By David Futrelle
So who’s more toxic: A dude who spends every lunch hour staring at women passing on the street like a hungry lion eyeing a wounded gazelle, or any of these women who take a moment to tell him to “stop staring at me, you creep!”
If we follow the logic set out by Intellectual Dark Webber Heather E. Heying in her recent piece on “toxic femininity” in Quillette, it would be the women. At least if they’re wearing makeup — because makeup “invites” male attention and it’s wrong for women to chastise men who give women the lustful gazes that they’re (supposedly) signaling they crave.
Heying, a former evolutionary biology professor at Evergreen State College, declares that it’s an “ancient truth” that
[s]traight men will look at beautiful women, especially if those women are a) young and hot and b) actively displaying. Display invites attention.
Apparently, any time a young hottie puts on flattering clothes and a bit of makeup, she’s basically advertising that she’s open for business, sex-wise, much like a female mandrill presenting her swollen red ass to the nearest monkey Chad.
“Hotness-amplifying femininity puts on a full display, advertising fertility and urgent sexuality,” Heying proclaims, writing about human females in much the same way, I imagine, that she’s written about the sex lives of the poisonous frogs she’s studied in the wild.
It invites male attention by, for instance, revealing flesh, or by painting on signals of sexual receptivity. This, I would argue, is inviting trouble.
So you’re saying these women are asking for it?
No, I did not just say that she was asking for it. I did, however, just say that she was displaying herself, and of course she was going to get looked at.
I’m not quite sure how that’s different from saying “she’s asking for it,” but never mind.
The amplification of hotness is not, in and of itself, toxic, although personally, I don’t respect it, and never have. Hotness fades, wisdom grows— wise young women will invest accordingly.
So dressing like a dirty slut isn’t toxic, it just makes you a dirty slut, which Heying definitely isn’t, unlike all you dirty sluts being all dirty and slutty out there with your dirty slut outfits.
Femininity becomes toxic when it cries foul, chastising men for responding to a provocative display.
Ah, of course, femininity becomes toxic as soon as women point out the bad behavior of men.
Heying dials back her rhetoric for a moment to assure her readers that, yes, she does believe that there are some male behaviors that it’s legitimate to complain about.
Every woman has the right not to be touched if she does not wish to be; and coercive quid pro quo, in which sexual favors are demanded for the possibility of career advancement, is unacceptable.
Alas, she follows up this bit of uncharacteristic reasonableness with a big ol’ “but.”
But when women doll themselves up in clothes that highlight sexually-selected anatomy, and put on make-up that hints at impending orgasm, it is toxic—yes, toxic—to demand that men do not look, do not approach, do not query.
Wait, what? “Make-up that hints at impending orgasm?”
As best as I can figure it, she thinks that whenever women use any makeup that reddens their cheeks or lips they are doing so because this redness is a simulation of the “sex flush” that many women experience during, well, sex, and that typically starts to fade after an orgasm.
Of course, cheeks also turn red due to embarrassment, sunburn, vigorous jogging, cold weather, falling into a vat of tomato soup. So maybe all that a woman with blusher on her cheeks is trying to signal is that due to her balance issues it’s probably not a good idea to take her on a tour of a soup factory, at least not without securing her with a sturdy rope first.
Also, “sex flushes” don’t only affect the face; they also tend to redden necks and chests, among other places. So for women to really convey just how totally into sex they hypothetically are, shouldn’t they cover every visible inch of skin with red paint, like this sexy lady here?
But I digress. Heying continues her tirade against mean hotties being mean to men.
Young women have vast sexual power. Everyone who is being honest with themselves knows this: Women in their sexual prime who are anywhere near the beauty-norms for their culture have a kind of power that nobody else has.
Weird that very few of these women are able to use this supposedly vast power to command much higher salaries than, for example, their much older and much less sexually appealing male bosses.
They are also all but certain to lack the wisdom to manage it. Toxic femininity is an abuse of that power, in which hotness is maximized, and victim status is then claimed when straight men don’t treat them as peers.
Why shouldn’t men treat women as peers? What does “hotness” have to do with it?
