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Wishing my beautiful daughter a great time at prom after I shoot her date in the dick

Keep your paws off of my daughter!

By David Futrelle

On Saturday, former NFL star Jay Feely posted this pic on twitter:

Feely later clarified that the picture was meant as a joke, so I guess it’s a bit of a relief to know that he wasn’t literally planning to gun down his daughter’s boyfriend if he found out that the two had engaged in some variety of sex-having.

As jokes go, though, this isn’t exactly an original one. A quick search on the Google will turn up countless variants on Feely’s joke, many of them available for purchase in the form of signs and t-shirts.

Not everyone on the internet thought Feely’s variation on this old joke was all that funny.

https://twitter.com/nachdermas/status/988128179821916160

Some made their own jokes:

https://twitter.com/gothstepdad/status/988118581572526080

https://twitter.com/LilRevive/status/988156277179256832

And then, of course, there were the cute animals.

https://twitter.com/bkerogers/status/988260730725126150

Ok, maybe cute isn’t the right word for that last tweet.

But my favorite response was the angry email that gun control activist Shannon Watts got from someone insisting that the dad was perfectly correct to pull out his gun to “protect” his daughter’s “chastity” because once a woman has been with too many dicks she loses the ability to love.

Huh. Seems like I’ve heard that argument before. Evidently, the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit is leaking again.

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Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

@Dvarghundspossen:

That’s interesting. I didn’t realize it’s a specifically American tradition. I thought it was sort of a western Christianity tradition, if that makes any sense.

I went to a wedding in Ottawa, Canada many years ago. Come to think of it, I don’t remember the bride’s father giving her away.

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
2 years ago

Registry office, and because we totally coincidentally had a sort-of-matching pair of very tall, bearded blokes as friends, we decided on the spur of the moment to ask them to be our dames d’horreur which they were very happy to do :-). No aisle, no walking, and definitely no “giving away” of anybody (ugh). (oh, and no dress. Never did like dresses, personally. Trousers ftw)

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
2 years ago

Me and Husband decided to get married after we’d been a couple for only like six months or so, and we were pretty young too, so at first our parents were all sceptical. Then my mum did a complete 180 and managed to drag the rest of the parents with her; she got so wedding enthusiastic, I wanna call her a bridezilla, but since she wasn’t actually the bride I guess she was a mother-of-the-bride-zilla.

I’m from a working class background and grew up without that much money, but at this point in time my dad had managed to work his way up and become a manager. So my parents had money at this point, and mum announced (I think without asking dad first) that they were gonna pay for the wedding “since that’s tradition”. In the end, Husband’s parents also chipped in, but we didn’t pay squat; good for us since we really didn’t have much money at that point.
So basically it was the whole deal; I had a dress sewn up for me, my sisters who were maids had dresses specially made too, Husband wore a coat of tails etc, and we were driven from the church to the reception in a 19th century coach with horses.

Then late in the evening, when everyone was drunk, including mum, she went up to me and looked at me very sternly and said:
– You know, in the end, we had to take out a loan to pay for all this. So you can never get divorced now!
I guess I just nodded?

Anyway, 17 years later and no divorce on the horizon, so it’s all good…

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Lumipuna:

Finally, I recall that years ago the Nordic dairy company Arla had this advertising slogan, “There’s a small cow living inside each of us”.

Know what that brings to my mind?

laserqueen
laserqueen
2 years ago

One of five daughters here, dad never displayed anything like this crap. At one point when two of us were married, he told us that the first three would get weddings and the last two would get $5,000 and a ladder. In retrospect- I really should have taken the $5,000 and a ladder!

opposablethumbs
opposablethumbs
2 years ago

$5000 sounds very useful, but I’m confused about the ladder … ???

Dalillama: Irate Social Engineer

Whereby to climb out the window and elope.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I have no plans in the immediate future to marry, but if I ever do, I want to do it at the courthouse and then have a low key party in someone’s house to celebrate. I have never had a desire for a church, a march down the aisle, a wedding dress, bridesmaids, sappiness, any of that. Not that I’m disparaging people who do want all that. It’s just so not me.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

I want to do it at the courthouse

I forgot judges could marry people over there. You could have great fun with a Bonnie & Clyde type escapade; then save money at the same time.

