By David Futrelle
Last night, a tweet from writer Lucy Valentine reminded me of the classic A Voice for Men post I wrote about several years back in which MGTOW master chef August Løvenskiolds offered up his unique recipe for “Buck Buck Chicken,” a bland and possibly slightly dry delicacy that even a MGTOW could cook, because all it involved was sticking a frozen, unseasoned chicken breast in an 450 degree oven for an hour while you yelled at feminists online. (No, really, those were his cooking instructions, yelling at feminists included.)
Anyway, this got me wondering if there were any other brilliant MGTOW recipes out there that I could share with you all. Turns out there are!
So let me present to you a recipe from the GoingYourOwnWay.com forums for “a huge pasta salad that you’ll be munching on for days.”
I think you’ll agree that this is definitely not something you will be able to finish in one sitting.
Here’s the list of ingredients provided by Master Chef MGTOWFOREVER, a “senior member” of the forum:
1 or 2 containers grape tomatos
Half a jar of Spanish Olives
1 or 2 bottles Italian dressing(I recommend Robust or House but it can be any kind)
1lb Honey Ham
1lb Pepperoni
1lb cooked salami
1lb Turkey breast
1lb provolone cheese
1lb Pepperjack cheese
1lb Cooper Cheese
Half a jar of parmasian powder cheese.
Huh. Something seems to be missing from this pasta salad recipe. I wonder what it … oh, wait, there’s one more ingredient:
A Box of Tri-color/Rainbow noodles
Ah, there we go!
You may be thinking to yourself that this less a pasta salad than a meat and cheese tray soaked in Italian dressing with a pasta accent. Or wondering if this recipe was provided to MGTOWFOREVER by the Meat and Cheese Council, a la that famous cartoon by Roz Chast.
But, hey, at least MGTOWFOREVER is stoked about his, er, salad. Here’s his advice on how to prepare this lovely meal:
Cook the noodles and as they are cooking , cut up the meat and cheese into squares. I order them at a local deli and ask for the meats & cheeses cut into slabs for chopping.They have EXCELLENT prices.
It’s true, the prices ARE pretty good at Sweeney Todd’s Meats of Uncertain Origins.
You can also use the Kraft or Store brand bag cheeses if you prefer shredded. Dice the tomatoes and olives. Put all of the ingredients except noodles into one bowl.
Into one huge fucking bowl.
Add half the bottle of dressing and a little bit of the parmasian cheese.
Once the noodles are cooked then drain them. Make sure to run the noodles under cold water for about a minute. If you don’t then the cheeses will turn into this ugly mesh looking thing.Pour the noodles back into the pot. Pour your ingredient bowl into the pot of noodles. I use a stock pot for cooking the noodles..
Wild guess: this is the only pot this guy owns.
Shake the shit out of it so everything flows together. Add the remaining dressing and paramasian cheese. You can add croutons or anything else you’d like. Be creative.
When I’m feeling especially creative I will add three or four pounds of microwaved pizza rolls, or perhaps some jalapeno poppers (at least six pounds). I haven’t tried this with MGTOWFOREVER’s pasta salad recipe, but trust me, this PRO TIP adds flavor to whatever it is you’re cooking.
You can also add several dozen bagels or a five-pound bag of Kit Kats (to taste). Garnish with Gummy Bear vitamins and a bar of soap (not the perfumed kind). Sometimes I like to top the whole thing off with an entire roast pig with an apple in its mouth. (You might need a bigger bowl for this.)
Put in the fridge for at least an 1 hour. ENJOY!
You might also have to buy a bigger fridge.
You can also use a California blend veggies. I get a huge frozen bag of that for $2 and add about a 1/4 of it during the last 2 minutes of noodle cooking.
How exactly does one measure 1/4 of a “huge?”
You don’t need to add the whole pounds of meat and cheeses. You can use half pounds(1 slab).
Yeah, if you’re a PUSSY.
I always buy by the pound so I can use the meats and cheese for other things such as chef salad, Macaroni & cheese, to grade for spaghetti, etc.
I’m sure all of your recipes are meaty, cheesy delights.
Yes I love pastas and salads. LOL.
“Salads.”
Where I buy my ingredients cost me a total of $24 and I eat off it for around 4 days. So $6 a day.
There is no fucking way you are buying all this shit for $24 unless you are buying it from Acme Slightly Expired Foods Inc or straight out of the back of a truck. The meat and cheese alone are going to cost maybe twice that.
But there is no question that this dish will provide you with some pretty hearty eating over the course of four days. On the fifth day, you get gout.
… Wait, broccoli’s bitter?
