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The 12 worst MAGA Twitter reactions to Stormy Daniels’ claim that Donald Trump has a weird, small, mushroom-looking dick

Mario Kart’s Toad is not having a great day

By David Futrelle

Today was a truly dark day for those who would have preferred to go through life not ever knowing what Donald Trump’s dick looks like (alleged). In excerpts from Stormy Danies’ forthcoming memoir, the porn-actress-turned-producer described her alleged sexual encounter with our gross president in enough detail to ruin all of our breakfasts.

In her book, as The Guardian reports, Daniels suggests that the sex was “the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.” And she describes his penis as, er,

“smaller than average” but “not freakishly small”.

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart…

I just let out an involuntary shudder.

While I was doing my best to erase this image from my head, Trump’s biggest fans in the Twitterverse were moving swiftly to try to contain this small (but not freakishly so) pubic relations disaster. Here are a dozen of their failed rebuttals.

This just proves that Trump’s penis actually huge because Stormy Daniels has a big flappy vagina or something

ScorchedEarth ‏ @EarthMaga Follow Follow @EarthMaga More Replying to @AynRandPaulRyan @StormyDaniels When your pussy is looser than O.J. Simpson's black leather gloves and the real reason you're called "stormy" is because your vagina creates it's own weather system ...every penis seems small.

 @RayOfPolitics Follow Follow @RayOfPolitics More Even a dinasour would look small if standing in the Grand Canyon. I doubt there is a penis out there that isn’t dwarfed by Stormy Daniels’ stretched out black hole of a ... #trash #considerYourSource #walkAway #MAGA #book #50ShadesOfOrange #MarioKart #MarioCart

The fact that Stormy Daniels remembers having sex with Trump means that the sex was actually GREAT!

MAGA Fact Checker ‏ @MagaFacts Follow Follow @MagaFacts More Stormy Daniels has decided to promote her upcoming book by claiming Donald Trump was the “least impressive sex” she’s ever had. Interesting, with as much sex as she has you’d think she’d be hard-pressed to remember 12-year old sex if it wasn’t impressive/memorable.

His penis couldn’t really be all that gross because Stormy Daniels put it in her mouth (allegedly)

One self-identified deplorable was so enamored of this, er, argument that he tweeted it again and again and again.

 ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 6h6 hours ago More Replying to @AkilahObviously So she claims his penis was foul and gross looking, but put it in her mouth and vagina? Ha Ha OK! I'm sure you do like Stormy! We should keep you away from lilly pads. 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes Reply Retweet Like Direct message ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 10h10 hours ago More Replying to @HuffPost OK let me follow this here - So, Stormy Daniels claims the President has a gross penis, that looks like a mushroom. What does she do? She puts it in her mouth and vagina? LMFAO! 1 reply 0 retweets 1 like Reply 1 Retweet Like 1 Direct message ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 10h10 hours ago More Replying to @IngrahamAngle Stormy Daniels - President Trump's penis looks like a mario kart mushroom. So what does she do? She puts it in her mouth and inside of her? HA HA Skank! 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes Reply Retweet Like Direct message ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 10h10 hours ago More Replying to @IngrahamAngle @IngrahamAngle so let me get this straight. Stormy Daniels is mocking the President's penis, but - put it in her mouth and inside of her. LMAO! WTF? 1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes Reply 1 Retweet Like Direct message ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 10h10 hours ago More But she put it in her MOUTH! "Stormy Daniels" 0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes Reply Retweet Like Direct message ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGAManCraig1 10h10 hours ago More So according to Stormy Daniels, the President's penis is gross and looks like a mushroom. What does she do with it? Put's it in her mouth and vagina? LMFAO! "Mario Kart"

And then he logged into a second account and tweeted it one more time.

 ❌Deplorable Dregs ❌ ‏ @MAGASeabiscuit Follow Follow @MAGASeabiscuit More It must have not been that bad - I mean @StormyDaniels still put it in her mouth and vagina, right? "Stormy Daniels"

Stormy Daniels isn’t credible because she’s a prostitute

SurfDog ‏ @neptuneexist16 Follow Follow @neptuneexist16 More The bottom line Stormy Daniels is a desperate/washed-up hooker and @realDonaldTrump is President of the United States and the most powerful person on the Planet WINNING > losing

Stormy Daniels isn’t credible because she’s NOT a prostitute

AweFull Kanawfull ‏ @AwefulKanawful Follow Follow @AwefulKanawful More Replying to @mike_Zollo Having Sex is a natural Human activity Porn is people having sex She failed at Porn so she obviously failed at being a Human People that are really good at Sex become Whores & do it for money Instead, Stormy became... An Attention Whore Ignore her, she will fail at it as well.

TRUMP greatest president ever ‏ @Americachuck12 Follow Follow @Americachuck12 More TRUMP greatest president ever Retweeted Mike Stormy is like a bicycle that everyone gets to RIDE. Many for free. so please refer to her correctly she is not a porn star or a whore they both get paid. She is a SLUT.

