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Here’s a new one: “Bisexuality is an attack on men”

Woman preparing to waste precious sex units on another woman (not pictured)

By David Futrelle

Last night, some anonymous dude — and I’m pretty sure it was a dude — sent a curious (cat) message to a woman I follow on Twitter:

I want you to understand that you live in a special snowflake bubble and for the rest of us, bisexuality is an attack on men.

The woman in question replied with a simple “what.” And that “what” is quite understandable, as the man’s statement does not make sense by any standard system of logic. Bisexuality is a sexual orientation, not a prejudice, after all, and things that women do for their own pleasure in their own homes aren’t anyone’s business. Also, this dude seems to think that only women can be bisexual, which would be news to a lot of people if true.

But as someone who has studied the peculiarities of manosphere logic for years now, I think I can explain this guy’s strange assertion. I have prepared several diagrams you may find helpful.

First, let’s look at what happens during normal sex-having procedures.

In this world, everything is as it should be: Ladies deliver the required sex units to men, and all men receive the number of sex units that are their due, and everyone is happy. While the men have sex with the ladies at the same time the ladies have sex with the men, no sex units are sent by the men or received by the ladies because ladies aren’t actually interested in sex; they merely store the sex units they are born with until they can be sent to the proper men.

I should add that all the ladies and men depicted are not all in the same bedroom or anything degenerate like that; this is a symbolic representation of the sex system as a whole.

Now look at what happens when bisexuality is introduced.

As you can see, when some ladies in a sex system start having sex with other ladies as well as with men, half of their sex units are wasted on pointless lady-lady sex, which doesn’t really count as sex and even if it did ladies don’t really enjoy sex anyway. (Bisexual men exist too, but their bisexual activity is more like a fun hobby and doesn’t deprive women of anything because women don’t like hobbies.)

With half of the bisexual ladies’ sex units going to waste on other ladies, many men only receive half of the sex units they need and deserve! In the real world, it’s even worse, and some men receive no sex units at all and have to sublimate their sex urges into getting mad at ladies on the internet — especially bisexual ladies who seem like they might be having lots of pointless lady/lady sex and wasting the sex units they could be sending to men who are mad at ladies on the internet.

A bisexual lady sex-unit-denying attack on any man’s happy sex life is an attack on all men. Therefore bisexuality is an attack on men.

It’s really not that complicated at all, now, is it?

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Valkyrine
Valkyrine
2 years ago

I’ve identified as an asexual* since I learned about it when I was 13, and have always thought of myself as part of the lgbt+ community. Of course, I also realized that compared to my more “visible” lgbt friends, I am priviledged in that I pretty much automaticly “pass” as a straight person without having to hide or supress any part of myself.

*When I say I’m asexual, I mean I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum, not really sure where exactly 🙁

Hambeast
Hambeast
2 years ago

Valkyrine said

*When I say I’m asexual, I mean I’m somewhere on the ace spectrum, not really sure where exactly 🙁

This just made me think about how the anti-intellectual types really seem to hate a spectrum. It seems to mess with their binary way of thinking (one drop rule, anyone?)

Even if they do admit to things that fall on a spectrum, they don’t like for those things to shift around *on* said spectrum. No wonder the poor, fearful things hate reality and facts so much.

Fluffy Spider
Fluffy Spider
2 years ago

Things just got a whole lot more ignorant and head scratchingly odd from the manosphere?
To quote one of my favorite YouTube movie reviewers:
“What the garbage is this shit?”

I feel like this is some response to the fact bisexual women (like moi ) are nothing like in pornos or that we have options which they could have they weren’t so toxic to be around. So draining and vile.

tim gueguen
2 years ago

“Bisexuality is an attack on men” doesn’t seem much different to me than the racist right idea that mixed relationships are “white genocide.”

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Lesbianism is “an attack on men” because lesbian women won’t have sex with men at all, and that’s not okay because apparently women belong to men.

