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New MGTOW theory: The more men a woman has slept with, the smellier her you-know-what gets!

This Rose doesn’t smell so sweet

By David Futrelle

Despite that whole “going their own way” thing, the mewling baby  collective known as Men Going Their Own Way have a surprisingly large number of opinions about vaginas, and more than a few theories about what happens to vaginas when they are exposed to what MGTOWs consider too many different penises.

According to MGTOW Vagina Theory, too many penises turn a woman’s labia into something that looks like thin-sliced roast beef, and can stretch out vaginas to such a degree that having sex with an especially sexually active woman is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, metaphorically speaking.

Those who dissent from these theories are quickly corrected, not with actual proof that any of this is true (it’s not), but with biting sarcasm.

Teflon0819 4 points 1 year ago So it does loosen when she has a baby but it doesn't loosen when she has dicks the size of babies run through her? So what you're telling me is that vaginas are sentient and can pick and choose what does and does not stretch them out? Fascinating.

QED!

(If any of you have seen one of these baby-sized penises, let me know.)

But MGTOW Vagina Theorists aren’t content to simply rest on their laurels. No, they continue to come up with new theories about vaginas on a regular basis.

Consider this MGTOW theory I encountered for the first time today: Too many penises make vaginas not just flappy and loose but smelly as well.

throwaway152038 6 points 9 months ago I never understood why somebody is aroused by the vaginal smell. eww. permalinkembedsavegive gold [–]turbo_pimp_hand 11 points 9 months ago Interestingly that is one of the surest signs she's a sloot. Girls with none or maybe 1-2 partners smell and taste of almost nothing...like slippery water. The more cocks they have up there, the worse the smell.

Asked for the source of this information, Mr. Pimp Hand explained that the theory was based on “just my own mouth and sense of smell,” adding that

I’m quite the man whore and I have pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like body language, general attitude and gut feeling.

So there you have it. Thanks, MGTOW subreddit! Science marches on!

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Mexican Hot Chocolate
Mexican Hot Chocolate
2 years ago

There are many factors that contribute to a woman’s smell and taste but the number of sex partners is not one of them.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m quite the man whore

comment image

Do they not realize that women, even ones that party do tend to bathe? How is dick smell going to stay in there permanently?

TMI alert:

IME, the time that vaginal odor is an issue has nothing to do with sex. There’s a day or two on the tail end of period time where things can get a bit funky. But, washing yourself a little more diligently than usual (with soap and water, not douche) takes care of it. If this guy is encountering smelly vaginas during sex, it probably just means the women he’s with think so little him that they don’t bother cleaning up properly before hooking up with him.

Thinwhiteduchess
Thinwhiteduchess
2 years ago

Dicks the size of babies
Oh lord.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Weird. My gif is not showing up for me. Trying a different one.

I’m quite the man whore

comment image

dustydeste
dustydeste
2 years ago

Do… do the miggies think that women give birth like kangaroos or something? HAVE THEY EVER IN THEIR LIVES SEEN A BABY????

msexceptiontotherule
msexceptiontotherule
2 years ago

Well that explains…nothing…

Which is pretty much the usual outcome for the MGTOW thoughts on vagina-having-persons.

LindsayIrene
2 years ago

So what explains manly ball musk, then?

Tovius
Tovius
2 years ago

Baby sized penises? Well, I see they know almost as much about male anatomy as they do about female anatomy.

LindsayIrene
2 years ago

If vaginas stayed stretched out, no one would be able to use tampons after giving birth. They would just fall out.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

This reminds me of the Lenny Bruce bit about a baby’s arm holding an apple, but not in a good way.

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

I’m pretty sure that there has never been a dick the size of a baby, unless there was something very wrong with both the dick and the baby which were compared with each other.

Although apparently according to MGTOWs, vaginas DO, in fact, magically know what’s passing through in order to know how stretched out to get. Because fucking one particular dick a hundred times doesn’t stretch out the vagina, but apparently fucking one hundred different dicks will. It’s one of the great mysteries of our universe.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy

I was already smiling at “mewling baby collective” (thanks, David!) and when I got to our first quoted miggie and his amazing sarcastic riposte, I just lost it.

That statement’s not even ignorant. That statement is like ignorance resin. Like, if you just take all of the stupid and just cook it down, and then scrape just the pure ignorance. Like crystal “duh.” It’s like crystal “duh.”

(Jon Stewart, quoted on Rational Wiki’s “Not even wrong” page)

Dear miggie, I’m sorry if this hurts, but your penis is never going to be anywhere near as large as a baby. Why do you think giving birth takes a while? What even are contractions for?
The word you need to understand here is elasticity. There are other words, too, like basic biology, and reading comprehension, but let’s start small, shall we?

Chris Oakley
Chris Oakley
2 years ago

This is insane even by MGTOW standards.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
2 years ago

MGTOW need sex ed. And a one way ticket to snake island.

