By David Futrelle
In the Men Going Their Own Way subreddit, yet another man with what appears to be a merely theoretical understanding of the subject has decided that he needs to explain sex to us all.
Be warned: He uses … metaphor.
It’s not pretty.
Here’s the whole text if you don’t want to squint to read that:
The Rigged Exchange (self.MGTOW)
submitted 7 months ago by slyn69
when you boil male female relationships down to their most basic exchange, the man provides resources and utility and the woman provides access to sex. already, this is a completely unfair exchange when you realize that women actually enjoy and crave sex as much as men, if not more-so. on top of that, it is the expectation on the man to perform sexually, pleasure his woman and bring her to orgasm multiple times.its like, if u and a woman were making an apple pie together. your job would be to grow the apples, pluck them. plant the wheat, grind it into flour. mead the dough. add the sugar. turn it into a pie. then u bring your pie around to all the women u know hoping one of them will open her oven for you. she doesnt even turn the oven on, thats still your job. then, after the pie is done cooking, u have to feed it to her.
Er, “mead the dough?”
I’m not sure this guy is much of a baker, if you catch my drift.
I’ll leave it to the rest of you to tease out all the implications of the rest of this metaphor because I’m a having a little trouble trying to figure out what, sex-wise, each of the pie-making steps he mentions actually refer to.
The oven is the vagina, right? Is the pie the penis? Because I’m pretty sure you don’t bake pies by repeatedly putting them in and pulling them out of the oven.
And if we ignore this little metaphorical oddity and accept that putting the pie in the oven is penis-in-vagina fun time, then why does the guy have to feed her the pie afterwards? What if she wants to, er, eat it beforehand? Or maybe just use her hand? What if he wants to eat her pie or, I dunno, put his finger in it? If her pie, in this metaphor, is actually the oven, dude should probably wear oven mitts, right? Do they make those for tongues?
I have so many questions.
I suspect this guy will be “meading” his own dough for a while, if you know what I mean, wink wink nudge nudge.
Well at least he acknowledges women like sex and have orgasms unlike so many other manospherians.
If he got a woman pregnant did he put a bun in the oven?
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/014/959/Screenshot_116.png
Also on gold diggers so many manospherians especially the red pillers are afraid of women who could be gold diggers while a lot if not most of them are gold diggers themselves but I call them “suckers” they suck all the money and life out of you, manipulate and abuse you then turn around and brag how ‘nice’ they are and its all part of ‘biology’ or something.
@OP
Left out an awful lot here and started at woefully the wrong place. Because we all grow our own basic ingredients, dontcha know. As opposed to going to the store (or farmers market!) to buy the fixins and then proceeding from there.
But let’s run with it. He forgot about raising and slaughtering pigs and rendering the lard, or alternatively, keeping a dairy herd, milking the cows and churning the butter. Not to mention a years-long trek along the international trade routes to get the cinnamon, cloves and ginger for the traditional apple pie spice blend. And how about that sugar? Where’s that sourced from?
Woulda been a little simpler if he’d gone for peach pie–just shake that tree a little, and collect the harvest, eh?
And meading, ahem, kneading the dough–is that a reference to getting her so drunk she can’t participate/consent to sex? And if one were to knead the dough, it would get pretty tough and not make for good pastry crust. But I suppose that would be her fault too.
@Gaebolga
Well, that’s one way to bake a pie. I suspect it results in setting off the smoke alarm, opening the windows, and pulling an inedible disaster out. That sums up misogyny-sex pretty well.
And think about that metaphor translated into more directly sexual terms. It’s like having sex with a woman requires accessories. First The Man must work in a lab to develop safe lubes. And become a Captain of Industry to manufacture sex toys. And then a biologist and pharmaceutical researcher to unravel the mysteries of reproduction and contraception. And a sociologist conducting studies to determine the nature of attraction and arousal triggers. All that before messing around on a date. So much work to aspire to a single orgasm, woe is me! Sounds ridiculous.
This guy really shows no grasp of human society, relationships, agriculture, or baking. Or sex.
When I found out McDonald’s apple pies are vegan I screeched with excitement because I’d missed them. Went out to get one and immediately burned myself. Was still worth it though.
As for the strange meaded pie guy… nobody wants your horrible, bitter pie. Are you sure it’s apples? It tastes more like grapes. Sour ones.
