this guy’s parents. They didn’t anticipate this when he was born.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
1 year ago

Misogyny isn’t the incel’s only problem; the self-hatred is remarkably strong. I pity these young men in part, because I have sons around their age. However, if my sons had presented with such concerning behavior or statements like that, I’d have sought help for them, and certainly, that help wouldn’t come from a Jordan Peterson aficionado (if there are that many in the mental health field – I hope not!).

Nequam
Nequam
1 year ago

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
1 year ago

This guy’s mother, just can’t win for trying. She has a kid, he blames solely her for his supposed ugliness. I don’t understand why it’s only her fault; like David said, this guy’s dad contributed one half of his genetics. Maybe, this incel thinks it’s solely his mom’s fault, because incels/MRAs believe women are the gatekeepers of sex?

However, I’m willing to bet Wizardcel is white, and as a white MRA-adjacent man, believes white women’s greatest purpose in life is to perpetuate the white race. Or, like one of these wastes of space put it, to “shit out white babies.” Mother Wizardcel is damned if she does, and damned if she doesn’t.

Deadstop
Deadstop
1 year ago

Definitely on the anti-support group thing. They actively reject the idea of getting help or getting better (that’s the whole “blackpill” premise that they claim to swallowed). Heck, if one of them says anything that amounts to looking on the bright side, it’s belittled as “cope,” which is a bad thing in that community’s eyes. (The preferred alternative is “rope,” or suicide, though few really active incels seem to actually get around to that.) When they talk about things that give them “lifefuel,” the will to go on, it’s always horrible things like mass shootings or acid attacks, or the prospect of same happening to their perceived enemies. Getting out of the incel echo chamber is the only way any of these guys is ever going to become a better human being.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
1 year ago

I exist because of a foid’s selfishness, that’s the meaning of my existence.

There are levels of awfulness here, from the run-on sentence to the way these chucklefucks give innocent harmless minerals like the feldspathoids a bad name.

@David:

Setting aside the fact that genetics is a complicated thing — conventionally attractive parents can have ugly kids and vice versa — one has to wonder how exactly Mr. Wizardcel managed to apportion the blame for his alleged bad looks between his parents — each of whom contributed equally to his genetic makeup.

Oh, I think the algorithm used to apportion the blame is quite simple, something like:

if (self.isMisogynist()) {
blame_the_woman();
} else
assert(false, “unimplemented”);
}

I’ve heard people argue, in all seriousness, that we should be willing to overlook the violent misogyny that permeates incel culture because, well, that’s just a form of male bonding, and these communities provide support for depressed young men.

But that’s wrong, in every respect.

The term “fractal wrongness” is commonly applied in situations like that one.

Uly
Uly
1 year ago

Your homework, Mr. Incel: Write the sentence “Beauty is as beauty does” one hundred times, then prepare a three page essay on this subject.

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
1 year ago

Uly
September 26, 2018 at 8:51 pm
Your homework, Mr. Incel: Write the sentence “Beauty is as beauty does” one hundred times, then prepare a three page essay on this subject.

Only 3 pages? I think he’d need at least 50 just to even begin to hope to have a faint hint of understanding the concept.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
1 year ago

Or he could just STFU.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

Once I asked my mom why the fuck she had me and she just said that she always wanted to have a baby. That’s it. I exist because of a foid’s selfishness, that’s the meaning of my existence.

Not being able to procreate, is a deathlike existence.

…wait, so it’s selfish and meaningless to just have a baby for the sake of having a baby, but also procreating is the whole point of life?

Oh, right, I forgot, the problem isn’t procreating without consideration, the problem is that the woman wanted to have a baby, and then had one. Women aren’t supposed to have desires or agency or anything else, they’re merely vessels for men to procreate with. It’s totally logically consistent. /sarcasm

Bina
1 year ago

The day these dorks realize that nobody should live just to reproduce, and that not-reproducing doesn’t mean you’re dead or anywhere near it, is the day they all finally cease to be hideous and a waste of protoplasm. Until then, they’re already LDARing. And they have no one to blame for their lack of appeal but themselves and that self-assumed chip on their shoulders.

JessicaRed
JessicaRed
1 year ago

@Catalpa Exactly what I was thinking. Not reproducing is as bad as death, you must reproduce to truly live a life, but reproducing is irresponsible selfishness?

Perfect 10.0 in mental gymnastics.

I wouldn’t be surprised if this warped individual isn’t even physically ugly (maybe he’s got the wrong “canthal tilt” we all care about so much) any more than Rodgers or Minassian, but he has certainly made himself hideous.