Creating hunger in men by actively inviting the male gaze, then demanding that men have no such hunger—that is toxic femininity.
No one is demanding that straight men cease being attracted to — hungering for — women; they’re simply asking that men treat the women they’re attracted to with simple courtesy and not openly drool over them like creepy creeps.
Subjugating men, emasculating them when they display strength—physical, intellectual, or other—that is toxic femininity.
“Subjugating” men for “displaying strength?” Where is this coming from? What the fuck are you even talking about?
Insisting that men, simply by virtue of being men, are toxic, and then acting surprised as relationships between men and women become more strained—that is toxic femininity.
No one is claiming that all men are toxic “simply by virtue of being men.” Yes, it’s true that all men in our culture are taught some toxic attitudes and encouraged to display some toxic behaviors. But that doesn’t make all men predators or creeps.
Many men consciously or unconsciously reject the toxic aspects of masculinity — while holding on to other aspects of masculinity that they and many others (including most feminists) find appealing. Terry Crews is about as masculine a man as you can get — and he’s speaking out against toxic masculinity. I don’t know any feminist, male or female, who has a problem with him; I’ve seen Men’s Rights Activists call him a “cuck.”
If every young woman who complains about creeps staring at them is guilty of “toxic femininity,” at least in Heying’s mind, are there men guilty of toxic masculinity as well?
True, she does explicitly acknowledge that toxic masculinity is a thing. After all, there are men out there who sexually assault women. But she’s willing to absolve most men of any degree of blame.
“Yes, toxic masculinity exists,” she writes, before moving on to the inevitable “but.”
But the use of the term has been weaponized. It is being hurled without care at every man. When it emerged, its use seemed merely imprecise—in most groups of people, there’s some guy waiting for an opportunity to fondle a woman’s ass without her consent, put his hand where he shouldn’t, right? That’s who was being outed as toxic. Those men—and far, far worse—do exist. Obviously. But wait—does every human assemblage contain such men? It does not.
Well, pretty much any human assemblage with more than a handful of men in it is likely to contain at least one toxic asshole who likes to grope women without consent. Hell, our president is one of these men, if his own boasts (not to mention the accusations of numerous women) are anything to go by. Kind of hard to argue that “toxic masculinity” is super duper rare when the top elected official on our country is about as toxic as a man can get.
This term, toxic masculinity, is being wielded indiscriminately, and with force. We are not talking imprecision now, we are talking thoroughgoing inaccuracy.
Indeed, she suggests, if you talk about “toxic masculinity” too much, many people will leap to the conclusion that “all men are toxic.” Never mind that this isn’t actually happening in the real world.
While Heying is convinced that every young woman who puts a little rouge on her cheeks is “inviting trouble,” she cuts men a lot more slack. Indeed, at the start of her piece she literally gives human males credit for not murdering babies.
No, really. She starts the piece by noting that male lions, as is well-known, will “kill the kittens in a pride over which they have gained control.” This, she acknowledges, is pretty “toxic” behavior. But
[g]iven the opportunity, the vast majority of modern human males would do no such thing. … the vast majority of men would not and could not kill babies, nor rape their grieving mothers.
Good to know.
So, to summarize: in order to be convicted of toxic femininity in the court of Judge Heying, all a woman needs to do is to put on a spot of makeup and then complain if men leer at her.
In order to be convicted of toxic masculinity, by contrast, a man has to do one or more of the following:
- Grind on or grope a woman without her consent
- Rape a woman
- Demand sexual favors for career advancement
- Kill some babies
With such divergent standards, it’s no wonder that she thinks “toxic femininity” is much more common than “toxic masculinity.”
It’s also no wonder she’s considered part of the “Intellectual Dark Web,” because arguments like hers deserve to be sent back into the darkness from whence they came.