Catalpa
Catalpa
2 years ago

@Chris Oakley

Please abide by the comments policy.

Dreamer
Dreamer
2 years ago

Ha ha ha ha! When I was a preteen, someone told me guy cum smelled like food related to ethnicity. I believed it. Elementary school. Grew out of believing “personal experience” weird gossip.

M K
M K
2 years ago

Do…do these men not think that, like…women and people with vaginas tend to wash those vaginas between sexytimes?

Even if we didn’t take into account the ways the human body tries to clean itself and flush out waste and stuff with oil production, etc…most women wash down there, guys.

If there’s a smell, it’s not promiscuity, it’s most likely either some kind of pH imbalance or it’s your own brain making shit up because you’re grossed out by vaginas.

Podkayne Lives
Podkayne Lives
2 years ago

Buddy, if you have a six-pound dick, you have my most sincere sympathy, and I hope there’s something they can do, like make it a little cart with wheels.

But wow. Just wow.

(This actually reminded me of a memoir I read, by a white American teaching in Japan. His Japanese friends want to get him hooked up with a Japanese woman, but are concerned lest he be ‘too big’, and it ‘not work’. Then one of them points out cheerfully that “Japanese girls have babies, so it’s probably fine.” The narrator starts to panic.)

Sofia van der Linde
Sofia van der Linde
2 years ago

STDs can make people’s genitals smell. Not washing themselves regularly can do the same.

Moreover, if getting in touch with too much different kinds of semen made a vaginal smell, would condoms not prevent this?

The US needs better sex ed so badly.

Kate
Kate
2 years ago

Vaginas are basically self-cleaning ovens. What is the science behind the fabled cock carousel causing a foul odor?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

So it does loosen when she has a baby but it doesn’t loosen when she has dicks the size of babies run through her?

So what you’re telling me is that vaginas are sentient and can pick and choose what does and does not stretch them out?

Fascinating.

Teflon0819, you’re not the nonstick coating you think you are. When you talk about “dicks the size of babies,” you’re speaking of penises that weigh 7.5 pounds and are 20 inches long. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here because this is the average weight and length of newborns in the USA. Guess what? Babies only get bigger.

https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/te6295

You speak of a woman that has “dicks . . . run through her.” Violent imagery much? FYI, the penis does not “run through” a vagina, unless of course its owner is using it to try to kill a woman. And if he’s doing that, he’s going to hurt himself very badly. The penis and balls are — as you well know — extremely delicate and must be handled with great care.

You further cover yourself in glory by implying that anyone who disagrees with you is saying that vaginas can think and choose. No one but you is saying that.

You end by quoting Mr. Spock. There is absolutely no evidence that Mr. Spock hates women, so your quote is highly inappropriate.

Teflon0819, your words stick to you. You’re the guy so blinded by hatred and jealousy of women that you propound arguments that are equal parts malicious and absurd.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
2 years ago

Asked for the source of this information, Mr. Pimp Hand explained that the theory was based on “just my own mouth and sense of smell,” adding that

I’m quite the man whore and I have a pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like body language, general attitude and gut feeling.

I have a pretty refined ability to distinguish between bullshit and reality. My gut feeling tells me that Mr. Pimp Hand (snicker, snorfle) has no effin’ idea what he’s talking about.

ellesar
ellesar
2 years ago

I see that the spurious link between supposed promiscuity and lack of personal hygiene is still knocking around in the younger generation.

SEX ISN’T DIRTY FELLAS!

Uly
Uly
2 years ago

…listen, guys. If your penis is literally the size of a baby, even a very small preemie baby, go to the doctor. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and definitely do not go on the internet talking about sex.

TB Tabby
TB Tabby
2 years ago

It’d be easy to put this claim to the test. Get a bunch of female virgins, have some of them have sex with varying numbers of men while some remain virgins. Then put them behind a wall with hoses leading to their vaginas to allow for smelling. Get a bunch of MGTOWs to smell each vagina and estimate how many men each woman has had sex with. The results will show how accurate this “vagine smell = number of sexual partners” claim is.

Passagère clandestine
Passagère clandestine
2 years ago

Because fucking one particular dick a hundred times doesn’t stretch out the vagina, but apparently fucking one hundred different dicks will.

By the same token, Mr. Pimp Hand Man Whore’s thing should be the approximate lenght of a lasso; which must be handy to catch the cohort of “good girls” and ‘party ho” he professes to have slept with.

Teabug
Teabug
2 years ago

Aaand an unholy union between ignorance and hatred produces another bastard. This one’s called MGTOW.
(I never was much for these trendy Hollywood baby names.) Worrisome, yes, but at least those two have an understanding of basic science.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
2 years ago

I have pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like…gut feeling.

