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Sex is like making an apple pie in which the man does all the work and the woman just opens her oven, dude who clearly never has sex explains

Women are picky about the “apple pies” they “eat,” if you know what I mean

By David Futrelle

In the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, yet another man with what appears to be a merely theoretical understanding of the subject has decided that he needs to explain sex to us all.

Be warned: He uses … metaphor.

It’s not pretty.

Here’s the whole text if you don’t want to squint to read that:

The Rigged Exchange (self.MGTOW)

submitted 7 months ago by slyn69
when you boil male female relationships down to their most basic exchange, the man provides resources and utility and the woman provides access to sex. already, this is a completely unfair exchange when you realize that women actually enjoy and crave sex as much as men, if not more-so. on top of that, it is the expectation on the man to perform sexually, pleasure his woman and bring her to orgasm multiple times.

its like, if u and a woman were making an apple pie together. your job would be to grow the apples, pluck them. plant the wheat, grind it into flour. mead the dough. add the sugar. turn it into a pie. then u bring your pie around to all the women u know hoping one of them will open her oven for you. she doesnt even turn the oven on, thats still your job. then, after the pie is done cooking, u have to feed it to her.

Er, “mead the dough?”

I’m not sure this guy is much of a baker, if you catch my drift.

I’ll leave it to the rest of you to tease out all the implications of the rest of this metaphor because I’m a having a little trouble trying to figure out what, sex-wise, each of the pie-making steps he mentions actually refer to.

The oven is the vagina, right? Is the pie the penis? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t bake pies by repeatedly putting them in and pulling them out of the oven.

And if we ignore this little metaphorical oddity and accept that putting the pie in the oven is penis-in-vagina fun time, then why does the guy have to feed her the pie afterwards? What if she wants to, er, eat it beforehand? Or maybe just use her hand? What if he wants to eat her pie or, I dunno, put his finger in it? If her pie, in this metaphor, is actually the oven, dude should probably wear oven mitts, right? Do they make those for tongues?

I have so many questions.

I suspect this guy will be “meading” his own dough for a while, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge.

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Pie
Pie
6 years ago

@Solecism

He forgot about raising and slaughtering pigs and rendering the lard

Pfft. That’s implicit, for a real man. Moreover, you forgot the most important step that comes just before that: men domesticated the boar for you.

NicolaLuna
NicolaLuna
6 years ago

@Alan
1. I eat so much nutritional yeast that if it was possible to overdose on b12 I probably would.
2. Marmite. I eat a shocking amount of that too.
3. More nutritional yeast OMG IT’S SO GOOD IT’S LIKE CRUMBLED UP WOTSITS!!!

Loads of stuff is fortified with it anyway but I’ve heard another great way of getting b12 is a sublingual spray. 🙂

Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
Lumipuna (nee Arctic Ape)
6 years ago

WWTH:

I love how mad MGTOWs are about relationship models that aren’t even that common. I don’t know anyone who has ever been in a relationship in which the man always pays for dates and all the dates are lavish, only the man gives gifts on holidays, and all the woman does is look pretty. I’m sure there are relationships out there like this. But I’ve never seen it. Yet every MGTOW seems to think this is how relationships work.

All this focus on men paying the woman’s restaurant dinner…I imagine an alternate world where the man paying the food for the woman is actually a fundamental part of heterosexual relationships.

Like, when you’re in a committed relationship and sharing a household, you carefully separate the food bill from the other household expenses and from your respective personal spending, so he can pay exactly the food bill’s worth more into the household. It doesn’t matter what she normally eats, with whom, or what it costs, or who could best afford to pay it.

My only explanation is that it is still pretty common for the man to pay on the first date or two. I wonder if these guys have never gotten past a first date because they’re so unpleasant to be around and they just assume the entirety of relationships are like an awkward first date but with more sex.

That’s an interesting idea. With incels, you often get the impression that they’ve never thought about relationships beyond “How could I get a first date with someone?” Hence, “Government Gets Girlfriends”.

At least this one seems to realize that women (in general) actually do like sex. That’s progress!