“Do you have anything to say before I pass sentence?”

“Er, I do?”

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Well, in my city at least, it’s more of a large government center with various departments than a traditional looking courthouse. What do you do in the UK if you want a no fuss quick marriage?

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

We have what’s called Registry Offices. So the registrar (who’s the person responsible for recording births, deaths, and marriages) can do a quick ceremony.

ETA: I think it’s different in Scotland; hence the tradition of eloping couples marrying at Gretna Green. That’s the first town across the border. Dalillama knows a bit about this I seem to recall.

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

The Gretna Green thing predates the registry office; mid 1700s England passed a law saying nobody under 21 could marry without parental permission, while Scotland allowed boys 16+ and girls 14+ to marry with two witnesses and a third party to officiate. A blacksmith, or ‘anvil priest’ often served. The openeing of a coach line across the border allowed young English couples easy access to cross-border villages like the Green. The registry office was created a century later; around the same time, Scotland passed a law saying you needed 3 weeks residency to marry.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

That doesn’t sound too different from the US. It’s just that there’s courts in the same giant county government building as the driver’s licenses, marriages, birth certificates etc. There’s also various social services there.

There are smaller satelites with fewer services in the suburbs, but this is the downtown Minneapolis location

http://stmedia.startribune.com/images/1abeat102116.jpg

So yeah, a lot of stuff in there.

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

I refused to have parents walk either of us down the aisle. At first my husband was upset because he wanted his mom to walk him down the aisle to upend the tradition but I wasn’t comfortable with any of that, so he and I walked down the aisle together.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

I like that building. Presumably that’s a copper roof? I’d like to see it with, what I’m guessing is a fountain, in use.

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
2 years ago

Ted Bundy married his girlfriend when he was on trial for the murder of the 12 year old Kimberly Leach. Supposedly, he and his girlfriend took advantage of an old law on the books in Florida, that a marriage was valid as long as it occurred when a judge was present. There was a notary in the courtroom audience to validate it, and a writer who’d been interviewing Bundy for an upcoming book even provided wedding rings.

I’m sure Bundy’s proposal is immortalized somewhere on YouTube.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m actually surprised I haven’t seen manosphere apologia for Ted Bundy before. He was a political conservative who was manly enough to bust out of prison and he killed women that looked like an ex-girlfriend who’d dumped his loser ass. You’d think he’d be their hero.

ETA: By bust out of prison, I mean slipped out of the courthouse because the guards were way too fucking lax. But hey, details, details.

Jurgan
2 years ago

Maybe someone beat me to it, but there’s only one correct response to this sort of thing:

https://shop.spreadshirt.com/oymy/her+body+her+rules+mens+sleeveless-A16260684

Rabid Rabbit
Rabid Rabbit
2 years ago

@Dormousing_it:

The most unbelievable thing in the whole Bernardo/Homolka case (warning: if you don’t know about it, it’s pretty unpleasant, so be careful when looking it up) is that the body of their first victim was dredged up from the river on their wedding day. If you pitched that to a studio, they’d tell you to go home and rewrite it because no one would believe it.

@Jurgan:

That shirt is brilliant. I have to admit that I actually find the photo in the OP funny, because it’s so clearly being silly. It’s mostly to do with the look on the daughter’s face. Admittedly, it’s not goofy enough for anyone to think that they’re actually taking the piss out of the stereotype, but still. At least they’re aware they’re playing with a stereotype. However, that shirt beats it by far. Hell, if I had a daughter, I’d buy it for her. I sorta wish they had a “Rules for dating me” version, though. That would be something you could uy for anyone.

