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Oh the Sean Hannity! Today in Tweets

D’oh!

By David Futrelle

So the big mystery in the court hearing today over the raid on Michael Cohen’s offices and residences was: who was Cohen’s mysterious Client #3, alongside Trump and Republican National Committee fundraiser Elliott Broidy.

MYSTERY SOLVED! It was SEAN HANNITY! And no, you aren’t hallucinating.

In other news, Weird Mike Cernovich gets weirder:

Also, penises:

That last tweet was a joke. Sadly, the one before it wasn’t.

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weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I like how Hannity Regina Georged it by saying that the media was so interested in the story because they love him so much and he’s so popular.

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I also like how apparently Cohen just works for free and pays for everything out of his own pocket. He didn’t invoice Hannity, he paid off Stormy Daniels for Trump. If all that is actually true, how’s he actually making a living? I mean, come on. He’s getting paid by these guys somehow. I guess it’s just under the table.

Otrame
Otrame
2 years ago

Personally, I have no issue with the senators swimming in the nude–as long as ALL the senators have a pool private enough to swim in the nude.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

Ohh, conspiracy theory time. I have a bunch of (not?) clients who can’t get their hands dirty and need plausible deniability. I charge them way over the odds as a retainer. They just come in and tell me their woes, in a “will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?” kinda way. But they leave, acknowledging on record that there’s nothing to be done. Then I, out of the kindness of my heart, use some of that massive over payment to deal with the matter as ‘a frolic of my own’ as we say in the trade.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

And the judge denied Cohen the temporary restraining order to prevent the documents from being looked at.

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

OT: WWTH, I’ve only just noticed that Regina George’s forehead isn’t slippery. It’s wrinkled and streaked like an old man’s!

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Apparently, Hannity has said that his discussions with Cohen “dealt almost exclusively about real estate”. Note the “almost”.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
2 years ago

@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
Ooh, this is going to be utterly delightful.

@Moggie
Hannity is lousy at denying things.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
2 years ago

dealt almost exclusively about real estate

“I’m after a plot of land. About six foot by three. Ideally out in the desert somewhere…”

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Oh, and the judge that was refusing to be bullied by Cohen (and by extension, Trump)? A woman.

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That just must be killing them!

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Buying real estate is one way of laundering dirty money – and Bannon predicted that money laundering is what will bring Trump down. I wonder whether Hannity has received Russian money through Deutsche Bank?

Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
Scented Fucking Hard Chairs
2 years ago

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@Moggie

Of course he has. They all have. The real question is why he hired a fixer who specialises in paying off mistresses and bullying sexual harassment and assault victims into silence.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
2 years ago

@weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee
“A woman bossing me around?! And I can’t do anything abbout it?!”

e he he he

Let us bask in their impotent rage.

(A)utonomist Escapist
(A)utonomist Escapist
2 years ago

Rich and powerful men behaving dastardly? In this age of the gynocracy? Surely not!

Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
Weird (thumper of trumpanzees) Eddie
2 years ago

I have been asleep for, like, two YEARS… and the dreams are just WEIRD

E.T.A. fuckin SURREAL…

E.T.A.A. I mean, DAMN!!!

It’s impossible to tell anymore what is real and what is parody.

Shadowplay
2 years ago

Nay, my friend.

Parodies make sense and follow a consistant logic.

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

“If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction.”
– William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act 3 Scene 4

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
2 years ago

Alan,
Just minutes before I read your post, my husband told me “their discussion was about real estate”.
Then I read your post and laughed out loud for 5 minutes.

Sr’sly – my take is that if a file was opened under Hannity’s name – he’s a client.
If no file was opened, it can be argued that Hannity was doing what professionals hate – approaching them in a social situation and trying to pick their brains for free.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

So, LampshadeHanging is at least AsOldAsShakespeare?

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
2 years ago

This fucking circus is so dumb.

What a time to be alive.

Bina
2 years ago

Crikey, Juicebro is looking more and more like a bad case of meth mouth. Sounding like it, too.

Meanwhile, I’m wondering who the mysterious mistress is that Hannity hired Cohen to pay off. Because you just know that a man who reeks of fake Family Values smugness like he showers in cheap cologne must have had one…

…even if I can’t imagine anyone touching that dingus voluntarily. Ewwwwww.

Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
Bananananana dakry: Short-Haired, Fat, and Deranged
2 years ago

@Bina

The only way I would touch him is with a thousand flaming Legos between him and me. Why are all these fucks just seeming so… unfuckable to non-douchebag humans? Okay, okay, there’s obvious reasons. And very few of them have to do with actual physical appearance.

There seems to be quite a lot of hypocrisy going on in the right wing, gosh. who would have thought? Because the more and more the married ‘family values’ politician harps on about homophobia, the sanctity of marriage, and clean values, the more and more he’s likely to eventually be found in a hotel room with a gay hooker and $10K of cocaine. How Strange.

Pie
Pie
2 years ago

Huh, I hadn’t heard of that ‘nxivm sex cult’ thing that juicebro mentioned, so I looked it up.

Holy fuck.

I’m startled that the manosphere haven’t just collectively fallen to their knees and proclaimed Raniere their one true god. He embodies everything that they want to be.

Croquembouche, extrenely mamal omen
Croquembouche, extrenely mamal omen
2 years ago

Oooh, everybody!

Chuck Tingle has a Hannity POV tingler out! Read the free sample, I beseech you!
Favourite line so far:

There’s so much diversity in this city, so much love and laughter, and it makes me sick.

BRB, off to buy and read it!

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07C7V4KB2?ref=aw_sitb_digital-text

Chris O
Chris O
2 years ago

They will sooner or later.

AJ the Average Joe
AJ the Average Joe
2 years ago

With regards to that tweet about the fish, was anyone else reminded of the “How they do it: The Plumbus” from Rick and Morty?

idli sambar revolution
idli sambar revolution
2 years ago

“Huh, I hadn’t heard of that ‘nxivm sex cult’ thing that juicebro mentioned, so I looked it up.”

I just googled nxivm juicebro and only one entry for a site called “gamersagainstgamergate” popped up, so what is it that you are referring to?

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
2 years ago

@idli,

Use ‘Nxivm sex cult’ instead of ‘Nxivm juicebro’ as the search terms. Should get you what you (don’t) want to see.

Pie
Pie
2 years ago

@idli sambar revolution

I just googled nxivm juicebro and only one entry for a site called “gamersagainstgamergate” popped up, so what is it that you are referring to?

What Redsilkphoenix said. Also, “juicebro” is a common name for Mike Cernovich, referring to his enthusiasm for anabolic steroids.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

Forget “juicebro”, I’m still racking my head trying to think what phrase “NXIVM” could possibly stand for.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
2 years ago

Roman numerals?

PaganReader - Misandrist Spinster

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NXIVM

Wikipedia says that it’s a multi level marketing scheme.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/arts-and-entertainment/wp/2018/04/20/smallville-actress-allison-mack-arrested-for-recruiting-women-for-sex-cult-leader/?noredirect=on
Allison Mack was arrested for sex trafficking related to a nxivm cult, so Juicebro could be referring to either

Edit: apparently the sex cult & multi level marketing company are the same group. And they brand women apparently? Not surprised Juicebro is into it.

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

@Redsilkphoenix: Doubt it. I thought so too at first but “N” is not a valid Roman numeral. Since it’s unpronounceable and not Roman numerals, my current hypothesis has been acronym-of-some-sort …

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

There’s a thing in the software world where long and frequently used words get shortened to (first letter) + (number of intervening letters) + (last letter). Examples:

internationalisation = i18n
localisation = l10n
kubernetes = k8s

and so on. So, perhaps ‘NXIVM’ is a 16-letter word beginning with ‘N’ and ending with ‘M’. Take your pick:

necessitarianism
neoexpressionism
neoimpressionism
niminy-piminyism
nitrosobacterium
noncosmopolitism
nonexhibitionism
nucleohyaloplasm

Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
Surplus to Requirements, Observer of the Vast Blight-Wing Enstupidation
2 years ago

Interesting hypothesis … except the middle bit is 14, not 16. 🙂

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

Interesting hypothesis … except the middle bit is 14, not 16

Yes, that’s what I said. ‘N’ is one letter, ‘M’ is one letter, add 14 in the middle and you have a total of 16.