By David Futrelle
Considering how little they actually ever talk to the, er, “femoids” that they constantly obsess over, it’s kind of remarkable how confident so-called “involuntary celibates” are that they understand the secret desires of women better than women themselves do.
Case in point: A thread on the Incels.me forum today devoted to discussing the proposition that “Women like animals proportionate to how big the animals dick is. Women do not care about small dick animals.”
The OP explained his hypothesis thusly:
In a series of followup comments, MilkTeaPill elaborated on one longtime obsession of internet lady haters — the notion that a significant portion of the human female population is having sex with dogs.
YEP every female that chose to get a dog and lives on her own is fucking that dog. And about 60% of girls that have a family dog have done something sexual with the dog.
He did not cite a source for this statistic. In fact, the percentage of women who have sex with animals is probably closer to 2 percent, according to the only survey I was able to find that seemed even vaguely reliable; the same survey suggested that men were more than twice as likely as women to have sex with animals. I would imagine that the percentage of zoophiles who actually let horses penetrate them is a tiny fraction of this, given that it can quite easily kill you.
But MilkTeaPill went on to insist that for many, er, “foids” — the favorite incel term for women — dogs were no longer enough. Be warned that the quotes that follow may spoil your dinner if this hasn’t happened already.Â
dog dicks aren’t big enough for foids these days. They need that BHD (Big Horse Dick). 1-2 feet of horse dick pounding their insides. …
They can’t get enough of that multi foot dick stretching out their human pussy. They love it when horses cum liters of horse seed into them. This is literally every foids dream. …
Horse dick is the new standard that is the point I was making. … Soon enough there will be horse get aways were hundreds of foids go to a ranch for a weekend to get HORSED.
Many of MilkTeaPill’s fellow incels thought there was a good deal of merit to this argument.
Self-described AfrikanCel declared that Milk’s post was “High IQ,” and that “[f]oids disproportionately love big penis animals for this reason.”
“I remember one horse girl in class got questioned about stallions and she blushed hard,” wrote someone called HarvesterOfInceldom. “You knew she was fucking it.”
A few of the regulars were skeptical, noting that women often choose cats and rabbits — animals not exactly known for their gargantuan members — as pets. One even pointed to a survey suggesting that women prefer average-sized penises over (figuratively or literally) horse-sized dicks.
But Milk’s defenders had rebuttals. According to AfrikanCel, women love cats because they serve as substitute babies. But someone called Curious0 had what he saw as a better explanation:
They like male horses so they get fucked and female cats to get licked since most (all) women are bisexual.
There is so much wrongness packed into that sentence I think I will just give up and stop right here.
H/T — I found the strangely relevant horse cartoon on the @PanelPulp twitter account
So that’s why she’s always hanging round with that blue whale. I should have known he wasn’t really giving her tennis lessons; he never had a racquet with him.
If his argument was valid…Ducks would be the most popular animal – ever-
Why do these guys think about having sex with animals constantly, yet project that shit onto women?
So speaking as a horseman who hangs out with a lot of horsewomen, there’s so much wrong with this post, and not even in the way you think. For one, *very* few people own stallions; the vast majority of riding horses out there are mares or geldings. How “foids” are supposed to have sex with them is beyond me.
That said, according to my horsewomen friends, there is something a wee bit Freudian about the appeal of horses. It’s not so much OMG BHD as it is, as one friend put it, “the sense of power that comes with having 1800 pounds of animal strength between your legs.”
David, I appreciate the sacrifices you must make to bring us this content… but do you sometimes wonder if your browsing history has landed you on an FBI watchlist?
Two percent seems awfully high…
I was wondering how cat ladies fit into this considering kitties have tiny penises. So glad to see they were able to work cats into their little hypothesis.
Why are reactionaries so obsessed with bestiality? It’s not like this is a new thing that incels and MGTOWs came up. Religious conservatives do it to with their elaborate
fantasiesfears of gay rights being a slippery slop to bestiality.I just…why?
It is interesting to compare the fears of progressives with the fears of reactionaries. We fear that our rights or the rights of others will be taken away. We fear that we or others will be harmed by bad policy. They have lurid fantasies about bestiality and men of color and/or refugees cucking white men. Sometimes they just fear that people will have too much or won’t suffer enough. The inside of a right winger’s brain must just be such a strange and terrifying place.
I have no words.
And yet so many incels seem obsessed with sexualising my little pony
Obviously that last guy has never been licked by a cat. Their tongues are literally covered with sharp, stabby little barbs, designed to lick flesh off of bones. This is not something most people want anywhere on their bodies, much less the delicate genitalia! Also, I’m a little concerned about how he thinks these pussy-licking pussies are being trained… It took me MONTHS to train mine to sit, then sit up, and even now he’ll only do it if I’m holding food. Honestly, the mental gymnastics these guys do, it’s EXHAUSTING to follow.
I am reminded of a Dan Savage anecdote: Dan was interviewing a guy for radio who was, in fact, having sex with a horse. Dan was trying to think of questions…you know, after the, “So, you have sex with a horse, and you’re willing to tell the world?”
So he asked if it was a male or female horse. And the guy said, very indignant, “Sir, I am not a homosexual.”
So yeah.
These guys do realize that the story about Catherine the Great isn’t true, right?