For what it’s worth, Daniels isn’t a prostitute. Nor has she “failed” at porn; she’s won numerous awards as both a performer and a director.

Stormy Daniels isn’t credible because she’s guilty of *checks notes* “tax invasion?”

Greg Harris ‏ @boomerfrisco Follow Follow @boomerfrisco More Replying to @guardian Stormy Daniels is one fat whore that should be charged with black mail and tax invasion

Obviously you can’t believe anyone whose book was ghostwritten

Sir KevloMan , OBE 🇬🇧 ‏ @Kevloman1 Follow Follow @Kevloman1 More Who Gives 1 Fuck About Stormy Daniels book she obviously didn't write because it would have been written in crayon, She's just a cheap Whore who betrayed Donald Trump trust, is she called stormy because she's full of a lot of wind. And as dull as as a cloud, @StormyDanielsI’ve found zero indication (outside of MAGA tweets) that Daniels’ upcoming book was ghostwritten. All of Trump’s books were ghostwritten.

You can’t believe Daniels because she had a small role in a very popular movie. Also something about Obama having a vagina.

His Goddess ‏ @PatriotMama911 Follow Follow @PatriotMama911 More Replying to @EdKrassen Disgusting and beyond disrespectful. Imagine the outrage if some man whore like Stormy came out talking about Obamas vagina? Hey Stormy, weren't you in the 40 year old virgin? Yeah it was you..actress

Trump had a small role in a popular movie, Home Alone 2. Barack Obama does not have a vagina.

Marla Maples once said that sex with Trump was great so therefore Daniels is lying  by saying sex with Trump was crap

⚘Bonny Fleur⚘#MAGA 🇺🇸 ❤ 🇺🇸 ‏ @IsoldeVinitalia Follow Follow @IsoldeVinitalia More Marla Maples said it was the best sex she ever had. It was all over the papers. So are you lying? Stormy calls sex with Trump 'the least impressive I've ever had' https://dailym.ai/2DazrVQ @MailOnline

Setting aside the fact that a person can have good sex with one person and bad sex with someone else, Maples now says she never made that infamous “best sex ever” remark. Here’s The New York Post’s Page Six quoting Maples earlier this year:

“I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here,” Maples said, winking at a Post scribe while reporting for jury duty in Manhattan.

No one will ever convince me that Trump is good at sex because how could he possibly be?

You can’t believe Daniels’ description of Trump’s apparently quite distinctive penis because ALL penises are distinctive

Debbie Hellion ‏ @DebbieHellion Follow Follow @DebbieHellion More Debbie Hellion Retweeted Paul Joseph Watson STORMY YOU SILLY LITTLE WHORE Why don't you SHUT THE HELL UP CLASSLESS BIMBO ! Ignorance galore all penises are distintly DIFFERENT you should know that GOD only knows you had way more than your fair share lol 😝

Don’t ask me how this is supposed to make any kind of sense because I’m as baffled as you are.

The whole thing is part of an elaborate Twitter/Deep State plot to distract from far-right video-doctorer James O’Keefe

MAGAWolverine ‏ @MAGAWolverine Follow Follow @MAGAWolverine More Yes, twitter. Push Stormy's quotes about the Mario franchise character through your trending list. Make the #ProjectVeritas #DeepState #HiddenCamera #DemocracticSocialist #UnfireableFederalEmployee interview disappear. No, you're not a propaganda agency for the deep state.

Trump is winning because he got to have sex with a hot porn star while she, by contrast, had to endure sex with Donald Trump

Jonny D. ‏ @Banzombie2 Follow Follow @Banzombie2 More Donald Trump had sex with Stormy Daniels. No matter what she says, how she tries to insult him, he fucked her lmfao. WINNING AHAHAHA

This is a weird self-own-by-proxy. It’s also the only rebuttal on this list that has a basis in reality. Daniels is well aware that she lost by agreeing to have sex with Trump. According to The Guardian, she writes in her memoir about the disgust she felt later for going along with Trump’s sexual advances.

Whenever she saw Trump on television for years afterwards, Daniels writes, an internal monologue would play out: “‘I had sex with that’, I’d say to myself. Eech.”

I feel similarly every time I see him on TV or hear his voice. I can only imagine how much more stomach-churningly awful it must be for Daniels or for any other woman who’s had sex — even of the more or less consensual sort — with that thing. Apparently, to Trump’s most enthusiastic fans, this disgust we all feel is just another sign that he’s WINNING AHAHAHA!

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Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
2 years ago

@Virgin Mary

It’s cruel. What would be funny would be the other around, turn Trump into a cat.