*Googles*
Well I’ll be damned… I’d never even heard about that until I read this post. Huh. It’s always been one of the mildest veggies, almost sweet, to me. ^^;; The human body is so bizarre sometimes.
Dvärghundspossen wrote:
Yes. One’s physical body is subject to the laws of physics. Regardless of how one feels about it. It is ridiculous to deny this, yet many people do. And yes, it isn’t as simple as some others imagine, which was the point of me bringing up the group of Native Americans who were, on average, heavier than the average American. From that fact, some people may imagine that they must be more gluttonous than the average American, but that would be wrong. (Factually wrong; it is worth noting that terminology that sometimes is used for moral judgments is also often used without any moral significance, not only in this case, but, for example, when someone says that someone gets the wrong answer to a math problem; typically, there is no moral judgment involved in such statements.) In the case of this particular group of Native Americans, it has been shown that they are more efficient in their use of calories, and so eating the same and doing the same things as the average American results in them being heavier. Obviously, being more efficient in the use of calories does not make them morally inferior to anyone else, nor does it involve any choice on their part. Being more efficient in the use of calories in an environment in which high calorie foods are scarce is an evolutionary advantage (which is also not a moral judgment). Two people can eat the same and have the same level of activity, without weighing anywhere near the same amount. But that does not mean that one’s weight has nothing to do with what one eats and how much one exercises; the difference is in the people not being equally efficient in their use of calories. (Which, again, is not a moral judgment about them, and is not a matter of anyone’s choice.) Being efficient in the use of calories does not necessarily entail being overweight, as the case of the Pima in Mexico demonstrates, who weigh less than the Pima in the U.S., due to a radically different lifestyle (including a radically different diet).
From the article to which I previously linked:
Mexico vs. Arizona Pima Indians
I’m real fucking sick of people equating skinny with healthy. The shape that your body comes in is not an indicator of how good it is at maintaining emotional, mental, and physical well-being.
Depriving your body of nutrients and calories that it needs to survive is a pretty goddamn good way to handicap its ability to maintain well-being, though. (And so is having ignorant assholes constantly passing value judgements on you based on your looks.)
So if being skinny will not improve a person’s well-being, and disordered eating ACTIVELY destroys that well-being, what is the fucking point of the bullshit “calories in, calories out” talking point? Even if it WAS a rule that actually worked for everyone, being skinny isn’t something that’s going to improve a person’s well-being. (Except that they might get subjected to fewer ignorant assholes making value judgements about them, but that’s a blackmaily argument that’s in the same realm of “if you don’t want violent men to kill you for rejecting them, then just don’t reject them!”)
So aside from triggering people who struggle with eating disorders, what’s the fucking point of your argument?
Well, “calories in, calories out” is trivially true, but totally useless when it comes to this discussion as the human body is not a fire*. So if you try to argue with them they can accuse you of being a zealot denying basic science. It’s the fatphobes variation on basic bigot tactic really.
* Outside of personal differences in almost everything it also reacts to outside stimuli on its own. Meaning if you put in too little calories then it will switch on the energy saving mode perfectly automatically. (Some sources even suggest it also has an energy wasting mode (like raising your body heat while you sleep) if you put in too much.) And it it will remember the experience.
So you’re just going to disregard everyone else’s points about how longitudinal studies show that dieting doesn’t work and that different people eat different amounts with different results? And we’re the ridiculous ones?
How about the fact that it’s harder to lose weight as we age? Or the fact that weight tends to stay on after childbirth? How about all the research indicating that gut flora might have a lot more to do with weight than calorie consumption? How about the effects of epigenetics? How do you explain that not only did people get suddenly fatter all over the world, even in developing nations all at once over the course of a few decades and not only that, so did animals, including lab animals who eat strictly controlled diets? It’s the people who insist that calories in -> calories out is the 100% accurate model for everyone’s body that are the ones denying science.
Nobody is saying that there’s no connection between calories consumed and body weight at all, but it’s a whole lot more complicated than that and repeating your original post does nothing to answer any of the points brought up.
So, I’m going to echo Catalpa. What exactly are you trying to accomplish? Do you even fucking care that your choice of words has triggered at least two people, maybe more considering there are lurkers? Or was that actually your goal?
Pyrrho and Misophistry are bullying now. you know your words directly hurting people in this site and you continue to say these words. It is one thing to accidentally hurt, but like Dawn said, they apologise and try to learn and don’t continue. you know you are hurting, you admit you are hurting but continue. this is the actions of a bully. I suggest you stop now and if you can, apologies and try to understand that you didn’t do the right thing in this case.
