By David Futrelle
Last night, a tweet from writer Lucy Valentine reminded me of the classic A Voice for Men post I wrote about several years back in which MGTOW master chef August Løvenskiolds offered up his unique recipe for “Buck Buck Chicken,” a bland and possibly slightly dry delicacy that even a MGTOW could cook, because all it involved was sticking a frozen, unseasoned chicken breast in an 450 degree oven for an hour while you yelled at feminists online. (No, really, those were his cooking instructions, yelling at feminists included.)
Anyway, this got me wondering if there were any other brilliant MGTOW recipes out there that I could share with you all. Turns out there are!
So let me present to you a recipe from the GoingYourOwnWay.com forums for “a huge pasta salad that you’ll be munching on for days.”
I think you’ll agree that this is definitely not something you will be able to finish in one sitting.
Here’s the list of ingredients provided by Master Chef MGTOWFOREVER, a “senior member” of the forum:
1 or 2 containers grape tomatos
Half a jar of Spanish Olives
1 or 2 bottles Italian dressing(I recommend Robust or House but it can be any kind)
1lb Honey Ham
1lb Pepperoni
1lb cooked salami
1lb Turkey breast
1lb provolone cheese
1lb Pepperjack cheese
1lb Cooper Cheese
Half a jar of parmasian powder cheese.
Huh. Something seems to be missing from this pasta salad recipe. I wonder what it … oh, wait, there’s one more ingredient:
A Box of Tri-color/Rainbow noodles
Ah, there we go!
You may be thinking to yourself that this less a pasta salad than a meat and cheese tray soaked in Italian dressing with a pasta accent. Or wondering if this recipe was provided to MGTOWFOREVER by the Meat and Cheese Council, a la that famous cartoon by Roz Chast.
But, hey, at least MGTOWFOREVER is stoked about his, er, salad. Here’s his advice on how to prepare this lovely meal:
Cook the noodles and as they are cooking , cut up the meat and cheese into squares. I order them at a local deli and ask for the meats & cheeses cut into slabs for chopping.They have EXCELLENT prices.
It’s true, the prices ARE pretty good at Sweeney Todd’s Meats of Uncertain Origins.
You can also use the Kraft or Store brand bag cheeses if you prefer shredded. Dice the tomatoes and olives. Put all of the ingredients except noodles into one bowl.
Into one huge fucking bowl.
Add half the bottle of dressing and a little bit of the parmasian cheese.
Once the noodles are cooked then drain them. Make sure to run the noodles under cold water for about a minute. If you don’t then the cheeses will turn into this ugly mesh looking thing.Pour the noodles back into the pot. Pour your ingredient bowl into the pot of noodles. I use a stock pot for cooking the noodles..
Wild guess: this is the only pot this guy owns.
Shake the shit out of it so everything flows together. Add the remaining dressing and paramasian cheese. You can add croutons or anything else you’d like. Be creative.
When I’m feeling especially creative I will add three or four pounds of microwaved pizza rolls, or perhaps some jalapeno poppers (at least six pounds). I haven’t tried this with MGTOWFOREVER’s pasta salad recipe, but trust me, this PRO TIP adds flavor to whatever it is you’re cooking.
You can also add several dozen bagels or a five-pound bag of Kit Kats (to taste). Garnish with Gummy Bear vitamins and a bar of soap (not the perfumed kind). Sometimes I like to top the whole thing off with an entire roast pig with an apple in its mouth. (You might need a bigger bowl for this.)
Put in the fridge for at least an 1 hour. ENJOY!
You might also have to buy a bigger fridge.
You can also use a California blend veggies. I get a huge frozen bag of that for $2 and add about a 1/4 of it during the last 2 minutes of noodle cooking.
How exactly does one measure 1/4 of a “huge?”
You don’t need to add the whole pounds of meat and cheeses. You can use half pounds(1 slab).
Yeah, if you’re a PUSSY.
I always buy by the pound so I can use the meats and cheese for other things such as chef salad, Macaroni & cheese, to grade for spaghetti, etc.
I’m sure all of your recipes are meaty, cheesy delights.
