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doggoes jordan "slappy" peterson misogyny PUA twitter

Worst. Pickup. Line. Ever. (Courtesy of Jordan Peterson)

Ewww

By David Futrelle

Well, this little joke went over well on Twitter so I thought I’d post it here too.

Here’s one that didn’t go over quite as well. But it might just come to haunt your dreams.

Some good-ass tweets by people who aren’t me:

https://twitter.com/BoringEnormous/status/1028321380213907458

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Jane Done
Jane Done
2 years ago

Thank you, that is exactly the stefan molyneux meme I needed.

Side note, isn’t peterson the type that believes women are “biologically” disposed to being attracted to supposedly shallow qualities like wealth, power, looks, etc? He’s an incel hero so I assume it’s totally unlike him to assume women are attracted to personality/intelligence. Or does it just change every day of the week?

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

In other Slappy news, Michael Shermer has continued proving what a shit he is by running some fluff pieces on Jordie P in Skeptic Magazine. Not sure who’s reputation is more tainted by this.

KindaSortaHarmless
KindaSortaHarmless
2 years ago

I’m a little bit worried about what will happen now that Peterson has just insulted the semen quality of his fanbase… 😛

Tovius
2 years ago

Anyone else read that ice machine sign as “noice”?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Unfair! to the dog.

Because dogs can’t speak up for themselves, I will. Canines are known for their loyalty, ability to put aside their own preferences in favor of the needs of the group, good looks, charm, and smarts. Do these traits sound like Trump’s!

Dogs are humanity’s best friend.

Trumps (yeah, almost the whole family–the jury’s still out on the younger ones) are the scourge of humanity.

Grr.

epitome of incomprehensibility

@Tovius – Me too! I was thinking “noice? how is saying ‘nice’ like that ‘radical’?” before I got the ice/I.C.E. thing.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
2 years ago

I agree with Kat that that horrible man’s head should not be pasted on that lovely dog’s body.

Bina
2 years ago

Anyone else read that ice machine sign as “noice”?

Yup. Even said it out loud. It sounded…noice!

Also, why DO so many far-right men look like they’re either constipated or pooping their pants all the time? Do they need to be reminded to eat a balanced diet?

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
2 years ago

They don’t like being forced to take medicine for their diarrhea by their mother (see: Paul Elam), so it seems reasonable to assume that they would also hate being reminded to eat a balanced diet, green vegetables, ‘roughage’, etc.

Peterson can go take a nice long walk on some legos, barefoot of course, to get the full effect of all the sharp pointy edges.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
2 years ago

Definitely read noice. Thought McDonalds was bragging about their fountain drink selection

Also can’t believe we haven’t heard of a buncha Republicans going out in droves and eating nothing but McDonalds for a month to glorify the führer/own the libs

Also also, abolish ICE

Nequam
Nequam
2 years ago

@Bakunin Really a shame about Shermer. I still think his essay on where Objectivism went wrong (“The Unlikeliest Cult in History”) is excellent.

occasional reader
occasional reader
2 years ago

Hello.

Hmm, intelligence and semen quality… While i can understand that you have to listen to someone to somewhat evaluate this person intelligence, i am not sure anybody can hear the belling of the semen the night in the deepness of the wood.

Out of topic : maybe you remember that some weeks ago, there have been a discussion here about a… “realistic” game called, without absolutely any pretention, Super Seducer (brought to you by a supposed master PUA called De La Rosa, who is to sentimental relation realism what Don Diego De La Vega is to Mexican history).
Well, i am sure you are going to be thrilled to learn that a second opus is close to be released ! Originally titled Super Seducer 2, this one will pursue the teaching of the way of bees and flowers initialized by its elder. With all the… em… “quality” that had made its proofs in the older.
I did not read all the topics this “game” is going to cover, but some might be quite… interesting :
– there will be a part where you (assuming you are a man playing it, as i do not see why a woman would inflict herself this – except to have a good laugh or chicken skin -) play as a woman in order to understand how women think when seduction is on the treshold – and that would be, without doubt, super accurate and absolutely not a male point of view and expectation on how women should think when you try to hit on them, like, i am pretty sure, women all see men in term of market sex value (or whatever the term is, i forgot, sorry) and give them mentally or between themselves score like HC7 or HC9 (Hot Chad, of course. Could have been HD for Hot Dog, but it can be confusing, when you are hungry. AM was also on the track, but someone retorted that Alpha Male is always 10, so that can not be pondered. Whatever).
– there will also a part where you play… a “foreigner” (from memory, a british man with chinese origin part) ! How exotic ! A part which will be totally out of any clichés and stereotypes, for sure. And which also may gather some hate from whitepowerers, as this foreigner will try to seduce a white woman (as i did not see any WOC in the released pictures of the game. But maybe i am wrong) ! I hope Super Seducer 3 (why stop while in such a good run) will have a part on how to seduce shy and obedient asian women (as they are all, it is well known). But not black women, cause they are often too strong minded. And black.