I yo-yo dieted from the day I entered basic training* until the day I separated from the USAF. I was borderline or above the outdated 1948 height/weight chart for that entire 8 years. Mind you, I wasn’t fat then; I was 5’7″ and wore a size 10. But because I weighed 145 and the chart said my upper weight should be no more than 136, I was “out of regs.”
After the flight surgeon** at one of my duty stations ‘helpfully’ wrote me a scrip for Diazide, I began abusing diuretics for weight loss. It was miserable and put me in the hospital on an IV when I got dysentery while stationed in Turkey. Even though I lost 18 lbs. in a week, it wasn’t enough to keep me from being discharged (with a pity “Honorable” marking) a few months later because I gained it all back when I was properly hydrated, of course!
After being discharged, I tried dieting about twice more before deciding to chuck the whole weight loss thing in the bin and never looked back. That decision was mainly because I wanted to go back to school and I knew how much time and effort (I did the gym thing, too) it took to lose weight and maintain the weight loss. My 3.8 GPA came with a lot of weight gain! I CHOSE to be fat at that time, yes I did.
I wear a 22/24 (US) now but my bp, blood sugar, and cholesterol are fine. So, yeah. I can lose weight, but I can’t keep it off and I refuse to try anymore because it’s a pretty miserable way to live.
So when misophistry and others come along with their oh-so-unhelpful rhetoric, I just put on my very best Southern belle bless-your-heart smile and play Lily Allen’s “Fuck You” song on repeat in my head till they stop.
*The drill instructor used to call those of us on the weight management program for our mandatory weigh-ins by yelling “Where are my lard-asses?”
**I wasn’t a patient of the flight surgeon, he was a friend of a civilian co-worker (who was an officer’s wife) in my office.
Not just because there are lurkers, but also because ED are shameful in this society which makes it incredibly difficult to talk about them. And right now there are commenters actively punishing me and intentionally triggering me for nicely asking that I not be subjected to triggering rhetoric. So of course most people wouldn’t speak up about that.
(I’ve emailed the Boss about the fuckweasels shitting on this thread, just FYI. And no, I don’t care that some of the threadshitters are regulars – you deliberately trigger people for the lulz or laugh about suicide like some two-bit edgelord in a MAGA hat, you’re a fuckweasel. Kiss my fat and healthy ass.)
misophistry, please stop. Other posts I’ve seen from you are a good contribution to discussion but this bloody week isn’t. (I haven’t seen much from Pyrro before now). Stop digging. Please.
CICO is definitely not the end all be all. Many many different things can influence how your body processes and uses the energy it receives. Stress is my roadblock to weight loss, for example. Almost every recent instance of losing or gaining can be linked to how happy and content I’ve been, as opposed to stressed or otherwise emotionally troubled.
*bloody well isn’t.
@kupo
I had no idea broccoli’s supposed to be bitter either.
I love Brussels sprouts sautéed in butter! Nutty sweet goodness, and no mush. ;p And yes delicious, delicious kale. Sometimes I grow my own and put the young shoots in a salad, or the tough adult leaves I’ll use to make some Portuguese kale soup. (With Linguicia if you can get your hands on it). Oh, and dandelion leaves (preferably young ones). Those taste bitter to me (they’re prolly not even in the same family), but I love them, and they’re very high in Vitamin C. I’ll give some to my guinea pigs when I can, since Guinea Pigs don’t manufacture their own vitamin C and like us can get scurvy.
How does cilantro taste to you? I HATE cilantro, and so does my sister. Turns out that there’s a gene that makes cilantro taste like shit. I wonder if the cilantro gene is related in some way to the cru. veggie gene? 🙂
Will do so. As a prediabetic, I believe that our needs in these discussions may be opposites, but it certainly isn’t right to trigger/worsen your disease in any way. 🙁 I will try to be more careful in the future. Thank you (and WWTH) for your informative posts!
It may not mean much, but as I remember, you posted a picture of your hair once (because you had dyed it), and while I couldn’t see your face or much of your body, what I saw looked beautiful. 🙂
Don’t believe I did so, especially since my feelings on CI/CO are pretty complex. Maybe I’ll make another post on my thoughts later, when it’s feasible to put that discussion under a trigger warning?
It doesn’t justify being rude to people who offer sympathy. I’m not your punching bag. Save it for the people who are actively voting to harm you.
@DawnPurityseeker
I loooove cilantro. Can’t get enough of it. It’s a different gene, which they also check for on 23 and me iirc. 🙂
You did not, but since it came up in the thread thought I should be 100% clear that it shouldn’t be done.