Yes I love pastas and salads. LOL.
“Salads.”
Where I buy my ingredients cost me a total of $24 and I eat off it for around 4 days. So $6 a day.
There is no fucking way you are buying all this shit for $24 unless you are buying it from Acme Slightly Expired Foods Inc or straight out of the back of a truck. The meat and cheese alone are going to cost maybe twice that.
But there is no question that this dish will provide you with some pretty hearty eating over the course of four days. On the fifth day, you get gout.
Your body has a metabolic set point it likes to live at. We did that in class one day. I found it very interesting. The more weight you put on, the higher it decides the set point is. You can lower it, but it takes a lot of hard work, like years.
I’m 5′ 6′ and about 200 pounds. It’s gone on all over, so I’m able to still fit into average clothes: I’m a UK size 16/18 (American size 12/14), 44/36/46. I don’t like my weight, I don’t like seeing pictures of me, I worry about it, and it makes me sad. I often feel like people are judging me. I don’t know if they are, on my good days I think it is happening in my head, but sometimes it feels real. I feel like there’s a lot of stuff I can’t have because I’m overweight, like a good job, male attention, pretty clothes; I do have all of those things in abundance (rather too many clothes, if I’m honest) but I don’t feel like I deserve them.
The 200 pound mark is my set point; I’ve been pretty much around that weight, give or take bout 7 pounds each way, for the last 15 years. Doesn’t matter what I eat, I can go to a festival and spend five days stuffing myself with chips, muffins and beer, or I can live on chicken and stir fried veg and rice for a week. Yeah, I will gain/lose a couple of pounds, but eventually I’ll always be back at 200.
I don’t drive, so I walk a lot, and I do 5+ martial arts and have a physical job with a lot of lifting and walking. I eat fairly healthy, although I love sweet things and cannot resist a slice of cake; but I can stop at one slice. I can run up four flights of stairs without getting out of breath. But I’m always 200.
I am on a lot of medication, which possibly doesn’t help things (I have psoriatic arthritis, and the meds for that give you depression; so I have to also be on antidepressants, and then weight loss is harder)
@KatieKitten420 LOL, I am really sensitive to mood changes caused by sugar – if I ate that amount of Skittles I’d be permanently hanging off the ceiling light growling at people. We’re clearly genetic opposites, we should go see a doctor together and get our genes tested to solve the mysteries of metabolism haha
That whole thing was meant to be a response to Katie –
Actually, after I posted, I rethought that whole post. There are some people here who might be upset through talk of weight and stats and so on, because it is triggering if you have had an eating disorder, so I would have liked to delete it.
However, today is the day the website has decided to eat my edit/delete button. So I’m sorry but I can’t take it down.
Well I’m awake again and the subject is still food and diet, and my post has been a little misrepresented.
My post did not contain fat shaming, read it again if you can. I did not even use the F or O words, I did not say it was simple in fact I said it was VERY HARD and took many years and that many people who try fail.
I am honestly confused where you got the idea that I said all these terrible things, like that losing weight is simple or that anyone can do it easily regardless of circumstance. I certainly did not say that. You are projecting onto my words here.
The part about self-deception was harsh, but that is how I got overweight and I don’t doubt I’m not the only one. But obviously this can’t apply to all and for implying that I am very sorry. SORRY!!! Mea culpa.
Please continue to be yourselves. I couldn’t stop you if I wanted to.
No. No, I think you’ll find you’re wrong. No-one misrepresented what you posted.
If by ‘F’ you mean ‘Fucking’ and ‘O’ you mean ‘Oath’, then fuckin’ oath, yes, you posted a totally risible comment.
Know what people are upset about? It’s that you are repeating calories in calories out like it’s a mantra when multiple people are telling you that’s just not true. If it was how could I eat literally between 3 and 4000 calories a day most days and stay 108 lb? I couldn’t therefore it’s just not true. You’re acting like it’s as simple as calories in calories out that is what is annoying people. For the last time it’s just not.