I can not put the link to the Steam page of the game, as i am not at home, but i am sure you can easily find it.

Have a nice day.

(NB : this post contains sarcasms. I specify that, in case of it is not clear)

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

In my head, I heard that Peterson line in the style of a stereotypical Marine drill instructor (think Full Metal Jacket). It sounds more effective than Peterson’s “peevish Kermit” effect.

ChimericMind
ChimericMind
2 years ago

When Stephen Colbert introduced a clip by Tucker Carlson, he named him “Fox News Anchor and Boy Watching His First Video On Where Babies Come From.” He actually corpsed a bit after that, from looking at Carlson’s picture and knowing it was just too spot-on.

reggie, the neighbour's cat
reggie, the neighbour's cat
2 years ago

Also referring to women as girls despite the fact he has adult children is gross.

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
2 years ago

Intelligence and semen quality – works for me!

OT – I’m having some major issues with my cat. She has always pooped outside. But now neighbours have cats who are terrorising her and she has taken to pooping on my gorgeous hand-knotted Persian rug. Setting up a litter tray has not worked. She has pooped once in it and then not again.

My house is now on the market and I want it cat poop free for viewings.

I also just don’t want cat poop in my house. My step son trod in a little present she’d left this morning with bare feet, it was a fairly traumatic morning!

I know that this is all related to the thug cats next door who come in my garden and sometimes come in my house and beat up on my poor 13 yo tiny kitty. But I’m losing it with the pooping.

Any advice from fellow kitty wranglers?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ rugbyyogi

Any advice from fellow kitty wranglers?

You could try the lion poo thing round the boundaries. That might deter any feline intruders. You may have to experiment to ensure it doesn’t put your own kitty off going outdoors.

http://www.silentroaronline.com

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
2 years ago

Alan, do you know if deters other animals? My mom has tons of bird feeders and loves watching the enormous variety of birds that come hang out, but just recently several cats have moved to the neighborhood. The cats are being fed at home while also being allowed to roam the neighborhood, so they are killing out of boredom with abandon. Unfortunately, letting your cats roam is legal here, even though it’s a huge danger to both wildlife and the cats. I would love to help her keep the cats out, but I would worry the birds wouldn’t like this smell either.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ yutolia

I’ve heard people using it for foxes. I must confess I’m unfamiliar with its effects on wildlife generally. I can see how cats will just have an innate sense of ‘bigger cat’; but would it only work on animals who recognise it as predator spoor? Birds might not be bothered anyway; I can’t imagine they have a lot of negative interactions with lions.

Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
Violet the Vile, Moonbat Screech Junky
2 years ago

@rugbyyogi

I sympathise. My boy (size of a good-sized terrier, but personality of a nervous Victorian maiden aunt) is currently being terrorised by the cat next door who comes and sits on the windowsill and makes faces at him through the glass. He is spraying on the wall under the window out of fear

I’d suggest a water pistol. Doesn’t hurt cats, but it doesn’t take them long to learn the association between “that house” and “sudden jet of cold water”.

Also, I’d suggest taking up your Persian rug until she is more settled. Once something smells like “this is where I go”, it is toilet forever.

Also, Feliway plug ins. They work a treat on my boy’s nerves.

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
2 years ago

Dude, keep your damn semen to yourself! Whatever quality you think it is!!!

