By David Futrelle
Ladies! If you hear an eerie voice coming from your attic, moaning endlessly about “looksmatches” and the evils of “femoids” it might just be the ghost of an incel who’s still mad that you called him a creep for relentlessly staring at your boobs in history class.
Here’s a dude on the Incels.me forum explaining to his fellow incels how they can keep creeping women out even after they’re dead:
This guy could be a troll — his entire career on Incels.me only lasted a day — but hey, his theory makes more sense than most of the crap posted on that site in all seriousness.
That’s supposed to be comforting? “Don’t worry, when you die, you can go haunt young women, and they’ll ignore you just as much as they did when you were alive” doesn’t sound very comforting.
Not that these guys deserve comfort, but still…
John Constantine: (Epic eyeroll, sarcastic Liverpudlian comment)
Seems like a weird sort of ‘Kicked The Bucket’ list.
Wasn’t that basically just a recap of the plot of Ghostbusters III?
Well, from the look she’s giving his wrists she’s clearly unimpressed.
I can’t help thinking how much more peaceful it would be if all the incels (and mgtows and mras and associated assorted oxygen-thieves) decided that ghosting was the way to go …
The idea of an 18 year old incel really compounds the absurdity of the concept. Plenty of people don’t start dating and/or havimg sex until after age 18. It isn’t unusual for 18 year olds to be celibate. Then again, I guess the whole concept of the incel is to take normal experiences dry spells or difficulty connecting with people and apply several layers of resentment, entitlement, and toxicity.
It can be hard to tell the difference between spirituality and gullibility a lot of the time.
Stalking, haunting: same skill set.
So even after death an incel can make sure that someone — a female someone — pays the price for his own shortcomings.
If this guy is serious, and his plan “works”, I hereby offer my services as an exorcist.
I also foresee a run on black candles, conveniently pre-inscribed with “Fuck Off, Incel Ghost”.
When I die, I’m going to haunt incels. But I’m going to just hang around them without giving them ghost on human sex. It’ll be the ultimate friendzoning. I’ll live in the homes they pay for, not pay rent, because ghosts can’t get jobs and don’t qualify for unemployment, and then refuse to be their dead girlfriend. I might even interfere with their electronics so they can’t post on incel sites!
I Googled “feminist ghost” and sadly, most of what came up was rants about the Ghostbusters reboot, but I did find this
Kinda cute.
This was one of things that came up when I Googled “incel ghost”
Fitting.
coincidentally, I recently joined a local paranormal investigation club*. you here will be the first to know if unseen prescences start doing me unsolicited favors and trying to leverage it into a sense of obligation to repay.
* I don’t believe in the paranormal, but they visit interesting local historical sites and running around an off-season haunted hotel with a bunch of gear in the middle of the night just sounds fun I dunno.
You can’t fool me, David; that header image is clearly dasharez0ne’s ADMIN, caught mid-apology.
Not a very responsible use of the afterlife.
This guy doesn’t know about Incubii.
The Afterlife, first Incel thread there: Mogged by Incubii. Repeated on Afterlife PUA forums: Mogged by Incubii? How to hold frame.
MRAs: The Incubii have too many rights, what about Ghost Rights!? Alimony! Child support! Why should I support an Incubii baby!? Satan favors the females!
Satan IS female!
We knew this all along!
I studied The Ancient Mythos (and various stuff on the internet) for THIS? Where are my Ghost Virgins!?
YOU PEOPLE! Backed out on the deal! For starters we need to address this Incubii issue. I was told that this would be MY Afterlife!!!
@Surplus to Requirements:
Speakingof Ghostbusters: is it just me, or is this very much the sort of plan that Rowan from Ghostbusters 2016 would’ve come up with?
@Z&T: You realize that the afterlife is also going to contain victims of incel violence…
Just as I always suspected: you can take it with you, if “it” is a grudge.
Yeah wtf man. I and many others (I heard about %50 of people are sexually active by that age) hadn’t had sex at 18 and did not fantasize about haunting people, or any of horrible things that incels fantasize about. I mean geez at least wait for one year of young adulthood when a huge percentage of people will have their first sexual encounter. I guess it’s never too early to be resentful and petty.
you mean “ghost chads?” I guess the poor incels get friendzoned even in the afterlife.