@WWTH:

I’ve found that the best way to judge people who write about serial killers is how they talk about Bundy’s taste in victims. Most say that he had a girlfriend with long dark hair parted in the middle, and after a bad breakup he started preying on young women with the same features. Others say that he targetted young women with long dark hair parted in the middle, and his first girlfriend was damned lucky he didn’t kill her. You can imagine which ones are worth listening to.

rugbyyogi
rugbyyogi
2 years ago

@dourmousing_it – it isn’t simply an American tradition, but one of the anglophonie – and I reckon that it probably has origins in the Church of England common orders of service, but in quick Googling around I couldn’t confirm that.

At any rate, I am planning to get married again and there won’t be any of that. One of the ‘weird’ (to me as an American) traditions of English weddings is that there are two (or more) tiers of guests. People who come to the wedding, sit down meal, and people who are only invited to the piss up (or some variation thereof). I hate the whole second class guest thing – although I’m always pleased to be a 2nd class guest and not have to sit through the order of service. (They don’t call you 2nd class, of course)

We have decided that when we get married – EVERYONE will be a 2nd class guest – we’ll just do a registry office thang with witnesses only and then a reception. I might even make a theme out of the 2nd class thing – as it will be 2nd weddings for both of us and only use 2nd hand clothes, decorations, etc. 🙂

Human Person
Human Person
2 years ago

To be fair, several of my close female acquaintances were literally forcefully raped by someone they went on a date with when they were young. These were men who claimed they had affection towards the women, and who seemed polite. There really are some pretty predatory men out there.

It is unlikely that I would kill or shoot someone who raped my child, but if I didn’t trust someone completely and I thought someone would be deterred by the threat, it might be worth making it. It’s not a very civil thing to say, obviously. But is it accurate to put this in the context of consensual sex rather than rape or abuse ? I can see people meaning or taking it both ways.

But in this thread, a lot of people jump to this:

“This woman is my property don’t mess with her virginity or I’ll kill you”

But maybe the fathers mean this:

“My daughter is young and might be tricked or intimidated but I am old and experienced and if you force yourself on her or hurt her I will find out and I will punish you.”

Again, I don’t go around threatening people. I am by no means justifying the gun meme, just wondering why everybody immediately jumps to the conclusion that this is about controlling the girl’s choices and not about protecting a child.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
2 years ago

That two-tier thing seems really weird! We had everyone at the church as well as dinner and party.

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

We have the two-tier thing in South Africa as well, at least among Afrikaans-speaking White communities. It’s because it’s something of an insult to fail to invite someone to your child’s wedding, and Afrikaners can get fairly obsessive about maintaining their social networks, so the wedding itself is dominated by the couple’s parents’ friends, family and business associates.

The party afterwards, by contrast, is for the couple’s friends.

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

i don’t interpret those tropes as “daughter property, shoot bf if they have sex” but rather “shoot bf if he rapes my kid”.

remember that movie about the Judd’s where the single mom Judd shows the older guy trying to date her teenage daughter her gun? it kept his creepy ephebophile paws off “jail bait”. sometimes that’s all it takes to keep a creepy stalker older guy away. (and sometimes it isn’t, unfortunately).

About Bundy, didn’t he escape a library? Convinced the court to let him go to a library (while guarded by cops) and then jumped out of the library’s windows?

he also claimed porn influenced his killing sprees

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

I’m American and the culture as I understand it is that young men will try to have sex with young women, and the fathers need to protect their daughter’s virginity and honor. Not rape. Sex. The other time they hold a gun up to a romantic interest of their daughter is if she becomes pregnant and he’s trying to avoid marrying her (again, protecting her honor). This is the meaning behind “shotgun weddings.” Nowhere is the young woman’s agency taken into consideration; sex happens to a woman, after all.

Here are some articles that may clear up what purity culture is about.

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/the-purity-culture

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2011/09/your-virginity-is-yours-not-your-daddys.html

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2012/03/how-the-purity-culture-made-me-afraid-of-men.html

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Basically, only women or teenage girls who are dirty whores enthusiastically have sex before marriage. Therefore, if my daughter has sex with her boyfriend, it would make her a dirty whore. I don’t want to think of my little girl as a dirty whore. Therefore, I’d better do all I can to stop her from getting the dirty whore label.