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
2 years ago

Thanks for responding Alan. Maybe we’ll try it out regardless. We really just want to keep the cats out while not doing them any harm.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@rubyyogi – Cats hate walking on chicken wire. You could try temporarily laying some down around the boundaries of your yard.

Can the rug be put away while you’re showing your house, to make detection and clean up easier, interrupt the habit, and save your rug?

Re: McDonald’s, I read the sign as “NOICE” also. And I heard Yanney.

As for intelligence and semen quality, why are reactionary men so freaking obsessed with their own spunk? They talk endlessly about its preciousness, and compare it with gold. How it alters women forever. How women are always going to great lengths to steal it. How it builds civilizations and starts wars. You never hear anyone arguing that snot has totemic powers, or that earwax contains the key to the entire universe.

Of course, that only applies to their sperm. Other men’s sperm is disgusting and instantly transforms women into used-up sluts.

I mean, sure, sperm has the potential to create another human being, and in that sense it’s special, but putting it on a pedestal? I’ve never heard women wax philosophical about their eggs the way these guys do their sperm. I also know, from sitting in many a fertility clinic waiting room, that there’s zero correlation between youth and egg quality, looks and egg quality, and intelligence and egg quality. Ditto for sperm quality. There are no external tea leaves that predict someone’s ability to make babies.

They way overestimate how much women even care. Not everybody wants kids. Not everybody reduces people to reproductive parts. You know how RedPillers are always saying “you can’t fuck a diploma”? Well, sperm doesn’t help do the dishes, binge-watch Netflix with you, or rub your shoulders when you’ve had a bad day.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

On second thought, rubyyogi, chicken wire would be a pain to keep taking up and putting down if you’re showing your house. Scratch that! Coyote urine might work better.

Mikey
Mikey
2 years ago

I discovered I was super fertile when going through IVF; so much so I scratched an egg at the start when it punched in then punched through. I was in fact almost too fertile for the process (which worked).

But you’re right, how do you work that into a convo? “Bee tee dubs, ladies, I’m super fertile.” (Makes shooting finger, points then says “click, click”).

Does that work? Ladies?

Alas the link he promoted in ’12 is lost to the ages. No content there.

That seems appropriate.

In my case I’m smart but it’s a sample size of one … but it’s a big sample!

How about that? Does that work?

This dilemma reminds me of this article from The Onion:

https://www.theonion.com/ugly-man-with-huge-penis-unsure-how-to-get-the-word-out-1819566240

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

They talk endlessly about its preciousness, and compare it with gold.

Not just gold. Liquid fucking gold!

For those who are unfamiliar with the infamous rant
https://wehuntedthemammoth.com/2013/09/04/pickup-artist-my-seed-is-liquid-gold-and-i-dont-give-it-out-like-its-god-damn-tap-water/

I recommend that everyone read the whole thing, but here are my favorite excerpts

My salty essence and genetic code is a gift from my father, and his father, and his father, and on it goes. Its the sticky genetic code of self-sufficient men who have protected and provided for family, women and children. Its the haplogroup of men who built civilization. I have the genetic lineage of warriors, business owners, firefighters, blacksmiths, farmers, herders, poets, politicians, soldiers, artists and even chefs. Hard jobs that help build the world, thinking jobs that help build a culture, they’ve all been done by men in my bloodline. My ceiling for accomplishment is limitless.

If it lands on your face, chest or back, consider it raindrops from heaven, a rope of Holy Yogurt.

If you are lucky enough to get it in your mouth, savor it like the nourishing nectar of the Gods.

If I shoot it inside you consider it the greatest compliment of all. You will feel an immediate buzz.

My jizz is to women what Walter White’s pure blue meth is to junkies.

You’ll take my seed, sweetly tell me “thank you sir” and buzz with happy feminine energy for the next day while you iron my fine shirts and indulge in memories of me.

Marshmallow Stacy Maximal (formerly bluecat)
Marshmallow Stacy Maximal (formerly bluecat)
2 years ago

@ occasional reader

“The belling of the semen in the night” cracked me up. And then reminded me off the story about belling the cat.

@ Yutolia and Alan

Lion poop scent works on deer too, even in the UK where deer have not scented wild lions for millennia. There’s a spray called “Silent Roar” – I’ve known foresters who used it to keep deer off the plantings.

