By David Futrelle
Three guys are hanging out on a stoop when a young woman walks by.
“Check out the eggs on her!” declares one.
“Boy, I’d sure like to make an omlet out of THAT!” adds a second, making egg-scrambling sounds with his mouth.
There is a moment of silence.
“Um, I thought she had a cute butt,” says the third guy, somewhat hesitantly.
The other two turn to stare at him with a mixture of horror and disgust.
“What are you, some kind of pervert?” the first guy asks, indignant.
“Jesus christ, dude,” adds the second, shaking his head, “I”m not sure I can even hang out with you any more.”
AND SCENE.
Welcome, ladies, to the secret world of heterosexual men. You may have gotten the impression that men are obsessed with big boobs and thicc asses. Nope! They are all about the EGGS, baby! They are the EGG MEN, they are the egg men, I am the walrus, goo goo ga-joob. They want to FERTILIZE THE HELL OUT OF YOU.
At least according to one Red Pilled Man Genius whose thoughts on the matter have recently gotten the attention of feminists on Twitter.
I present to you the BAD ANATOMY TWEET OF THE WEEK (although, technically, it’s from June).
Huh. Either this guy thinks women lay a big unfertilized egg every time they have sex, or he thinks girls and women should pretty much be perpetually pregnant from puberty onwards. I’m not sure which belief would be worse; they’re both gross and wrong.
My favorite response to Mr. Imig’s tweet so far:
All this talk of chickens and eggs is making me hungry.
@ WWTH,
A stein hoist to you, from myself and my comrades in elbow bending 🙂
We’re drinking beer. And going to make a pizza. I have not yet progressed to home made, it’s a Home Run Inn frozen pizza.
I do like to cook and I’m trying to go back to more healthy eating since I’ve been eating too much junk. I was going to make fish and rice and green beans, but these drunkards arm twisted me, and on the cooking shows today everything seems to be pizza so I got a craving for pizza.
Now I mention this because I could go on at length about cooking, and I have an idea for a dish, which friends think would be a good idea, and want to make it right now! No, because pizza, and I thought I would run it by you all here to see what you think of this idea. It involves scrambled egg.
So. I often eat mac n cheese (as a side dish) and that makes a big pot so you have leftovers, most of which I freeze. So then you have this frozen container of mac n cheese, say about a cup, and you’re going to re heat that, right?
I don’t have a microwave. So to thaw this out I would put the container in a pan of hot water. Enough to slide it out, anyway, I could probably let it thaw more, or thaw in fridge the day before. With reheating it partially frozen, I add to the pot a bit of water and milk + cover it to create steam.
And you have to stir it so it doesn’t burn, and try to “break up” the frozen parts, which I usually do with a fork. And if you are impatient and keep mashing at this –> you can imagine what happens. It gets “mashed”. It ceases to resemble elbow macaroni and winds up pretty mashed and mushy. Which is OK, it’s edible, and may be even a new and interesting texture akin to mashed potatoes.
Now here is my idea, for such “mash n cheese”. Mash it fully, put in some extra cheese (which I do anyway), and then – add a scrambled egg (s).
Then mix that all together and fry it. Would it come out as a kind of like – cheese fritter?
What say? Good idea, or not?
WWTH, congrats! ?
On topic: I knew you were talking about The Sage Of Sheboygan as soon as I saw your headline.
He cracks me up. Check out this self-absorbed Tweet of his:
https://twitter.com/kent_imig/status/1041402538770288640?s=19
@Z&T:
…and on the cooking shows today everything seems to be pizza so I got a craving for pizza.
Let me guess: you’ve been watching CreateTV? It’s their Pizza Party Weekend marathon: https://createtv.com/Schedule/09-16-2018
If the mac and cheese coheres into large chunks even without having been mashed,–and the egg might help serve as a binder–you might be able to try something structurally akin to Chinese pan-fried noodle cakes; this is also a good use for leftover packet ramen: https://www.seriouseats.com/2014/05/chinese-noodle-101-noodle-cake-seafood-sauce.html
Let us know what you wind up doing, and how your culinary experiment turns out!
RE: Wine in general. I know next to nothing about wine. The first wine I ever drank, circa 1986, was Martini & Rossi’s Asti Spumanti, heavily advertised on US TV during the 70s and 80s. I have since learned it’s a tacky, low class, unsophisticated wine, which is probably why I like it?. To me, it tastes like peaches, and I love peaches
Anyway, I’m having some guests over. They’re relatives of my husbands, from the Netherlands, and they like to drink. I have no idea what wine to buy. I’m having a garlic seasoned pork roast for dinner.
I may just forget about the wine, and get some gin and scotch for cocktails. I know it’s silly to feel this way, but I don’t wanna seem like some rube to them.
@ Full Metal Ox,
Yes that was what I was watching!
And that explains the pizza! I was in and out earlier, flipping tv channels when home, not paying much attention, etc.
Well, that explains the pizza, ha 🙂
Now going to read up on these noodle cakes, thanks for this idea and link 🙂
@Dormousing_it
Pino grigio goes nicely with roast pork. Yeah, it’s not a red, but so what? Complements the flavours.
@Z&T:
A suggestion to accompany your mac-and-cheese fry: fresh sliced tomatoes–cheese and tomatoes being a stock umami partnership. (If I’m coming across as backseat cooking, it’s in part because I’m overdue for dinner myself. As luck would have it, I’ve got thematically fitting meal plans as well: when I get home, I mean to oven-fry some chicken thighs, marinated in plum vinegar, ginger, and garlic.)
@Shadowplay
Thanks for the suggestion, it’s much appreciated. I live in Pennsylvania, which has some of the stricktest liquor laws in the entire US. I do live very near to one of the premium State Liquor Stores, so maybe I can get some advice from them, too.