@Mish
We read and critiqued Paglia in my class…not whatever text in which she said that, I don’t think, but I would have been really mad if I read her criticizing women’s creative ability and potential. That cuts me to the core and makes me livid. In my class we did read Audre Lorde on the Erotic. My professor in my intro class had told me about that when I had asked her about something on the relationship between attraction and love and women’s creativity in art. After my amazing day today I dug out my old notes from that class and found my photocopy of Audre Lorde on the erotic. It was all crinkled but to read it again made me cry with joy ❤ and make me think about my body and my creativity as I make up my outfit for tomorrow. 🙂
@Mish
If men can direct their urine, why don’t they? Oh wait, do they mean to direct their pee at the floor and not the toilet? Maybe so.
Camille Paglia, blah blah blah.
@Paradoxical Intention
I love her she is so pretty and cute and oh I love her eyebrows.
Mine are crying from being taped over today 🙁
It’s always hilarious when people use the ol’ “showy clothes/makeup are exclusively for attracting mates because biology” argument.
Yes, animals and plants use bright colours to attract attention. Sometimes. You know what else it’s used for, in nearly equal amounts? A warning: I am poisonous, touch me and die.
@mish
second/third/nth kudos for the amazing article.
Also I agree Gaebolga, that is literally exactly what I see every damn day, the very epitome of western patriarchy.
…is it weird that I think that actually sounds like a hoot?
See the part of the makeup thing I understand least is I’m the type of person as I said wants to be looked at so I wear makeup that’s not naturally enhancing. I wear stuff that’s completely not in nature. I usually wear jewel toned eyeshadow, blue, green, purple, something with punch to it LOL. And for lipstick I go with sometimes purple, sometimes fuchsia, sometimes merlot, depends on my outfit and jewelry and other makeup I’m wearing.
In my experience that’s a minority but a reasonably significant one. At least in NYC, about 7 to 10% of women who are obviously wearing makeup are not wearing it to just accentuate their best features, they’re wearing it to be bright and colorful and eyecatching, at least that’s why I do it LOL. The makeup I wear could not even vaguely be found in nature.
For example tonight I’m going with vivid violet lids with shimmer all over my brow bone, midnight blue lengthening mascara, wine red lipstick a touch of blush for color and just a bit of glitter in a few perfect places. I’m going to a block party in Harlem well actually I’m there now LOL. There are so many reasons that women and men and people anywhere on the gender spectrum wear makeup assuming you can know why any given person is wearing it is ridiculous in my opinion. Anyway everyone have a great weekend! I’m going to go get wasted because I’m a delinquent, LOL. Much love to all! Hugs, Katie
Y’know, today, as I was putting on lipstick prior to going to deposit some cheques at the bank, it struck me: If rosy lips and cheeks are supposed to mimic a “sex flush” (har har har), what are nude tones supposed to mimic? Or that dreaded Concealer Lip look? Or those white Chelsea Girl lipsticks from the late 1960s? Or the silver disco-ball lips of various drag queens? Or the black-and-blue lips of the ’80s punks? Or the holographic purple-pink I was wearing circa 1982?
I suspect it may be protective coloration (venomous frogs are neon-bright to warn away anything that might want to prey on them, after all), but maybe I’m wrong. What I do know is that lip and eye pigments probably got their start as protection against the burning rays of the Sun — antimony eyeliner was worn in ancient Egypt because there was no such thing as sunglasses yet. And even back in the 1940s, they found that women who wore lipstick were far less likely to get sunburned lips than men or women who didn’t put anything on their lips at all.
Today my eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick were all red. What the hell would that mean here?
What if every time you orgasmed you ended up with an Instagram-worthy full face of makeup?
@Katiekitten:
Even in nature it can be dangerous to make that assumption, it’s why for most toxic or venomous organisms there are dozens of mimic species.
But y’know, right wingers are just so damn scientifically minded, so I’m sure my libtard brain is just too befuddled to understand the reality of biotrufthsphs
I haven’t worn makeup in close to 20 years and generally have an expression on my face which pretty much says “leave me the fuck alone or I will kill you.” Yet I still get creeped on occasionally. I wonder what I’m doing to invite this creepy attention, because, after all, it couldn’t be that he’s a creep.
Musicalbookworm:
I first read that as “make-up designed to (display) combat readiness”.
