By David Futrelle
Despite that whole “going their own way” thing, the mewling baby collective known as Men Going Their Own Way have a surprisingly large number of opinions about vaginas, and more than a few theories about what happens to vaginas when they are exposed to what MGTOWs consider too many different penises.
According to MGTOW Vagina Theory, too many penises turn a woman’s labia into something that looks like thin-sliced roast beef, and can stretch out vaginas to such a degree that having sex with an especially sexually active woman is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, metaphorically speaking.
Those who dissent from these theories are quickly corrected, not with actual proof that any of this is true (it’s not), but with biting sarcasm.
QED!
(If any of you have seen one of these baby-sized penises, let me know.)
But MGTOW Vagina Theorists aren’t content to simply rest on their laurels. No, they continue to come up with new theories about vaginas on a regular basis.
Consider this MGTOW theory I encountered for the first time today: Too many penises make vaginas not just flappy and loose but smelly as well.
![throwaway152038 6 points 9 months ago I never understood why somebody is aroused by the vaginal smell. eww. permalinkembedsavegive gold [–]turbo_pimp_hand 11 points 9 months ago Interestingly that is one of the surest signs she's a sloot. Girls with none or maybe 1-2 partners smell and taste of almost nothing...like slippery water. The more cocks they have up there, the worse the smell.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cy6r7tuv8yiubo.png?resize=556%2C528&ssl=1)
Asked for the source of this information, Mr. Pimp Hand explained that the theory was based on “just my own mouth and sense of smell,” adding that
I’m quite the man whore and I have pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like body language, general attitude and gut feeling.
So there you have it. Thanks, MGTOW subreddit! Science marches on!
There are many factors that contribute to a woman’s smell and taste but the number of sex partners is not one of them.
Do they not realize that women, even ones that party do tend to bathe? How is dick smell going to stay in there permanently?
TMI alert:
IME, the time that vaginal odor is an issue has nothing to do with sex. There’s a day or two on the tail end of period time where things can get a bit funky. But, washing yourself a little more diligently than usual (with soap and water, not douche) takes care of it. If this guy is encountering smelly vaginas during sex, it probably just means the women he’s with think so little him that they don’t bother cleaning up properly before hooking up with him.
Dicks the size of babies
Oh lord.
Weird. My gif is not showing up for me. Trying a different one.
Do… do the miggies think that women give birth like kangaroos or something? HAVE THEY EVER IN THEIR LIVES SEEN A BABY????
Well that explains…nothing…
Which is pretty much the usual outcome for the MGTOW thoughts on vagina-having-persons.
So what explains manly ball musk, then?
Baby sized penises? Well, I see they know almost as much about male anatomy as they do about female anatomy.
If vaginas stayed stretched out, no one would be able to use tampons after giving birth. They would just fall out.
This reminds me of the Lenny Bruce bit about a baby’s arm holding an apple, but not in a good way.
I’m pretty sure that there has never been a dick the size of a baby, unless there was something very wrong with both the dick and the baby which were compared with each other.
Although apparently according to MGTOWs, vaginas DO, in fact, magically know what’s passing through in order to know how stretched out to get. Because fucking one particular dick a hundred times doesn’t stretch out the vagina, but apparently fucking one hundred different dicks will. It’s one of the great mysteries of our universe.
I was already smiling at “mewling baby collective” (thanks, David!) and when I got to our first quoted miggie and his amazing sarcastic riposte, I just lost it.
(Jon Stewart, quoted on Rational Wiki’s “Not even wrong” page)
Dear miggie, I’m sorry if this hurts, but your penis is never going to be anywhere near as large as a baby. Why do you think giving birth takes a while? What even are contractions for?
The word you need to understand here is elasticity. There are other words, too, like basic biology, and reading comprehension, but let’s start small, shall we?
This is insane even by MGTOW standards.
MGTOW need sex ed. And a one way ticket to snake island.
@Chris Oakley
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Ha ha ha ha! When I was a preteen, someone told me guy cum smelled like food related to ethnicity. I believed it. Elementary school. Grew out of believing “personal experience” weird gossip.
Do…do these men not think that, like…women and people with vaginas tend to wash those vaginas between sexytimes?
Even if we didn’t take into account the ways the human body tries to clean itself and flush out waste and stuff with oil production, etc…most women wash down there, guys.
If there’s a smell, it’s not promiscuity, it’s most likely either some kind of pH imbalance or it’s your own brain making shit up because you’re grossed out by vaginas.
Buddy, if you have a six-pound dick, you have my most sincere sympathy, and I hope there’s something they can do, like make it a little cart with wheels.
But wow. Just wow.
(This actually reminded me of a memoir I read, by a white American teaching in Japan. His Japanese friends want to get him hooked up with a Japanese woman, but are concerned lest he be ‘too big’, and it ‘not work’. Then one of them points out cheerfully that “Japanese girls have babies, so it’s probably fine.” The narrator starts to panic.)
STDs can make people’s genitals smell. Not washing themselves regularly can do the same.
Moreover, if getting in touch with too much different kinds of semen made a vaginal smell, would condoms not prevent this?
The US needs better sex ed so badly.
Vaginas are basically self-cleaning ovens. What is the science behind the fabled cock carousel causing a foul odor?
Teflon0819, you’re not the nonstick coating you think you are. When you talk about “dicks the size of babies,” you’re speaking of penises that weigh 7.5 pounds and are 20 inches long. I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt here because this is the average weight and length of newborns in the USA. Guess what? Babies only get bigger.
https://www.uofmhealth.org/health-library/te6295
You speak of a woman that has “dicks . . . run through her.” Violent imagery much? FYI, the penis does not “run through” a vagina, unless of course its owner is using it to try to kill a woman. And if he’s doing that, he’s going to hurt himself very badly. The penis and balls are — as you well know — extremely delicate and must be handled with great care.
You further cover yourself in glory by implying that anyone who disagrees with you is saying that vaginas can think and choose. No one but you is saying that.
You end by quoting Mr. Spock. There is absolutely no evidence that Mr. Spock hates women, so your quote is highly inappropriate.
Teflon0819, your words stick to you. You’re the guy so blinded by hatred and jealousy of women that you propound arguments that are equal parts malicious and absurd.
I have a pretty refined ability to distinguish between bullshit and reality. My gut feeling tells me that Mr. Pimp Hand (snicker, snorfle) has no effin’ idea what he’s talking about.
I see that the spurious link between supposed promiscuity and lack of personal hygiene is still knocking around in the younger generation.
SEX ISN’T DIRTY FELLAS!
…listen, guys. If your penis is literally the size of a baby, even a very small preemie baby, go to the doctor. Do not pass go, do not collect $200, and definitely do not go on the internet talking about sex.
It’d be easy to put this claim to the test. Get a bunch of female virgins, have some of them have sex with varying numbers of men while some remain virgins. Then put them behind a wall with hoses leading to their vaginas to allow for smelling. Get a bunch of MGTOWs to smell each vagina and estimate how many men each woman has had sex with. The results will show how accurate this “vagine smell = number of sexual partners” claim is.