Bi/Pansexual women are “an attack on men” because they could have sex with men, but could also have sex with women/nonbinary people, and that’s not okay because women apparently belong to men and men alone.

Asexual women are “an attack on men” because they’re not having sex with anybody, and that includes men, and that’s not okay because women apparently belong to men are supposed to have sex with men.

Straight women are “an attack on men” because they’re having sex with men who aren’t Manospherians, and that’s not okay because for some reason these men seem to think that all women belong to them and them alone, and not men who don’t view women as property.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Paradoxical Intention - Resident Cheeseburger Slut

Lesbianism is “an attack on men” because lesbian women won’t have sex with men at all, and that’s not okay because apparently women belong to men.

Bi/Pansexual women are “an attack on men” because they could have sex with men, but could also have sex with women/nonbinary people, and that’s not okay because women apparently belong to men and men alone.

Asexual women are “an attack on men” because they’re not having sex with anybody, and that includes men, and that’s not okay because women apparently belong to men are supposed to have sex with men.

Straight women are “an attack on men” because they’re having sex with men who aren’t Manospherians, and that’s not okay because for some reason these men seem to think that all women belong to them and them alone, and not men who don’t view women as property.

Damned if we do, damned if we don’t, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

drst
drst
2 years ago

@WWTH there was an insightful post about this issue on Tumblr (yes, I know) that I saw the other day. It’s up to individuals to determine whether they ID as part of the queer movement or not, but this is, for me, why it matters.

http://gloomy-optimist.tumblr.com/post/174592665336/its-interesting-hearing-ppl-be-anti-ace-in-pride

“You’d think for a community that focuses so much on the topic of representation in media, it would be a little more obvious that like…in almost every story, romantic/sexual love comes up as a theme or sideplot, and in many of them, it’s presented as a critically important key to happiness or success […]
it’s hard coming to terms with the fact that the world has designated the “most important relationship” as something that’s counter to you in some essential way. Like it’s a bit of a cruel realization to recognize that you’re probably always going to be playing second fiddle or be a step down in status to the people you view as most important to you because your relationship with them is not sexual or romantic.

KittyKatty
KittyKatty
2 years ago

Agreed, re: identifying how (and if) you choose for the asexual and aromantics – they are similarly part of the spectrum that comprises what we know as human sexuality. Another example are the intersex folks, including those with Turner Syndrome (TS), Klinefelter and others – some of whom largely appear cishet – and whether not they “belong” in the LGBTQIA community; some choose to include themselves, some don’t, and that should be OK.

As for me, a TS mosaic living with the related implications since I should have started puberty (for all that it’s not that obvious to look at me as an adult unless you know what to look for), I generally only claim the mantle of inclusion to mess with people like the ilk that David calls out so eloquently, because well, darn it, you never can tell…
*evil grin*

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

I think it’s immoral to charge for knowledge derived from research.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sci-Hub
http://sci-hub.tw

Ichthyic
Ichthyic
2 years ago

^^ seconded. I was just grabbing the link to sci hub before I saw your post.

here’s the direct link to the PDF, David:

http://sci-hub.tw/http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/pdf/10.1177/000306517302100304

