By David Futrelle
Last night, a tweet from writer Lucy Valentine reminded me of the classic A Voice for Men post I wrote about several years back in which MGTOW master chef August Løvenskiolds offered up his unique recipe for “Buck Buck Chicken,” a bland and possibly slightly dry delicacy that even a MGTOW could cook, because all it involved was sticking a frozen, unseasoned chicken breast in an 450 degree oven for an hour while you yelled at feminists online. (No, really, those were his cooking instructions, yelling at feminists included.)
Anyway, this got me wondering if there were any other brilliant MGTOW recipes out there that I could share with you all. Turns out there are!
So let me present to you a recipe from the GoingYourOwnWay.com forums for “a huge pasta salad that you’ll be munching on for days.”
I think you’ll agree that this is definitely not something you will be able to finish in one sitting.
Here’s the list of ingredients provided by Master Chef MGTOWFOREVER, a “senior member” of the forum:
1 or 2 containers grape tomatos
Half a jar of Spanish Olives
1 or 2 bottles Italian dressing(I recommend Robust or House but it can be any kind)
1lb Honey Ham
1lb Pepperoni
1lb cooked salami
1lb Turkey breast
1lb provolone cheese
1lb Pepperjack cheese
1lb Cooper Cheese
Half a jar of parmasian powder cheese.
Huh. Something seems to be missing from this pasta salad recipe. I wonder what it … oh, wait, there’s one more ingredient:
A Box of Tri-color/Rainbow noodles
Ah, there we go!
You may be thinking to yourself that this less a pasta salad than a meat and cheese tray soaked in Italian dressing with a pasta accent. Or wondering if this recipe was provided to MGTOWFOREVER by the Meat and Cheese Council, a la that famous cartoon by Roz Chast.
But, hey, at least MGTOWFOREVER is stoked about his, er, salad. Here’s his advice on how to prepare this lovely meal:
Cook the noodles and as they are cooking , cut up the meat and cheese into squares. I order them at a local deli and ask for the meats & cheeses cut into slabs for chopping.They have EXCELLENT prices.
It’s true, the prices ARE pretty good at Sweeney Todd’s Meats of Uncertain Origins.
You can also use the Kraft or Store brand bag cheeses if you prefer shredded. Dice the tomatoes and olives. Put all of the ingredients except noodles into one bowl.
Into one huge fucking bowl.
Add half the bottle of dressing and a little bit of the parmasian cheese.
Once the noodles are cooked then drain them. Make sure to run the noodles under cold water for about a minute. If you don’t then the cheeses will turn into this ugly mesh looking thing.Pour the noodles back into the pot. Pour your ingredient bowl into the pot of noodles. I use a stock pot for cooking the noodles..
Wild guess: this is the only pot this guy owns.
Shake the shit out of it so everything flows together. Add the remaining dressing and paramasian cheese. You can add croutons or anything else you’d like. Be creative.
When I’m feeling especially creative I will add three or four pounds of microwaved pizza rolls, or perhaps some jalapeno poppers (at least six pounds). I haven’t tried this with MGTOWFOREVER’s pasta salad recipe, but trust me, this PRO TIP adds flavor to whatever it is you’re cooking.
You can also add several dozen bagels or a five-pound bag of Kit Kats (to taste). Garnish with Gummy Bear vitamins and a bar of soap (not the perfumed kind). Sometimes I like to top the whole thing off with an entire roast pig with an apple in its mouth. (You might need a bigger bowl for this.)
Put in the fridge for at least an 1 hour. ENJOY!
You might also have to buy a bigger fridge.
You can also use a California blend veggies. I get a huge frozen bag of that for $2 and add about a 1/4 of it during the last 2 minutes of noodle cooking.
How exactly does one measure 1/4 of a “huge?”
You don’t need to add the whole pounds of meat and cheeses. You can use half pounds(1 slab).
Yeah, if you’re a PUSSY.
I always buy by the pound so I can use the meats and cheese for other things such as chef salad, Macaroni & cheese, to grade for spaghetti, etc.
I’m sure all of your recipes are meaty, cheesy delights.
Yes I love pastas and salads. LOL.
“Salads.”
Where I buy my ingredients cost me a total of $24 and I eat off it for around 4 days. So $6 a day.
There is no fucking way you are buying all this shit for $24 unless you are buying it from Acme Slightly Expired Foods Inc or straight out of the back of a truck. The meat and cheese alone are going to cost maybe twice that.
But there is no question that this dish will provide you with some pretty hearty eating over the course of four days. On the fifth day, you get gout.
Weight really doesn’t tell very much about how much fat someone has on them anyway. Ten pounds of fat, ten pounds of water, and 10 pounds of tumor all weigh exactly the same.
@kupo
Oooohhhh NICE! ?
