By David Futrelle
Despite that whole “going their own way” thing, the mewling baby collective known as Men Going Their Own Way have a surprisingly large number of opinions about vaginas, and more than a few theories about what happens to vaginas when they are exposed to what MGTOWs consider too many different penises.
According to MGTOW Vagina Theory, too many penises turn a woman’s labia into something that looks like thin-sliced roast beef, and can stretch out vaginas to such a degree that having sex with an especially sexually active woman is like throwing a hotdog down a hallway, metaphorically speaking.
Those who dissent from these theories are quickly corrected, not with actual proof that any of this is true (it’s not), but with biting sarcasm.
QED!
(If any of you have seen one of these baby-sized penises, let me know.)
But MGTOW Vagina Theorists aren’t content to simply rest on their laurels. No, they continue to come up with new theories about vaginas on a regular basis.
Consider this MGTOW theory I encountered for the first time today: Too many penises make vaginas not just flappy and loose but smelly as well.
![throwaway152038 6 points 9 months ago I never understood why somebody is aroused by the vaginal smell. eww. permalinkembedsavegive gold [–]turbo_pimp_hand 11 points 9 months ago Interestingly that is one of the surest signs she's a sloot. Girls with none or maybe 1-2 partners smell and taste of almost nothing...like slippery water. The more cocks they have up there, the worse the smell.](https://i0.wp.com/www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/08/cy6r7tuv8yiubo.png?resize=556%2C528&ssl=1)
Asked for the source of this information, Mr. Pimp Hand explained that the theory was based on “just my own mouth and sense of smell,” adding that
I’m quite the man whore and I have pretty refined ability to distinguish between a “good girl” and “party ho” (lots of different dicks) using various behavioural markers like body language, general attitude and gut feeling.
So there you have it. Thanks, MGTOW subreddit! Science marches on!
@kupo: Yeah, I was about to post that too.
@calmdown: Sorry if I came off too strongly. I wasn’t there, I live in Europe, but as an active antifascist for more than a decade, I am a bit triggerhappy with what I too often see as attempts at brushing off the police and their violent siding with the racists, fascists and nazis, not just in an american context, but as a theme across all the areas where this crops up.
Nothing personal.
Like Cheerful Warthog said, yep. People are also doing it as a show of support for those allegedly shadowbanned. Because as we all know, right wing voices are routinely silenced ?
Speaking of people claiming censorship, New Zealand’s response to Southern and Molyneux was glorious to behold. Especially when the Prime Minister condemned them at a press conference while holding her brand new baby daughter!
In other words, it is basically a swastika.
@with
Fair call ?
@Warthog:
“Groyper”?
@Surplus to Requirements:
You know how the right-wing jerkathons used Pepe as their symbol, and then the artist who drew Pepe said “you assholes have to stop this and I am wholly willing to deploy the full power of the law to ensure that you do”? Well, someone decided that if he drew Pepe slightly fatter and more irritating-looking and claim that this was an entirely new frog labeled “Groyper”, because anything these people get behind should sound like sexual assault that makes it much cooler, then that would solve everything. And thusly were the neofascists of Twitter saved from having to go a day without a racist frog emblem.
I mean, I suppose it’s the “we’ll sing what we want” thing about being as racist as you can possibly be and SHOWING THEM when they try to stop you, but apart from that, I can’t fathom being in a position where “I don’t have a racist frog” is a grand and hurtful thing. “I will take any racist frog.”
All theses penises, they do realise they aren’t still up there right? Bitten off by the vaginal dentante like over cooked hot dogs?
That be where the smells a coming from matey!!
Meanwhile, all the actual frogs out there are probably wondering what they ever did to be associated with these asshats…
Sex Ed was one of the many classes MIGTOWS deliberately missed in school, I see.
Unclear writing here. Whose “gut feeling,” hers or his? It makes the most sense that it’d be his, but the other two “behavioural markers” seem to be hers.
Plus, there’s the obvious double standard when it comes to having sex.
…TMI for vagina stuff, but I find the normal discharge does have a smell, though it (subjectively) smells good rather than not. Now, I don’t like the smell of period blood (at least mine) (and, again, subjective – some people are into that) but it’s not a particularly strong smell.
…Now I’m reminded of the Lana Del Rey song with the line “My pussy tastes like Pepsi-Cola” – why the branding, why not just “Pepsi,” and why so specific? I don’t know, but it amused me. I am easily amused. 😀
It cracks me up when dudes brag about a woman they’re with being wet. Because those dudes are always attributing it to their big time sex skills. All I’m thinking is “she’s probably either ovulating or about to and has lots of cervical mucus flowing. Hope you put on a glove on it if you don’t want to be a dad!”
Menses can smell rather strongly sometimes. And discharge can have different smells based on a lot of factors.
And this is why I keep harping on the sex ed curriculum in Ontario. It’s bad enough that the LGBT community has been ignored, but seriously, these people don’t know how women’s bodies work!
And I read my fair share of dirty stories and you can tell which of the authors are penis-havers because they always involve huge dicks battering the cervix. That shit hurts from what I gather from cervix-owners.
So did any of them recommend Lysol douches? That’s another gem from yesteryear. Maybe they should just pour the Lysol over themselves, though, seeing as they’re douches.
@Kat
I really want to believe that your response to Teflon0819 is completely tongue in cheek and that you didn’t just completely misinterpret what was actually an entirely MGTOW-mocking comment.