By David Futrelle
So the big mystery in the court hearing today over the raid on Michael Cohen’s offices and residences was: who was Cohen’s mysterious Client #3, alongside Trump and Republican National Committee fundraiser Elliott Broidy.
MYSTERY SOLVED! It was SEAN HANNITY! And no, you aren’t hallucinating.
A wild Sean Hannity appears
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) April 16, 2018
https://twitter.com/darth/status/985956097881096192
Tonight on Sean Hannity's show: pic.twitter.com/kn0QDHYEWm
— Deniz S. (@MrFilmkritik) April 16, 2018
https://twitter.com/BettyBowers/status/985973746157703168
https://twitter.com/morninggloria/status/985965620880596997
It would be awful if people just started wildly conjecturing what Sean Hannity was doing in business with a sex fixer. pic.twitter.com/stWcNC5GCa
— Schooley (@Rschooley) April 16, 2018
https://twitter.com/AshaRangappa_/status/985955449810882560
Yes, because everyone I have ever taken a picture with is also my secret lawyer that I talk about on Fox News constantly without mentioning this relationship pic.twitter.com/qW4e7mCTyy
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) April 16, 2018
In other news, Weird Mike Cernovich gets weirder:
Mike Cernovich's pivot from MAGA promoter back to being a conspiracy theory / "mysterious energy" guy is probably a pretty savvy career move pic.twitter.com/khliU3i8V0
— Will Sommer (@willsommer) April 16, 2018
— Brendan Karet (@bad_takes) April 16, 2018
Also, penises:
As recently as 2009, female senators couldn’t use the pool in the congressional gym because some of their male colleagues liked to swim naked. https://t.co/Jx1kYNQ3XJ pic.twitter.com/YzThnkSKrW
— Lauren Kelley (@lauren_kelley) April 16, 2018
https://twitter.com/kschaef95/status/984827930525208576
That last tweet was a joke. Sadly, the one before it wasn’t.
I like how Hannity Regina Georged it by saying that the media was so interested in the story because they love him so much and he’s so popular.
I also like how apparently Cohen just works for free and pays for everything out of his own pocket. He didn’t invoice Hannity, he paid off Stormy Daniels for Trump. If all that is actually true, how’s he actually making a living? I mean, come on. He’s getting paid by these guys somehow. I guess it’s just under the table.
Personally, I have no issue with the senators swimming in the nude–as long as ALL the senators have a pool private enough to swim in the nude.
Ohh, conspiracy theory time. I have a bunch of (not?) clients who can’t get their hands dirty and need plausible deniability. I charge them way over the odds as a retainer. They just come in and tell me their woes, in a “will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?” kinda way. But they leave, acknowledging on record that there’s nothing to be done. Then I, out of the kindness of my heart, use some of that massive over payment to deal with the matter as ‘a frolic of my own’ as we say in the trade.
And the judge denied Cohen the temporary restraining order to prevent the documents from being looked at.
OT: WWTH, I’ve only just noticed that Regina George’s forehead isn’t slippery. It’s wrinkled and streaked like an old man’s!
Apparently, Hannity has said that his discussions with Cohen “dealt almost exclusively about real estate”. Note the “almost”.
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
Ooh, this is going to be utterly delightful.
@Moggie
Hannity is lousy at denying things.
“I’m after a plot of land. About six foot by three. Ideally out in the desert somewhere…”
Oh, and the judge that was refusing to be bullied by Cohen (and by extension, Trump)? A woman.
That just must be killing them!
Buying real estate is one way of laundering dirty money – and Bannon predicted that money laundering is what will bring Trump down. I wonder whether Hannity has received Russian money through Deutsche Bank?
@Moggie
Of course he has. They all have. The real question is why he hired a fixer who specialises in paying off mistresses and bullying sexual harassment and assault victims into silence.
@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
“A woman bossing me around?! And I can’t do anything abbout it?!”
e he he he
Let us bask in their impotent rage.
Rich and powerful men behaving dastardly? In this age of the gynocracy? Surely not!
I have been asleep for, like, two YEARS… and the dreams are just WEIRD
E.T.A. fuckin SURREAL…
E.T.A.A. I mean, DAMN!!!
It’s impossible to tell anymore what is real and what is parody.
Nay, my friend.
Parodies make sense and follow a consistant logic.
“If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.”
– William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act 3 Scene 4
Alan,
Just minutes before I read your post, my husband told me “their discussion was about real estate”.
Then I read your post and laughed out loud for 5 minutes.
Sr’sly – my take is that if a file was opened under Hannity’s name – he’s a client.
If no file was opened, it can be argued that Hannity was doing what professionals hate – approaching them in a social situation and trying to pick their brains for free.
So, LampshadeHanging is at least AsOldAsShakespeare?
This fucking circus is so dumb.
What a time to be alive.
Crikey, Juicebro is looking more and more like a bad case of meth mouth. Sounding like it, too.
Meanwhile, I’m wondering who the mysterious mistress is that Hannity hired Cohen to pay off. Because you just know that a man who reeks of fake Family Values smugness like he showers in cheap cologne must have had one…
…even if I can’t imagine anyone touching that dingus voluntarily. Ewwwwww.
@Bina
The only way I would touch him is with a thousand flaming Legos between him and me. Why are all these fucks just seeming so… unfuckable to non-douchebag humans? Okay, okay, there’s obvious reasons. And very few of them have to do with actual physical appearance.
There seems to be quite a lot of hypocrisy going on in the right wing, gosh. who would have thought? Because the more and more the married ‘family values’ politician harps on about homophobia, the sanctity of marriage, and clean values, the more and more he’s likely to eventually be found in a hotel room with a gay hooker and $10K of cocaine. How Strange.
Huh, I hadn’t heard of that ‘nxivm sex cult’ thing that juicebro mentioned, so I looked it up.
Holy fuck.
I’m startled that the manosphere haven’t just collectively fallen to their knees and proclaimed Raniere their one true god. He embodies everything that they want to be.
Oooh, everybody!
Chuck Tingle has a Hannity POV tingler out! Read the free sample, I beseech you!
Favourite line so far:
BRB, off to buy and read it!
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07C7V4KB2?ref=aw_sitb_digital-text
They will sooner or later.
With regards to that tweet about the fish, was anyone else reminded of the “How they do it: The Plumbus” from Rick and Morty?