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Old pickup artist yells at “cultural hermaphroditism”

Heartiste: Probably not a big Marlene Dietrich fan

By David Futrelle

Alt-rightish PUA blogger Heartiste seems to be transforming before our eyes into the internet equivalent of a cranky old man from a 1970s sitcom who’s forever grousing about how you can’t tell the boy hippies from the girl hippies because they all have long hair.

In a recent post, Heartiste laments what he sees as the rise of “cultural hermaphroditism,” that is,

a strange and creepy merging of the sexes in America toward an androgynous unisex of masculinized females and feminized males.

But Heartiste doesn’t see this alleged new androgyny as simply a matter of style. No, he thinks that women are becoming mannish and men are becoming womanish biologically, with more and more women sprouting angular “manjaws” while men’s hips grow broader.

“While research is scant, I believe based on what I see happening around me that this cultural androgynization has a biological component as well,” he contends, suggesting that the lack of actual evidence for this alleged biological trend is the result of the evil forces of political correctness making it impossible for scientists to get grants to study such things as “the enlargement of women’s jaws or the narrowing of women’s hips.”

Naturally, as an aspiring cranky old man, Heartiste is most horrified by what he thinks is happening amongst the millennials, declaring that

the androgyne phenomenon is getting worse, and goes beyond desexualizing or uni-sexualizing fashion statements. Something profoundly disturbing is going on with the bodies of, in particular, American Millennials. Sexual dimorphism is flipping; the sexes aren’t just converging on an asexual norm…they’re swapping body types!

First with the avocado toast, now this! Damn Millennials.

I see so many 20s and 30s women with the broad shoulders and narrow hips natural to men, and so many men with the narrow shoulders and broad hips natural to women. It’s as if the sexual market turned upside down and switched sexes.

Even if we were to accept that the “sexual marketplace” is a real thing, how on earth could it cause literal changes in human bodies over the course of a single generation?

Well, don’t expect an answer to that from Heartiste, who’s got his thesaurus out now.

Manjaws lumber cityscapes on africanized pelvic fulcrums as their cantilevered shoulders cut swathes through cowed crowds. Their vaginas seem misplaced on them.

As unsettlingly, soyboys swish and swivel on bulbous pear-shaped haunches, supporting droopy unmuscled flesh that recedes upwardly to strangely child-like clavicles and diminutive shoulder spans, upon which soft rounded heads jerk fearfully out of the way of the manjaws with snapping vaginas.

This is the worst David Cronenberg movie ever.

Social conditioning can’t do this to bodies.

Wow. A rare acknowledgement of reality from Heartiste.

Something evil lurks in our environment, in our ecology, that’s responsible for the sexual polarity reversal.

And we’re back into the land of mystical conspiracy-mongering.

I suspect that the same evil is responsible for the xenophilic anti-White virtue sniveling insanity currently gripping the White Left, and which left unanswered and unchecked will mean the end of America as a nation distinct from the vast dirt and dystopia fields of the Hued World.

So there’s, what, a chemical in the water that causes women to grow “manjaws” and men to grow wider hips? And it also makes people mad at racists? Like the sort of racists who refer to countries that don’t have majority white populations as “the Hued World?”

If the March of the Manjaws and the Mewl of the Micemen proceeds apace, what consequences can we expect to see unfold in our society?

Whatever they are, I just hope they’ll lead to fewer people writing like this.

Heartiste is convinced that the future armies of “masculinized women” will combine the worst characteristics of “both men and women.” They’ll be “stridently aggressive and competitive like men but lacking the instinct of loyalty, cooperativeness, and duty of men.” Yet they’ll also be “cruelly subversive and passive-aggressive like women but lacking the nurturing vulnerability and intoxicating femininity of women.”

And yes, he’s predicting all this because he’s convinced himself that there are more women walking around with square jaws than there were a few years ago.

But wait, what about the men with the wide, childbearing hips?

Somewhat the reverse applies to feminized men, who have the submissiveness and avoidance mentality of women hitched to the single-minded focus of men, and the indiscriminate nurturing of women weaponized by the tribal boundary patrolling of men.

Is it just me or did that sentence just lurch its way into complete incoherence there at the end?

Within a few generations of this grotesque circus side show we will likely see society eating the last of its seed corn as once-admired institutions succumb to abject corruption, in-fighting, vapid credentialism, even more vapid moral preening, and finally systemic breakdown of basic civilizational functions.

Amazing what you can deduce from seeing a few women with square jaws on your way to work one day.