Kate:
I guess you’d still spend time in bathroom getting yourself done?
Since makeup is actually on topic today LOL I’m curious about something I have been since I was about 10-11 years old. Do most women who wear make-up everyday(just to be very clear I’m only speaking about women who have a habitual daily makeup routine for a lot of years)Say starting from college-age I started in my freshman year of high school but I know New York City is early with some of that type of thing
I have no clue what the median age is for women starting to wear makeup well girls really I’m sure it’s below 18. But I’ve had it hit me very hard a number of times in the last say year-and-a-half that I really do have bias in a number of ways because I’ve lived in NYC all my life I’ve only left for vacation and never for longer than a month-and-a-half and even that only happened twice usually it was 2 or 3 weeks. So I thought most women didn’t wear full-face makeup habitually and still do, am I completely embarrassingly wrong LOL? Cuz from reading a few of these entries I’m starting to feel like I may be.
I’m lucky enough to have remarkably clear skin that gets T-Zone oil periodically and blackheads on my nose sometimes rarely but I never even really had pimples in adolescence. I knew back then girls used it to cover up pimples and blackheads and acne but let me stop going off on tangents and ask the question I want to know the answer to. 1 do the majority of women here and let’s even include your friends if you truly know their habits with this use concealer and foundation and base makeup on an everyday constant basis? Is this a very common thing for women to do and I’m just an extreme outlier? Or is it something that a lot of women do when they’re younger and more insecure and not as at ease with themselves? Or is it just over advertised and overhyped and the majority of women don’t use it anyway?
I’m honestly deeply curious cuz only once in my life literally ever have I ever had a concealer stick and that was because I got into a dumb fight for dumb reasons because I was a dumb teenager and had way too much pride which I still do LOL. So yeah I would love to know if people use that stuff outside special occasions consistently? Like is that a common thing that say at least 50% of women do? I’m so curious because literally in my whole life I’ve only had two friends who use that everyday
Well I’m only one data point but I haven’t worn makeup in decades. I found that … sod it, I just couldn’t be fagged (UKnian usage). (I work in a backroom sort of situation, but I’m going to a posh wedding soon and I won’t be wearing any then either. At this point it just ain’t me)
Even if someone does it every day and they’re an expert, it must take quite a lot of time.
(Just saw some footage of a group of drag queens on the train down to London for yesterday’s demo, some putting the finishing touches to their makeup, and wow but they were looking absolutely stunning. Like turning your whole body into a work of art.)
Oh yeah there used to be a drag queen night at my boyfriend’s bar he joined in a few times because he was the promoter and the ones that were his closest friends begged him until he agreed LOL. I am literally in awe of them! I thought I knew what I was doing with makeup until I saw it was drag queens and then I was like I’m just an amateur, them right there they’re artists.
I’m only one person too but I do use foundation and concealer every day. I’m not sure how many women do regularly but of the ones that I see I guess about half do. I have seen amazingly cute and pretty women I’ve adored both who do and don’t though. 🙂
And oh yes there is a special place in my heart for any person who sees making themselves up and doing their hair and dressing as a form of art. Because it is and if you like doing so it should be celebrated!
@KatieKitten40
Oh I loved reading what you wrote and I love it that you liked a touch of glitter too. I bet you looked so pretty last night! ?
@Bina
You’re right that there are so many ways that we can make ourselves up that have nothing to do with somebody else’s creepy thoughts about pre-orgasmic whatever but just with what we want to do! Yes I had silver lipstick in my outfit yesterday too and Jordan Peterson or Heather Heying saying I was advertising makes me mad because it’s such nonsense.
I wonder what she would think if she had to deal with endometriosis-caused adult acne? When I want to look presentable I have to at least put on concealer or deal with all the other women in my family going all Donald Sutherland/Invasion of the Body Snatchers on me.
That being said, I love wearing make up. And the really bright stuff, for all the reasons KatieKitten mentioned. I have a background in visual arts and I also believe that my own body is the best friggin’ canvas I could get. I have a whole rainbow of eyeliner, eyeshadow, and lipstick colors. And, of course, my family (after all the shit they give me about my skin) assumes it’s all from insecurity and concern troll me about how I “shouldn’t need to do all of that to feel good about myself”.