Katamount
Katamount
2 years ago

So up here in Canadaland, local top secret file forgetter Maxime Bernier has decided to play dog whistle games about Canada’s multiculturalism, calling various stories about removal of a Sir John A. Macdonald statue in Victoria and the renaming of a park in Winnipeg to fearmonger about “extreme multiculturalism” in a series of tweets.

The timing of this is curious as it’s just causing problems for the Conservative Party on the eve of their platform convention. If I were a cynic, I’d imagine it was Bernier trying to boost himself in the party while challenging Scheer’s leadership in a race he placed second in. However, it has certainly earned a harsh rebuke from Liberal and NDP officials, as well as some former Tory stalwarts like Tony Clement.

I know wading into comment sections is a mistake, but they offer a glimpse into what is justifying the sentiment and the Tory base really do believe there’s some kind of migrant “crisis” caused by the recent arrivals from the US. And I can only blame both the right-wing media for that perception, along with the Trudeau government for mishandling refugee accommodations. StatsCan reports that more asylum seekers arrived in Canada in previous years, almost 10,000 more in 2008 than arrived last year. Yet it didn’t get the breathless reporting about a “crisis.”

Trudeau’s failures on this portfolio only make the other half of this dog-whistle all the more absurd: that Trudeau is some kind of ultra-leftist bent on destroying the fabric of Canadian society with an flux of scary honour-killing Muslims! Boogily boogily! Bernier targeted Trudeau specifically, invoking the same fears of “barbaric cultural practices” that Kellie Leitch invoked when she ran for Conservative leader, positioning the Conservative Party as some kind of vanguard for women and the LGBT community in contrast with perceived antiquated attitudes to those groups on the part of religious fundamentalists, which rings incredibly hollow in the wake of reports that abortion will be on the table for the Tory platform convention and Doug Ford’s rollback of LGBT inclusion in the sex ed curriculum. It’s like they can’t face the fact that they actually have more in common with Muslim fundamentalists than they do with Canadian secular pluralism and just hope the fear of brown people is enough that their base won’t notice.

The Conservative Party is just becoming the Republican Party a little more every day. Been doing so since the Reform merger, but now it’s coming to a head. Trudeau really needs to get his shit together if he’s going to put this nonsense to bed before 2019. I just worry his tepid centrism might not be enough.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@WWTH – That might be my favorite WHTM post ever. The whole rant is just *chef’s kiss*.

Nobody tell him his genetic line is also full of lazy, bon-bon eating women.

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Buttercup:

You know how RedPillers are always saying “you can’t fuck a diploma”?

Well, you can, but you wouldn’t want it on your wall afterwards.

Sarumangry’s dramatic reading of the “liquid fucking gold” rant is still one of the greatest things I’ve heard on the Internet.

damoflances
2 years ago

RIP Aretha

Rattus
Rattus
2 years ago

@rubyogi,

We have a cat who came to us as a stray who refused the box and would only poop on wool rugs (not on the artificial ones) so we bought a piece of wool carpeting and put it in a litter box. Did the trick. The peeing is a completely different and unfortunate issue.

Monzach
Monzach
2 years ago

TMI incoming!

The only thing that I’ve noticed about my semen is that it stains like billy-o. Also, once it dries on a piece of clothing it makes the impacted part of clothing very stiff and brittle. So…not very much like gold, in other words. Can’t say that I blame anyone who’s not interested in it… 😀

TMI over.

I also read the Coca Cola machine paper as NOICE. It took me a while to realize the No I. C. E. thing. I blame the fact that I’m not a USAian.

Also, RIP Aretha Franklin. You were the best part of the original Blues Brothers movie.

Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
2 years ago

Every time i see Stephan Molyneux i just want to run directly into a wall.

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Christ yes, Aretha was incredible in that Blues Brothers scene. Well, she was just generally terrific, but the cafe scene is outstanding.

