By David Futrelle
Despite that whole “going their own way” thing, the mewling baby collective known as Men Going Their Own Way have a surprisingly large number of opinions about vaginas, and more than a few theories about what happens to vaginas when they are exposed to what MGTOWs consider too many different penises.
According to MGTOW Vagina Theory, too many penises turn a woman’s labia into something that looks like thin-sliced roast beef, and can stretch out vaginas to such a degree that having sex with an especially sexually active woman is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, metaphorically speaking.
Those who dissent from these theories are quickly corrected, not with actual proof that any of this is true (it’s not), but with biting sarcasm.
QED!
(If any of you have seen one of these baby-sized penises, let me know.)
But MGTOW Vagina Theorists aren’t content to simply rest on their laurels. No, they continue to come up with new theories about vaginas on a regular basis.
Consider this MGTOW theory I encountered for the first time today: Too many penises make vaginas not just flappy and loose but smelly as well.
![throwaway152038 6 points 9 months ago I never understood why somebody is aroused by the vaginal smell. eww. permalinkembedsavegive gold [–]turbo_pimp_hand 11 points 9 months ago Interestingly that is one of the surest signs she's a sloot. Girls with none or maybe 1-2 partners smell and taste of almost nothing...like slippery water. The more cocks they have up there, the worse the smell.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cy6r7tuv8yiubo.png?resize=556%2C528&ssl=1)
Asked for the source of this information, Mr. Pimp Hand explained that the theory was based on “just my own mouth and sense of smell,” adding that
I’m quite the man whore and I have pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like body language, general attitude and gut feeling.
So there you have it. Thanks, MGTOW subreddit! Science marches on!
By the same token, Mr. Pimp Hand Man Whore’s thing should be the approximate lenght of a lasso; which must be handy to catch the cohort of “good girls” and ‘party ho” he professes to have slept with.
Aaand an unholy union between ignorance and hatred produces another bastard. This one’s called MGTOW.
(I never was much for these trendy Hollywood baby names.) Worrisome, yes, but at least those two have an understanding of basic science.
1. Gut feeling is not a “behavioural marker”. It’s you making shit up about total strangers from afar.
2. Gut feeling is in no way scientific or logical. It does not make you special. It does not make you an expert.
3. You are not some sort of mystical vagina medium. You’re an 11 year old talking big in front of his friends, trying to wow them with carnal knowledge you don’t possess.
4. MGTOWs love to pass ridiculous bullshit moral judgments about women based on nothing more than what they look like and how closely they happen to conform to their private idea of a pure virgin. In the next breath they’ll be complaining about “shallow women” who “rush to judgment” and “don’t give nice guys a chance”.
5. Dear MGTOWs: may I suggest carrying around an unwashed jockstrap to breathe into, in the unlikely event that you find yourself in the vicinity of a vagina and feel yourself overcome by the vapours due to its noxious fumes. Better yet, wear it around your face to ward off miasmas, like the beaked masks that medieval plague doctors used to wear. It’s 100% effective.
The PNW had better brace itself for Nazi violence this weekend:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/portland-patriot-prayer-proud-boys-rally_us_5b646217e4b0de86f4a0ba04
Today I Learned: the number of sex partners I have had increases or decreases with my diet, how long it’s been since I’ve bathed or showered and whether I used Epsom salts in the bath, and my place in my menstrual cycle. Either that or, shockingly, a person who rejoices in the nom de guerre of turbo_pimp_hand might not give the most reliable sex advice. But which could it be? How ever shall I choose between the two equally valid-looking hypotheses?
I bet “behavioral markers” include tattoos, piercings, & dyed hair *rolls eyes* I had all 3 at age 18, at which point I’d slept with… 2 guys. But it’s toootally scientific to guess the sexual histories of women, & then never actually ask them about it to find out if you’re right. So of *course* he has a perfect score, & has never been wrong 9_9
Right??? Every single one of their “theories” tears down dudes just as much as they attempt to tear down women.
And they clearly don’t know anything about how babies look, or how vaginas work.
Even if a “baby sized penis” were to enter into a vagina, it would fucking hurt because that’s way too fucking big to enter into without going through labor to dilate the vaginal opening. Like, there’s not enough lube in the world to make that less painful.
There’s a reason why baby-birthing takes HOURS, and not minutes. The baby doesn’t just plop outta the womb.
@ Buttercup:
Carl Sagan was asked what his “gut feeling” regarding a scientific problem, whereupon he replied: “I try not to think with my gut.”
re: miggy-toes and their conjectures…
This is stupidity on steroids.
I once heard the claim that the stereotype about “fishy” smell in vulva/vagina originated from the odour of decaying semen after unprotected intercourse. Does this sound plausible to anyone here? Supposing that a few generations ago people didn’t wash themselves nearly as much as we do now?
I know various vaginal infections can cause a “fishy” or otherwise unpleasant smell. I’d imagine a plain unwashed crotch/vulva gives mostly an impression of stale sweat.
(Note: I lack firsthand experience in any of this. This is just my personal curiosity, and I understand if people here would rather not weigh in.)
Pretty sure the fishy smell is just from certain infections. I’ve never noticed one on me anyway. And you’re right that in need of a shower vag just smells like standard body odor. Period smell is more beefy than fishy. Cervical mucus is odorless. I’ve never noticed a smell after sex, but I’ve always used condoms so, idk about that one. I don’t see how semen would make a vagina smell fishy though. I mean, to my knowledge, semen isn’t fishy. Not that I’ve ever noticed.
