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Earth Sex in the 21st Century: A pulp break/open thread

When you’re a swinger on OkCupid

By David Futrelle

I‘m taking a break from the usual misogynistic horror today to post some pulp novel and, er, “nonfiction” covers. The theme: The (retro) future of human earth sex!

Also, this is an open thread. No trolls!

Wait, are we required to be wearing these outfits now?
The worst thing about sex is all the math
Everyone’s always looking for an upgrade
Those spacesuits don’t seem very practical
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Moon Custafer
Moon Custafer
2 years ago

Well, the cover artist for Earth Sex in the 21st Century was at least right about beards coming back into fashion.

Alexis Filth
Alexis Filth
2 years ago

Where can I get that sweet vest?

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

The guy in front of the computer on the “Computer Swap” cover looks like he’s trying to insert his skee-ball tickets into it.

Fabe
Fabe
2 years ago

I sort of want to know what O.R.G.Y stands for now.

Kivutar
Kivutar
2 years ago

I’m mostly disturbed by the cannibalistc overtones on Computer Swap.

Gerald Fnord
Gerald Fnord
2 years ago

Just imagine Shatner intoning the words

These are the voyages of the starship…Intercourse.

@Fabe
‘Organization for the Rational Guidance of Youth’
It’s an anti-Communist, anti-Fascist, pro-everyone-have-lots-of-diffetent-sex organisation; its agent has pornographically explicit Bondian spy adventures, but he seems to actually like women and wants them to be happy—I’m sure they’ll look as regressive as hell now, and Fleming is a low bar, but still a definite improvement thereon. I recall that like a lot of one-handed literature of its time, there’s obsessive concern with ‘positions’.

His opponents mostly come from a non-religious, dictatorial, group that wants a world with maximum reproduction and minimum pleasure; for all I know, they turn out to be alien cattle breeders and skull-farmers.

In one novel, he gets pregnant.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

Heh. Earth Sex.

Kind of reminds me of how the phrase “Space Age” used to be affixed to all kinds of household products, as a marketing tool. For example, the thermos in my school lunchbox was supposed to be Space Age.

Uly
Uly
2 years ago

M-preg is always worth a read, I guess?

But seriously, “Starship Intercourse” is a great name, especially if we can imagine it intoned by Shatner.

AuntieMameRedux
AuntieMameRedux
2 years ago

Is that an alien or a two-headed penis peeking out of the man’s loincloth on the Starship Intercourse cover? Both amusing and disturbing.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

Please tell me John V. Ception has siblings named Extrasensory, Wedding, and Immaculate.

Michael Suttkus, II
Michael Suttkus, II
2 years ago

Fabe:

Organization for the Rational Guidance of Youth

Obviously, right?

And, no, I didn’t just KNOW that; I looked it up on wikipedia. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

K.
K.
2 years ago

I admit, I’m a sucker for a lurid pulp cover.

Fluffy Spider Returns
Fluffy Spider Returns
2 years ago

I think I could pull off the dude on Earth Sex’s sweet jacket in black though with the woman’s swimsuit thingy still in black and boots in black

Mea
Mea
2 years ago

@Gerald Fnord

At first, I though you were kidding. Apparently not.

The series was 15 books and also involved time travel, evil twins, the Lilluputian Liberation Army, and better mousetraps.

http://spyguysandgals.com/sgShowChar.aspx?id=593

Tovius
Tovius
2 years ago

@AuntieMameRedux
Personally, it looks like the alien IS the loin cloth.

Robert
Robert
2 years ago

As a history professor of mine said back in college, “The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there.”

(Turns out it’s an L. P. Hartley quote)

calmdown
calmdown
2 years ago

This reminds me of an embarrassing sci-fi book recommendation I need that I haven’t known where to ask for: I’ve seen so much ado about John Norman’s Gor series that now I kind of want to see what it’s like, and if it’s really that terrible. Is there any novel in the series that is the least terrible, or at least is interesting? I’ve heard a lot of people say it’s irredeemable, but I can’t help being curious anyway. The MST3K episode was fun, so maybe I’m hoping reading it could be too. Or am I making a huge mistake in trying to read it (even if it’s to hate-read it)? The BDSM stuff doesn’t bother me.

