By David Futrelle
The lady-hating wannabe ladykillers who call themselves Red Pillers love to trash talk cats and those who love them, forever “warning” feminists that if they don’t change their ways, and pronto, they’ll end up living their last years alone, surrounded by cats.
Dudes, I hate to break it to you, but this is not exactly the cutting insult that you think it is because, well, have you seen cats?
Sure, they’re little agents of chaos that leave tiny trails of destruction in their wake, but they are also some of the most delightful creatures on our green earth. Seriously, dudes, go watch some cat videos on Youtube and tell me with a straight face that being surrounded by cats is somehow a bad thing.
Thing is, beneath the disdain that so many Red Pillers profess to feel for cats you will often find a deep, if not very well-hidden, undercurrent of jealousy. How is it that these weird, furry, self-absorbed brats — I mean cats, not Red Pillers — have won the hearts of women (and men) around the world without even trying?
Some Red Pillers are convinced they have the answer: Because cats are assholes.
In one thread in the Red Pill subreddit from a couple of years ago, one enterprising fellow known as poopin urged his fellow alpha male wannabes to “Have the personality of cats. Bitches love cats.”
“I have always hated cats personalities and wondered why so many girls were so attracted to cats,” poopin wrote.
Cats treat you like shit, are mostly unaffectionate, and are assholes. Yet a LOT of girls love cats. You never hear of cat guys (as opposed to cat ladies).
I have always wondered why girls are attracted to an asshole pet. The Red Pill has made it all clear to me.
He then posted a long list of cat traits, real and imagined, that in his mind make them the ultimate alphas. Cats, he assured his fellow Red Pillers, are
*Cute
*Aloof
*Independent.
*Want affection(rare) on their own terms …
*You serve ME, I do not serve you attitude. …
*I do what I want. …
*Indifference mildly peppered with punctuated affection (to keep interest).
*The only interaction you get is when you play with me (sex)
A note of caution: If you think that sex and playing with cats are basically interchangeable activities, chances are good that you’re doing at least one of these things very, very wrong — unless your (human) partner has, say, a fetish for batting at dangly things.
Poopin is hardly the only Red Piller to suggest that his fellows emulate the “aloof” behavior of cats. “If you want to be more alpha, strive to act like a cat not a dog,” wrote one of his colleagues in a post last year. ” Commenter torodinson agreed:
You ever try to pet a friend cat you just met? They will likely avoid you like the woman and the thirsty beta. But if you ignore a cat they well need your attention like the woman and the independent alpha.
In a thread from last week, someone called Porespellar declared that
Cats are masters of holding frame
Cats rarely break frame. You can yell at them, threaten them, etc and all you’ll get is a bemused stare back at you. We can learn from this.
As something of a cat enthusiast I have to say that Red Pillers understand cats about as well as they understand everything else — which is not very well at all.
Yes, cats can be assholes. They more or less do what the hell they want, even when they know full well we don’t want them to do it.
But cats are hardly the aloof, indifferent creatures Red Pillers — and a lot of people who don’t actually own cats themselves — think they are. Red Pillers think cats are all like this:
What they don’t seem to understand is that cats are also like this:
Yes, cats can seem pretty aloof to people they don’t know or like, but sometimes their seeming aloofness isn’t the result of indifference but of their social anxiety. Many cats that are notoriously standoffish with guests can be endlessly and often ridiculously affectionate with their owners and other trusted humans, and not just because they want to mark “their” people with their scent. One of my cats insists on curling up in my arms like a (human) baby multiple times a day for as long as my arms (or my patience) can stand it, while the other stares at me affronted like a jilted lover in a Mexican Telenovela.
Cats also have a number of other habits, some deeply weird, that aren’t a good idea to copy if you’re looking to charm your way into someone’s heart, or at least their pants. They like to watch people poop. They sit on your head when you’re trying to sleep. They stick their butts in your face when you’re just trying to watch TV. They walk across your keyboard and sometimes take naps on it. They bring you dead animals as gifts. They sprint around the house at 4 AM for no discernible reason. As the video above demonstrated, some of them just really enjoy knocking things to the floor.
So here’s a thought, Red Pill dudes: Instead of trying to emulate animals, whether gorillas, lobsters, or cats, why not try emulating, I dunno, decent human beings? Play “hard to get” if you want — it’s a time-honored and basically harmless romantic trick of the trade — but don’t fetishize aloofness or turn it into a lifestyle.