I really have no idea where the vagina = fishy myth comes from.
O/T but I hope people don’t mind me posting this.
It’s worrying that professional yob and rabble rouser “Tommy Robinson” is being treated as some kind of martyr, and being feted at the highest levels by the Trump administration.
Should you need any ammo to rebut such claims, here’s a handy summary of the real issues.
https://thesecretbarrister.com/2018/08/01/the-tommy-robinson-judgment-what-does-it-all-mean/
Thanks, WWTH.
There is in fact, a parasite-borne lymphatic disease called elephantiasis that can cause a sufferer’s penis to swell to the size of a human baby (or, Priapus help us, even larger): I’ll leave the Google Image search for “penile elephantiasis” to interested parties–suffice to say that Stacy is going to be the last thing these poor folks are worrying about.
(Unfortunately, given the disease’s demographics, the usual suspects may then rejoice at the removal of afflicted Tyrones from the mating pool.)
There is in fact, a parasite-borne lymphatic disease called elephantiasis that can cause a sufferer’s penis to swell to the size of a human baby (or, Priapus help us, even larger): I’ll leave the Google Image search for “penile elephantiasis” to interested parties–suffice to say that Stacy is going to be the last thing these poor folks are worrying about.
(Unfortunately, given the disease’s demographics, the usual suspects may then rejoice at the removal of afflicted Tyrones from the mating pool.)
@Lumipuna: My own observation is that yeast infection (1) smells remarkably like Swiss cheese.
(1) Which, incidentally, not only can be contracted nonvenereally but is capable of affecting all sorts of body parts; Dunlop Zones–belly done lopped over your groin, breasts done lopped over your belly, thighs done lopped over your genitals, and so forth–are particularly susceptible. Candida albicans is a busy little germ!
(And I see the comment-editing software seems to be off, which means that I’ve double-posted; sorry about that.)
@lumipuna & @weirwood
When my former wife (who is now my husband) and I were trying to get pregnant we were of course not using condoms. Said ‘fishy’ smell does exist, it just requires a combination of factors.
1. Not showering post sex because it’s super late and you’re both tired
2. It being summertime
&
3. The air conditioner breaking down so it’s hot as hell.
Basically the only time I’ve really noticed anything ‘fishy’ is post sex when it’s hot as hell and you’ve slept all night before getting up to shower.
That post sex musk combining with male crotch musk combining with sweat.
And even then it’s not really super “fishy” smelling, just very strong.
Honestly sweaty dick smells way worse. Like, I have flat out told dudes before that if they’re wanting blown they’d better hop in the shower for a few minutes first because we’ve been in a club all night and I know they’ve been sweating it up on the dance floor.
And for the trifecta of reproductive smells, certain guys cum smells like pool chlorine, it’s weird.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe what they think is a fish smell is actually just the pool water smelling jizz they just put in there, and now they’re blaming the girl for it (because as we all know, miggies all smell like fresh daisies and sunshine)
This TMI post has been brought to you by your friendly neighborhood bisexual enby.
@Alan:
Thanks for that. I’ve been seeing the case mentioned in the news but remained completely baffled as to what any of it was about.
@Surplus
Eventually, the event was classified as a “civil disturbance” and the police made everyone disperse. I guess I’m glad since the white nationalists did not really get to have their platform and nobody got hurt. It could have been a lot worse. Hopefully there won’t be any more incidents while these assholes are in town.
Oh yay, the old “having sex with lots of guys will make your vagina stink!!” It doesn’t surprise me they think this idea is original, although I’m pretty sure it was old when mammoths were still being hunted.
Pretty sure that the largest measured working human penis is still nowhere near the size of a full-term fetus…or even a two- or three-months-premature one. (I’m deliberately NOT counting victims of elephantiasis here, because their condition is both debilitating and embarrassing, and definitely not sexy.)
If ever there were a cautionary tale about why we need comprehensive sex-ed, migtoes are it. Because these guys are so ill-informed about even their own anatomy that the kids who compared willies and rumors behind the bike sheds are miles ahead of them.
@calmdown:
Except for the Antifascist counter-protesters who the PD in usual fashion shot with pellets, bean-bags, mace, tear gas & stun grenades, clubbed and arrested violently.
The PP-lads and their attendant militia were of course allowed to parade around, armed and armoured, and protected by police.
So absolutely nothing to worry about, oh no… /s
At least one counter protester was nearly killed by Portland PD, so no, it’s not true that no one got hurt.
CW: graphic photos of a head injury.
https://twitter.com/transform6789/status/1025952804123365376?s=19
@(A)utonomous Escapist
Yes, you’re right, and I didn’t mean to imply that there was nothing to worry about. I wasn’t there so I don’t know the extent of what happened other than what’s being reported today. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and people did get hurt. The white supremacists have declared their rally a victory as they usually do:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/portland-patriot-prayer-proud-boys-police-antifascists_us_5b668b7de4b0de86f4a22faf
So, speaking of Nazis, what’s this red X I keep seeing in people’s Twitter handles? It’s always right wing trolls I see with it. Is it meant to be a not swastika that kinda looks like one to maintain plausible deniability about being a Nazi? Or is it something else?
The red X, in theory, means you are a “victim of shadowbanning”, where “victim of shadowbanning” means your posts aren’t showing up as often as you’d like and you are eager to blame Twitter’s alliance with the Deep State for this. In practice, think of it like a Groyper avatar; it’s how nature says that nothing this person says will be of any value.