I can eat literally three times as many calories as a friend of mine who is almost 70 pounds heavier then me. She eats about a 1500 calorie a day diet on average we’re almost the exact same height but she weighs 175 pounds. Why does she weigh literally close to twice my weight if it’s calories in calories out and people are just deluding themselves and all that nonsense? I put three times as many calories in so why am I tiny? I never heard what Violet just said before and that really interests me. Thanks a lot Violet for the info.
That thing about a metabolic point I think that’s true for me because I’ve stayed between 106 and 112 for the last decade and a half since I gained the weight back after my bout of anorexia in high school. No matter what I eat or how much activity I do it seems utterly irrelevant. This is obviously for me personally. Everyone is different. I’m about to go to sleep, have a lovely day all.
What I read about set point theory is that well, it’s somewhat of a misnomer. People seem to have a set range and changing your weight in that is relatively easy*, but outside of it is incredibly hard (both up or down) because your body goes into emergency mode. It also to our current knowledge can only move up** not down***.
* Basically the whole “weight loss is easy because even I could drop 10 pounds!” phenomenon.
** This can happen by constant extreme overeating, but also starvation pushes the set range up (alongside the slowing metabolic rate) to get ready for the next “famine”. Now add that current “weight loss” methods are generally artificial famine and you get the dreaded yo-yo effect.
*** There are some diets that claim they can do that but as far as I know none could provide any reliable evidence.
@Surplus asked:
Eh, much as I love potatoes, corn, and peas, they aren’t the only veggies I like. I eat a fair amount of broccoli and baby spinach, or salads with romaine lettuce and/or spring mix. I also have potatoes or peas or corn occasionally, but how much I can have depends on what else I’m eating. For example, one of my favorite takeout meals is a spring mix salad with feta cheese and tzatziki, with turkey and mushroom meatballs, and french fries. Especially because the french fries aren’t really salted; they’re topped with a spice mix I really love. On occasion (like if I’ve had a bad day or I’m in a hurry) I’ve had a bacon cheeseburger and fries.
It’s pretty easy for me to stick to my meal plan now that I’ve done it for a couple years, but I wasn’t happy about counting carbs at first. Now it’s second nature. It helps that Mr. Parasol is supportive, reading labels with me and making sure I’m monitoring my blood glucoses and taking my meds on time. I’m also lucky in that I don’t need insulin more than a couple times a year right now, which beats the days when I needed insulin at every meal and a couple units of Lantus before bedtime. Ugh.
Malitia, that sounds exactly right to me. I learned in high school by altering my diet essentially starving myself if I’m honest I can weigh as little as 90 pounds but I’ve never weighed more than 116 lb ever and that was when I was in the hospital and literally could not get out of bed for weeks so I guess my body just wasn’t able to burn anything at all.
But well honestly I can’t lie maybe it’s possible for me to be less than 90 lb cause I’ve never tried to be. I don’t think I actually ever had body dysmorphia or anything like that my eating disorder was socially imposed in my brain. I didn’t want to be as thin as possible, I wanted to look like the size 0 girls in the magazines. To high school me, 90 lb was ideal in my mind. When I weighed 90 lb I was properly thin. As WWTH said she could pinch herself and still pinch an inch. When I was 90 lb I could not do that(And to be absolutely clear about how ridiculous that concept is I can’t do it at 90 lb but I can do it if I weigh about 95, 96 lb I can pinch a tiny something even at 95 lb)Now that I’m more reasonable in my eating habits I stay between 105 and 110 and that’s it for as long as I can remember.
I don’t think I could be much more than a hundred and ten even if I tried. Definitely I could not sustain it. Isn’t that exactly the opposite of people who try to lose weight and can’t sustain it? So why am I better then them according to some(shallow and ignorant, imo)parts of society when both groups pretty much have the exact same condition except reversed. Now I’m actually going to sleep.
I was reading CS Friedman coldfire trilogy again and I just finished the first one black sun rising. If you like really dark fantasy you’d like CS Friedman. She also has another Trilogy called the Magister trilogy if you’d prefer something centered on females that is also excellent. Everyone have a great weekend.