There is, however, one thing about cats that some Red Pill pickup artists would do well to emulate. Cats are pretty good about cleaning their own asses without making a fuss about it. Just something to think about, Roosh V.
If these red pill guys can be fluffy, small enough to be carried in a cage, be quiet, and leave me the hell alone, then that would be great.
@Diego Duarte
I had a cat who would sit on guests’ laps and growl and hiss at them. It was because A) they were sitting in her spot on her couch and she wasn’t going to let them deprive her of a seat and B) she enjoyed the warmth of their lap but did not want pets.
Rather surprised that one of the basic reasons RP dolts dislike cats hasn’t been mentioned:
Cats have dignity as their default setting (which is why cats doing silly/cute things is so appealing). RP dolts don’t like dignity – it’s an insult to their dominance and self worth. They won’t stand for it in women, they certainly won’t stand for it in small animals.
Viscaria: the stereotypes about cat men are effectively the same as those about cat ladies, or perhaps a bit more homophobic.
My grandfather was certainly worried that my getting cats meant I’d never have a wife and kids.
I once visited the house of a woman I was dating. She informed me that a particular armchair belonged to her cat. When she went to run an errand, I absent-mindedly sat in her cat’s chair.
The cat came over, sat on my chest, and stared me directly in the face at point-blank range whilst purring loudly. It was the most intimidated I have ever been by a cat.
He was a big ginger tom, too, so him sitting on my chest was less cute than it might otherwise have been.
Noted wiener dog artist Gary Larson begs to differ:
He also noted other differences in dogs and cats:
http://www.bzgreenhouse.com/Gardening_Pics/gardening-comics/dogs-cats.jpg
@Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Sorry for your loss. I’ve had cats and litters upon litters of kitties. I remember them all fondly.
Also, yes the whole thing with hating on cats has to be a macho thing. Cats are often feminized and dogs are seen as masculine. So guys hating on cats tend to be raging misogynists, as a general rule.
@kupo
Yeah, I think this might have been the later one. It was trying to sleep so I don’t think it was trying to get me off the couch. The cat also allegedly slept with my friend. He just forgot to bring it in.
@WWTH
Does anyone have any sort of rational explanation why cats do this? Because they all seem programmed to step all over books and keyboards all the time, whenever you’re using them.
Both cats and dogs know when you are sick and will snuggle you to keep you warm.
My experience of cats is that they treat you the way you treat them. If you think of them as personality-less bits of the landscape, they treat you that way. If you treat them like a beloved pet, they treat you like a beloved pet.
People who think cats are aloof either don’t know any cats (cats tend to be aloof with strangers), or do things that are an affront to the dignity of a cat. Loud high pitched talking, trying to pet without permission, etc.
As for those ridiculous RPs, they get exactly what they deserve, from both cats and women.
I figure it’s a means of demanding attention. They don’t know what you’re looking at so intently, they just know it isn’t them and that cannot stand.
Diego Duarte:
Emphasis added. If you’re reading a book, or using a keyboard, you are not paying attention to the cat, and it is important for them to draw attention to this error.
That can’t be the whole story, though. If you put any piece of paper on the floor, and leave it unattended, it will shortly have a cat on it. Their attraction to cardboard boxes I kind of understand: nesting instinct. Perhaps the paper thing is related to that?
RPers understand cats about as well as they (RP) understand their own behavior and motivation.
My condolences to all who grieve lost pets. Our wonderful FIV-positive Maine Coon died 8 years ago in my arms (he was ill when rescued, but we had him for 5 years with good care), and we still mourn. But the two rescues who came to live with us after that are also wonderful.
@Skiriti: great points about gendering of cats and dogs, thank you.
Off-topic for present discussion but on-topic for WHTM: this news item. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/03/27/feds-say-self-help-guru-coerced-followers-into-sex-had-them-branded-with-a-cauterizing-pen/?utm_term=.cff88382d090&wpisrc=nl_most&wpmm=1
@Diego, thank you. My kitty was poisoned by a neighbour while he was in perfect health. It was all very traumatic. I still see his ears poking out from outside the window sometimes, snoopin’ in the flower bed.