Bonelady
Bonelady
1 year ago

I have not reproduced & feel no lack. I have 3 nieces & 5 nephews, two great nephews & around 2,000 students whom I have taught over the past 34 years. Some of these students remain in touch with me, others I hear from rarely, but there is a satisfaction in thinking of them living their lives & using the knowledge I gave them to do so. I both feel sorry for incels and am exasperated with them for making themselves miserable. Their pain is real & I regret that they feel it, but that pain is very much self inflicted. I simultaneoysly want to say “there, there”, and kick them in the ass. Sigh. The poor guys need to straighten up & get their collective act together.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
1 year ago

Dear Incels,

looks are only a small part of what matters in finding a partner.

Personality, empathy, sense of humour and other traits are equally important.

You are oozing hate and contempt from every pore of your body.

This is a thing people notice.

You could be the hottest guy on the planet and still not get any dates if you act like this.

Your problem is entirely your own fault.

And since you refuse to learn that, you’ll be alone forever.

Uly
Uly
1 year ago

You want to read 50 pages of his inane nattering? Go for it. I draw the line at three.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
1 year ago

Somehow I suspect this guy isn’t actually drawing any genetic conclusions – he just doesn’t understand or care that his supposed ugliness wasn’t particularly foreseeable (that is, if he doesn’t see his parents as particularly ugly). The urge to blame someone is strong.

And yes, obviously he thinks women are the ones who want children. Obviously this is only relevant if you decide after the fact that having a child was a bad idea.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
1 year ago

@Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)

And yes, obviously he thinks women are the ones who want children. Obviously this is only relevant if you decide after the fact that having a child was a bad idea.

To be fair, in this case, the mother would be justified in deciding that.

Hexum7
Hexum7
1 year ago

I guessing he thinks that no man wants a baby, and they have to tricked into it by conniving women. Which totally contradicts the idea that the only thing that gives ones existence meaning is procreation. (can we get a list of highly accomplished people who never had children?)

Of course, that idea is a telephone game version of Jordan Peterson’s backdoor homophobic claim that those who have no children are abominations of nature.

On the other hand, maybe his mother smoked or drank when he was but a wee zygote, and he has good reason to blame her for his percieved defects.

Frankly, if his mother caused him to be ugly, she did him a big favor. Otherwise, he’d have to aquire some sort of eating disorder in order to have something besides his terrible personality to blame for the fact that he repulses most people.

I just feel bad for the mom and dad, because we know this can’t be the first time he’s gone on some irrational angry tear. No wonder the father just sat there blankly. This is probably their normal

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
1 year ago

Uly
September 27, 2018 at 12:18 am
You want to read 50 pages of his inane nattering? Go for it. I draw the line at three.

I never said anything about *reading* it. I just think he’d require that much to maybe start to learn…anything.

Hexum7
September 27, 2018 at 1:08 am
I just feel bad for the mom and dad, because we know this can’t be the first time he’s gone on some irrational angry tear. No wonder the father just sat there blankly. This is probably their normal

Well, the father could/should have at least kicked his son’s ass for talking to his mother like that. Any of my boys pulled that, they would get, at the very least, the talking to of their lives.

Meerkat
Meerkat
1 year ago

@hexum
Why would people with an eating disorder repulse others?

Valkyrine
Valkyrine
1 year ago

@Hexum7
What Meerkat said^ I would like to know that as well.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
1 year ago

I had a great memory until I went through the menopause. Suddenly, a few times a day, I had trouble remembering names or words or why I’d walked from one room to another.

After a while, I said to myself, why don’t I try harder to remember what I’ve forgotten? I didn’t have to try very hard before, but things are different now.

So I did. When I made a greater effort, I started to remember more. Yeah, it seems like I have to try too hard–but that’s life. I still forget things. Sometimes I never do remember them. Sometimes I remember them and then forget them again. But I remember more by making more of an effort.

TL; dr Incels, take responsibility for your own lives. All you have to lose is your self-loathing.

Bmacs
Bmacs
1 year ago

I don’t say this lightly, but the military was made for these guys. Get out of the hell of their own making, get outta town, grow up and be a man. How horrible it must be to live inside an incel mind.

Silly-Bollocks
Silly-Bollocks
1 year ago

This is the cringiest thing I’ve read all day. In this situation, the only person who thinks the writer is subhuman, is the writer himself.