Yet, women are apparently so lazy they never consent to sex unless they get the full bed service package with an attractive partner. Not like men, who’d be happy to get just basic sex, ie. brief vaginal intercourse with someone who has a vagina!

feministguy
feministguy
6 years ago

Most incels I know never been on a date before, Thats not a problem. What is a problem is that they do not respect other peoples boundaries and wishes.

And they have no understanding of the challenges women (and men) face in our modern society

Moon_custafer
Moon_custafer
6 years ago

@Pie

Moreover, you forgot the most important step that comes just before that: men domesticated the boar for you.

This is beginning to remind me of a Wondermark cartoon from a few years back.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

There are plenty of things that men who are unsuccesfull at dating are good at, why dont they talk about those things instead.

Because they’re misogynists who want to talk about how horrible women are. There’s nothing wrong with talking about sex if you haven’t had it. And we don’t know this guy never has BTW. The issue is the misogyny. Once again, you don’t get it. He could stop talking about sex if he wants. He would still be a misogynist. Why do you keep insisting on blaming women for men’s misogyny by framing it as a sexual frustration issue?

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Most incels I know never been on a date before, Thats not a problem. What is a problem is that they do not respect other peoples boundaries and wishes.

So fucking what? Read the OP. It’s not from an incel site. It’s from the MGTOW subreddit. Stop trying to shoehorn incels into every thread, you weasely little shitstain.

Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ nicolaluna

Marmite. I eat a shocking amount of that too.

I’d completely forgotten about Marmite! I love the stuff. I’d never even looked at the ingredients. I just assumed they were “Deliciousness (and salt)”. That’s probably taking care of my B12 needs. So I guess my dropping to bits must be general decrepitude.

Toebean
Toebean
6 years ago

That’s not how baking works. If baking would be that much of an effort, no one would bake a pie. EVER.
And what about the rest of the ingredients? He has to grow the apples and the wheat, but the sugar and the butter just miraculously appear? No cow involved or anything? I have so many questions…

And they have no understanding of the challenges women (and men) face in our modern society

He sounds like a very insistent AI Bot trying to mimic a feminist guy… programmed by some MRAs.

Anders
Anders
6 years ago

David,

I’m really happy to see you posting more often again. I hope all is well with you, health-wise. It’s great to have you back!

Thank you.

/A

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
6 years ago

MGTOWs don’t need to learn how to bake proper. Mans learn things by osmosis you see, they just naturally learn things by being around them! So they can just look at a pie and their manly man-logics will grind away until the path-to-pieness is clear.

And who cares, that’s what womz are for anyways. If it were really important it’d be in a textbook at a university (or in a blogpost by someone who uses words like “Aristotle” and “objectivity” and “rational process”). Learning what’s been handed down through the generations from parent to child about things like – ughfood and cleanliness? Inferior, menial, basic things, fit only for the delicate mental fortitude of the female persuasion.

I mean, I’m writing with so many layers of buttery, flaky snark I could bake it into a pie, but those are all actual legitimate opinions they’ve gushed.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
6 years ago

It’s sort of telling that a man-going-his-own-way would talk about Incels in an article about MGTOW. They will howl angrily if you confuse the two, they love bickering like any alt-right garbage brigade. But they also recognize that they’re all basically the same, with the same beliefs – women are inferior and need to recognize it.

They’ll take whichever position is most advantageous to them, just like any alt-right garbage brigade. “I’m not a Nazi, I’m a Nationalist!” “I’m not a Nationalist, I’m an Identitarian!” “I’m not an Identitarian, I’m a Cultural Realist!” etc, etc. Shift position, obfuscate; reject statements that look bad and hide their power level. Then when they think no one’s looking they show exactly what they believe, and – shock and surprise – it’s the same thing.

Incels whining about not getting sex for free, MGTOW howling about gold-diggers ’cause they’re expected to pay half the rent, MRAs griping about not getting child custody when they can’t hold down a job or a home, PUAs moaning about false rape allegations while considering date rape ‘not a thing’.