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Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
6 years ago

@Surplus to Requirements:

How about “Quacking xenophobes watch manjaws lumber cityscapes on africanized pelvic fulcrums”?

Not very efficient, but it covers all the bases.

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
6 years ago

@iknklast:

This is the sort of writing I see in some of my undergrads who haven’t figured out yet that simplicity in writing can be a good thing, and don’t want to use “overused” ordinary words, so they throw in all sorts of synonyms. Fortunately, most of them outgrow it and start to write coherently and well.

Others, however, grow up to become psychology professors and cult leaders.

OT: Has anyone else here seen that photo of Trump and one of the Kardashians in the Oval Office? That is the grin of a man who has been very sternly told to keep his hands in sight at all times while cameras are in the room, and is finding it very hard to obey.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Trump and one of the Kardashians

Oh great, a vacuous Ill-informed realty TV ‘celebrity’, and one of the Kardashians.

RosieLa
RosieLa
6 years ago

Ah, our old friend. I’d wondered what he’d been getting himself up to lately. Evidently “writing prose that makes sense” never made it to the top of his to-do list.

Also, I burst out laughing so hard at “This is the worst David Cronenberg movie ever.” that I startled the cat, who is now glaring at me from across the room.

Time to comfort him on my broad shoulders, which are such because the world is flipping (if I understand correctly) and has nothing to do with the fact that I do physical labour of the lifting heavy objects variety!

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
6 years ago

@Alan

I don’t know if “realty TV” was deliberate or a typo, but if I were you I’d claim “deliberate.”

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Er yeah, I meant to do that.

(Channeling every cat who’s ever fallen off something)

JoeB
JoeB
6 years ago

There’s so much wrong but I fixated right on the start. Umm Hermaphroditus was considered a great beauty. I mean the origin story (warning: greek gods are terrible people) is that the son of Aphrodite and Hermes was so pretty when he wandered off at 15 and turned down the advances of a water nymph, she hid until he bathed in the pool, jumped on his back and started groping him and prayed to never be separated from him. The prayer was granted by them merging into one being.

Kevin
Kevin
6 years ago

He’s trying his hand at Vogon poetry and getting sidetracked.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

It’s funny that the manosphere – Fartiste included – have spent quite a bit of time obsessing over female thinness and claiming that teen girls, who have narrower pelvises than fully adult women represent the perfect fertile ideal, and now all of a sudden it’s bad when women don’t have wide enough hips. As a curvy woman, I’m not too thrilled at the prospect of my body type becoming popular with these dingleberries.

Also, March of the Manjaws sounds like a Pixar movie.

Austin G Loomis
Austin G Loomis
6 years ago

“You’ll notice they don’t have any trouble walking in this muck — that’s because they have claws on their feet.”

RubyHypatia
RubyHypatia
6 years ago

Karen is at it again:

The Decline of Female Happiness | Karen Straughan #RPRF

Robert
Robert
6 years ago

I was addressed as ‘soyboy’ by some chump on Facebook. He seemed disconcerted when I laughed at him instead of clutching my pearls.

The overheated fever dream recounted by the OP reminds me of the idea that our reality is created by our perceptions. His perception of reality is certainly creative; why he’s decided to live in a badly written 1970s dystopian novel (say, “Brave New World” by John Norman) is a puzzlement.

Fluffy Spider, Bovine Leader of the Farm Animal Revolution
Fluffy Spider, Bovine Leader of the Farm Animal Revolution
6 years ago

Unrelated why the new title? That incel post about farm animals (I get compared to a cow a lot).

Heartiste certainly likes outdated phrasing like Africanized doesn’t it?
Who even uses that anymore?

Full Metal Ox
Full Metal Ox
6 years ago

@ Professor Fate:

This rather sounds like the intro to a song that is a rip off of David Bowie’s Diamond Dogs.

Beat me to the punch; Heartiste’s stream-of-consciousness surreal dystopianism is very much the sort of thing I was committing at about fourteen, when I contracted a severe case of Diamond Dogs–except that don’t recall my self-indulgences having included -normative and -phobic douchebaggery, though. (Indeed, I wasn’t even absolutely certain what gender Bowie was when I happened upon the 1980 Floor Show on Midnight Special–but that hardly deterred my overwrought teenage hormones.)

@ Laugher at Bigots: Bear in mind that the class of “mice” includes the Southwestern grasshopper mouse, who routinely and fearlessly preys upon scorpions, snakes, and centipedes. Oh, and Reepicheep. And even Mickey was a badass adventurer in Floyd Gottfredson’s Golden Age newspaper comic strips, an aspect of the character that Kingdom Hearts and Epic Mickey seem to have revived.