It makes me sad that people think of dogs as mindlessly loyal and cats as uncaring – they aren’t! They all have their own personalities and behaviours. Dogs show love very directly through interaction, cats show love indirectly. They just assume we have the same sense of smell they do. They shed their fur all over your bed and roll around in fresh laundry because they want it to smell like them, because they want to smell like you. For a kitty, family is a scent. “Oh, you like this weird glowing rectangle with the moving pictures on it? And this keyboard thing with the clackey bits on the top? I’m a rub my snoot on it, I like it too.”
That’s my thoughts on it at least.
@Scildfreja Unnyðnes
That’s horrible. I had a cat poisoned by my neighbor as well. She also happened to be the neighbor who would never return our balls if they ever went over the wall.
She did it, allegedly, because our cat would leave paw-prints on her side of the wall, whenever she was out exploring at fight. From the looks of her muzzle, and other injuries, it seems she caught her and force-fed it to her.
She did this knowing we were kids and this was our cat, without a single thought or remorse whatsoever.
@WWTH
Thought so. What baffles me is that when you seek their attention, cats will often just ignore you, but the minute you pick up a book they will almost immediately prance towards you and sit on it. Makes me wonder if the whole “playing hard to get” myth originated with cats.
@Scildfreja
Heh, whoever said dogs were mindlessly loyal never met my uncle’s retrievers. You’d think he’d actually attempt to train them to not attempt to eat food off the table/countertop, but at this point, they’ve trained him.
Man, those dogs are jerks. Bulky sheddy jerks too.
I must admit, I do have a bias towards shorthaired cats and dogs. I’m not big on the poofy animal thing… just something kinda off-putting about long-haired cats and dogs.
I have known at least as many cat gents as cat ladies.
Also, here is a picture of Ernest Hemmingway covered in cats.
I had a cat who slept on my pillow the first night we brought him home and next to me every night thereafter. We have a picture of him on my knees while I’m holding my older son as a baby; cat is perching on the very edge of my lap and looking rather betrayed. One of our current cats is a fourteen-pound ex-tom who, when I am in bed, will pat at my arm gently to let me know it’s time for pats. Then I scritch him till he falls over on his side like a toppling sofa pillow and purrs like a diesel engine, and I rub his belly. He is essentially my teddy bear. He is frankly a much better sleeping companion than my husband, who sleeps with the other two cats.
I have no problem with Red Pillers pretending to act like cats. I have a squirt bottle and I can towel-wrap pretty damn fast, and then there is always the cat bag.
Other Cat Behaviors that RP Dudes — Or Really, Anyone — Should Not Mimic:
Eat a hair, and go to litterbox. Begin pooping and realize that there’s something odd, your butt kinda iiiiiitttttcheees and when you have buried your poop… IT FOLLOWS YOU! Panic and run around the apartment, leaving a trail, stampmarks and crumbets of wet, stinky kittyshit EVERYWHERE. Bonus points if the other cat follows and makes sure that the fun doesn’t stop too soon! Whee!
Eat food, and vomit. No particular reason, lol why.
Eat food, get startled by a sound coming from outdoors, and vomit lol again, hoomin will mop it up.
Jump into butter when she’s making a sammich! Then sit on the breads and indignantly lick your paw, what?
I’m sure Mammotheers can think of more!
Bonus: The best cat-related tweet I’ve seen for a while.
https://twitter.com/JayeTweet/status/978455295004299264
@Scildfreja & Diego Duarte:
It breaks my heart to hear your cats were poisoned. I’m so very sorry.
I’ve never been able to understand the hatred some people express for cats. It seems so irrational to me.
I had a cat named Bella who began to act “off” one Friday night nearly 12 years ago. By Monday, she was dead. I could’ve requested and paid for a necropsy, but decided not to. Partly because, if it turned out it was likely she had been poisoned, I didn’t want to know. She was a coal-black cat, with tufted ears, and very healthy and robust, no more than 6 years old. The whole anti black cat prejudice some people have, made me wonder.
@Dormousing_it
I’m sorry for your loss. It goes without saying that ignorant people should never be underestimated. That whole stigma black cats face is utterly ridiculous.
On a semi-related note, I’ve noticed that people with fascist tendencies tend to hate cats. It’s not just raging misogynists. I have extended family members who have openly stated that they loathe cats. When I’ve asked the person in question why, she can never give me an answer.