Katiekitten420
Katiekitten420
2 years ago

Okay as I’ve said before I really appreciate the opinions and advice and input from this specific community and that’s why I’m saying this here. W w t h made me think of this with her question about being aromantic and how she’s not sure if she should identify with LGBTQ or not and whichever way she decides she’s unsure how they will View or perceive her because of it. My question is something that I’m sure all the people of color here have thought about and probably read dozens of think pieces on Etc. Probably most if not all of the consistent commenters here have probably at least heard opinions about it even if they don’t have one themselves. I know I can be tactless and bad with social q and stuff like that so if this is an inappropriate topic for this space I apologize preemptively. So what she made me think of is the complexities of living in the US as a biracial but light skinned woman, with noticeably European features and aesthetics. I’ve always felt like I don’t truly belong. Logically I know race is a construct and isn’t truly meaningful in any real way. But in societies eyes it is the be-all-end-all of important things. Especially if you’re a POC and even more if you’re black specifically. It took me till I went to college to truly be aware of this I’m honestly kind of ashamed of myself when I look back. I did not believe in systemic racism or institutionalized racism or anything of that sort. I spent my formative years along mostly white people in those specialized prep schools that you have to test into. I was able to do better than my White and male peers consistently. In lots of things. Multiple sports, the flute, academic achievements, Etc. Since I only had my lived experience it seemed like everything was merit-based. But then my life took a dark turn and I became a heroin addict(I’m skipping how it happened.) So I started hanging out and selling drugs in Harlem instead of to rich/ upper middle class spoiled brats like myself. In less than a month I had not only lost my innocence in that sense but I was totally upside down. Something I truly deeply believedcwas obviously completely untrue. I felt I had been tricked and kind of betrayed. Okay I just realized I’m not even at the actual point yet and this is so long so I’ll make two parts. I’m going to get a before sleep snack and then come back and write the part that I want advice for dealing with

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

Avast, ye scurvy sons of biscuit eaters! PDF ahoy, off the starboard beam! All hands hoay, and bring the grappling hook from the orlop!

@Hambeast:

This just made me think about how the anti-intellectual types really seem to hate a spectrum. It seems to mess with their binary way of thinking (one drop rule, anyone?)

Didn’t these guys watch Babylon 5? In particulas S1E4 “Infection”? The “one drop rule” road leads inexorably to utter destruction.

@Paradoxical Intention:

Bi/Pansexual women are “an attack on men” because they could have sex with men, but could also have sex with women/nonbinary people, and that’s not okay because women apparently belong to men and men alone.

Someone should remind them that bisexual women are also their only realistic chance of experiencing that clichéd male fantasy, a threesome with two women.

@Brony:

I think it’s immoral to charge for knowledge derived from research.

So do I. So did Thomas Jefferson:

He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. That ideas should freely spread from one to another over the globe, for the moral and mutual instruction of man, and improvement of his condition, seems to have been peculiarly and benevolently designed by nature, when she made them, like fire, expansible over all space, without lessening their density in any point, and like the air in which we breathe, move, and have our physical being, incapable of confinement or exclusive appropriation.

Interestingly, he seems to have used the feminine pronoun when invoking his notion of a deity, as well.

Katiekitten420
Katiekitten420
2 years ago

Before I finish my actual comment I just wanted to say Thomas Jefferson was a genius I want to be completely clear the man’s intelligence was remarkable! But as a man he was trash and not just trash because he was a founding father and it was that time and bloody blah blah. I’m not talking about the slaves or anything having to do with the culture of the time.

Full disclosure I am a giant Hamilton stan! He is my hero in a lot of ways. He definitely has many faults of his own but his faults tend to correlate with mine. I read the whole biography after the Musical made me die of happiness.

But Thomas Jefferson was not only a demagogue and a liar and really kind of a traitor if you look at some of the ways he interacted with France while he was Washington’s Secretary of State, he was also the epitome of a coward with no integrity. When he was lieutenant governor of Virginia or maybe Deputy Governor I’m not sure exactly what the proper title is. He ran from a smaller force to save his own skin and got many brave soldiers killed at the beginning of the Revolutionary War soldiers when clearly needed when if he had just bought from the beginning the consensus is he would have one with less casualties than he got from running away(because before he ran he was behind walls if he had used them he could have protected his men)and when I learned that that was when he became the only founding father that I truly despise.

