By David Futrelle
Time for some Saturday Schadenfreude. Today, the story of a polyamorous dom who tried to humiliate his subs by making them take an IQ test, only to end up humiliating himself in the end.
A couple of years ago – hey, I didn’t say this was a brand new story — a lovely fellow turned to the Relationships subreddit in hopes someone there might be able to help him out of a little pickle he’d gotten himself into. The 26-year-old “dom” was worried that a little stunt he’d pulled with an online IQ test was ruining his relationships with his two subs.
“A little background,” he began.
I am a Dom in a polyamorous relationship with two lovely young submissive women, whom we’ll call “Sarah” [22F] and “Jane” [19F]. Jane and I have been living together for three years, and Sarah moved in with us in January of this year.
Only a couple of sentences in and already our dear Dom has revealed himself to be an incredible skeezball. He’s been living with a “sub” since she was 16 and he was 23? He’s a predator, and very likely an abuser.
And we haven’t even gotten to the poor fella’s problem yet. Let’s let him continue:
Everything has been going quite well, but an issue has just arisen in our relationship that is making me very concerned.
Do tell.
Whilst perusing the web on Tuesday night, I discovered an online IQ test. I am aware that most online IQ tests are inaccurate, but, having studied psychology, I knew that this test used the exact same types of questions as a professional IQ test.
“Whilst.” Why are these doofuses always so fucking pretentious? This is clearly someone who isn’t quite as smart as he thinks he is. Er, SPOILER ALERT.
I decided to play a little game with my subs. They are very into psychological domination and humiliation, and I thought it would be erotic to dominate them intellectually by outscoring them on the IQ test.
You might have already guessed the punchline here.
While they are bright girls, I had no doubt that my IQ would be higher than theirs. I had them take the test, and Sarah scored 128; Jane, 134. I took the test after them. However, to my chagrin, I scored 112.
DIRECTED BY M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN.
This was, understandably, humiliating. Sarah and Jane didn’t say anything. We continued on as usual afterwards, but these results aroused many doubts in the back of my mind.
Way ahead of you, bud, on the whole doubts thing. I have nothing but doubts about you.
As a Dom, I demand total submission from my girls, and it is my responsibility to control them; I cannot do this if they are able to outsmart me.
How can I continue to manipulate them if they can see right through my bullshit?
I am sure Sarah and Jane know this too. Although they have not disobeyed or disrespected me outright, I am picking up on small aspects of their behaviour that show a loss of respect for me. I am afraid that this could kill their attraction to me.
Oh, let’s hope so!
I am asking for advice from /r/relationships because BDSMcommunity has been disrespectful to me in the past … .
Oh, they’ve been “disrespectful,” huh? Perhaps that’s because you’re a skeezy, manipulative predator who justifies his terrible behavior by calling himself a “dom?” Just a wild guess.
[I]nput from both BDSM and vanilla perspectives is welcome. I would like to know a way to mend the damage this has caused to our relationship.
Happily, most of those who responded in the Reddit thread weren’t having any of his bullshit, and several called him out for his obviously predatory behavior.
I wish only the worst to him. If he’s even real. The story is so perfect in its irony I think there’s a very good chance it’s fake; I certainly hope it is, for the sake of the women involved.
Maybe the OP was just honing a pitch for a new sitcom — Dom and Dommer.
H/T — I ran across this on Twitter, posted by the reliably hilarious and/or awful relationships.txt account.
He started living with Jane when he was 23 and she was 16?
Christ.
If this indeed is a real situation and not a cool story bro moment, the said young women could see through his bullsit before this earth shattering revelation. Good, he should feel uncomfortable and concerned just not for the reason that he is.
Is it just me, or are a lot of kinksters take all of this domination submission thing too seriously. I am interested in this short of business , but the way some of these doms act and talk, just makes them look like big wet blankets with no sense of humor.
“As a Dom, I demand total submission from my girls, and it is my responsibility to control them”
This is supposedly make belief, and role-play, but a lot of them act like it is the matter of life and death.
I am also wary of the kind of straight men dom, who is also a misogynist ,and gets into it so he can find himself victims. I feel sorry for women subs who just want to have fun ,it must be a minefield.