MayhemSaint
MayhemSaint
2 years ago

You cannot believe how many people on a twitter defended the Mr. Feely for the gun joke. Aside from the usual cries of “beta male” and “soy boy”, Twitter trolls asserted that “it was just a joke” and that people who complained are just prudish, humorless buzzkills who either don’t understand comedy or are actively trying to “destroy” it because of “political correctness.” Two things:
1: This is extremely ironic coming from people who demand the cancellation of any TV show that makes a joke at Donald Trump’s expense.
2: COMEDY. IS. SUBJECTIVE. It’s entirely possible to have a sense of humor and just not find certain things funny. The “it’s just a joke” defense doesn’t work when the joke itself is not funny.
I find Mr. Feely’s joke unfunny for two reasons: first, because to find the joke funny would require me to sympathize with the father and agree with the assertion that women shouldn’t make their own choices, that they are daddy’s personal property and their sexuality should be shamed and repressed.
Second, Feely wasn’t even trying to be clever or humorous; he was just rehashing a tired cliche. Seriously, the “overprotective dad” schtick has been done to death! We’ve all seen it millions of times by now! Just let it die!
(This, BTW, is why I was so surprised to see that the schlockfest “comedy” Blockers, which is just that one joke over and over for 90 minutes, got so many positive reviews.)

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

Kupo and Treehugger, I highly doubt the majority of Americans have those attitudes anymore, outside of observant, church going Christians (who are a minority in the USA). Or I should say, the religiously observant (taking into account Jews, Muslims and some other fanatically religiously affiliated Americans).

Sex before marriage has been normalized a long time ago in the US.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Well, evangelical Christians make up around a quarter of the population. That’s more than enough to make extreme concern over women’s chastity commonplace. Especially in the bible belt.

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

25%?! That can’t be according to the latest PEW. My impression is that Christianity is all but gone, on its last leg in the usa, accept for some reconfigured “cultural Christianity lite” like Christmas vacation and trees and shopping.

The Bible Belt maybe (and that’s a big maybe) 25%. But that’s a small portion of the states.

Dalillama
Dalillama
2 years ago

My impression is that Christianity is all but gone, on its last leg in the usa,

And you live where, exactly?

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

Texas, Arizona, Colorado, New Jersey and Maui

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

“I find Mr. Feely’s joke unfunny for two reasons: first, because to find the joke funny would require me to sympathize with the father and agree with the assertion that women shouldn’t make their own choices, that they are daddy’s personal property and their sexuality should be shamed and repressed.”

Well she’s a high school kid living with and off her parents presumably so they would have some say in her personal life, maybe even legally, depending on her age. Not property, but parents do have say.

Feelzy’s trope is a tired cliché however.

Let me guess, in Blockers the kids did whatever they wanted anyway right? And come out looking “wise beyond their years” while their parents were made to look like silly fools.

MayhemSaint
MayhemSaint
2 years ago

Nope. The kids decide not to have sex after all, and the father beats the shit out of the girl’s boyfriend anyway. The daughter initially calls him out, but is touched by his good intentions.

kupo
kupo
2 years ago

Kupo and Treehugger, I highly doubt the majority of Americans have those attitudes anymore, outside of observant, church going Christians (who are a minority in the USA)

This “joke” is literally part of purity culture. You’re saying you don’t think anyone partake in the culture this joke originates from and you’re using that as a reason to assume the joke has some other context. Christians make up 70% of Americans. Evangelicals 25%.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
2 years ago

Nope. The kids decide not to have sex after all, and the father beats the shit out of the girl’s boyfriend anyway. The daughter initially calls him out, but is touched by his good intentions.

WHAAAAT? So why on Earth did The Mary Sue call this movie feminist and respectful of the daughters’ agency etc? Beating the shit out of daugther’s boyfriend is just inexcusable aaaand in addition I’d have wished for at least one of them to go through with it and have sex without being punished for it. It’s perfectly fine if others change their mind, but if ALL of them change their minds it’s just gonna look like “see? Teenage girls having sex is a super bad idea after all!”.