Even as ghosts, they’re getting ghosted.
If he happens by, I’ll make sure to fart in his general direction.
If there is an afterlife, which I seriously doubt, I’d be more invested in meeting with people I love who passed on and cheering up abandoned pets. I’d be a lousy ghost – no intention of revenge, hatred, or haunting.
…. Who knows, I’ve recently read about a woman claiming she had sex with over 20 ghosts. Maybe he’ll get laid when he’s no longer visible….
Nah.
You do this, and you know who we’re going to call.
Absolutely – my 2 tall handsome sons are a prime example. There are all sorts of reasons why this happens, and none of the incels pathetic whinings have been relevant to either of my sons’ experience.
Excellent Kevin!
“You’ll be sorry when I’m dead” howls ‘trucel’ at people who don’t know he’s alive.
Ya know, my dad threatened my mum once that he would haunt her.
As in:
‘If you turn out like your mother and grandmother and treat our daughter like that, I’ll come back and haunt you!’
Considering genetics my mum and I will probably reach 100+…
I saw the rebooted Ghostbusters a while ago. I thought it was okay but not very good. I had expected it to be either shit or awesome because of all the ado…
@Marshmallow Stacy: I think you mean “don’t care he’s alive.”
Then again, I’m trying real hard not to post a certain S*P panel here.
Damn, that is kinda like Rowan from Ghostbusters 2016. I actually thought he was the weakest part of the film, which overall I thought was a blast because it reminded me a lot more of The Real Ghostbusters (which I identified with far more than the original film) in terms of tone, particularly with the over-eager Yates and fun-loving Holtzmann contrasted with the “what have I gotten myself into” Gilbert. But Leslie Jones’ Patty had all the best moments, like entering the room full of mannequins and saying “Yup, room fulla nightmares in there…” or when the ghost is perched on her shoulders like a bird and she’s trying not to disturb it.
That does bring something to mind: ghost stories always do have ghosts that have either been wronged in some way or have unfinished business on earth… something dramatic to explain their presence. I’d actually find it a fascinating inversion if the ghosts had mundane reasons for existing or they were just really boring.
Casper he will be not.
On the other hand, he’ll have trouble when he runs into the ladies from the new “Ghostbusters” movie….
Here are some ancient spells for banishing an incel ghost:
1. Queue up a “Sex and the City” marathon.
2. Nail a lipstick to the door.
3. Look into a mirror and say “Bloody Chad” three times to summon an Alpha Ghost with a higher ectoplasm-to-chain ratio.
4. Surround the premises with a protective moat of divorce papers and government checks.
5. Livestream yourself drunkenly duckfacing at bars. The ghost will weaken and fade as the social validation piles up. At 666 “likes” precisely, have a friend posing as a betabux kneel and present you with a ring while you chant “Vade retro involuntarium caelibe perpetitur!” The ghost will vanish forever.
6. Live a rich, meaningful life filled with people who love you for who you are, and the freedom to do whatever the hell you want with your hair, makeup, clothing, and body. Let your living space reverberate with laughter and happiness. No incel can withstand that for very long, dead or alive.
This thread is making me laugh. 😀
@Katamount –
This reminds me a little of the ghost in Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, although a lot of wacky things happen, so I don’t know if the “really boring” part is apropos.
I remember the concept of ghosts was a let-down for me. When I was around 5-9, I thought they were meant to be otherworldy spirits. When I found out that, nope, they’re supposed to be the souls of dead people, I thought, “That’s not very scary!”
When I was older I thought more about it. I guess the idea in a lot of horror is things not being how you expect, or the usual order of the universe being reversed. Death can be scary, sure, but dead people not staying dead can be scarier.
I guess the potential scariness level of incel ghosts depends on their powers. If they’re like the ghost in Dirk Gently and can barely pick up a phone, well… But if they’re more powerful, then we can resort to Buttercup Q. Skullpants’ ghost-banishing steps. 😀
Zaunfink:
She’s going to look pretty stupid when Mystery Inc prove it was Old Man Jenkins all along.