Really hope the subs get outta there. Cos this fuckin guy…
Yeah, that man ain’t no good…
That’s a lie
You didn’t need to take the test, anyone who’d think this was a foolproof plan… well…
Priceless
What!? The guy who tried to neg his subs with ’empirical evidence’ or whatever is insecure!?!?
No no no no no! You demand total submission, cos you’re a domineering ass. And bullshit is it your responsibility to control them. Your responsibility is to take care of them. I swear to justice…
It would kill any attraction in me for sure XD
Your subs have agreed to obey you, we haven’t
The only solution is to let them hoist you by your own petard. Your IQ is lower, so you’re obviously meant to be humiliated and dominated. Obviously
Side note: how much y’all wanna bet he got his education in kink from 50 Shades?
How do you only get 112 on an online IQ test? The scores on those are always so inflated. I think the last time I took one I got a 150. I’m intelligent enough, I suppose. I doubt I’ve really got an IQ of 150 though.
I know so many Doms who would roll their eyes at this guy. Not to mention plenty of subs who would explain to him that he’s not good enough to be their next master.
I’m not even into BDSM, but this guy’s stupidity made me laugh. Then I remember that he started “dating” one of his girlfriends when she was just 16. I just want to beat the shit out of this piece of crap until he’s unconscious.
That’s what you deserve, you absolute idiot. lol
Maybe ditch this fixation on intelligence being 1– a concept with an agreed upon universal definition that 2–measures one skill set or ability rather than a diverse array.
Also, eww to the sapiosexual overtones of this BS.
Double plus eww for the creep being a sexual predator.
Also, also, “studied psychology” could mean:
• you went to college for it and got a degree
•went to college for it and performed poorly
•have more than a casual interest in it and have read a lot of literature on the subject
•have read one book that blew you away and left you thinking you knew stuff (the Celestine Prophecy?)
•have not read anything other than a Jordan Peterson piece that gave you an epiphany.
Whilst composing yon comment above, the conclusion I have drawn with mine senses is nothing nor nothing less than the following:
Dude! You got an ego on you. You aiming to be like the Petulant Pissant in the White House?
Without wanting to sound like I’m criticising the rest of your post (I’m not, this guy’s an arsehole), here in the UK “whilst” is not seen as pretentious at all, and is quite common. The fact that he uses the spelling “behaviour” leads me to believe he’s probably just British. Still an arsehole though.
I smell an abusive poser.
Also, serves him right that he got cucked by one of those pathetic IQ tests.
What a gross creep. I hope that in the intervening years since he posted this that Jane and Sarah have gotten far, far away from this enormous asshole. Also,
What the hell? Even if I charitably assume that he’s talking about domination and not gross abusive control, that’s not how that effing works! Submissive submit because they CHOOSE to, because they want to. Outsmarting them isn’t required, because BDSM isn’t a fucking competition. (…Although it is likely some people may decide to engage in fucking competitions, but that’s an entirely different thing than what I’m talking about.) It’s a collaborative deal that’s meant to enrich the experiences of all those involved. If it’s not, you’re doing it wrong.
This guy sounds like he’s doing it REALLY wrong. I hope he never has the chance to be an abusive shitstain ever again.
In the words of my ex dom regarding someone be disdained (irony right?)
“That ain’t no dom that’s a pretentious Christian Grey worshipping asswipe”
Lmao
I read once a few years ago in Jenny Trout’s old blog (have no idea if she transferred her old content/comments to her new one), that 50 Shades fans were pretty much a scourge on BDSM discussion forums. Someone would post a ‘we need to discuss what to do about the abusers in our midst’ thread, and the fans would overrun the thread with ‘we know all about those poor broken people in their high-rise condos. They just need some True Love©️ to cure them of their need for pain’ comments. And the BDSM people would have to spend time and energy explaining that no, the scene isn’t like that at all, instead of spending that energy towards figuring out a solution or ten for a very real problem.
I have no idea if the 50 Shades fans are still a major problem now that the series had run its course. Haven’t been by there in a good long while.
Know It Alls usually don’t. In fact, many times, there’s an inversely proportional relationship between how much anyone crows about their “superior” intellect and their actual I.Q.
I hope this creep’s victim, Jane, is able to get free from him someday. She hasn’t had a chance to develop a healthy perspective on relationships, and she sorely needs to do that.
Of course, there’s a chance the dommy is just a troll.