@ nicolaluna
Quick query if I may, what do you do for vitamin B12? Currently I’m having to force down a litre of soy milk each day, but presumably there’s an alternative. I’m not one for tablets though (bad berocca experience).
@Alan Robertshaw.
They make gummy vitamins these days. And they explicitly make B12 gummy. Grocery stories. They taste fruity.
“its like, if u and a woman were making an apple pie together. your job would be to grow the apples, pluck them. plant the wheat, grind it into flour. mead the dough. add the sugar. turn it into a pie. ”
Mr. MGTOW, it’s nobody’s fault but your own that you didn’t delegate any of these pie-making tasks to someone else.
I sometimes make beer pancakes. Is that how you mead the dough?
@Alan Robertshaw
Doctors can also prescribe B-12 injections. This isn’t as horrible as it sounds. It’s a subcutaneous injection. The needles are very small. As an insulin dependent diabetic, I can attest that subcutaneous injections really don’t hurt that much. Most of the time I hardly feel them.
seconding the injection suggestion, @Alan. B-vitamins (and others) can be difficult to metabolize orally. The injections, on the other hand, can last a long time between them apparently!
I can very much attest to the glory of gummy vitamins. Makes it so much easier to take them. I take a gummy multivitamin, and it’s actually done wonders for my woefully thin fingernails.
But their entire lives revolve around sex and the acquisition or lack thereof. So, every little thing they do has to be related to sex with the feeeeemales.
Like how Roosh complains that wiping his ass is “grooming like a cat” to get laid, rather than something that hygienic adults fucking do so they don’t have itchy buttholes and smell like a diaper bin.
Their obsexsion (lol) is just strings and pins connecting photos on a massive fucking wall of jumbled horseshit, and getting their dicks wet is at the center of it all. That’s the goal. That’s the whole fucking shebang (lol) for these dudes.
Everything they do is somehow connected to sex because reasons. It can’t be that there’s more to life than sex, because that would mean they’d have to admit that they’ve, sadly, got nothing else to look forward to in life.
It’s actually quite depressing when you think about it, stupid puns aside.
Well, soaking the apples in the mead might be pretty tasty . . .
One of my cousins makes pie crust with vodka. Apparently you can use more liquid this way because the vodka will evaporate?
Thanks for the B12 recommendations everybody. Whilst I have no aversion to needles (I’m a lot of phlebotomists ‘first time’ because I don’t mind) I think I’ll go with the gummi bears.
It’s funny about supplements. Roman gladiators, who were vegetarians, had the nickname ‘ash eaters’ because they drank a sort of sports drink made out of ash and vinegar, which apparently made up for some deficiencies in their diet.
(But how did they know!)
@Alan:
Clearly, because they were the ultimate Manly Men, and having run out of mammoths to hunt, they invented the sports drink for us. They just knew, because they were just that alpha.
I’m going to assume he meant “knead”, not “mead”, and scream NO! The last thing you want to do with pie crust is knead it! You’re going to melt all the butter into the crust and develop more gluten strands, which is going to make for a horrible tough crust. You need to touch pie crust as little as possible to get something light and flakey.
Why in heaven’s name would you attempt to craft a metaphor by likening a situation to another that you have absolutely no idea about?
Ah, that’s right. Men created society and by extension baking, and since the would-be metaphor crafter is ALSO a man, that means he knows absolutely everything, naturally having access to the communal ancestral knowledge pool available to men and men alone.
Wow, so, like, MRAs are born already knowing what their ancestors knew, like some kind of genetic memory? I never knew that. But … it sounds familiar somehow, nonetheless …
OMG, the MRAs are … Goa’uld! Someone needs to warn Stargate Command. 🙂
okay, I know meading the dough sounds like the hardest task here, but personally my least favorite part of making a pie is plucking all the apples. it’s like apple feathers are glued in! such a pain to get out…
I dunno, guy. Multiple orgasms? Every time? Like, I doubt she’d complain (about the orgasms, she’d definitely complain about your bullshit, even assuming you got that far), but that’s setting a pretty high bar for yourself, ya know? Plenty of women don’t experience orgasm with their (usually male) partner(s). Not gonna speak for women here, not my place, but I’m thinking you’re setting yourself up for failure on a test nobody but you is actually administering
.
.
.
What’s that? This is all just a dig at women painting them as demanding and impossible to please in the same way these people do with every other aspect of life? Oh… Nevermind then…
Hold on. Wait.