Silly-Bollocks
Silly-Bollocks
1 year ago

This is the cringiest thing I’ve read all day. In this situation, the only person who thinks the writer is subhuman, is the writer himself.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
1 year ago

it must make full use of its entire array of biological features

You’ve a tail, an appendix, and a buncha other vestigial structures. Funny none of these types ever whine being being walking zombies on account of having their tonsils removed

Fetch
Fetch
1 year ago

I think Hexum is making the standard assertion about the relative fuckability of fat people, only worse.

wizardcel, on the other hand, is asserting that being wanted by his parents is the greatest crime they could have committed against him. Why does he think most people have children? For the Cause? What’s the cause he wishes he had been born for? This isn’t Ender’s Game. We’re not breeding the perfect general to fight the aliens. You were a wanted and presumably loved child, and now you get to live. Go and live.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
1 year ago

Just about everybody copes with undesirable/annoying physical traits inherited from their parents. What makes them so special? If only perfect people were allowed to reproduce, the human race would die out quickly. Who gets to define what traits are adaptive and desirable, anyways?

What’s additionally irritating about this is that men get much more of a free pass from society at large when it comes to looks. Not an Adonis? Great, go be funny or smart or kind or charming or good at your career. Women face more of an uphill battle if they don’t meet the standard. Nothing is stopping these guys from leading a fulfilling life. Plenty of plain-looking guys find partners and reproduce.

Which is why this is perfect karmic retribution. Incels are among the most vicious judges of women’s looks, with their numeric ratings and livestock comparisons and roastie BS. “2/10, would not bang.” It seems fitting that their own unrealistic standards get turned on themselves and they get a taste of what women experience. Too bad it hasn’t made them more empathetic.

Cindy
Cindy
1 year ago

@Hexum7

Otherwise, he’d have to aquire some sort of eating disorder in order to have something besides his terrible personality to blame for the fact that he repulses most people.

Not. Fucking. Cool.

Catalpa
Catalpa
1 year ago

@Skylalalalalala

Well, the father could/should have at least kicked his son’s ass for talking to his mother like that.

Please don’t advocate for violence. One, it’s against the comments policy. And two, physically assaulting one’s children has been shown to provide overwhelmingly negative impacts when used as a disciplinary tool despite how normalized it is in our culture.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

When I was a kid, I did the math and figured out that my mom was already pregnant when my parents got married. I figured, correctly as it turns out that my conception was an accident. I went through an adolescent phase of being bitter and angry and convinced I was unwanted and unloved.

Then I grew up and got the fuck over out because both my parents do love me. Does it really matter how or why I was conceived?

I bet this guy would be just as pissy if he was the result of an unplanned pregnancy. Maybe even more so.

I think a big part of incel’s problem is that they are willfully stuck in adolescence. This is the flip side of our culture perpetually infantalizing privileged young men. Some of them grow up to be Brett Kavanaugh, gliding through life because he’s forever too young and promising to be held accountable. Some of them become these guys, spending well into adulthood whining about how girls only like popular jocks and mommy and daddy never really loved me.

Gaebolga
Gaebolga
1 year ago

David wrote:

“There is no meaning of an incels existence,” wrote someone called Justshavebruh, because life is defined by “the ability to procreate and we’re not able to. We are not even alive per definition.”

So according to Justshavebruh, babies aren’t alive “per definition”?

Sounds like there’s a problem with your definition, bruh….

Katamount
Katamount
1 year ago

I can’t help but think of what was mentioned in the last Incel thread about Brett Kavanaugh, where Cyborgette mentioned “masochistic epistemology.”

This is it on full display, inflamed by a misogynistic feedback loop.

“Whatever hurts is true.” Oh, I’ve had my fair share of that feeling. Related to my weight, my artwork, my writing… it’s hard to accept that things really aren’t as bad as you can imagine. And to have it continually reinforced in this matter and weaponized against people… as David said, it’s how we get Alek Minassians and Elliot Rodgers.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

@Gaebolga
I thought of mules when reading that.

kupo
kupo
1 year ago

Edit window ran out just as my post showed up. I’d also like to hear from Hexum7 what’s repulsive about people with eating disorders. And how he’s able to determine who has one.

I think Hexum is making the standard assertion about the relative fuckability of fat people, only worse.

You say “standard assertion” like it’s not a completely and thoroughly disgusting sentiment.

Silly-Bollocks
Silly-Bollocks
1 year ago

These incels are just the opposite of feminists in that while feminists recognise the biological roles their body plays, they refuse to be shackled by biology. They understand that the fundamental role of any living organism is to procreate, but refuse to be defined by it. Whereas incels seem to wilfully chose to be enslaved by biology. Upon realising the fundamental role of living organisms them immediately adopt it as their own mantra and fail to see that humans have the power to define the meaning and purpose of life.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
1 year ago

@Silly-Bollocks But…but with power comes (gasp!) RESPONSIBILITY!!! Can’t have that…. /s

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
1 year ago

Some of them grow up to be Brett Kavanaugh, gliding through life because he’s forever too young and promising to be held accountable.