About 25 years ago, I found out that a guy I had a crush on in Jr. High had died in an avalanche while camping. It made me kinda sad, but I didn’t think about him again until I started having dreams about him 5 years ago. In these dreams, we always had amazing sex. This continued for a few years and then abruptly stopped.
I mean, it probably was just some seemingly unrelated thing that jogged my subconscious, but I’ve always wondered… My mom visited my dreams a lot after she died. My dad? Zilch.
My Pagan Husbeast says I have dream powers because if I get to know people’s pets/animals, and I have a dream where that animal is white, it’s either already dead or soon will be. I’m 4 for 4 on this; a horse, a dog and two cats. It never fails to freak me out.
It’s surreal to see everyone be so shocked about the events at the treason summit today.
People were expecting something else?
I just wish all these people who are so shocked and who are finally noticing that Trump is clearly Putin’s puppet would apologize for calling those of us who noticed the collusion two years ago hysterical or conspiracy nuts or whatever.
@WWTH I’m pretty sure *Clinton* said something to that effect during one of the debates. But, oh no: ‘I’m shocked! Shocked, I tell you!”
@WWTH
I was only mildly shocked, mostly disgusted, and then I heard the little old lady who called C-SPAN to thank Russia for interfering.
I’m still calming down from that. It’s going to take a while.
This is kind of like a sinister variant on the 1990 (?) movie “Ghost”, which I didn’t particularly like.
Yours truly is a “femoid” who was still a virgin when she was 18.
This is why the people who clutch their pearls and whine about civility when we call Trumpkins fascists can go eat a salad of Legos covered in spoiled ranch dressing. They actually are fascists. They don’t like democracy because if we had an actual democracy, Hillary Clinton would be president, the House would be controlled by Democrats and Merrick Garland would be on the supreme court instead of Neil Gorsuch. With the population becoming less white and millenials being generally more socially liberal than baby boomers, democracy and white supremacy can no longer co-exist in this country. A good third of the country very clearly prioritizes the white supremacy over democracy. How the fuck can we possibly sway these people in a civil way. Why the fuck would we want to respectfully disagree with them?
OT
This incident, in which a group of girls attempted to integrate a movie theater in Georgia, was almost completely lost to history. Now there’s a short-short video:
Remember the Leesburg Stockade Girls
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCr9XuaE9SQ&w=642&h=365%5D
https://jezebel.com/
I just read the news about the Trump-Putin bromance.
WTF.
I may be a terrible person but I can’t stop laughing. I hope my laughter — or some incel! — doesn’t come back to haunt me.
Totally let loose to my Congresscritters on Resistbot about this whole debacle. Not much I can do except voice my extreme displeasure that this continues to be tolerated by the legislative branch.
The Senators are Democrats. The Representative… well. Let’s just say I’m hoping that a sea change comes in November.
Oh, my. Better stock up on white sage.
I actually just thought of another amusing ghost-related bit… I know John Kricfalusi is a monstrous human being, but I did watch Ren and Stimpy as a kid and they had one episode that always made me laugh, which is where Ren and Stimpy come across a haunted house and decide to stay the night, but the ghost that keeps trying to scare them gets foiled by the pair’s obliviousness and absurd hijinks.
Like he has doors slammed in his face, gets used as a slice of bread, gets used as a towel, the fake bloody head he places gets taken away by the “Bloody Head Fairy” and even his masked chainsaw attack is construed as Halloween trick or treating. The ending was bizarre though….
Joke’s on you, my dude. I know how to use salt to keep ghosties out of my house.
“…the personality of ghosts reflects their experiences in life…”
So, basically, they create their own hell now by remaining miserable a-holes for all eternity.
I can live with that. Had they any smarts however they might turn back now while there’s still time.
Honestly, if I get to be a ghost, I just want to get into movies and stuff for free. 😉
I feel an urge to attach a Ouija board to my front door with the planchette permanently glued in position and pointing to “go away.”