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

These are the voyages of the Starship Intercourse, thrusting its way forward on a penetrating mission.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

To bawdily go…

Shadowplay
2 years ago

@calmdown

The first in the series (Tarnsman) is probably the least enraging. Still poorly written crap, but Norman hadn’t gotten into his stride with the really shitty stuff – it’s more a Conan rip-off than anything else.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Intergalactic Meanie
2 years ago

@Calmdown,

I haven’t exactly read through them (read sections at random instead), but I’ve heard the first five books at least have the series’ overall storyarc pretty much front and center. The later books put the main plot on the far back burner while indulging the crappy stereotype stuff.

Z&T
Z&T
2 years ago

Open thread? Can I vent?

I have to see my mom’s estate atty tomorrow, I have a feeling he’s going to yell at me.

My friends are here to make sure I don’t over drink because I surely do not want to deal with this hungover. Remain calm, they keep telling me.

I think I have a phobia with these things, all paperwork, I need to get a grip on myself. I’m not kidding either, I think I got this panic because money was always tight when I was a kid. But it was a big panic over ‘the paperwork’ and about everything else, too.

If I can quote something I found lately –

This was on some reddit thread, link here:

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/965ksk/what_are_some_tough_pills_the_us_needs_to_swallow/

it’s pretty far down so I’m going to copy the thing, this comment is by a poster called “whenevertheycome” :

“Holy shit the fear is pervasive, and I hate it.
My MIL is scared of everything (coincidentally she watches nothing but Fox News, a bit of correlation). Some examples include:
Wife and I went on a mini vacation to Chicago to visit some college friends. We stayed in the Loop, by the Chicago River and Lake Michigan. She swore up and down we’d be shot and killed or robbed. She was utterly convinced Chicago is basically Mad Max. Oh, and our flight was destined to crash, because planes always crash going into O’Hare, don’t you know!?

Going to a fair with the kids, she spent an entire 10 minute phone call warning us that someone was going to snatch our kids and run away with them if we didn’t lock them in a stroller or a wagon the entire time. She told us not to eat because someone would poison the kids and not to let the kids on rides because a carny would molest them.
She went out of town to a lake for a few days. She asked us to check on her house 3 times a day, make sure the doors were locked, and water her flowers (okay, the last part was no big deal and the only thing we actually did). We checked twice in the week she was gone, so we could water her flowers. She swore someone was going to come from urban city nearby and rob them while they were gone. You could not convince her that someone hadn’t been ready to rob them the minute they left.

The moment it starts to rain, she calls and warns us to go to the basement because she is certain a tornado will hit. Last time she called, I sent her a video of me standing at the back window watching the storm with my son, explaining to him that being scared of storms is silly (note: there wasn’t so much as a severe thunderstorm warning for that one).
Basically the woman lives in perpetual fear of everything and everyone, and she sits in her house with her dog watching Fox News and being scared. I don’t know how people live in that perpetual fear bubble.”

My relatives were like this. Terrified of EVERYTHING and everything was a huge big deal and anything and everything could, and WOULD go HORRIBLY WRONG! and it was the end of the world!

Finance wise: WE’LL END UP IN THE POOR FARM YET!!!

And I honestly believed there was such a thing for too long a time.
Into my late teens.

I have anxiety surrounding money and paperwork. And I do not need to be yelled at over BS like signing my name with my middle initial or paying something too early.

I need to get a grip on myself with this, I have huge anxiety with it all, not to mention that I’m depressed because my mom died.

Any thoughts appreciated.

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

@Z&T

Apologies if I ramble here. That’s a really difficult situation to deal with. My sympathies. I’m trying to remember back to when I was grieving what would help with my anxiety. Because of course it gets worse when you’re dealing with grief, since you’re in a state of stress, and that just makes anxiety worse.

I think I have it: patterns. Following a routine in your day, solving a physical puzzle (doesn’t have to be jigsaw or new to you – puzzle rings are great for me for this purpose), just tracing patterns in the tiles or bricks with my fingers. Patterns help calm me. Not sure if that’s helpful for you at all.

More long-term, knowledge helps. Ask the atty to walk you through every single step, explain when you need to do what and why and what it means. You’ll have less anxiety over paperwork if you understand better why the problems to date have come up and what you can expect for a road map of future paperwork (that sounds like some kind of horror novel to me lol). Anyway, if you know to expect that in X days you’ll need to sign something, but not before then and not after Y days, you won’t worry about signing at the wrong time, because now it’s not just some random thing that you didn’t know was wrong. Does that make sense?