Sooo….if women aren’t interested in “small dick” animals like hamsters, does that mean that most hamsters (and by extension other small animals) are owned by men? I’ve owned multiple rats over the years (as in 25+… I’m a semi-reformed crazy rat lady) as well as a couple hamsters and bunnies. There are ceetainly men who own these pets, but they are far from the majority in my experience.
Also, have these people never seen a woman with a female pet? We currently have a pitbull and a bunny, both female (and who are best buddies, which is adorable).
And lastly….eeeeewwwww
Good lord are they seriously so warped as to come up with this animal sex shit!?
Women aren’t engaging in bestiality, and they aren’t having sex with hateful incels or the still not gone their own way dudes. How unfair that women get to decide who (or what?) they have sex with.
(Not really, it’s perfectly fair).
Another bizarre discussion between power-tripping incels? Must be a day that ends in “day.”
I’m so glad that animals will never know all the shit that humans project onto them.
Okay, I need to just…(deep breath)
First of all, aren’t women stereotyped as having smaller, “yappier” dogs like chihuahuas and the like? Little enough to dress up and put in their purse and such? Clearly a toy terrier isn’t exuding the Big Dick Energy, so we’re already off to a stellar fucking start with this “theory”.
Second of all, as previously mentioned by Drungarios, very few people own horses. They’re a pet for very rich people, and even if they were just being rented to ride, I highly doubt that a person can rent them and then sneak off to…fuck the horse. Like, someone would notice, yeah? And if we’re talking about the owners, I highly doubt they’re being fucked by the animal, because one, that could actually kill you, and two, they’re super expensive animals that are prized for being bred with ANOTHER FUCKING HORSE.
Third of all, a lot of women own female pets. So, unless their pet is a hyena, they very likely won’t have dicks.
TMI WARNING
I mean, I’m a self professed size queen, and I do own a non-human shaped dildo or two. However, I know I’m the exception not the rule, and I’m aware that you can actually HURT YOURSELF if you’re not careful with what you’re shoving in your magic carpetbag in terms of shape and size. I also would never fuck an animal, because WTF.
TMI WARNING
Like, these dudes are fucking projecting super hard. And that’s weird, even by my standards. And yet it doesn’t ever occur to them that they can’t get a date because they think this way, not because of whatever physical attribute is their downfall this week.
Can you imagine though? They finally get what they want, they get a date with an HB10 pure virginal girl, but she rides horses on occasion. I would totally be a fly on the wall for that conversation when he confronts her about cheating on him with a horse.
I mean, to be fair, she’d likely be scarred for life (and dump him because what the actual fuck), but holy shit.
Women clearly like cats because, while they do not have actual big dicks, they have MASSIVE qualities of Big Dick Energy.
Out of curiosity, are we women supposed to rank animals based on total penis size, or proportional penis size to the animal’s body? If it’s the former, you’d expect whales and elephants to be overwhelmingly the favorite animal for women. If it’s the latter, ducks and barnacles would be top of the heap. I need to know this criteria so I can update my preferences accordingly. Also, how do I rank animals like snakes that have two penes?
There’s also that myth about horseback riding breaking girls hymens, (I mean, I assume that could happen but that could be caused by lots of other non-intercourse things too, not just horseback riding) as if this wasn’t fucked up enough.
It’s like some kind of competition to be lower than the lowest scum of the earth. Apparently women will fuck anything that moves, except for incels, which means incels are less than animals on their own self-rating scale. They’re just going to keep on digging until they get below beetles, worms, and single-celled organisms. Pretty soon we’ll be hearing about how women are secretly getting it on with the earth’s mantle.
“Magic carpetbag” ?
I live not far from Enumclaw and people from there hate how often that guy is brought up. But he did manage to get bestiality outlawed in the state.
I used to keep lizards and snakes. What does that mean?
Seconding kupo on the joy over “magic carpetbag”. Sometimes I hate that I’m not surrounded by English-speaking people, because I can’t use the great things I learn here…
Paradoxical intention, when you said size queen my mind went very, very strange places with the “resident cheeseburger slut”-part of your name. Along the lines of “if it were possible, I wonder if the kind of advertising burger King does would be particularly disappointing”. I need more sleep.
Also, I want to go ride a horse now.
Have it your way at the home of the Whopper?
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantle_(geology)
Go lower. What about the hot, rich core of the Earth? Is this who Chads (by my estimate, 15 percent of all men) really are?
Back up there, Paradoxical Intention– were you saying that female hyenas have penises? Serious question, because the animal kingdom is always stranger than I ever knew.
Secondly, in reference to this: http://bogleech.tumblr.com/post/175695553893/dyingwhiledabbing-bogleech-im-gonna-say-hes
Does anyone else feel like I do? You know, I could see people just kind of quietly sitting around, kind of bored or confused, but silently tolerating the speech. But seeing people actively laughing along and cheering during this…honestly, it upsets me even more than seeing people cheering him saying horrible things, because at least I can make sense of that: horrible people enjoying a horrible person saying horrible things back to them is a time-tested form of entertainment. But seeing people cheering this makes me seriously worry that reality is…broken in some terrible way, and I’m watching at the seams flay apart…
@ChimericMind Yes, female spotted hyenas have a pseudo-penis that they urinate, copulate and give birth through.