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Malebag: “Women s–k d–k because d–k built and maintained all upon the earth.”

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By David Futrelle

With another month-long-week coming to a close, I thought I would take a few moments to share with you some of the feedback I get from, well, let’s just say these guys aren’t exactly fans.

These are the sorts of comments — some from new would-be commenters, others from long-banned trolls — that I generally don’t let through moderation. But sometimes they are too terrible not to share.

Let’s stat with this dude, who has somehow come to the conclusion that this site is some sort of soyboy shrine to … Noam Chomsky?

Mr. Ikeman 174.238.146.190 Woe…so this is the website where the males with a testosterone level lower than my grandmother congregate…An entire website of 105 iqers who think they’re the next coming of Noam Chomsky.

I think this is the first time I’ve seen someone try to insult someone else’s intelligence by accusing them of having slightly above-average IQ scores.

Here’s one from a dude whose turns-ons include women crying.

BruceTheJuice 198.98.56.149 The failed feminist attempt to take down Clarence Thomas only strengthened his commitment. After that shit show, he was all out of fucks to give and has refused to compromise or “evolve” as other justices have. Looks like history is repeating. When BK is confirmed I’m gonna watch video of marxist bitches crying as I jerk off oh so hard.

This next guy was evidently convinced that I would be SO devastated by his SICK BURN that he came back several weeks later to post a new iteration of it.

Subpooper 51.36.33.14 David getting all worked up and sweaty over misogyny again. The women here are doing their best hiding their contempt and disgust for you, you’re useful after all.

Subwoofer 51.39.8.115 Fat women love it when fat men get all sweaty and self righteous over misogyny and fat shaming, it gives them a reason to hide their disgust for you anyway.

Setting aside this guy’s weird fixation on my alleged sweatiness, this is an “argument” that’s been floating around the manosphere for years, especially popular with PUAs and incels who want to be able to explain away the fact that women often prefer “beta” males over the alpha Chad types that manosphere dogma insists are the only dudes who know how to make the ladies, er, tingle.

Sure on the outside it might seem like a lot of women vastly prefer “betas”over assholes, this argument goes, but really these women are just hiding their secret disgust for them. It’s yet another way for misogynists to wave away all the evidence in plain view that proves their theories about female sexuality are bullshit.

This next guy is s long-banned shitposter who returns again and again to this blog to post comments, many of extraordinary length, that he knows are never going to see the light of day. Unless they are so ridiculously reprehensible that I decide to put them up in a post like this. CW: Rape fantasies, racism, and something that is either a typo or a misfired racist joke.

Lovely.

Here’s another comment from the same guy.

MasculineAchievements 204.147.186.86 Women are simple to deal with. Whey you remove their legal and financial power over your life, they’re like defanged snakes. Marry one and you give her complete power and control over your very essence. You put yourself in the position of Delilah’s Sampson by giving women the privilege of marriage. Never give a woman legal and/or financial power over your life. That’s how they fuqq you as a man. Women have no honor. Women aren’t brave, but rather brazen cowards. That’s how we got the male-only draft and men last in the life boats.

There’s a lot wrong here but let me just say a word about that last bit of bullshit. We don’t actually get “men last in the life bots.” Yes, more than a hundred years ago, women (and rich people generally) were first in line for the Titanic lifeboats. But even then “women and children first” was never a standard evacuation policy. Ever been on a plane? When the flight attendants explain the procedures for an “emergency landing” do they ever mention putting women first? Because how would that even work?

But I digress. There are more important issues to consider. Like semen. In particular, Mr. Man Splainer’s delicious, semen — which in addition to providing a tasty snack can apparently also be used to BUILD CIVILIZATION ITSELF.

Man Splainer 204.147.186.86 I personally have very delicious semen. I know this because of the gasps & moans that come from women’s mouths as I spew my manliness across their supple upturned breasts an visages. Women suck dick because dick built and maintained all upon the earth. All hail The Man Splainer & His slooge. Oh yeah, bishes. The future is bishes givin manly men blow jobs.

I’m going to end this MALEBAG here, because, seriously, nothing in any of the other comments I’ve still got stored in the moderation queue is going to beat “women suck dick because dick built and maintained all upon the earth.”