I’m so sorry for the rant but since I became obsessed whenever I hear someone praise him it triggers a rant I literally can’t help myself which I know is ridiculous and unhealthy. But I’ve had much unhealthier behaviors in the past I think I can live with this one especially cuz I’m sure it’ll fade soon

If I’m wrong about any of this please correct me cuz I only learned these things myself from books and the internet in the last couple years since I saw Hamilton. I learned none of this in school and if I’ve been misinformed I’d appreciate knowing I would not be annoyed at all by a correction. Hope everyone’s having a lovely morning call, now I will write my second half of my ridiculously long previous comment

Katiekitten420
Katiekitten420
2 years ago

Okay this is where I get to the point LOL. The background information was relevant and necessary(probably not all of it cuz I don’t know how to be concise)to explain how I got to this point. So now I’m a 34 year old half white half black bisexual woman. I identify as both black and biracial. I have gotten a lot of opinions and drama from both black and white people my whole life about being half and half. To be very clear all the actual friends I have find it irrelevant or else we wouldn’t be friends. But school, work, when I used to go to church, all sorts of places plus the internet especially.

Because the Internet makes opinions more extreme that’s where are the worst of it has come from but it’s been pretty bad in my everyday life also. I don’t like this phrase but I don’t know how else to put it but I read very white. If someone talks to me on the phone or interacted with me while I was behind an opaque screen 90% of them would think I was white (I’ve actually done tiny experiments on my own 90% might be low LOL.)But living in American society while I definitely get some benefits of colorism, because although I don’t come close to passing, I am very light skinned and I I am reasonably attractive by our European standards. I’ve also been told I talk like a white girl more times than I can count which is annoying but I can’t deny it’s a plus in America.

Even with that I I am seen by Society as black. By cops, by politicians, by banks, by the justice system, by all of our institutions that are innately racist. Since I’m so affected by all that, although I identify as biracial because I honestly love my Celtic heritage, I am much more affected by my black heritage so I feel more black than anything else. But many black people have told me that I’m self-hating if they’re harsh or if they’re trying to be somewhat nice I’ve unconsciously absorbed America’s white supremacy which makes me think acting white is better than acting black. It gets really vulgar and hostile when people find out I’ve dated mostly white guys. I’ve dated 4 white guys, one Japanese guy, one black guy and one Turkish guy, just in case that’s at all relevant. I’ve even been told a number of times that I’m a traitor to my race.

White people aren’t as bad but if I hear I’m different or I’m one of the good ones one more time I’m a stab myself in the eye with a spork. So I have two questions.

1- I do date more white guys and listen to more white music and most of my hobbies are in the sci-fi fantasy field which in most people’s eyes is coded White. From all the background I’ve given does it sound like I have absorbed white supremacy into my outlook or that I’m self-hating in any way? I am pretty positive that’s not the case but I respect everyone here’s opinion and I’m very insecure so just me thinking so isn’t good enough for me cause what if I’m wrong?

2- is there any way I can either feel like I belong or just stop caring about belonging? I feel like the second one would be ideal but I just can’t. I want to be in Black areas and not feel like everyone I don’t know is thinking I’m not black enough. I logically know they’re not all thinking that but I also do logically think considering my past experiences at least a couple of them are. If any of this sounds like I’m just being over-emotional I hope someone will tell me that too.

Okay everyone have a great day I’m going to sleep. If this was not the place for this I’m sorry. I’ve just been dwelling on it recently cuz I had a really bad experience a couple days ago

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

Hey, if you ever figure out the secret to either feeling like you belong in places or not caring if you don’t … be sure to let me in on it OK? 🙂

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
2 years ago

Fucking glad I got therapy today because I feel like punching someone after reading that.

Okay, so there’s a lot to unpack here (other than the smiley wearing a fedora, of all things), so here are some questions:

1- Why do they assume sex is something that can exclusively be given by women? Where do bi men and homosexuals fit in that neat little chart?

2- Ever heard of “It takes two to tango”? Why does sex implying delivery exclusively from women instead of it being an act where man participates?

3- How can you give half a sex unit? Like what, you do the foreplay on the first session but you both hold out until the next date to have the actual sex?

4- So if sex among women is a “wasted unit” does this mean that sex is meant to be exclusively for men’s use?

5- How soft is their head and how hard should an object be to leave a permanent dent upon it?

Valkyrine
Valkyrine
2 years ago

@Diego Duarte
I think all of that (except some idiot claiming that bisexuality is an attack on men in a tweet in the beginning) was just David’s sarcastic take on the kind of reasoning someone would probably have to have to make claims like that.