So much is uncertain for you right now because you’re dealing with a difficult mental process that can fluctuate a lot and feel very random, and on top of that you have this paperwork that’s very important but it’s coming back as wrong for what feels like random reasons. So the only thing you can do is take away that randomness. I don’t know if you can do that with grief (mine was too much for me, so I couldn’t get myself to a therapist during it because that required about 10x more emotional strength than I had at the time), but for the paperwork you’ve got a professional you’re paying to do exactly that job. Now, I’m not saying the atty isn’t doing their job, but they’re not realizing the effect the lack of explanation is having. So just ask them to lay it all out for you. Explain that this is causing you stress so you just want to be able to plan. Hopefully they’ll understand.

Also, hugs if you want them.

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

So I came out completely at work this week. Everyone was rather supportive and chill, with the exception of my girlfriend’s aunt, who also works with us. Her reaction was to try and take sneaky pictures of me in the break room, but left her flash on and earned a chat with HR. Flash forward a few days, and she sent the pics to my mom, who I hadn’t told yet. And today she moved on to my sister, who also didn’t know.

I don’t think my girlfriend’s aunt will be working at the same place as me for much longer.

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

Thanks, David. It isn’t fun, but luckily my superviser, the operations manager, and HR have been very supportive.

Z&T
Z&T
2 years ago

@ Kupo & Dave,

Thanks for your commiseration 🙂

And eeugh, paperwork, gah. Why don’t they put dates on anything? Oh but YOU had better get it all straight!

I got yelled at for paying something too early, I wanted to yell back: THE UNIVERSAL CLOCK STRETCHES TO INFINITY!!!

You can’t argue with these people, you have to bite your tongue. Can’t piss ’em off, they’re the conduit to the legal system.

He’s going to yell at me. And we can’t forget that piece of vacant land (which is out in the middle of the desert) that isn’t worth much, which HE keeps forgetting about, I will be yelled at about that too.

And to be clear, we are not dealing with huge sums of money here.

Gah. I feel like a dog about to be carted off to the vet.

Thanks again for the thoughts 🙂 Oh and also I found some old paperwork on one of mom’s stock accounts, that I inherited, and it has her name, then my name, and then “jt ten”.

So I was listed as a joint tenant on one of these accounts. Maybe this didn’t have to go through probate at all. He starts with me? I’ma spring that on him.

It’s all aggravating and anxiety producing.

I do understand two things better now though

1) Why people get barcode tattoos

2) Why people stuff money into trunks and mattresses

tim gueguen
2 years ago

calmdown, the archive.org site has some of the Gor books online at the moment, so you can save yourself the cost and bother of looking for the actual physical books.

Apparently a Jordan Peterson fanboy showed up on the comments to the August 12th Dumbing of Age strip, but Dave Willis deleteobombed the offending comments. Anybody here catch the “fun?”

Sister Bat'leth of Rational Discussion
Sister Bat'leth of Rational Discussion
2 years ago

No one should be surprised that science fiction fans were already thinking about this back in the 80s. There’s also a Bob Kanefsky parody called “Making Love Weighing Nothing At All” (to the obvious tune), but it doesn’t seem to be on YouTube.

@ Calmdown: I’d recommend “Priest-Kings of Gor”, which at least has a vaguely SFnal plot and some interesting aliens, who are never seen again after that book.

Mikey
Mikey
2 years ago

They had me at “amatory stimulation”.

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

@Z&T
Wow, that sounds like a heap of stress. Sounds like a shitty lawyer too, no need to yell about this.

Z&T
Z&T
2 years ago

@ Bakunin,

Good on ya for being yourself 🙂 Glad to hear that most people are supportive too.

Some other thoughts I had, and I have to go to sleep soon, because I have to get up early.
OK that’s another thing too, we can all relate I think, that you don’t want to go to sleep because you don’t want to get up to do whatever in the morning.

Happy thing, I thought of a happy thing. I decided to gas up the car and go to the store for a few things, in prep for the AM. Something to eat for the morn, and something for dinner. It’s hot here but since I had the AC on I thought I would maybe get a pizza. Which I have not had the best of luck with frozen pizzas lately.

So I go gas up the car (which is still f’d up), and the gas station was busy and I had to stand on line. Bored, I noticed “the nachos”. Gas station nachos. Yeah, you probably don’t want to go there. Told self I could get those at the grocery store, look there, and it might be an alternative to putting the oven on for a pizza. Look for sim at the store.