Kupo:
?????????
That is all.
@ opposable thumbs
I haven’t given him/her a name yet. Tbh at first I was a bit worried about him so I didn’t want to jinx anything. He seemed a bit bewildered by everything. Glad to say now he’s settled in and seems much happier. Got his food sorted. He likes catfood, and woodlice. He spends his time pottering around and sunbathing, and he’s found himself a little sunshade.
He’s a lot less shy now and doesn’t try to hide. He’s got very blue eyes.
He’s been experimenting with flapping his wings. Not quite there yet but he’s got into jumping up onto ledges and walls with a bit of feathery assistance. I do worry a bit about him though as he’s got into the habit of sleeping on this wall, but he’s already fallen down the shaft once; hence the ladder. It doesn’t seem to have put him off though.
@PeeVee
??
My husband and son are both pre-diabetic, and I do the cooking. I’ve learned a lot about portion control and healthful food choices. Fortunately, we are all opportunistic omnivores, so there is very little that we won’t eat.
I was surprised by how much I miss potatoes, though. A few weeks ago I was downtown running errands and treated myself to a basket of housemade tater tots at a local burger place. Oh. Oh oh oh. I almost wept.
@Hambeast
Have you ever tried it roasted? It’s lovely that way. We got one once in an organic box & had no idea what to do with it, so we shoved it in the oven in the same tray we were roasting some carrots & onions and even the kids liked it.
@ DawnPurityseeker
You can also do Ancestry DNA testing (which is quite a bit cheaper) and upload your DNA to one of at least 2 sites which will analyse it and tell you which genes you have related to which known things. I don’t remember the free one, but Promethease is only $10.
Most genes don’t have any related studies yet, and most of them that do, you’ll have genes that both increase & decrease your risk of things. I discovered I’m at extremely high risk (double genes for it) for a disease that causes you to have excess iron (usually only appears after menopause in women) and quite high risk for macular degeneration. I also discovered that a number of drugs are completely ineffective on me, so they do have at least some of the same info that 23& Me has.
23 and me actually doesn’t have a lot of the health-related stuff. They only recently started doing it. I use Promethease for that.
I’ve put misophistry and pyrrho on moderation. Sorry I didn’t get here sooner.
The point of my post was just to mock the idea of calling something a pasta salad that’s 9/10ths meat, and the weird pride the MGTOWs take for their terrible recipes, as if they’ve mastered the art of cooking and put women to shame because they can sort of make some very basic thing without lighting the house on fire.
If I dont’ already have it in the comment rules, I’m going to put it there: Don’t give diet advice in the comments here. Unsolicited diet advice is pretty much never a good idea. IT doesn’t matter if it’s not explicitly fat shaming, because it sort of implicitly is.
Also if you’re about to write something that you know will personally upset a lot of people here because it has something to do with their body, don’t write it. If you write something and people tell you it has personally upset them, don’t write more.
If someone asks you for advice, give it privately. I can pass email addresses on to other people here if you don’t want to mention yours publicly.
My opinion is that unsolicited advice is almost always a bad idea, regardless of the topic. But unsolicited advice about diet is super double plus a bad a bad idea.
David sums it up perfectly, once again 🙂
This is why he’s a pro writer.
Food. Came to talk about food.
I just made sammiches for self and usual pals. This was: Grilled smoked sausage, on toasted French bread (Toasted = a light coat of butter and garlic, and grilled lightly), plus mayo, spicy mustard, lettuce, tomato, and mozzarella cheese. And chips, Ruffles sour cream and onion.
Plus beer 🙂
Excellente! And – Damn, that was good! Reviews from dinner guests here 🙂
I will agree. I am a pretty good cook. If I do say so myself 🙂
It came to me though, while I was slicing up the French bread, I remembered THE biggest food LIE that has ever been perpetuated on humanity.
Right in front of your face too, but easy enough to forget.
And that is: “Fork Split” English muffins. O WHAT A GODDAMNED LIE! You cannot split these things with a fork, unless they mean fork LIFT. Or CHAIN SAW.
You could EASILY wind up in the hospital trying to split one of these things in half.
“Fork Split”? Oh you English Muffin LIARS!
I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL!!!
@Alan
I love those pics. Thanks for my morning cute! <3 <3 <3
Regards names: Odin had a couple of important ravens, Hugin and Munin, and there's a Japanese one too Yatagarasu who has three legs
Personally I would call him Gary after Spongebob's snail
@DawnPurityseeker
My favourite way to cook Brussels sprouts is to first steam them, then fry them in clarified butter along with cubetti di pancetta until they are lightly caramelised.
I didn’t know that broccolli tastes bitter to some folk either. It’s my go-to green veg for a Sunday roast.
Ah, catfood and woodlice – the fine dining choice of the discerning corvid!