1. Gut feeling is not a “behavioural marker”. It’s you making shit up about total strangers from afar.

2. Gut feeling is in no way scientific or logical. It does not make you special. It does not make you an expert.

3. You are not some sort of mystical vagina medium. You’re an 11 year old talking big in front of his friends, trying to wow them with carnal knowledge you don’t possess.

4. MGTOWs love to pass ridiculous bullshit moral judgments about women based on nothing more than what they look like and how closely they happen to conform to their private idea of a pure virgin. In the next breath they’ll be complaining about “shallow women” who “rush to judgment” and “don’t give nice guys a chance”.

5. Dear MGTOWs: may I suggest carrying around an unwashed jockstrap to breathe into, in the unlikely event that you find yourself in the vicinity of a vagina and feel yourself overcome by the vapours due to its noxious fumes. Better yet, wear it around your face to ward off miasmas, like the beaked masks that medieval plague doctors used to wear. It’s 100% effective.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago
Aunt Podger, Ketchup-Spewing Feminester
Aunt Podger, Ketchup-Spewing Feminester
2 years ago

Today I Learned: the number of sex partners I have had increases or decreases with my diet, how long it’s been since I’ve bathed or showered and whether I used Epsom salts in the bath, and my place in my menstrual cycle. Either that or, shockingly, a person who rejoices in the nom de guerre of turbo_pimp_hand might not give the most reliable sex advice. But which could it be? How ever shall I choose between the two equally valid-looking hypotheses?

Dalaila
2 years ago

I bet “behavioral markers” include tattoos, piercings, & dyed hair *rolls eyes* I had all 3 at age 18, at which point I’d slept with… 2 guys. But it’s toootally scientific to guess the sexual histories of women, & then never actually ask them about it to find out if you’re right. So of *course* he has a perfect score, & has never been wrong 9_9

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Tovius | August 3, 2018 at 7:10 pm
Baby sized penises? Well, I see they know almost as much about male anatomy as they do about female anatomy.

Right??? Every single one of their “theories” tears down dudes just as much as they attempt to tear down women.

And they clearly don’t know anything about how babies look, or how vaginas work.

Even if a “baby sized penis” were to enter into a vagina, it would fucking hurt because that’s way too fucking big to enter into without going through labor to dilate the vaginal opening. Like, there’s not enough lube in the world to make that less painful.

There’s a reason why baby-birthing takes HOURS, and not minutes. The baby doesn’t just plop outta the womb.

Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
Weird (and tired of trumplings) Eddie
2 years ago

@ Buttercup:

Gut feeling is in no way scientific or logical

Carl Sagan was asked what his “gut feeling” regarding a scientific problem, whereupon he replied: “I try not to think with my gut.”

re: miggy-toes and their conjectures…

This is stupidity on steroids.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

I once heard the claim that the stereotype about “fishy” smell in vulva/vagina originated from the odour of decaying semen after unprotected intercourse. Does this sound plausible to anyone here? Supposing that a few generations ago people didn’t wash themselves nearly as much as we do now?

I know various vaginal infections can cause a “fishy” or otherwise unpleasant smell. I’d imagine a plain unwashed crotch/vulva gives mostly an impression of stale sweat.

(Note: I lack firsthand experience in any of this. This is just my personal curiosity, and I understand if people here would rather not weigh in.)

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Pretty sure the fishy smell is just from certain infections. I’ve never noticed one on me anyway. And you’re right that in need of a shower vag just smells like standard body odor. Period smell is more beefy than fishy. Cervical mucus is odorless. I’ve never noticed a smell after sex, but I’ve always used condoms so, idk about that one. I don’t see how semen would make a vagina smell fishy though. I mean, to my knowledge, semen isn’t fishy. Not that I’ve ever noticed.

I really have no idea where the vagina = fishy myth comes from.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

O/T but I hope people don’t mind me posting this.

It’s worrying that professional yob and rabble rouser “Tommy Robinson” is being treated as some kind of martyr, and being feted at the highest levels by the Trump administration.

Should you need any ammo to rebut such claims, here’s a handy summary of the real issues.

https://thesecretbarrister.com/2018/08/01/the-tommy-robinson-judgment-what-does-it-all-mean/

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

Thanks, WWTH.

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

There is in fact, a parasite-borne lymphatic disease called elephantiasis that can cause a sufferer’s penis to swell to the size of a human baby (or, Priapus help us, even larger): I’ll leave the Google Image search for “penile elephantiasis” to interested parties–suffice to say that Stacy is going to be the last thing these poor folks are worrying about.

(Unfortunately, given the disease’s demographics, the usual suspects may then rejoice at the removal of afflicted Tyrones from the mating pool.)

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

There is in fact, a parasite-borne lymphatic disease called elephantiasis that can cause a sufferer’s penis to swell to the size of a human baby (or, Priapus help us, even larger): I’ll leave the Google Image search for “penile elephantiasis” to interested parties–suffice to say that Stacy is going to be the last thing these poor folks are worrying about.