Incels, MGTOW, PUAs, MRAs, all of them. All the same pustulent chorus. Abusers, murderers, bullies and sycophants, burbling their wet sounds in the middle of their fever-swamp. Calling for the misery and enslavement of half of humanity because the chains have started to loosen.

EJ (The Other One)
6 years ago

You are magnificent in your anger, Scildfreja.

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
6 years ago

Baw, thank you. It was the “All the same pustulent chorus” line, wasn’t it? I thought that was a good one.

Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

Incels in an article about MGTOW. They will howl angrily if you confuse the two

But of course they are the same; MGTOWs are just Incels in denial.

Incels are “I hate women who therefore won’t have anything to do with me, but I wish they did.”

MGTOWs are “I hate women who therefore won’t have anything to do with me; but I’m going to pretend I’m cool about that”.

Jesalin
Jesalin
6 years ago

MGTOWs are “I hate women who therefore won’t have anything to do with me; but I’m going to pretend I’m cool about that”.

You can’t fire me! I quit!

dslucia
dslucia
6 years ago

(or in a blogpost by someone who uses words like “Aristotle” and “objectivity” and “rational process”)

If I were better at baking, I’d definitely start a blog where I could philosophically muse on how a good pastry could represent or argue against the views in Plato’s Republic.

feministguy
feministguy
6 years ago

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I just said that incels have a problem with respecting women and their boundaries… how is that me blaming women?

Well no doubt incels are misoginists but why? Once we know why, we can tackle the issue.

Alan Robertshaw
6 years ago

@ dslucia

Allegory of the Cake?

kupo
kupo
6 years ago

@feministguy
Have you seriously not read a single word from us of how you’re blaming women? What the fuck, guy?

feministguy
feministguy
6 years ago

Did I ever say “I blame women for not giving unattractive men sex” ?

Exactly

Incels have themselves to blame for being miserable. Their constant obbsession over a fantasy they cant get is destroying them

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I just said that incels have a problem with respecting women and their boundaries… how is that me blaming women?

Perhaps you should fucking read the responses to you in the other threads you’ve left your turds in instead of posting in new ones like nothing ever happened.

I already explained to you in a previous thread why framing misogyny as a product of sexual frustration is an issue. Go find the answer yourself by rereading the threads you’ve posted in. Absorb what is actually said.

Do you want to demonstrate that you respect women and our boundaries? Because I’m about to lay down a boundary for you.

I do not find it respectful for you to continue asking us questions that we already answered in previous threads. You’ve done this multiple times now. It is annoying and I don’t welcome it. I doubt anyone else here welcomes that either. Multiple people have noted that you request our input on things and then don’t actually engage with our responses.

Until you demonstrate that you’ve read the responses to you in other threads, you are not welcome to ask me questions and you are not welcome to any polite responses to any of your posts from me.

Do not waste my time asking me questions I’ve already answered. Do not waste anyone else’s time with that shit either.

How’s that for boundaries?

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kupo
kupo
6 years ago

I agree with WWTH 100%. You’re currently ignoring boundaries we’ve set up. You noted tgat we’ve asked you not to make everything about you and yet you continue to do that, sometimes immediately after acknowledging that request. You know we’re uncomfortable with you calling yourself undateable and yet you continue to do so. You’re still constantly pushing past women’s boundaries.

feministguy
feministguy
6 years ago

How can you be uncomfortable with something I say about myself? I can understand if you got annoyed if I called you undateable, but why would callimg myself undateable annoy you even remotely?

And about boundaries come on, dont be stupid. If I said something sexual/creepy/pervy then fair enough, Im pushing past boundaries and its wrong. But I havent

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I’m just going to respond to faux-feminist guy with Pam from True Blood gifs until he starts indicating that he’s taken our responses. She’s one of the snarkiest characters ever, so I’m in no danger of running out of gifs when he inevitably fails.

http://78.media.tumblr.com/f750bb3850c3db3403fd0c15d37ff059/tumblr_onpwwsDbi81qlpcmno2_500.gif