Right until they magically flip and instead are too old to be held accountable.

Fetch
Fetch
1 year ago

@kupo: I meant to translate, not defend. Of course it’s a disgusting statement. It’s also very, very boring. We’ve all heard it before. Dressing it up in extra layers makes it grosser, but not more interesting. I’m sorry that didn’t come across in my earlier comment.

Alexisagirlsname
Alexisagirlsname
1 year ago

So according to Justshavebruh, babies aren’t alive “per definition”?

Sounds like there’s a problem with your definition, bruh….

Indeed. On top of which there’s a lot of adults who are, for one reason or another, incapable of procreation and yet are still both alive and able to give their existence meaning.

In fact, given the potential problems of global overpopulation, humanity as a species would probably be better off with a little less procreating.

Kiwiwriter
Kiwiwriter
1 year ago

His parents must be wondering what went wrong in how they raised him.

I know teenagers and young adults just love to do and say things to torque off their parents, but this is horrible. This incel IS horrible. No wonder girls won’t go near him.

Gr8dane
Gr8dane
1 year ago

Calling your own mother a foid……. I don’t even know what to say to that.

Am I imagining it but is there a sexual undertone towards his mother. Almost oedipal

Castrating Harpy
Castrating Harpy
1 year ago

I don’t even have kids and my heart breaks for this guy’s mom. She just wanted a baby, and look at what she wound up with.

doctorfishcraft
doctorfishcraft
1 year ago

Reminds me of a guy I know who blamed his misery and lack of luck with women on his “weak chin” and blamed his weak chin on his father.

Bizarrely, it wasn’t primarily genetics he was blaming but rather “being raised to be a pushover lowers your testosterone and leaves you with a weak chin as an adult” i.e. “my father could have made me more handsome if he didn’t suck so much”.

People are very strange these days.

Cindy
Cindy
1 year ago

@Castrating Harpy

I can see her, sitting in her chair, thinking “Why oh why didn’t I have that abortion?”

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
1 year ago

@Bmacs,

Welcome! I have to disagree with you here.

I don’t say this lightly, but the military was made for these guys. Get out of the hell of their own making, get outta town, grow up and be a man. How horrible it must be to live inside an incel mind.

I know you’re saying that they need someone to give them structure and a direction, but a strict regimen of push-ups and jogging and getting shouted at isn’t a panacea. There are loads of people who go into the military as assholes and come out as assholes with murder training.

There’s not a thing in military training that will punish their misogyny, and quite a bit that could reinforce it. Giving these fuckers confidence and a firearm is the last thing we want.

(In my stupid opinion,) they need to go work a physical job in mixed company or something; something that exposes them to other people so they can see that it isn’t society that’s a cesspit of lazy entitled people, they are.

Sorry, I’m super cranky today! Mea culpa. I know you weren’t trying to say anything contentious, I just think that “they should join the army” is trotted out whenever someone needs their head put on right, and military service doesn’t always have that effect.

Moggie
Moggie
1 year ago

Castrating Harpy:

I don’t even have kids and my heart breaks for this guy’s mom. She just wanted a baby, and look at what she wound up with.

What she wound up with is an adult-sized baby.

Alexisagirlsname
Alexisagirlsname
1 year ago

Reminds me of a guy I know who blamed his misery and lack of luck with women on his “weak chin” and blamed his weak chin on his father.

Bizarrely, it wasn’t primarily genetics he was blaming but rather “being raised to be a pushover lowers your testosterone and leaves you with a weak chin as an adult” i.e. “my father could have made me more handsome if he didn’t suck so much”.

People are very strange these days.

Incels are bizarrely fixated on chins and jawlines as the ultimate power to decide whether you’ll have a successful life. The ContraPoints incel video talks about this, noting how it’s not really any different from nineteenth century physiognomy and phrenology pseudosciences. So it’s not so much people are very strange these days as people these days are very strange to be aping the debunked strangeness of their ancestors.

The second part is its own kind of weird, though. Even nineteenth century physiognomy enthusiasts thought that you were stuck with the character-defining bone structure you were given. Even if you could lower a kid’s testosterone through unmanly parenting techniques (which is a whole can of weird in itself), how would testosterone levels effect the shape of your skull and jaw bone?

Kiwiwriter
Kiwiwriter
1 year ago

That obsession reminds me of the Nazis, of course.

So I point out to neo-Nazis that an Aryan is:

tall, like Goebbels
slim, like Goering
blond, like Hess
heterosexual, like Rohm and Funk
intelligent, like Rust
chaste, like Streicher
honest, like Rosenberg

and heroic, like Hitler…