My pleasure! Pork is pretty forgiving with what it pairs well with, as long as you steer clear of the higher tannin wines.
Or you could go for a cider or perry. They go together lovely and are a bit different to the standard wine with a formal meal.
There is the odd perk to being an alcoholic food lover. 😛
Congratulations WWTH!
Best of luck Orion!
I read this headline out to Mr Bluecat and he nodded said “Scrambled or fried?”
To be fair, it was breakfast time.
Re: wine – years ago a colleague gave a wine tasting party. All the guests were told to bring a white wine in a certain category and then there were tasting techniques and forms to fill in about the taste and so on. It was a weird stilted kind of social event as there was a lot of admin and sort of homework.
Being teachers all, and therefore somewhat skint, we all bought cheap white wine in the categories we’d been given.
What we all agreed on is that it’s really better if you don’t try to taste cheap white wines too carefully.
I’ve actually read that in blind taste tests, experts can’t tell the difference between expensive and cheap wine. I think they meant some of the more moderate priced stuff, not the dirt cheap stuff.
Experts also can’t tell the difference between real cooking and McDonalds in blind tests. So there’s that. 😛
I used to love wine tastings. Not because of all the pretentious twaddle, but they were great for finding wines I liked for both drinking and cooking that I’d not normally try.
Since I still cook with wine, there’s always four types in the house: An Orvieto Classico, a Pino Grigio, and a bulk produced Leibfraumilch (it’s brilliant as a rice wine replacement or in desserts) for whites and a decent Merlot for red.
I don’t want to become a wine connoisseur, because then I would no longer be happy with $10 supermarket wines.
Generally I choose wines based on pretty label or weird name. If there’s a picture of a castle, it’s probably pretty decent.
Chateau de Greyskull is quite nice.
Avoid the Skelatour though; that lacks body.
I’m more likely to buy a wine if there’s a picture of an animal on it.
Although I’m not ashamed to say, I usually get boxed wine. If I’m walking or bussing, it’s easier to transport. It’s the same quality as any other moderately priced wine. Franzia is crappy, but people are mistaken to judge all boxed wine because of it. Black Box is great.
There’s nothing wrong with box wines; it’s just snobbery. From the sort of people who insist on corks, even though screwtop is objectively better for the wine.
We take box wine when we go hiking/camping. But we just take the inside bit.
Over here, drinking from the internal bag is called “milking the silver cow”.
ETA: Do not, under any circumstances, put wine in a Camelbak; it’s frikkin horrible then.
Buttercup – ten dollar supermarket wine?! Looxury!* We have a grocery outlet store here in Oakland that has a variety of eminently drinkable reds in the four to five dollar range. It seems remarkable how someone can produce a bottle of wine, bottle it and ship it from Australia, South Africa or Chile to here and it still sells for five bucks. I try to make three bottles last a week and I sometimes succeed.
My wish for the OP is that he lives long enough to learn enough to be horribly embarrassed by what a burbling whatsit he was.
*Cf. ‘Three Yorkshiremen’ sketch
In my neck of the woods, it seemed like you couldn’t sell olive oil in a plastic bottle, because it’d be too trashy or something. Obviously, a clumsy person like me would rather not handle oil in glass bottles.
Eventually, olive oil became more mainstream here, not just a foodie thing, and there’s market for the cheap trashy brands.
@Robert – Whod’a thought thirty years ago we’d all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chassilier wine, eh?
It’s interesting how food packaging can affect people’s perceptions of taste. When Coke introduced the white polar bear can a few years ago, people started complaining that they’d changed the formula, even though it was exactly the same. Red signals sweetness (popcorn tastes sweeter in a red bowl, for example). Beer is judged to be more intense in a curved glass vs. a straight glass, and kids think food tastes more appealing if it has a cartoon character on the box vs. a plain box.
One wine expert (I don’t remember who, unfortunately) once argued that for most people, there’s no point in going over $20 or so for a bottle of wine, because while there’s a noticeable difference between a $10 and a $20 bottle, above $20 the improvement in quality tends to be the sort of subtle thing that only people who make their living wine tasting will actually notice.
There are definitely some wines in my price range where an extra $2 is worth paying, especially if you’ve going to have company, because the improvement is blatant. But if you really can’t notice $2 worth of extra quality, don’t bother. At least for everyday stuff.
More cooking thoughts,
I think I will get myself an “HB 7” 😀
This would be a Hamilton Beach 7 speed mixer. Does anyone here have one? It’s the one with the handle on top.
I would like a Kitchen Aid mixer, they’re quite expensive, this is like 1/3 of the price and has good reviews online. I’m not a chef nor super serious cooking hobbyist, I do like to cook and would like to do more.
I think this might work for me, I do have to watch my spending, and be frugal.
And KA’s are expensive, so I Googled “mixers sim to Kitchen Aid” and this came up and it looks pretty nice, and a good price.
Anyone here have one? Feel free to brag about your HB7 🙂
@Rabid Rabbit:
Ah, the point of diminishing marginal returns in wine quality.
Dave Malki! did a Wondermark strip a few years ago called “The Oenophile’s Dilemma,” which ended up going viral among winemakers; at least some of whom pointed out that wine only improves in quality for the first few months or years; the older vintages continue to go up in price, but that’s because their rarity is increasing as bottles from that year are consumed, rather than because the wine itself continues to get better and better unto infinity.
Heston Blumenthal proved that in blind taste tests, Blue Nun cheap white wine that’s been in a Soda Stream is indistinguishable from Champagne.
Now he’s a strange one. 🙂
Nothing wrong with a bit of showmanship with meals, mind. Some of his dishes are truly lovely (we’ve been to The Fat Duck a couple times).