Thank you. I have a hard time accepting compliments, but I really appreciate it. I’m leaving in a few minutes to get it dyed again, actually.
Cilantro is the greatest! I hate broccoli but don’t think I have the gene for that because I do like kale.
DawnPurityseeker:
Different plant families have different types of secondary metabolites, and different animal species/individuals have differing sensitivities. We once had a guinea pig who loved dandelion (family Asteraceae) but always went “nope” on chinese cabbage (Brassicaceae), which again is among my own favorite vegetables.
The thought of cilantro makes me hungry, I’ll start to salivate. Everything is better with cilantro. EVERYTHING. Lucky me, I live in texas, where cilantro is plentiful and cheap. CILANTRO 4 LYFE!!
I love most of the cruciferous veggies, (you can keep kohlrabi) but don’t care for cilantro. I can tolerate it in small amounts, but if there’s a lot, I’ll start picking it out because a little goes a VERRRy long way for me. Same tolerance for thyme and rosemary; those start tasting like mold to me in anything but tiny amounts. I hate bell peppers and they hate me. I substitute pasilla chiles in my recipes. I have developed an aversion to salmon in the past couple of years, as well. Used to love it; go figure!
I like a bit of bitter in some things; I always get salads at Macaroni Grill because they put radicchio in theirs, for instance. If only they put fennel bulb in, I’d be transported back to Aviano!
In other OT news, Husbeast and I got some good tidings last night. MILbeast will be discharged from the convalescent hospital soon (possibly next week!) and start getting P/T in her apt. from a visiting therapist. Of course, that means we have to step up our work on her apt. It needs a good clean and the boxes she had stacked up* have to go somewhere cuz she’s going to have a walker going forward.
*she used them as tactile “landmarks” (because she’s completely blind) to guide her around, which won’t work anymore because they’re mostly empty and she now has balance issues.
@kupo
Ah, I see they test for all the important stuff on 23 and me. 😉
I wanted to get mine done, especially since they test for the genes that are responsible for producing the enzymes that activate/metabolize different medications, and I’ve had problems with Vicodin not working for me in the past. In the end, not metabolizing Vicodin (and not getting any pain relief) isn’t life threatening, but I believe the same pathway is responsible for metabolizing many other medications as well. 🙁
Human bodies are weird.
???
Ahhhhh, spill the deets! ?
@Cornychips
Well, if you like the taste of soap so much, I can pour some on for you. ? /fighting words
Yah I have 3 girls right now, and it’s a pain to remember which one likes parsley and which one hates kale. At least the rats are- ah how should I put this- “food tolerant”.
Do you have any pics of your piggies? I feel like every thread can be improved by guinea pigs.
Bah, that last part is @Artic Ape.
@DawnPurityseeker
Processing some lightened right now. We’re going with a deep bluish purple. 🙂
I think there are many different types of diets that work differently for different people, and by “work” I don’t mean weight loss. The only important thing to me is: does your body feel good eating this diet (whatever it is)? Do you feel like your food is helping you have the energy and ability to do the things you need and want? That is really the important thing, and something really only the individual can determine. And really, I think that someone’s diet is no one’s business but their own.
Good point. But my first thought after reading the above recipe was “Oh God, this guy is gonna have the worst flatulence for about a week.”
Wrote something similar earlier but it got eaten by the mammoth.
Basically, anyone who’s actually legitimately concerned about the health/wellbeing of others out of human fellow-feeling etc (and I count myself among this number) needs to instantly shut the fuck up about anyone’s weight, and most especially about hypothetically losing weight (I am right now; it sucks). Because, while there has been a massive rise in, broadly speaking, food/diet related illnesses over the past several decades in the U.S. (and some other places, but I haven’t done as much research there.) This has fuckall to do with anyone’s weight*. It also has fuckall to do with any consumer choices, inasmuch as the actual problems are systemic and relate to how food is produced and distributed (wage stagnation also plays a part, as does shitty built environment). And we can’t have a conversation about that as long as people keep wittering on about bullshit and making it all about their treasured moralizing.
*This is not strictly true; weight gain/loss is a side effect of a lot of conditions, but not a causative factor
Completely OT to everything, but … Alan, plz to be posting moar pics & info on juvenile CORVID <3 in your life. If you, I mean, if you happen to have any. Handy. To post. If you are in a juvenile corvid <3 posting mood any time?
Also, in re the above, does juvenile corvid <3 have a name?
I know it's traditional to call them Quoth (such a good name for a corbie).
(sorry, not sure how to post this. It’s a budding/in training murder of crows …?):
(David, please excuse me and delete if I’ve duplicated and/or otherwise messed up)