Citizen Justin
6 years ago

@ Robert – John Norman wrote the Gor novels, not ‘Brave New World’, and I assume you are thinking about the Gor novels.

I have read many of the Gor novels – to be honest, the first five are quite fun – and I expect Heartiste would certainly like to live on that fictional planet. However, he would enjoy the idea of women enjoying rape and slavery, which is what the books increasingly concentrate on, rather more than the possibility of being enslaved himself, killed in battle, or eaten. Which is likely what would happen, were the planet real.

Aldous Huxley wrote ‘Brave New World’, and the film ‘Demolition Man’, which takes some ideas from that book, acknowledges this by calling a character ‘Lenina Huxley’. Lenina Huxley was played by Sandra Bullock, who has a famously square jaw. And was a crush for millions upon millions of young men in the 90s. So as one of them, I am glad Heartiste presumably wasn’t. Maybe Sandra Bullock is too?

Laugher at Bigots, Mewling Mouseman

Bear in mind that the class of “mice” includes the Southwestern grasshopper mouse, who routinely and fearlessly preys upon scorpions, snakes, and centipedes. Oh, and Reepicheep. And even Mickey was a badass adventurer in Floyd Gottfredson’s Golden Age newspaper comic strips, an aspect of the character that Kingdom Hearts and Epic Mickey seem to have revived.

All the more reason to claim it, then.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
6 years ago

“While research is scant, I believe based on what I see happening around me that this cultural androgynization has a biological component as well…

Who needs research when you can just pull it out of your arse? A lack of research has never stopped these genius social scientists known as dudebros before.

Hippodameia
Hippodameia
6 years ago

Vogons write better poetry than that.

Katherine the Adequate
Katherine the Adequate
6 years ago

My compliments to all who attempted to dissect this rambling man-pua’s stream of semi-consciousness verbiage. Bravely and nicely done! And WWTH, March of the Manjaws would make a great movie title, a Raspberry Award contender to be sure!

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
6 years ago

Sexual dimorphism is flipping; the sexes aren’t just converging on an asexual norm…they’re swapping body types!

Humans are barely sexually dimorphic as is. It’d be weirder if you didn’t see some ‘swapping’ within a sample size as small as ‘what you see happening around you’

Their vaginas seem misplaced on them

Don’t you hate it when you’re leaving from a party, grab your coat and accidently take the wrong genitals? Now you gotta try and find out how the mix up happened, trade back with whoever got yours by mistake. It’s a mess

Mewl of the Micemen

My band name, too late, I called it

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent, Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent, Bard of the New Movement
6 years ago

One and all, we’ll make y’all see
The bliss of sweet androgyny
Draped in all our finery
Defyin’ the gender binary
Flyin’ high, but we don’t hurt none
Can’t catch us with a smoking gun
Boy, feel that blood rush
We can see you blush

Catalpa
Catalpa
6 years ago

Curses! My nefarious plot has been uncovered!

You see, I wrote a computer virus that acts as an actual virus, and what it does is remove tiny portions of the second X chromosome present in cis women, and the grafts that chromosomal fragment onto the Y chromosome present in cis men. In this way, I am able to biologically alter people in a short period of time, without having to worry about slow processes like “evolution”.

But it’s too late! My virus has infected the entire internet by now! No website is safe! Soon all will become feminized men or masculinized women, until there is no difference between the two! Muahahahaha!

There is only one way for my plan to fail, now. If manly men like Heartiste decide to completely forgo the internet and never again venture online, the male race may yet be spared.

Comrade GC
Comrade GC
6 years ago

Is it just me or does Heartiste sound like he’s attempting to rip off books like “Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?” and but doing so very poorly? I ask because the book in question has similar quotes in the first few chapters, however they aren’t as… surreal?..

F is for 'Fro'
F is for 'Fro'
6 years ago

Wow, I can’t imagine why people WOULDN’T want to join the ranks of Heartiste with such a structured and well formed argument that’s totally backed up by scientific evid–

Oh, wait.

Guess I’ll keep drinking this soymilk, then.

me and not you
me and not you
6 years ago

So this is a thing that’s happening. I’m not sure if it’s been dropped in any of the other posts, but I thought I’d leave this here. (also I have no idea how links work for this so I’m just hoping for the best here)

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nathan-larson-congressional-candidate-pedophile_us_5b10916de4b0d5e89e1e4824?vf5