Having to gag down broccoli and spinach on doctor’s orders is one of my nightmares. I’m sorry it’s become reality for you.
Nah, Surplus, I *like* broccoli. And fresh baby spinach is great on a sandwich. I’ve also got some great one-dish meal recipes that call for chopped spinach and sun-dried tomatoes, and I love ’em.
I do miss being able to eat fruit without calculation. I’d like to be able to eat grapes without measuring them out. I miss ice cream, and having homemade bread every week, and other stuff like that, but spending a week in the hospital … THAT was my nightmare.
The manosphere seems to veer between two extremes of eating. There’s the “fuck you Imma stuff my face with deep fried cheesy bacon-stuffed cheese bacon garnished with live hand grenades because salad is girly” diet, of which the OP’s recipe is a prime example; and then at the other extreme there’s the Spartan redpill paleo diet, which is touted as the key to achieving self-discipline, a sculpted body, and Chad nirvana. There is no in between.
It’s not so much what they eat, as why, that’s problematic. Just like sex, food and exercise get reduced to one size fits all, based on a simplistic input/output model that doesn’t take any other variables into account. So much of manosphere advice boils down to “do X action and achieve Y result”. Because everyone should want Y result. Y result will bring you happiness. If you didn’t achieve Y result, you must have done it wrong. It’s never the diet that failed, only the person.
There are no easy answers. I’m sorry this thread has stirred up so much anger and hurt feelings for everybody (not just food, but people lashing out over the recent election results). I need a commenting break, myself.
@ buttercup
Someone cleverer than me could probably do an article about the MRAlt-Right’s weaponisation of food choices. There’s all the stuff you mention, then, for example, the use of ‘soyboy’ as default insult.
But you targeted me, specifically. Why did you think it applied to me? Why did you think I needed to swallow your little black pill?
Btw, right now I’m remembering having my breakfast restricted to one sad little shredded wheat cake (got shamed when I tried to have 2) with skim milk and crying first thing in the morning, so thanks a lot for that.
People are lashing out over the recent election results because those recent election results are going to kill people, including at least one of those lashing out. I think under such circumstances a little lashing out is justified. Besides, isn’t lashing out at right-wingers who are destroying everything kinda what we do here?
The “if it didn’t work for you, you must be doing it wrong” is rampant in the right wing (“you don’t have a suburban house, a 9 to 5 full time white-collar job, manageable debt, and the prospect of retirement security like I did at your age after getting my degree? You must be doing it wrong, lazy bastard”) and also in alternative medicine (“if the magnets/prayer beads/psychic surgery/etc. didn’t work for you, you must not have believed hard enough!”) and other areas where practitioners actively shun being held to account by empirical evidence.
Alternative medicine, MRA-prescription diets, supply-side economics, HBD/”scientific” racism, MRA-evo-psych, climate change denial … all cut from the same cloth.
@Victorious Parasol: how can you possibly like broccoli? It, and all the other cruciferous vegetables, taste vile. Though … maybe it’s like how some people are into being whipped? Or jumping into ice-cold water instead of comfortable-temperature water? Certainly mystifying. I don’t suppose … is there anyone on this site who would voluntarily sniff skunk? Is every nominally-aversive stimulus not aversive to some small fraction of the populace, or are some of them 100% universal? If the latter, what makes the difference — why would whipping, extreme cold, and vile tastes not be universally aversive but some other things would be?
What the flaming fuck?
I kinda thought it was frowned upon to give unsolicited weight loss advice. Is this not a common theme for most progressive comment sections?
And why the particular nasty remarks towards kupo? So much passive-aggression. Like, yuck. Weird. Not cool.
If nobody is saying “hey folks, how do I lose weight?” We should all keep our big mouths closed and not prosyltize our freakin “weight loss journeys”.
And the sorry, not sorry bullshit can be seen from orbit.
I have a gene variant, confirmed by 23 and me, which is linked with an inability to taste the bitter flavor in cruciferous vegetables. They’ve always been my favorite veggies. Which is sad because, as I mentioned earlier, they make me sicker. So now I only get them every once in a while as a treat. I had some cabbage last month. It was lovely.
