By David Futrelle
Considering how little they actually ever talk to the, er, “femoids” that they constantly obsess over, it’s kind of remarkable how confident so-called “involuntary celibates” are that they understand the secret desires of women better than women themselves do.
Case in point: A thread on the Incels.me forum today devoted to discussing the proposition that “Women like animals proportionate to how big the animals dick is. Women do not care about small dick animals.”
The OP explained his hypothesis thusly:
In a series of followup comments, MilkTeaPill elaborated on one longtime obsession of internet lady haters — the notion that a significant portion of the human female population is having sex with dogs.
YEP every female that chose to get a dog and lives on her own is fucking that dog. And about 60% of girls that have a family dog have done something sexual with the dog.
He did not cite a source for this statistic. In fact, the percentage of women who have sex with animals is probably closer to 2 percent, according to the only survey I was able to find that seemed even vaguely reliable; the same survey suggested that men were more than twice as likely as women to have sex with animals. I would imagine that the percentage of zoophiles who actually let horses penetrate them is a tiny fraction of this, given that it can quite easily kill you.
But MilkTeaPill went on to insist that for many, er, “foids” — the favorite incel term for women — dogs were no longer enough. Be warned that the quotes that follow may spoil your dinner if this hasn’t happened already.
dog dicks aren’t big enough for foids these days. They need that BHD (Big Horse Dick). 1-2 feet of horse dick pounding their insides. …
They can’t get enough of that multi foot dick stretching out their human pussy. They love it when horses cum liters of horse seed into them. This is literally every foids dream. …
Horse dick is the new standard that is the point I was making. … Soon enough there will be horse get aways were hundreds of foids go to a ranch for a weekend to get HORSED.
Many of MilkTeaPill’s fellow incels thought there was a good deal of merit to this argument.
Self-described AfrikanCel declared that Milk’s post was “High IQ,” and that “[f]oids disproportionately love big penis animals for this reason.”
“I remember one horse girl in class got questioned about stallions and she blushed hard,” wrote someone called HarvesterOfInceldom. “You knew she was fucking it.”
A few of the regulars were skeptical, noting that women often choose cats and rabbits — animals not exactly known for their gargantuan members — as pets. One even pointed to a survey suggesting that women prefer average-sized penises over (figuratively or literally) horse-sized dicks.
But Milk’s defenders had rebuttals. According to AfrikanCel, women love cats because they serve as substitute babies. But someone called Curious0 had what he saw as a better explanation:
They like male horses so they get fucked and female cats to get licked since most (all) women are bisexual.
There is so much wrongness packed into that sentence I think I will just give up and stop right here.
H/T — I found the strangely relevant horse cartoon on the @PanelPulp twitter account
Of course, some of us just plain prefer cats. Everyone in my family was probably a priest of Bast in ancient Egypt.
Also, the identity of the Horcel was driving me crazy, so I looked it up. That is Comet the Superhorse. The lady he is in love with is Lois Lane.
@Paradoxical
I’ve got a collection of “silicone sculptures” none of them real-animal based since I like my partners to pass the Harkness test.
@Scoots 2: I wrote about it higher up in the thread. 🙂 He’s not in love with Lois Lane though, he’s in love with Supergirl. And he’s not a real horse. He was a centaur who wanted to be turned into a human, but a magician screwed him over and turned him into a horse instead.
@Dvärghundspossen
I’m not sure why, but your post upthread about the horse/centaur in love with Supergirl made me smile. I think it was the careful attention to detail in what you wrote. People being intensely interested and well-informed about something (nerding out?) makes me very happy 🙂
@BlueNinja: Comments policy
@Mish: You’re welcome! 😀 Both me and Husband are huge comic book nerds.
Women like horses because they want to have sex with ’em? Ew, NO. We like horses because (a) they’re pretty, (b) you can ride ’em and go places; (c) horseback riding is fun and gives a sense of autonomy and companionship; and (d) they’re really, REALLY pretty. Horsey peen figures nowhere in that.
Plus, most riding horses are either mares or geldings, because they’re deemed to be more trainable, gentler, and safer than intact stallions. Meaning that even if there’s a penis on the horse, it’s not likely to pop out and get used for anything other than occasionally peeing.
Also, cats have small penes, and they’re spiky and unpleasant just to look at. They have rough barbs on them, similar to those on the cat’s tongue. Literally nobody is having sex with their cats. Yet somehow, I still love kitties. And most of my kitties have been female anyway. Explain THAT, MilkTeaPill!
Also, in the days of yore, horse-riding was mostly for men. Maybe all men back then were totally gay for horses?
Semi related
“Sir Chad” is proof that these guys don’t need to be parodied. They’re already doing a superb job of parodying themselves.
And the cockamamie theories just keep getting more ludicrous with every go-round.
Sartre’s comment about anti Semites applies equally to other flavours of bigot.
(Iirc Alan posted it recently, but here it is again:)
Wait, what the actual fuck?
The only thing I’ve ever thought when looking at a horse is “that’s a nice horse.”
Women all like horses and dogs because they want to have sex with horses and dogs.
Men like footballs, cars, and barbecues. Because…
Scildfreja:
This started occurring to me sometime during last year. This is what you get if you try to interpret the wall talk “seriously, not literally”.
It’s like, “I will do something draconian about southwestern border security; details will be revealed as soon as I figure something out and start enacting it.”
With the recently escalating persecution of possibly-illegal immigrants, the wall has turned out to be…a social construct.
Well, I can’t say a horse has never exposed himself to me. No shame, those horses. They just let it hang out when they want. They also piss, fart, and poop where they like as well, often when you’re combing out their tail. Hot!
That said, this male obsession with horse cocks is alarming. I’m sure that if they find it so fascinating, they can go read a few weird mangas about it. As someone who has spent more than a decade with horses, I have spent less time thinking about horse dick than these men have in one post.
I personally like horses because a) horses are huge silly dorks and it’s like having a gigantic dog you can ride around and chill with, b) it’s mostly women who do it, so you don’t have to put up with much male nonsense and c) it’s fun to go really fast. I also like it because it’s not a team sport, so I can suck really hard at it and I don’t have to disappoint anyone but my horse (my horse is often disappointed in me).
That said, horse people are awful. If my horses weren’t amazing, sensitive, and affectionate creatures, I would want nothing to do with the sport, aha (it’s also very expensive, which doesn’t help).
Dumb incels, it’s not that we prefer dogs to men, it’s that we dog owners already share our homes with a hairy smelly shitfactory who expects us to feed and pick up after them and we don’t need another one.
Also, when a dog mopes it’s adorable.
If that’s true, cats must have enormous penises, somehow I didn’t notice.
Weasel-Ra:
Oh yeah?
*challange accepted*
So I think this is why Nikola Tesla had never got married.
I was wondering if he could be wrong,so I was just looking for the truth, but I honestly can’t find anything contrary to his speeches upon invalidating such conventional wisdom that everyone should get married and enlarge their dominance. I’m talking about today’s world, a feminine world, especially the U.S.
Read the article below. It’s not by me nor anybody infamous.
it’s from Nikola Tesla.
http://www.tfcbooks.com/tesla/1926-01-30.htm
This is the truth. The world is just changing too fast that it’s unbelievable such things would happen.