These are the same people that are always supporting or suggesting fascist policies on facebook and whatnot; or blaming oppressed and vulnerable groups for their woes and suffering.
It’s like Scildfreja suggested: be wary of people who hate cats. It tends to be a freakishly good indicator of character.
Even people who are allergic to cats don’t actively hate on them. There is an element present here that is entirely irrational. Though I can’t precisely pin down what it is.
Diego Duarte:
Something to do with hierarchy? Authoritarians love hierarchy, particularly when they’re not on the bottom! There’s a natural order, in which they’re higher than you, and you can’t argue with that, because it’s a scientific fact. Look at how many authoritarian men like to own large dogs. That whole “alpha wolf” idea may be seriously flawed, but dogs are pack animals, and dominance and submission come naturally to them. You can let a dog know that you’re boss, and they’ll love you for it. And if a big scary dog looks up to you, imagine how powerful that means you are! But cats… they’re not like that. If you try to bully a cat into submission, they’re likely to walk out on you, after leaving a little surprise in your shoe. How dare that cat think they’re as good as you! It doesn’t even lift!
All the cat love! (And dog love too!) I am so sorry to hear about cat poisonings. That’s terrible. Those are terrible people.
But hey, here’s a great award-winning short story that shows just how wrong the RP types are:
http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/kritzer_01_15/
(“Cat pictures please” by Naomi Kritzer)
Sadly, I currently have no cats in my life unless I visit friends. But I also have good friends with severe allergies. So I waffle about changing the status quo. I sorta had partial custody with my ex when he traveled, but that seems to have tailed off. Loved the boy falling asleep in my lap and drooling just a little bit. Miss that. He doesn’t sleep with me though–I am way too restless a sleeper.
I had cats first, but I now walk dogs for a living. There’s one doing an inventory of my bedroom as I speak.
I know a dog who loves his owners so much he prefers to be home than in the park. I know a dog who just wants to be chased. I know a dog who just wants a cuddle. I know a dog so ball obsessed she won’t take a treat if she has a ball in her mouth.
My point is we’re all different. I had a cat who ignored me for 48 hours because I’d been away. I had a cat who purred at me constantly because I’d been away.
Sweeping generalisations don’t work. We aren’t general. We’re particular. So are dogs and cats.
@Moggie
I think you’re onto something. I had a very conservative coworker get offended at me that I give my kitty treats as a reward for taking her medicine because “they don’t deserve a reward for doing what they’re supposed to” (of course he tried to frame it as “some people think” because he’s the most centrist neutral don’t-take-sides guy, even though he was visibly upset by it).
The thing that boggles my mind in particular is people who say they hate cats because they’re “assholes”. Especially when they go on in the same breath to say they love dogs because dogs are “loyal and affectionate and blahdy blah blah”
I have, in all my years of petting critters, never met an “asshole” cat. I have, however, met cats who had decided that they didn’t want to be bothered, and showed it.
I have met dogs who have reacted the same way, but of course, we don’t call all dogs “assholes”, just that one dog who lashed out with teeth when it felt it was being bothered and wasn’t having any of it.
I have met cats who are just as cuddly and affectionate as dogs, and cats who came when they were called, and cats who would wake me up in the morning, and cats who would meow when someone was at the door. But all cats are “assholes”.
I have met dogs who didn’t liked to be petted all the time, dogs who would ignore you until you were ignoring them, and dogs who insisted upon getting on my lap/chest when I was doing something. But all dogs are not “assholes”.
There are really only two differences between cats and dogs:
1. Cats are associated mostly with femininity and women. Cats are seen as inherently “girly” (or homosexual if a man loves cats).
2. Cats were not bred specifically to be passive with humans. Dogs were bred to be companions. Cats domesticated themselves, and some of these human men don’t seem to cotton to the idea they’re not in control of the situation. The cat is, was, and most likely always will be.
Which is why I still hold by the old saying: “Don’t trust someone who doesn’t like cats”.
I’m not a cat person. But they’re not feminine, nor assholes, nor Chads, nor any other invented universal temperment or nature. I’m friends with a pit bull, so anyone who blanket ascribes some ‘all [species/breed] are [personality trait]’ gets the sidest of eyes