MGTOWs declare war on the insidious enemy of men known as “yoga pants”

By David Futrelle

A quarter of a century ago, in his seminal The Myth of Male Power, Men’s Rights Activist Warren Farrell warned hapless, horny males of the danger of “miniskirt power” — that is, the hypnotizing power of shapely female asses, which devious women can apparently use to have their (financial) way with men who ostensibly have more power than them. Damn those conniving harpies and their short, short skirts!

Today, men — well, horny straight men anyway — face what some consider a far more insidious enemy: Yoga pants, the allegedly comfortable lower-half coverups popular with the devious, man-exploiting harpies of the current age.

Well, the brave souls of the Men Going Their Own Way movement are having none of it. Here is the MGTOW case against yoga pants, based on my perusal of several dozen recent postings on the subject in the MGTOW subreddit.

Make sure not to laugh at any of these, as the threat of yoga pants is very, very serious and not just some ridiculous crap these guys have come up with to make themselves feel like they’re being oppressed by women who won’t date them they REFUSE to date.

Yoga pants are so tight it’s like these sluts are walking around naked and basically it’s sexual harassment because biology makes men perpetually horny. 

“Wearing yoga pants to work is sexual harassment,” Baldrbaldr complains.

And the bullshit about “men just needing to control themselves?” Well, it’s bullshit. Men can’t but become seriously distracted when half-naked women prance around them. It’s the way we’re made. It’s biology. So fuck off, you bare assed bitches. We’re working.

“Females are an expensive, unknown distraction,” adds fcb98292, sounding a little bit like Jordan Peterson. “I require segregated offices.”

Actually they make women look better than they look naked, which is somehow worse than looking like they’re naked because it’s a LIE or something. 

“You don’t know what they look like naked,” greenleefs informs his fellow MGTOWs. “Those pants lift and squish together.”

Yoga pants enable women to use their ass power to extract wealth from hardworking betas and sex from Chads. 

As one [deleted] commenter sees it:

The yoga pants is to show off their ass so that Chad and beta bucks (depending on which they are stalking) will drool on himself while he throws sex and cash at her.

Yoga pants are basically HiDef streaming porn videos.

Raisins3142 explains:

I think in part they are trying to compete with high speed internet + free internet porn.

Sometimes fat ladies wear them and, ew, gross. 

As ilikerelish puts it:

There should be limits to where they are worn, and there should be a WEIGHT LIMIT for wearing yoga or legging pants.

Bing_Bang_Bam is similarly outraged that “[e]ven fat cows that have rolls and folds that shouldn’t even be there” wear yoga pants — a true “[c]rime against nature.”

Sometimes skinny old ladies wear them and you’re tricked into thinking that they look hot and this is very confusing 

Hegend1999 laments those times “[w]hen you see a good ass in leggings and she turns around then you see that she’s like 70yo…”

Iqbal40862715 is similarly confused that he finds himself attracted to very much older women.

Yoga pants are a net nagative. They make everyone look good and it’s a total mind fuck.

Saw this 80 year old broad in a bathing suit the other day at a pool. She was probably an Elvis groupie in the 50s/legit perfect 10. Now she is cute and in good shape but wrinkly and old.

Goes into a bathroom to change Puts on yoga pants meets up with the grandkids and sure enough looks awesome.

Apparently women in yoga pants can jump right over that mythical wall they’re all supposed to hit at the age of 30 or so.

They’re not actually comfortable 

“They aren’t comfortable,” asserts LJHova, “that’s just the excuse they use to convince themselves they aren’t whores.”

.They smell like ass (probably). 

“I call them stink butts,” SirLonius explains.

You know women wear them multiple times before washing them and just a thin layer between butthole and the outside world.

They enable women to easily engage in casual workplace frottage with hunky dudes

According to Jcart105,

It’s comfy when Chad grinds his cock separated by the [layer] of his pants and thin layer of her yoga pants in the middle of work.

Er, what?

Seeing women in yoga pants is sort of like seeing attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, or something. 

Global_MGTOW sheds some tears in the rain:

I’ve seen it all already. I’ve seen women wearing a see through shirt in a very public place with thousands of people, including children, showing off her rocket tits implants. I’ve seen girls wearing mini skirts so small that you can constantly see their panties with zero effort. Seen obese landwhales wearing yoga pants with the words “JUICY” written across the back.

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time to die.

Ok, I added that bit from Blade Runner at the end. Because, you know, these guys aren’t melodramatic enough already — and trying way too hard to convince themselves and each other of the existential horror of, basically, tight sweatpants.

Seriously, dudes? Seriously?