So I go to the closest grocery store which I always go to and it’s crowded as hell!

Well I battled my way through. I forgot what I was even going to get. I did get lemon poppyseed muffins for breakfast. Did do that. Beer. And I even thought: after I have to deal with this guy, Im really going to have to tie one on! Yeah. Anticipatory drinking from projected anxiety. And let’s stock up at the store for it! Really do need to get a grip on myself.

So anyway, happy thing 🙂

I decided I wanted some kind of nachos with cheese, like at the gas station. Chips, easy. And I’ve seen these jars of “cheese” before. And they’re expensive! Like $5 a jar. I saw farther along the shelves a product of Mexico (La Preferida, it’s a big brand, and all these brands have the big US names scrambling because oh, people are choosing the MX brands instead? What, you thought NAFTA was only going to go one way?)

So I found this can of cheese. I do believe this is the first time in my life I bought a can of cheese 🙂 It was $2.30. Half the price of the others.

So I’m standing there looking at it, some guy walks by, says to me – That’s not bad. And I think the guy was stoned out of his mind 😀

I continued looking at the can of this stuff because I was wondering if you could heat it up. And or what to do with the leftovers. So I said to the guy, – what to do with the leftovers.

And he says. After giving this like 2 minutes of thought. Like if you don’t eat it all?

Me: Yeah right, can you put the leftovers in the fridge?

About another five minutes pass by.

Him: Oh yeah, probably.

🙂 I bought the can of cheese on his recommendation.

calmdown
calmdown
2 years ago

@tim gueguen

Thank you! That is perfect because I just discovered that my local library does not have any of the Gor series (which really surprised me, I guess I thought it was more “mainstream”) and I did not want to pay Amazon for a paperback of a book that I know is probably going to be pretty bad (I also noticed there was a chained female slave on almost every cover in the series, no surprise there.)
Plus I’ll get the added benefit of it never appearing in my Library reading history! Thanks again for the tip and to everyone who advised.

Bakunin
Bakunin
2 years ago

Stoner probably knows what he’s talking about there. Speaking of Mexico, I live in an area with enough of a Mexican and otherwise Hispanic population that every grocery store sells the Mexican Coca-Cola. Glass bottle and everything. Random grocery store thoughts

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

“When marriage didn’t compute, the machine rematched the mates!”

I believe this app is called Swingr.

(A)utonomous Escapist
(A)utonomous Escapist
2 years ago

The “Computer Swap” reminds me of a danish Sci-Fi, where peoples lives are routinely rotated to keep them docile or something “See the light of day” would be the translated title, it’s rather good, really.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

The square root of sex is just under två and a half.

(An English/Swedish pun; you can probably recognize the number words)

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
2 years ago

Hey all! ^^; Major apologies for vanishing without warning – I had to move house on very short notice (*incoherent ragescreeching at my former apartment’s new landlord, the most ableist person I’ve ever had the displeasure of being forced to meet, and what the hell kind of monster doesn’t like cats?!*), and my slowly-dying phone doesn’t like cooperating with WHTM anymore, so I just haven’t had the chance.

Basically, shit went belly-up for a while there, but we’re afloat again. *thumbs up*

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Is that Colin Firth in The Square Root of Sex? I kind of admire the dude on Mr Ception’s cover: wearing a popped collar on such a vestigial shirt shows a real commitment to the douchebro aesthetic.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

I love how the Square Root of Sex guy is reaching behind and just pushing any random button without looking. Maybe tomorrow they’ll try the cosine of sex, or the natural logarithm of sex. Or turn the computer upside down and spell BOOBIES. So many possibilities!

SFHC – Welcome back! Sorry to hear you had to move – what a hassle. Landlords can be awful. Yours sounds like quite a prize. Hope you ended up with a better one,

We got turfed out unceremoniously a few months ago when some out-of-state investors bought the place and decided they were going to occupy our unit. My previous landlord kept yanking us around – evicting model tenants because he wanted a rent-free place for his son, constantly turning everything upside down with huge rewiring/remodeling projects that required all our stuff to be piled under sheets and moved from room to room for months on end, holes in the wall (that was awesome, with toddlers), barely any hot water, and no discount on rent. (To be fair, though, the rent was already way under market value). The last straw was when he finally decided to do something about the asbestos in the basement last December, after I had been living there for 16 years. When I asked if they were getting ready to sell, he was evasive about it. Three weeks later, the property was on the market. We had 60 days to find a new place, pack up, and move.