P.S., WWTH, I know, right?
Not that it has anything to do with his actual comments, but I wonder if this guy is a Genesis or Doctor Who fan. Sarah Jane Smith was one of the Doctor’s companions, and the lead character of The Sarah Jane Adventures. “Me and Sarah Jane” was a song on the Genesis album Abacab.
Tim, good points!
I threw up in my mouth a little. I have had firsthand experience of a dick cheese who called himself dominant but was just a violent, disgusting creep. This poster may be a troll but these ppl exist… And do terrible harm to women/people who fall prey to them.
My hope was that he somehow reversed the names and ages, and the woman he’s been with three years was the 22-year-old. Also, most guys in their mid-twenties wouldn’t emphasize that 19- and 22-year-old partners are ‘young’. But that could just be me. ANYway.
Yeah, I expect the BDSM reddit WAS pretty dismissive of this jackass. This, like the discovery that both his subs are, according to this online test, smarter than him, might tell him something, but probably won’t.
The degree of pretentious nitwittery contained in this passage is amazing. If it’s a fake, it’s still a lovely example of voice in writing.
These types are sadly a dime a dozen on fetlife (David could do a ton of articles just browsing about over there).
To have some fun with flowery purple prose (violet prose?):
The knight who slays dragons and evil wizards to rescue their princess still kneels before her out of loyalty freely given.
(For any domly-mc-dom pants reading this the knight is the sub.)
Granted if the princess is a magical girl or some other kind of warrior princess the knight may have just wasted a lot of effort rescuing some one who did not need it.
Long time reader, first time poster here – hi
I’ve recently got involved in the BDSM community and tossers like this seem to be ten a penny. I’ve been around the block and can spot them a mile off but I really feel for the (mostly younger… surprise surprise) women who get targeted by these predatory creeps.
Wait, this guy knew the test was legitimate because he recognized questions from professional IQ tests?
1. There’s a lot more that goes into making an intelligence test legitimate than what questions it asks.
2. If you know any of the questions beforehand, then the test is invalid for you. Because it’s supposed to measure your ability to figure things out on the fly, not how much information you already have in your head.
Which means this guy’s 112 is probably artificially inflated.
It’s bad when you actively hope the OP doctored the age thinking it would make him look better if they were younger. Everything feel fake or embellished, let’s hope he lied just as much about their ages than about his IQ score.
My personal hypothesis on why BDSM bring so many assholes is that BDSM isn’t working for the fetish of quite a lot of domineering people. And since they don’t get why they are still frustrated, instead of making the sensible move of not trying to enact their fetish, they try to bend BDSM to their actual desire. Which can only end badly ; rules in BDSM exist to limit abuse, so anybody chaffing against them is on a problematic road.
Here, there is also an (un)healthy serving of fragile masculinity and superiority/inferiority complex. He visibly want to convince himself he is superior, probably in no small part because he’s male, but since he (consciously or not) know he is a fraud he don’t have anywhere near the confidence he think he should have.
I don’t think he’s a fraud. He’s just another arsehole who thinks the B in BDSM is B for Bully.
Oh good, another pretentious dude who thinks scoring over 130 in an online iq test means you’re the new Issac Neuton. i feel bad for the girls for a lot of reasons, and one of them is just how awkward this whole thing must have been. Sitting around trying to figure out numeric sequences and train speeds for half an hour, and then sitting in silence for another half hour waiting for this guy to be done, and then what probably felt like decades of highly offended pouting after he got his result. Wouldnt wish that on anyone.
There’s nothing that says “dominant” quite like having a meltdown over the possibility that your partners might be a bit smarter than you. It’s right there on the list, just above putting your own need to feel superior over having a good mutually beneficial relationship.
I dont think this dude has a very good grasp on how BDSM is supposed to work. Really his approach reminds me more of things ive read on the red pill subreddit, down to the idea that one embarassing moment will make his woman lose all respect for him. Fucking pathetic.
well the ideal solution would be to not have a relationship with a minor while youre 23 years old in the first place. You could also try not to sulk like a tiny baby every time something doesnt go completely your way. Maybe even have a laugh about it, which is what a person whos not a chore to hang around with would do.
Im imagining this dude throwing a tantrum in the middle of a bondage session because he got one knot wrong.
But I don’t think he’s a fraud