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

@Katiekitten420
I’m not black, but I do spend a lot of time analyzing and poking at problem behaviors among people used to being in a socially dominant class as one of their peers (white, male, cis). I mention that because my background counts if someone else sees a problem.

***

I don’t like this phrase but I don’t know how else to put it but I read very white.

That might be ok because of the studies that show that resumes with names that code as black receive fewer call backs as identical resumes with names that code as white.

If someone talks to me on the phone or interacted with me while I was behind an opaque screen 90% of them would think I was white (I’ve actually done tiny experiments on my own 90% might be low LOL.)But living in American society while I definitely get some benefits of colorism, because although I don’t come close to passing, I am very light skinned and I I am reasonably attractive by our European standards. I’ve also been told I talk like a white girl more times than I can count which is annoying but I can’t deny it’s a plus in America.

My wife works in a call center and has a co-worker that has mentioned that they have a “white voice”. Basically the idea that there are behaviors that code as black that get racist treatment is an important thing that society needs to confront, and it’s reasonable for black people to expect help confronting racist behavior. However…

From all the background I’ve given does it sound like I have absorbed white supremacy into my outlook or that I’m self-hating in any way? I am pretty positive that’s not the case but I respect everyone here’s opinion and I’m very insecure so just me thinking so isn’t good enough for me cause what if I’m wrong?

I can’t say that you have internalized racism, but you are describing people that don’t like that you have behavior that codes as white. It’s not reasonable for other people to insist that you act in any other way than your legitimate personality.
If this is and has been your natural personality I don’t think it would be right to see you negatively. I think they have a legitimate defensiveness about black culture being suppressed but some of (not all correct?) the black people you have dated have a problem in how they express it. Black people with white behavior might remind them of cultural suppression they have to deal with.
Does this sound right? I’ll need to think carefully about anything else if I’m on the right track.

2- is there any way I can either feel like I belong or just stop caring about belonging? I feel like the second one would be ideal but I just can’t. I want to be in Black areas and not feel like everyone I don’t know is thinking I’m not black enough. I logically know they’re not all thinking that but I also do logically think considering my past experiences at least a couple of them are. If any of this sounds like I’m just being over-emotional I hope someone will tell me that too.

I wish I could help you here. I’m pretty socially isolated and trying to change that (and being hindered by my own collection of items leading to social burnout). The desire to belong does not leave in my case even as trying to interact requires effort and feels like lifting weights (with the exception of social confrontations, for some reason nature decided that conflict would always be easier).

I’m now living in Tucson Arizona so maybe the relocation to my home town will make things easier. Not yet though.

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

@Surplus to Requirements
Those are interesting facts about Jefferson. His views about higher powers were odd among the founders. He also had a new testament with all of the miracles cut out. I wonder why he switched the gender of god? Do you know of any other examples?

That reminds me of a song by Five Finger Death Punch that also reverses the gender of god, and leaves the devil as a he.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_l4Ab5FRwM

Are you still interested in that abiogenesis discussion? I got socially overwhelmed generally and had to cut things off but I had actually been thinking about responses.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

Sure

Bring, Social Justice Cenobite

@Surplus to Requirements
Ok. Not right now though, I just wanted to see if you were still interested. I felt bad about dropping it abruptly. I at least wanted to respond to your question about metabolism. I need to dig that thread up and look at it. I’ll point it out to you in a current post when I have a response.

Brony, Social Justice Cenobite

This will probably double post because I had to re-enter my info, didn’t see my post appear, went back to check, and noticed my name spell-checked to “Bring”.

@Surplus to Requirements
Ok. Not right now though, I just wanted to see if you were still interested. I felt bad about dropping it abruptly. I at least wanted to respond to your question about metabolism. I need to dig that thread up and look at it. I’ll point it out to you in a current post when I have a response.