Edit: I didn’t even know they were bitter until I learned about the variant.
@surplus
Some of us like skunk. Haha. I have a friend that actually rolls down the windows on the highway if there is skunk roadkill and takes a deep breath. Gross. Aaaand hilarious.
And I like skunky too. But I prefer to smoke it. 😉
If my experience with Rule 34 is any indicator, then I’m pretty sure that for any given stimulus, there is somebody, somewhere, who REALLY likes it.
Okay. I’ll read it again. Even though it was upsetting.
No, you didn’t say it was easy, but did you did say anyone could do it with wherewithal. You parroted the line that people are only fat because they lack the will to be thin. That is harmful and yes, shaming.
Then you said that everyone who has counted calories to no avail is lying. You think there’s no shaming in saying that people are liars? That you know their behavior and diet better than they do?
Then when Kupo pointed out that your words are triggering people, you did this
You may not have said that fat people are horrible, or that fat people must lose weight or they are horrible, but you did use the same language that is always employed by those who do outright hate fat people.
Is anyone supposed to be believe that apology was sincere when this is a pretty clear implication that ourselves = something that should be stopped but couldn’t AKA bad.
@DawnPurityseeker
Your comments didn’t trigger me, but they were getting close to that line which is why I asked to please not assign values to food. Your follow-up that certain diets must certainly be unhealthy did upset me, but I was already in a bad state at that point and as a dev I know not to trust any data obtained from a system in a bad state isn’t to be trusted. 😉
In the future, just please avoid using good/bad healthy/unhealthy to describe food choices. Also definitely avoid talking about how calories in/calories out works and people who think otherwise are deluded. Those are things that can cause me (and I know there are others, too) to get back into that bad state.
@WWTH
I missed the edit window, but thank you. There was no was I was going to be able to go back and read that. I’m still in a bad state right now. Not to mention, we specifically asked people not to talk in that way because we knew it was triggering for us. Why should I have to go back, re-read something that triggered an illness, risking getting triggered again (but right now I still am, so at this point it would just push me further/deeper into that state), to justify why the exact thing we asked to avoid did, in fact, trigger me?
@ Surplus
Dunno. I just like broccoli. I don’t care for brussel sprouts (but I don’t give Mr. Parasol grief when he makes them for himself). I think zucchini is yucky. Lima beans can go to people willing to give them a good home. But I like broccoli, especially with a little soy sauce on top, or as part of a stir fry. Earlier this week I had medallions of grilled duck on a bed of carrots and broccoli in plum sauce, and I adored it.
Variety exists because we all like different things.
It is amazing to me that behaviors that would be red flags for an eating disorder in a thin or medium sized person are considered not just acceptable, but required behavior for fat people if they don’t want to be seen as worthless.
Obsessive monitoring of calories and eating starvation rations, avoiding social situations where this is food, magical thinking about certain foods being either good or bad with bad foods being something that will instantly make you fat, obsessive rituals like weighing portion size and writing down everything you eat, dropping large amounts of weight in a short period of time (which is bad for the heart), going on liquid diets, surgically altering a body part so that eating a full meal is difficult/impossible, self loathing and fear of gaining weight, anxiety over missing an appointed work out session and probably more things I’m forgetting.
There was a famous study at the University of MN in which healthy “normal” weight college men were put on calorie restricted diets and monitored. It literally drove them crazy. They started hoarding food, they got anxiety, they had bad dreams. So make no mistake about it. It is oppression when we expect as a society that fat people of all genders and all women who aren’t super thin sacrifice their physical and mental health to become more aesthetically pleasing. It is fucked up to the extreme that if someone goes above a certain size, they are expected by the media, the medical establishment and even friends and family to become eating disordered to be considered healthy. Even though dieting is well proven to not work. And notice how people who consider themselves rational will completely ignore the studies that show dieting doesn’t work and that people in the overweight BMI category are actually healthier than people in the normal weight BMI category.
Anyway, maybe I should stop ranting now.
@WWTH
Please don’t ever stop <3