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

Dvar, I saw the last 15 mins of the movie, coming out of I Feel Pretty. there were 3 friends and their 3 parents, so each friend had a different experience. That one’s sex partner didn’t get beat up (the dad made a goofy attempt but the boy escaped unscathed and unbothered). They did have sex, oral sex, but I guess since Slick Willy oral sex is not considered sex anymore LOL! There was another girl who engaged in over clothing simulation and she turned out to be lesbian (and everyone was coolers with that (but of course), so “feminist, respectful of ‘agency'”. The one who actually had I guess what is considered “real sex” (since the 90s), that is p-v intercourse, her spying mom got googly eyed after seeing how starry eyed her daughter stared into her “sensitive guy” boyfriends eyes while dancing and she thought “awww” and left the room, giving them their privacy. So “feminist, agency, wow”.

The film ended with typical tired old American tropes: wise kids, foolish goofy parents who shouldn’t have even thought about having a say in their kids’ personal lives (despite paying for everything). I mean, how dare parents have an opinion and set boundaries, right? Which they didn’t in this movie anyway, (otherwise it would not have been positively received).

Also the girls displayed sufficient raunch and know how so “feminist, agency, yay”

Then there was this weird post-ending part where one of the girls found her parents nude and playing “marco polo”. gross.

in general, just enough of teen porn and parent porn lite to garner “feminist, agency, yay” tropey laughs.

don’t even get me started on I Feel Pretty, which had its positive, funny moments but totally non (even anti) feminist despite trying to be empowering, self accepting, body positive.

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

70% of americans being “Christian” means Christmas vacation Christians, not devout, practicing, bible believing Christians.

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

Here’s some actual data (2014, source: Pew.)
http://www.pewforum.org/religious-landscape-study/attendance-at-religious-services/

On average, 36% of Americans say they attend church at least once a week. This breaks down by sect as follows:
Catholic: 39%
Evangelical: 58%
Orthodox: 31%
Muslim: 45%
Jewish: 19%
Nones: 4%
(Other sects were mentioned and I haven’t included them here)

…by age bracket as follows:
18-29: 27%
30-49: 33%
50-64: 38%
65+: 48%

…by racial category as follows:
White: 34%
Black: 47%
Asian: 26%
Latino: 39%
Other: 34%

…and by household income as follows:
Less than $30,000: 35%
$30,000-$49,999: 35%
$50,000-$99,999: 37%
$100,000 or more: 30%

The Pew data includes a breakdown by individual state, by education, by gender, et cetera. It’s well worth going through if you’re at all a stats nerd.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

2: COMEDY. IS. SUBJECTIVE. It’s entirely possible to have a sense of humor and just not find certain things funny. The “it’s just a joke” defense doesn’t work when the joke itself is not funny.

I’d think if this joke were literally just not funny our subjective view, it could be easily ignored and left for the enjoyment of those who find shotgun dating hilarious.

I’m frankly not sure why we use “not funny” as a code for problematic humor. It makes it more difficult for people to understand the very concept of problematic humor. Naive or disingenuous debaters could easily dismiss it with “comedy is subjective, and some people find this genuinely funny, so it’s clearly just not for you”. As they say, de gustibus non est disputandum.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
2 years ago

Thanks Idli!

MayhemSaint
MayhemSaint
2 years ago

Lumipuna: I realize now that maybe that point I made wasn’t entirely related. I was just trying there to argue against the assertion that anyone who didn’t find the “joke” funny is just a stick-in-the-mud who doesn’t understand comedy.

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

I see now that LindsayIrene and I were referring to the same data. Apologies for the redundancy, LindsayIrene.

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
2 years ago

MayhemSaint:

OK, that’s a separate issue – but I think it’s really relevant who finds what funny, especially if comedy is truly subjective.

Jay
Jay
1 year ago

I think it was meant to be a joke, maybe in poor taste. He’s a father who knows to protect his family, jeez

Makroth
Makroth
1 year ago

@Jay

Your argument has already been adressed. Reviving this thread was not necessary.

Malitia
Malitia
1 year ago

This is truly…

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