@Alan thank you for the update :-)))))) I didn’t even know corvids could have blue eyes (could that be a juvenile thing, and they change colour later I wonder). (did you say whether they’re a crow or a raven? I’d guess crow, but I don’t know enough to tell especially at such a young age)
I presume the ladder is for you (unless your guest is able to feather-assist themself up rung by rung 🙂 )
I hope all goes well, and that you will let us know? I’ve read that they can tell people apart perfectly well, so you must be in the running for the great honour of being persona grata 🙂
Rewatched Roger Corman’s The Raven (1963) last night, so I keep imagining your corvid with the voice of Peter Lorre.
It is usually a juvenile thing, but there are rare exceptions – I used to have a pet Australian raven with bright cerulean blue eyes (most of his species have white eyes) despite being a right old fart of a birb.
Nope, not online or even electronic. I did once make a nice hand-drawn portrait of one of the two piggies my sister had when we were teens.
Alan and other corvid fans:
Have you ever read any Konrad Lorenz?
He was one of the early animal behavior researchers, particularly of birds and fish, and also wrote popular science essays on the subject. They are a delight to read, full of enormous affection for his subjects.
In King Solomon’s Ring, the chapter “The perennial retainers”
describes generations of jackdaws at his home, and their relationship with him, other humans, and other corvids.
The whole book is full of joyful, unabashed love of animals.
https://www.google.com.au/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=http://s-f-walker.org.uk/pubsebooks/pdfs/Konrad_Lorenz_King_Solomon%27s_Ring.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwixtdPyjsnbAhVFerwKHbVlD18QFjAPegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw2woFIo0uKXxRY9c-3ADJYF
@ croquembouche
Oh thanks for that link; that’s now in iBooks for my evening reading.
@ opposable thumbs
Well the ladder is for me, but funnily enough he must have fallen down the shaft again, because I found him on the fourth rung of the ladder this morning; so he clearly has some ladder climbing skills. Probably better than mine, but he’s not trying to do it one handed.
He’s experimenting with jumping up onto stuff; he can get about a foot off the ground now. He’s been eyeing up a window ledge though, so I think that’s his next goal.
Oops! On further reading, his own account of his position re the Nazi party minimised much and attempted to conceal even more disturbing stuff.
Read his history before you read his work if this bothers you.
Sorry.
Skylalalalalalala – Last time I had kohlrabi, I was about ten. My dad pretty much farmed most of our backyard and liked to try to raise different things. When we first started harvesting the kohlrabi, it was pretty good; like broccoli stalks, but sweeter. But we soon found out that if you leave them in the ground for too long, like ten minutes, they get woody fast. But they’re easy to grow!
My mom tried to get them used up, but we just ended up burnt out on them and my dad had to compost them. I guess the lesson is, don’t plant too many at once!
I’d probably eat them roasted, though.
@Hambeast
My dad recently started doing that. He wven tried to grow corn last year, although it didn’t go very well. It’s just too hot here in the summer.
@SFHC
::admiration/envy/wonder::
@Croquembouche yes! Too long ago, we had a copy of King Solomon’s Ring (alas it’s one of the books that didn’t come through the upheaval of clearing my late mother’s house (it’s readily available, of course, but well, that was my mum’s copy :-s))
I didn’t know about him in relation to the Nazis, though.
@Alan probably getting the idea from seeing you climb it. Just wait until they move on to the advanced stuff, like opening the fridge 🙂
@opposablethumbs,
Sigh of unsurprised disappointment. It would have been hard in those times to forge a Nobel Prize winning career without a certain degree of cooperation with the Nazi regime, but he doesn’t seem to have showed much reluctance.
I’d been looking forward to rereading the book, and maybe some others of his. Now, I think I’ll read some more on his life and actions first, to get more context on the wisdom and compassion he was so widely praised for, and how it fits in with his boosting of scientific racism.
“Did you see me on the corvideo oh oh…”
Apparently, in the wild they practice by jumping up to progressively higher objects, so I built him a training area.
He got the hang quite quickly. Note he’s sat on the highest bit.
And he’s getting a bit more confident about flapping his way, rather than walking everywhere.
https://youtu.be/XFkVBjZwcWA
I’m not sure which is more perfect: the human building a funagility circuit for a bird, and then the bird actually using it. I love this to a quite unreasonable degree.
Thank you for showing us the pics, Alan! 🙂
@Alan: that’s so cool. I love birds! I don’t have much experience with corvids but I’ve had several chicken and duck friends.
@dalillama: totally agree! Another excellent point! A lot of times weight gain is a symptom, not a cause, even though it’s treated as the cause, therefore we can spout that ridiculous CI-CO crap and blame the individual for their lifestyle instead of dealing with the actual underlying causes of disease.