By David Futrelle
It’s tough to be a man in the year of our lord 2018. It’s legal for women to say no to sex, even if you’re married to them. Many women have jobs, and if you politely ask them, say, if the carpet matches the drapes they complain to HR instead of answering your simple query.
Men only hold 95% of the CEO jobs in Fortune 500 companies, and only 80% of those in the congress and Senate are men — and most of the women who’ve taken men’s jobs in politics and the business world are post-wall hags anyway. Even video games have female characters in them now — and not all of them are skinny hotties with massive gravity-resistant bazongas that bounce up and down when they move.
Even worse, when you leave the house, roughly HALF of all those you’re likely to encounter are female. Even worser than worse, many of these women are FAT.
I recently ran across one brave soul in the Red Pill subreddit who is standing up against this final injustice, the worst of them all. In a post titled “Women are getting fatter because no one calls them out on it,” this internet hero launched a scathing attack on the women ruining his life by being fat in his immediate vicinity.
I recently spent 5 days in New Orleans. … I’m well aware of America’s current obesity crisis, but I was still shocked at how many fat women I saw. They were everywhere, and I can confidently say that they outnumbered fat men.
Actually, the percentage of American women classified as obese (40%) isn’t that much greater than the percentage of men (35%), but, who knows, maybe New Orleans generates some sort of fat-lady-attracting magnetic field.
I saw countless couples where the woman was fatter than the man. It was practically the norm.
A skinny woman with a fat guy? Good for him. A skinny man with a fat women? HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION. WAR CRIME.
At every restaurant I would see 5’5” women putting away just as much food as their 6’ boyfriend/husband. At every bar I would see these seemingly genderless, shrieking blobs guzzling sugary cocktails. On every block I would see overweight bachelorette parties stumbling down the street wearing revealing clothes … .
Woah. I just got chills. It;s just like that famous monologue from Rutger Hauer in Blade Runner, if everything he had mentioned in it had been fat. I wonder what that might have sounded like.
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Fatties eating hot wings off the shoulder of Orion. I watched hamplanets glitter in the dark near the TGIFridays. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in a carton of ice cream. Time to diet.
But back to our internet hero and his rant.
Based on my observations, I can conclude that the main problem is there is no taboo against being a fat chick in America anymore.
It’s true. These days fat women never face any sort of criticism for their weight. Sure, the pressure to be thin leads countless teenage girls to develop eating disorders. Sure, when a woman turns down a sexual advance from a man, the spurned would-be lover might loudly inform her she’s just a “fat bitch” anyway. And sure, when fat women post selfies on social media, they might get hundreds of replies from angry dudes accusing them of being ugly fatties who are “glorifying obesity” by existing in public.
But that’s all in good fun! No harm, no foul!
I think a lot of men just accept it now- after all, society is constantly telling us that men and women are exactly the same. Women can (and should) eat just as much food as men, and to say otherwise is offensive and old-fashioned.
Yes, that’s right. The relentless message we get from the media and society in general is that men and women are exactly the same and should eat exactly the same things. Those stock photos of women laughing alone with salad? All in your head (well, except for these).
Nowadays, it’s very common to hear guys say shit like, “I hate when women only order salad at dinner” and then be applauded for saying it. I think that’s nonsense- when ordering just a salad, she’s trying to signal to you that she has self control and is unlikely to get fat later in the relationship. This is a good thing, and should be encouraged.
Also, she should force herself to hold in her farts every minute she is with you, because that means she’s trying to signal to you that WOMEN DON’T POOP.
Women tend to be gullible, so they easily buy into media messages telling them that “all women are beautiful.” If one of their friends gains weight, they will reassure her and tell her she still looks hot. In fact, I bet most fat chicks nowadays can go their whole lives without anyone saying, “You are fat, and this is not okay” to their face.
Dude, I think you may have used a wrong word here. When you said “go their whole lives” did you mean “go a whole hour,” because otherwise I’m pretty sure you’re making a sucker bet.
If you appreciate female beauty and femininity, it is up to you to help make fat women be ashamed of themselves again.
There’s nothing healthier than tearing down someone else’s self-esteem because for some reason you assume how they look is any of your business.
Don’t think of it as being mean- think of it as tough love.
If by “love” you mean “hate.”
The only negative reinforcement that most women respond to is the threat of social ostracization.
Well, that is sort of a classic move. There’s just one flaw in your plan, dude, which is that most women wouldn’t actually be terribly hurt if you left them alone and went off by yourself forever.
If there is a fat chick in your social circle, pay as little attention to her as possible. If a fat woman tries to give you a hug, you should recoil a bit and make a “yeesh” face. You should talk about how disgusting fat people are when they are within earshot (thin women may pretend to be offended by this, but trust me it’s mostly an act). If you bump into a woman you haven’t seen since college and she’s gained weight, pretend to not recognize her at first. If a drunk fat woman tries to hit on you, tell her sorry but you aren’t attracted to big women.
Yes, spend your whole life actively trying to make other people feel bad about themselves for how they look. Nothing weird or creepy or fucking pathological about this.
If a fat woman in your office is talking to you, make a point to glance at her stomach every few seconds … .
If you get called in by HR for creating a hostile work environment just because you are in fact trying to create a hostile work environment, well, I’m sure Fox News and Breitbart and Jordan Peterson would be happy to take up your cause.
Let me just skip the part where he gloats about how cool it is to “make some fat chicks cry themselves to sleep at night” and brags about saving an alcoholic friend of his by being a dick to him.
I’m typing this on my phone, so I’m going to end my rant now. If you have any other fat shaming suggestions, please share them. And if you’re a fat guy reading this, I hope I hurt your feelings. Stop being so fat, you fucking fat fuck.
As it turns out, I am a fat guy reading this. You didn’t hurt my feelings. You just made yourself look like an insecure asshole who tries to distract himself from his insecurities by attacking other people for things that aren’t any of your fucking business. Shut your fucking face, you fucking fuck.