Wait wait wait.
Do these d00ds think all women engage in financial domination?
They know that’s a fetish… right?
Do… do they have that fetish?
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As for baking… I mean… it is (or at least should be treated as) a pretty exact science. I actually hate baking recipes that don’t include ounces and grams for dry ingredients (I will never be able to make your pie dough as good as you if you tell me to use 2 cups of flour… that can be several different weights depending on how you measure it out, so just give me the ounces and grams). That’s one of the thousands of reasons I love Serious Eats, especially Stella Parks and J. Kenji Lopez-Alt. They include volume measurements, ounces, and grams in all their recipes, and I love that so much.
But even then, baking isn’t that hard at all. Does he really think it is?
Well, it’s harder than making a sandwich, and apparently that’s beyond the abilities of Manly Men, so…
@Rapid Rabbit…
Oh right. I forgot about that. But then, I never tried to be a Manly Man. I just try to do shit I enjoy… and cooking and baking are two of those things…
I made blueberry quickbread and also (separately) challah today. I might make more challah tomorrow… or maybe some dinner rolls… I love making bread, especially since getting a bread machine.
I really need to start making my way through these cupcake recipes. I have my eye on a chocolate Irish cream cupcake recipe… the frosting is supposed to be pretty alcoholic, and I like the sound of that…
I don’t know where this guy gets his pies, but I do know one thing: I don’t want him anywhere near mine.
@Nate
Challah recipe, please! Never found a decent one and I LOVE that stuff. Every time I go to Haifa, I binge like crazy on it.
Hmm, does he often clean an oven with his tongue ?
@Shadowplay
It’s called Cool Cats Challah. (Hmm… I could have sworn I uploaded the recipe to Tablespoon several years ago… but it’s not there anymore…)
Keep in mind that I use a breadmaker, so the ingredients are listed in the order you’d put them in said breadmaker. You’ll have to do some adjusting if you don’t, but it should be easy. Also, when you measure out the bread flour (King Arthur’s the best) and sugar, make sure you spoon them into the measuring cups and level off with the flat side of a knife. I also use the King Arthur website to get weights…
1 cup warm water (not much over room temperature)
2 large eggs
0.5 cup canola or vegetable oil
2 tsps salt
0.25 to 0.5 cup (49.5 to 99 grams) sugar (depends on how sweet you want it)
4 cups (480 grams) bread flour
3 tsps breadmachine yeast
(All ingredients should be room temperature. This sadly isn’t optional.)
1. Put all ingredients in breadmaker in given order. Set to dough cycle and let it do its thing.
2. When dough cycle is finished, remove dough from pan, oil a bowl, put dough in bowl, punch it down, cover in plastic wrap, and let rise in warm place for an hour (our oven has a “proof” setting which works wonders, here). You could also let it rise overnight in the fridge if you want.
3. When the hour (or overnight) is up, take the dough, punch it down, and split it up. You can get one to two loaves out of this, depending on how big you want them, or plenty of little rolls. Regardless of how you do it, split the dough and shape the loaves or rolls (I actually attempted a 9-braid once… and was surprised to have succeeded! Haven’t tried it again, though…).
4. Place shaped dough on pans, loosely cover with plastic, place back in warm place, and let rise again for up to an hour, but at the 30-minute mark, check every 5 minutes. They may be done rising before this hour is up.
(Including the dough cycle in the breadmaker, this makes 3 rises.)
5. Heat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. While it’s heating, brush (or spray?) dough with egg wash.
6. When the oven is heated, cook bread for 20 to 25 minutes, until golden brown (tent with aluminum foil if they brown too quickly).
Enjoy!
BTW… I do have a version that doesn’t use a breadmaker, but it uses quite a bit more flour so yields a lot more bread. Let me know if you want that!
Again, dont talk about something you know nothing about, you will come across like an idiot. Dont talk about sex if you have never had it. I mean god damn it. And porn isnt real too.
There are plenty of things that men who are unsuccesfull at dating are good at, why dont they talk about those things instead.
@Nate
Thank you! Your recipe uses less sugar and more oil than the ones I tried. Same amount of salt – so it should be very close to the one I miss a lot!
Nearest daughter has a breadmaker, so I’ll give it a whirl in that tonight (I’m kid sitting – daughter and son in law are going to see Rampage for their date night).