Long story short, we ended up in a much better place in a town with a better school system (though it’s out in the country and my kids really miss their friends and the old neighborhood). Now we’re dealing with an HOA and busybody Fox-watching neighbors who call the management company to complain every time we set foot outdoors. There’s one lady who takes photos and calls the police whenever someone entertains guests outside. I got her mail by accident once, and it was full of NRA flyers and Republican fundraising literature. White-wingers have become such hypersuspicious control freaks under Trump. They see someone they don’t like doing something they don’t personally approve of, and they run straight to the authorities to tattle.

Sorry, that was kind of a ramble. @Z&T, my sympathies to you too. We both lost our moms at around the same time last year and I’ve been wondering how you’re doing. Grief never really goes away. It’s a life sentence.

Shadowplay
2 years ago

@Bakunin

Congratulations! And I hope the nasty minded little busybody sneak gets what’s due them.

@SFHC

Welcome back!

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

@SFHC
Welcome back! I was wondering where you were. Sorry about the landlord, that’s no fun.

sunnysombrera
sunnysombrera
2 years ago

Welcome back SFHC! Sympathies to everyone with crappy landlord experiences.

Personal updates: The Good.
*Major progress with therapy.
*Super excited for my next trip home to see friends and cousin
*Only two weeks until the end of the busy summer rush at work, with a wedding at the start of September! (not mine, lol)
*Had a wisdom tooth pulled on Friday, but is healing very well. Haven’t even needed Paracetamol.
*Got a 2nd degree burn last week, but is also healing remarkably well.

The Bad:
*Work drama, particularly involving management becoming controlling and generally acting like they don’t trust us to do our jobs properly.
*Trying to hang out with a friend who has depression and keeps flaking. I know it’s not her fault and how depression can make someone behave but I’m struggling not to take it personally.

Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
2 years ago

If we’re making updates I’m at sea right now 2 months remaining in my contract. Since October last year I really struggle with my mental health and it just gets worse and worse and this ship is not so good which doesn’t help. But I finally decided I will go to the doctor when I go home in October, so things will be okay again soon.

SFHC – that sounds tough, landlords suck! last year we moved apartment, mainly because of the anti-cat policy. 😾

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
2 years ago

Speaking of how SF handles sex and related topics, today I read a flash fiction piece available here –

https://thearcanist.io/sweet-master-pookie-shmookie-155c893cd707

– which is pretty much safe for work, but it has a Lovecraftian vibe, in that the setting is a future where Earth has been conquered by Things with Too Many Legs and they have made us love them, so if depictions of mind control are not your thing, please avoid.

Otrame
Otrame
2 years ago

I read several of the Gor books when I was very young. I was very young a long time ago (roughly 45 years ago) and they didn’t seem so bad at the time. Yes, I recognized after the first couple of books that they were mostly one-handed fiction for what we call incels these days.

You can look at them as a guy struggling to acclimate to a completely alien culture. By today’s standards, they are absolutely horrible, no question. But you might find the first couple interesting, as good examples of a type of literature that was very popular at the time. I have to confess I liked the first few. I was not as easily outraged by misogyny in those days because if you think it is pervasive in our current culture you just have NO idea.

Yutolia
Yutolia
2 years ago

I have my social security disability hearing today!! Wish me luck. I just wish it was over…

Also, I am a member of the Denver Women’s Chorus. We will be singing the National Anthem for the Colorado Rockies game on Tuesday August 21st. If you are in Denver, please come! If you’re not, please tune in! And if you want to, kneel!!! I would love to but it’s a very bad posture for singing.

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
2 years ago

I have my social security disability hearing today!! Wish me luck. I just wish it was over…

Also, I am a member of the Denver Women’s Chorus. We will be singing the National Anthem for the Colorado Rockies game on Tuesday August 21st. If you are in Denver, please come! If you’re not, please tune in! And if you want to, kneel!!! I would love to but it’s a very bad posture for singing.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

@ yutolia

Good Luck!

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
2 years ago

Financial form anxiety. I have it big time. I get it. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with that. Can I just say that the estate attorney has probably seen it before and maybe the best thing is to just fess up about it. I didn’t realise until very, very, very recently that other people have this, too. Ask for help. (I have anxiety about that, too… of course!)