Headless Unicorn Guy
Headless Unicorn Guy
2 years ago

I want you to understand that you live in a special snowflake bubble and for the rest of us, bisexuality is an attack on men.

Bwuh?

This is a real hoot when you realize that “Hawt Lez Action” is a common subject in porn for straight males. Including the ones where both women suddenly swing straight when confronted with the Manly presence of the audience self-insert.

People are just WEIRD…

ellesar
ellesar
2 years ago

If bisexual women are ‘an attack on men’ I guess men are fighting back:

While sexual harassment and sexual violence have been pervasive problems for women over the course of history, a recent study has uncovered that bisexual women specifically experience sexual violence more often than straight and lesbian women.

In fact, 50% of bisexual women have experienced rape at one point of their lifetime while within the United States, approximately 75% report experiencing sexual violence.

These shocking statistics come from “Why Us? Toward an Understanding of Bisexual Women’s Vulnerability for and Negative Consequences of Sexual Violence,” a recently published article in the Journal of Bisexuality by Nicole Johnson, a counseling psychology professor at Lehigh University’s College of Education.

Johnson proposes multiple factors that contribute to why bi women experience higher rates of sexual violence when compared to lesbian and straight women, as well as why bi women may have worse mental health outcomes following sexual violence. She outlines three factors as the main contributors: substance use, hypersexualization, and biphobic harassment.

According to her research, bi women struggle with substance use not only more than straight women, but also more than lesbians. Johnson says that this type of intoxication may make victims easy targets for perpetrators and further contributes to negative mental health outcomes in the wake of sexual violence.

In an interview with Bisexual.org interview, Johnson explains how bi women are hypersexualized by men. She says: “The media, and pornography in particular, have a long history of depicting women as ‘bisexual’ while engaging in same sex behaviors for the pleasure of male on lookers. Recently, this experience, which has been labeled ‘performative bisexuality,’ has become common place in bars and at parties where two girls/women engage in same-sex behavior for the purposes of arousing men/boys. Many of these women/girl later denounce bisexuality, furthering the ‘invisible-hypervisible’ experience of bisexuality.”

Katiekitten420
Katiekitten420
2 years ago

@ellesar: I find that very interesting because although I’ve always been fully bisexual and the guys I’m talking about knew this I also did what they’re talking about, like make out or take off my top for the entertainment of guys.

To be clear I’m talking about high school and college by the time I was at the end of college I’d grown out of stuff like that. But if anyone here has read Gone Girl I can’t lie I totally aspired to be what she calls the cool girl.

The great majority of the things she mentioned were actually in my nature. I had female coded clothing interest( at first because I wanted to look as pretty as possible but then I got into my style)but what most people I knew considered male coded activity interests( Sports, video games, debate team, Dungeons & Dragons, Vampire the Masquerade and other stuff by White Wolf, and last but not least, firecrackers and fireworks or sometimes just straight-up setting shit on fire(especially while on psychedelics that was my absolute favorite pastime for a good 6 months) Etc.

Some girls really are amused by belching contests and stuff like that, all sorts of vulgar nonsense when they are teenagers. But with my insecurities it was very important to me that men find me attractive sexually for a very long time, also women but not as much as men I think that is society’s influence.

As soon as I got a few curves at my freshman year of high school I started walking around 3/4 naked most of the time. Which was not at all unusual I lived in the village in NY City. But finally I’ve matured enough that I don’t need that kind of constant attention and approval of my looks to feel like I’m worth something.

I’ve smoked too much weed tonight and I forgot the point I was trying to make but after writing all this I don’t want to just erase it. So thank you for the information. I find it very interesting because all of those things are true for me and my best friend who is also bisexual both of us have had problems with drug addiction and exhibitionism and dealt with the majority if not all of the other aspects in the article.

Alright let me get some sleep because I’m obviously too tired and stoned to be commenting anyway sorry if this makes no sense. Have a lovely day everyone.