Ben
Ben
2 years ago

All other rampant grossness aside, I’m genuinely curious how this person thought the OJ Simpson trial played out if they thought that the glove was too big. Like, that doesn’t stop you from using the glove in the same way it would have if it’d been too small? I guess the defense’s argument was that OJ wouldn’t have owned and worn gloves that were too big for him, if he was a millionaire murderer, so… yeah, QED. Huh.

Skylalalalalalala
Skylalalalalalala
2 years ago

As mentioned on the Corporate Facepalm reddit, Nintendo didn’t look at *why* Toad & Mario Kart were trending, with this result (hope the link works properly)

https://twitter.com/nintendolife/status/1042106289868951554

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Sinkable John:

It’s cruel. What would be funny would be the other around, turn Trump into a cat.

Noooo! Trump is a greedy, self-centred arsehole who thinks that everyone else exists to serve him, and… ok, you have a point.

Cheerful Warthog
Cheerful Warthog
2 years ago

I’m not really laughing at – or I’m trying not to laugh at, I have after all been brought up in a world marinated in toxic masculinity, and I’m responding here to the argument in general and Genjones who’s speaking in good faith and not Cargo Cult Mick’s “I’ve seen this argument work in the past but I don’t actually know what it’s about” – Trump having a small, weird dick. I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, I’d have to follow up that with a lot of ha-has into the mirror if I was going to be consistent. What I’m laughing at is the response to “Trump has a small, weird dick” NOT being “I voted for him as President, not dick model (dirt-off-your-shoulder gesture)” but RATHER being “NO HE DOESN’T HIS PENIS IS TEN FEET LONG AND MADE OF TENSILE STEEL IF YOU DIDN’T APPRECIATE IT IT’S BECAUSE OF YOUR WEIRD VAGINA EVERYONE KNOWS THE PRESIDENT’S DICK IS FANTASTIC MPGA”. If Barack Obama or Paul Keating had a small, weird dick – and they very well might! – it wouldn’t affect my recognition of their statescraft.

It does, however, remind me of what someone said – Parker Molloy? My brain wants me to say Parker Molloy – about how they don’t see Trump as a leader, but as a male energy supplement, something sold strictly online with images of large predator animals and ridiculously confrontational language. Trump is large flowered barrenwort. It doesn’t actually do anything, but it makes its supporters feel POWERFUL and you are SO OFFENDED they are taking it. Also, it says “large flowered” right there.

Skylalalalalalala: I think Nintendo Life is a Nintendo-focused magazine, not an official Nintendo account – although it could be both, and either way, it doesn’t make it much less funny. They did later correct that this was actually a terrible day for Toad, and that they were demoting their social media Toad to fetching the covfefe. All that aside, Toad’s the one I feel sorry for in this instance. Toad is a hero of the Mushroom Kingdom, albeit a relatively minor one, and he has done so much more than just Mario Kart. If this reduces his eulogy to “Toad: loyal mushroom retainer, Kart racer, looks like Trump’s dick”, then that is a tragedy.

b
b
2 years ago

@Moggie

Cats are far, far cuter than Trump, and capable of expressing gratitude and affection, neither of which he has ever done.

brian
brian
2 years ago

oh yeah, i totally remember that famous quip from Johnnie Cochran during the OJ Simpson trial:
“If the glove’s too loose you must… ummm… turn him loose? Yeah, let’s go with that, I guess.”

tim gueguen
2 years ago

Reading this thread Can suddenly came to mind.

Leum
Leum
2 years ago

Media outlets ALWAYS remembered to mention she’s a PORN STAR, as if that were relevant if it was just a random affair. I kept wondering if it was a between-the-lines way of saying “He totally calls up random women he’s seen in porn and offers them lots of money for another kind of sex work”

According to a sex worker friend of mine, the ubiquity of free porn means that for a lot of porn actors, porn serves mainly as advertisement for escort work.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

@GIjoel
I don’t usually get enthusiastic about boastful males. But Good Boy boasts about me too. Also, he truly is floofy.

TL;dr Vote for Good Boy!

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

The only time it matters what your junk looks like is if you’re going to be interacting with someone else using that junk, and then it only matters in terms of what that particular person is interested in.

But toxic masculinity and patriarchy REALLY likes to assign value to people based on completely irrelevant physical characteristics (wang size, vagina size, gender, race…), so it’s no surprise that the vanguard force of that mindset absolutely loses their shit at the suggestion that their paragon doesn’t fit the ideal.

Trump isn’t a leader to these people. He’s simply an avatar of everything they aspire to be. Rich, powerful, able to exploit and harm all around him without facing consequences, so on. They see themselves as essentially identical to Trump, just momentarily inconvenienced and blockaded from their Rightful Place by those damn minorities/women/liberals. So to say that Trump has a weird small dick is to say that they also have a weird small dick, and will be reacted to with the same level of rage.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

The worst, most bad-tempered cat on the planet is still light years ahead of the Rotten Tangerine.