@Jane Doe:
So according to manosphere logic, mushrooms must be the most prolific serial killers of all time.
I don’t particularly enjoy makeup, so I don’t wear much. When I do wear it, I usually just slap on mascara, a light coat of eyeshadow and liquid lipstick. I do love nailpolish and go through on and off phases where I wear a lot of it. My facial features are small and my skin is fair so I can’t take a lot of makeup well, but my nail are naturally thick and long, so I can use them for fun self expression a little better. When I do my nails, I favor bright dramatic colors over pinks, nudes or clear.
Sort of tangentially related to the OP, but has anyone been watching Dietland? It’s a new show on AMC. It’s really good, but I never hear anyone talk about it. It’s a feminist show about a woman who gets mixed up with a feminist vigilante group. The protagonist is a fat woman who has been basically starving herself but is still fat and is saving up to get gastric bypass. It’s not really a spoiler to say that as she gets more deeply involved with the group she ultimately decides to stop trying to lose weight and doesn’t get surgery. She says in a voiceover narration in the first episode that it’s not a story about her losing weight and living happily ever after as a thin woman.
My only real quibble with it is that Plum is the only fat character. I get that the show is about the various ways patriarchy hurts women and how difficult it can be to do anything but comply. Every woman character (which is almost all the characters) is suffering in one or another in gendered ways. But given that Plum is lonely and insecure without ever having had a love life because of her weight, it would’ve been nice to have a fat woman character who is happy and has no trouble in the love department. Because in real life, that does happen plenty and Hollywood does not seem to realize that. It’s sad thirty years after Hairspray came out, Tracy Turnblad is still a revolutionary character. I do however, love that Plum restricts calories and does not magically become thin. The writers did not make the assumption that all fat people just eat way too much. Usually, even when Hollywood tries to sympathetically portray a fat female character, she’s a sad overeater who binges with great shame.
It’s mostly a great show though. I really recommend it. I expect it will show up on Netflix in a couple of months because they always get AMC shows.
Oops, sorry, meant “Jane Done”
@Katiekitten420
Of all the women I hang out with regularly, two wear full facial makeup regularly, one wears eyeliner daily, two or three wear some makeup on a rare basis, and the majority wear nothing at all.
Seattle, if that matters.
@ Jane Done:
copperbadge/Sam Starbuck occasions posts his “To-Viking” list:
I’ve decided a to-do list isn’t going to cut it today, so I’m making a TO VIKING list.
– Return some hardware to Best Buy AS MY ANCESTORS DID BEFORE ME
– RAVAGE DOWNTOWN to find an appropriate and affordable new suit
– ENGAGE IN TRADEr Joe’s FOR LIVESTOCK AND NOURISHMENT
– FINISH MY EDDA fanfic
– SCOUR my home because it needs cleaning WITH FIRE AND THE SWORD
– DOMINATE THE SEAS by plumbing my bathroom drain because it’s running slowly
If all goes well, I shall reward myself with roasted meats and the fruits of the earth (aka a hamburger and fries).
@wwth
I love that you use your nails for self-expression that you find fun!
And I love so much what you said in an earlier comment about how if a guy just gets so upset about having to see me in his field of view because of how I’m dressed maybe he is just not rational enough to be out in society. I am going to use that, if I may!
I haven’t watched Dietland but now I want to!
@Yutolia: no sweat, the name’s intentional wordplay
On topic, I had a puritanical upbringing, so literally all makeup was only for *insert casually misogynistic slur for sex workers*
Then when I started wearing makeup in my adult life I was partly inspired by feminist thought but mostly motivated by don’t-have-time-for-that-shit-ist thought, and basically I just do a bit of eye makeup everyday, a thin layer of concealer-foundation if I wanna spice it up for a night out.
Hmmm, what do guys do to simulate the appearance of orgasm? If women do it with makeup as a reproductive strategy guys must too, right?