Rahu
Rahu
2 years ago

@WWTH – I’m ace and probably aro, too. The way I look at the whole LGBT+amIincluded???? fight, is that the letter “A” is in the longer designation. As to whether that stands for “Ally” or “Ace/Aro/etc.” is admittedly, a huge fight within the community with some wanting to include us and some extremely fanatically not wanting to include us. However, both sides like allies, which I am (and I feel confident in saying “you are too”).

Thus while we don’t really fit in with the group as far as serious discrimination goes, I do identify with it at other times, and when dealing with others from the group, choose my “A” to mean “Ace” or “Ally”, depending on what will make the other person happy – saves a lot of problems and as they aren’t the Great Rule Keeper, it doesn’t really matter.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
2 years ago

@Rahu

As to whether that stands for “Ally” or “Ace/Aro/etc.” is admittedly, a huge fight within the community

Unfortunately. The A does not stand for ally. It just doesn’t. Ally isn’t an identity. It’s not marginalized. ‘The discrimination faced by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer/Questioning, Intersex, and Ally community…’ Something doesn’t belong there. It’s like if white people said to a group of folks organizing under the term PoC that white’s a color too. Yeah, nope, sorry, Todd, you don’t count, fuck outta here

Thus while we don’t really fit in with the group as far as serious discrimination goes

I would rather strongly disagree on that point. Plenty of aspecs have and do face very serious discrimination. Violence (intimate partner violence especially) against aces is a documented and too common thing, there’s studies that show people are more aggressive towards us, there are folks in essentially ace conversion therapy*, the way bias against asexuality especially intersects with toxic masculinity, etc etc
In no way tryna say yall’s experiences ain’t real, and I’m glad you haven’t faced much discrimination. But others have, and the idea that we, as a group, don’t is not only not correct but also plays into a lot of the discrimination to begin with, yanno? Not a helpful statement, so could we not? Thank you

*not just a fundamentalist religious thing, actually sanctioned by mental health professionals and in the DSM V as HSDD. As of only a few years ago, aces could dodge the diagnosis by saying they’re ace. But that relies on knowing you’re aspec (where the erasure/lack or visibility really does hurt and leads to some pretty heinous stuff like this) and having mental health professionals, and parents in some cases, who’ll believe you…

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

@Rahu

The A does not atand fpr Ally, it never has and it never will. Allies are just that. They are not a part of the community.

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

@Rahu

The A does not stand for Ally, it never has and it never will. Allies are just that. They are not a part of the community.

Wanda
Wanda
2 years ago

Ah, the ole “are aces part of the LGBTQ” community cage fight. Good fodder for Tumblr.

I agree with others that it’s a personal decision. Being aro/ace I don’t consider myself LGBTQ, even though I much prefer the LGBTQ community to cishet people, if I had to choose. They just have a much deeper and more nuanced understanding of the intersection of sex and gender than the vast majority of straight people, because they’ve had to think about it.

However, because homophobia and transphobia are such enormous forces to be reckoned with, I’ve thought that LGBT issues will always be the forefront of their battle, as they should. Because of these very important and pressing civil rights issues, aro/ace stuff kinda huddles in the back corner and inches out from time to time in hopes of getting in a word. Which is why I’d rather just consider myself part of an aro/ace community, because things that affect aces are very different (imo) from things that affect transgender, gay, lesbian, and bisexual people (well, ace people who are neither trans nor gay, such as myself). Some of these issues do intersect, as all thing sexuality-based will. But speaking as a cisgender straight-acting/appearing person who has never really “suffered” or been oppressed solely for my sexuality, who I love, or what gender I identify as, I would feel wrong stepping into a community and asking to be taken seriously. I’d feel more comfortable in a community where everyone has very similar issues to mine and one in which I don’t feel like I’m trying to talk over someone who deserves the mic more. If that makes any sense.

Some ace people do find more resistance to their sexuality than I did, and it may be why they’re more in need of the LGBTQ umbrella. The worst thing to happen to me was my mother telling me I just haven’t met the right person, which is just whatevs. I think this is why it’s different for every person. We all have our own struggles and needs for community.