Otrame
Otrame
2 years ago

Ah, Aretha. Thanks for increasing the quality of life on this planet for a little while. RIP

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Katamount – I saw your question on Firefox in the other thread and wanted to say that I switched over to Chrome in June because the last FF update deleted all of my bookmarks for some reason. Don’t know if it’s related, though.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 years ago

@ wwth;

yeah, that rant…. and all the rants about bloodline…. As a mammotheer a while back so eloquently wrote…”If my proudest accomplishment was my white skin… I wouldn’t brag….”

“My great-great grandfather built the Eiffel Tower! You should be proud of ME for that!!!”

I have the genetic lineage of warriors, business owners, firefighters, blacksmiths, farmers, herders, poets, politicians, soldiers, artists and even chefs

My paternal heritage includes a guy who stowed away on a boat to get to the U.S. from Ireland… and illegally immigrated… does that count for anything?

E.T.A. Shermer… “Skeptics” don’t talk much about the problematic issue of patriarchy in the ideas they rail against… cuz inside, too many of them are entitled pigs

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 years ago

re: Blues Brothers… a piece I wrote here a year or so ago….

with humble apologies to the Blues Brothers…

“Troll Man”

Comin’ to ya on on your favorite thread
Gonna misinterpret everything ya said
May seem like I’m really obtuse
But I’m fulla shit as a Christmas goose

I’m a troll man
I’m a troll man
I’m a troll man
I’m a troll man

What you say I never understand
I give insults and I make demands
I got no time to listen to you
But you better see MY point of view

I’m a troll man
I’m a troll… person
Make me leave!!
I’m a troll man
I’m a troll man

Listen
I’m just tryin’ t’ make you see the truth
It’s YOU makin’ ME act all uncouth
Y’know I went to the VERY BEST college
Whatev’ th’ topic, I’m the Book of Knowledge

I’m a troll man 4X

This discussion turns on MY command
Cause I’m WAY UP on my grandstand
What th’ Fuck? I’M being ban….

I… was… a troll man
I’m a troll man 4X

Lukas Xavier
Lukas Xavier
2 years ago

Once something smells like “this is where I go”, it is toilet forever.

That’s my experience, too. I will suggest that when the cat shits on the rug again, don’t just throw the poop away. Instead, place it in the litter box. Then, every now and again, pick up your cat and place her in front of the litter box. Make it clear where it is and what it smells like.

Basically, you have to train your cat the same way you would if it was a kitten. If she’s used to pooping outside, setting up a litter box won’t automatically help, because she probably has no idea what it’s for. Rug or litter box; it’s all the same to a cat.

Miss Cobalt
Miss Cobalt
2 years ago

Where do people even find stuff like lion poop and coyote pee?

Do you buy it at the local zoo?

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

“Noice” makes me think of Brooklyn Nine-Nine and The Good Place.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ miss cobalt

The invisible hand of the market takes care of all your poop and urine needs. 🙂

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Virgin Mary
Virgin Mary
2 years ago

I was in WH Smith’s yesterday and was horrified to see a book by Mr Peterson on the top 40 best seller list. Holy crap, I thought this was just Reddit nonsense, I didn’t think people were actually buying it. Strike me horrified.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

There’s still a WH Smith’s? I thought they’d gone out of business. I haven’t seen one in over a decade!

London Pilgrim
2 years ago

Why not let them read it? If he is as wrong as you say then he will discredit himself.

Miss Cobalt
Miss Cobalt
2 years ago

@Alan Robertshaw

Lol, thanks
Never know when I might need it

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

@London Pilgrim

Why not let me throw up in your swimming pool? We’ll let a bunch of people who hate you and don’t ever have to swim in the pool vote on how clean it needs to be. Water, barf: both are equally valid.

Oh, and if you get sick, it’s because you took the bacteria out of context.

calmdown
calmdown
2 years ago

ok, I don’t get the “joke” in the OP. Is there something I’m missing here?

@Virgin Mary

“a book by Mr Peterson on the top 40 best seller list.”

Was it 12 rules for life? Yep, it’s a bestseller. I work at a library and I’ve had people ask for it and seen it circulating regularly.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ miss cobalt

I like that “use liberally” label. I’m tempted to leave a bottle in the shower and see what happens when I have guests.

Having said that I’d quite fancy having a ‘natural lion essence’ myself. It can’t be any worse than Aramis.

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