(Unfortunately, given the disease’s demographics, the usual suspects may then rejoice at the removal of afflicted Tyrones from the mating pool.)

@Lumipuna: My own observation is that yeast infection (1) smells remarkably like Swiss cheese.

(1) Which, incidentally, not only can be contracted nonvenereally but is capable of affecting all sorts of body parts; Dunlop Zones–belly done lopped over your groin, breasts done lopped over your belly, thighs done lopped over your genitals, and so forth–are particularly susceptible. Candida albicans is a busy little germ!

Full Metal Ox
2 years ago

(And I see the comment-editing software seems to be off, which means that I’ve double-posted; sorry about that.)

Alexis Filth
Alexis Filth
2 years ago

@lumipuna & @weirwood
When my former wife (who is now my husband) and I were trying to get pregnant we were of course not using condoms. Said ‘fishy’ smell does exist, it just requires a combination of factors.

1. Not showering post sex because it’s super late and you’re both tired
2. It being summertime
&
3. The air conditioner breaking down so it’s hot as hell.

Basically the only time I’ve really noticed anything ‘fishy’ is post sex when it’s hot as hell and you’ve slept all night before getting up to shower.

That post sex musk combining with male crotch musk combining with sweat.
And even then it’s not really super “fishy” smelling, just very strong.

Honestly sweaty dick smells way worse. Like, I have flat out told dudes before that if they’re wanting blown they’d better hop in the shower for a few minutes first because we’ve been in a club all night and I know they’ve been sweating it up on the dance floor.

And for the trifecta of reproductive smells, certain guys cum smells like pool chlorine, it’s weird.
Maybe that’s it. Maybe what they think is a fish smell is actually just the pool water smelling jizz they just put in there, and now they’re blaming the girl for it (because as we all know, miggies all smell like fresh daisies and sunshine)

This TMI post has been brought to you by your friendly neighborhood bisexual enby.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Alan:

Thanks for that. I’ve been seeing the case mentioned in the news but remained completely baffled as to what any of it was about.

calmdown
calmdown
2 years ago

@Surplus

The PNW had better brace itself for Nazi violence this weekend

Eventually, the event was classified as a “civil disturbance” and the police made everyone disperse. I guess I’m glad since the white nationalists did not really get to have their platform and nobody got hurt. It could have been a lot worse. Hopefully there won’t be any more incidents while these assholes are in town.

Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
Yutolia the Green Hash Thing
2 years ago

Oh yay, the old “having sex with lots of guys will make your vagina stink!!” It doesn’t surprise me they think this idea is original, although I’m pretty sure it was old when mammoths were still being hunted.

Bina
2 years ago

Pretty sure that the largest measured working human penis is still nowhere near the size of a full-term fetus…or even a two- or three-months-premature one. (I’m deliberately NOT counting victims of elephantiasis here, because their condition is both debilitating and embarrassing, and definitely not sexy.)

If ever there were a cautionary tale about why we need comprehensive sex-ed, migtoes are it. Because these guys are so ill-informed about even their own anatomy that the kids who compared willies and rumors behind the bike sheds are miles ahead of them.

(A)utonomous Escapist
(A)utonomous Escapist
2 years ago

@calmdown:

Except for the Antifascist counter-protesters who the PD in usual fashion shot with pellets, bean-bags, mace, tear gas & stun grenades, clubbed and arrested violently.

The PP-lads and their attendant militia were of course allowed to parade around, armed and armoured, and protected by police.

So absolutely nothing to worry about, oh no… /s

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

At least one counter protester was nearly killed by Portland PD, so no, it’s not true that no one got hurt.

CW: graphic photos of a head injury.

https://twitter.com/transform6789/status/1025952804123365376?s=19

calmdown
calmdown
2 years ago

@(A)utonomous Escapist

Yes, you’re right, and I didn’t mean to imply that there was nothing to worry about. I wasn’t there so I don’t know the extent of what happened other than what’s being reported today. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and people did get hurt. The white supremacists have declared their rally a victory as they usually do:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/portland-patriot-prayer-proud-boys-police-antifascists_us_5b668b7de4b0de86f4a22faf

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

So, speaking of Nazis, what’s this red X I keep seeing in people’s Twitter handles? It’s always right wing trolls I see with it. Is it meant to be a not swastika that kinda looks like one to maintain plausible deniability about being a Nazi? Or is it something else?

Cheerful Warthog
Cheerful Warthog
2 years ago

The red X, in theory, means you are a “victim of shadowbanning”, where “victim of shadowbanning” means your posts aren’t showing up as often as you’d like and you are eager to blame Twitter’s alliance with the Deep State for this. In practice, think of it like a Groyper avatar; it’s how nature says that nothing this person says will be of any value.