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opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
2 years ago

they are TAKING THEIR BALL AND GOING HOME!

… with the added hilarity that of course, in this instance, it isn’t in fact their ball and never was.

Hey, the mgtowpuacels can take their jumper that forms a tiny fraction of one of the goalposts, though! The rest of humanity will just have to muddle on by with a zillion other jumpers contributed by women and all the men who are a bit less daft and deluded.

Tansy Poisoning
Tansy Poisoning
2 years ago

Screamed the man longing for the apocalypse to come and sweep it all away.

Well, you know how it is:”The dick giveth, the dick taketh away.”

But do you think mansplainer has a more nefarious reason to post here, or he was just radicalized and doesn’t know what he’s doing? It seems like a waste to come to a feminist website (where the comments go through moderation as well) saying this kind of thing. I assumed he just had one hand in the keyboard and the other down his pants.

Sly Fawkes (aka The Real Cie)

Probably WTMI, but the times I’ve done what was mentioned in the title of this post, I did it because I liked the guy, however misguided that affection may have been.
Also, I’d be really amused to see a bunch of literal dicks building and maintaining stuff. Maybe I need to draw a cartoon about it. If I do, I’ll send you a copy.
The song “Detachable Penis” by King Missile comes to mind as I write this.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@Tansy Poisoning – I dunno, the Yandex account caught my eye. Maybe it’s a moonlighting Russian troll who succumbed to his own propaganda.

I always love the argumentum ad coitus, though. “My opinion is correct because I had sex once.”

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Catalpa

they are TAKING THEIR BALL AND GOING HOME!

No, no, they’re taking their balls and going home. Though they never stop talking about them.

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

@Alexisagirlsname:

Humans can taste garlic through their feet.

I assume you’re referring to this phenomenon?:
https://www.popsci.com/you-can-taste-garlic-with-your-feet
The title is a bit clickbaity, since the taste sensation isn’t actually experienced in the subject’s feet (as far as I can determine; independent investigation is in order after I hit Kroger’s produce section.)

@FelineFinethePunLioness:

Welcome to the mammoth hunt; here’s your spork–and I can’t help noticing that your icon references a show that would break what passes for the Manosphere’s collective brain.

Schnookums Von Ghostface Fancypants Killer
Schnookums Von Ghostface Fancypants Killer
2 years ago

“(The)d–k built and maintained all upon the earth”

This is shaping up to be the worst Zardoz sequel ever.

Alexisagirlsname
Alexisagirlsname
2 years ago

@Full Metal Ox

Yeah, that’s the idea I was thinking of. Although I haven’t tried stomping garlic bulbs like grapes at a vineyard to see if it’s true.

Fishy Goat
Fishy Goat
2 years ago

@FelineFinethePunLioness:

Do you do tutorials? 😀

solecism
solecism
2 years ago

Heh. Dicks capable of building things automatically makes me think of this scene from Real Genius:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGczXkknl80

I mean, with those standards, maybe dicks could get shit done wearing teeny, tiny hardhats.

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
2 years ago

I kind of want to keep a pet geoduck, just to help prospective male dates understand their place. No human, devil, or god can humble those clams in the penis department.

CN: this clam looks like a gigantic penis. I’m serious.

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kupo
kupo
2 years ago

@solecism
I thought of that scene, too!

solecism
solecism
2 years ago

@kupo

Hee!

@Cyborgette

Geoducks are the best! They really should be the mascot of the PNW.

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

@Solecism:

Geoducks are the best! They really should be the mascot of the PNW.

As it happens, Speedy the Geoduck is the mascot of Evergreen College: http://www.evergreen.edu/geoduck

Cyborgette
Cyborgette
2 years ago

OMG geoduck pie!

https://artofthepie.com/big-clam-pie/

(h/t @Full Metal Ox)

FelineFinethePunLioness
FelineFinethePunLioness
2 years ago

@Full Metal Ox
My newest favorite show ❤
It gives me the warm fuzzies and helped me get more open about my bisexuality.
And on another personal note is helping me through depression

Ahh how I love Steven Universe

Pere Ubu
Pere Ubu
1 year ago

“LetWomenFenForThemselves”

Hrm. What if women would rather swamp for themselves? Or moor?