By David Futrelle
The lady-hating wannabe ladykillers who call themselves Red Pillers love to trash talk cats and those who love them, forever “warning” feminists that if they don’t change their ways, and pronto, they’ll end up living their last years alone, surrounded by cats.
Dudes, I hate to break it to you, but this is not exactly the cutting insult that you think it is because, well, have you seen cats?
Sure, they’re little agents of chaos that leave tiny trails of destruction in their wake, but they are also some of the most delightful creatures on our green earth. Seriously, dudes, go watch some cat videos on Youtube and tell me with a straight face that being surrounded by cats is somehow a bad thing.
Thing is, beneath the disdain that so many Red Pillers profess to feel for cats you will often find a deep, if not very well-hidden, undercurrent of jealousy. How is it that these weird, furry, self-absorbed brats — I mean cats, not Red Pillers — have won the hearts of women (and men) around the world without even trying?
Some Red Pillers are convinced they have the answer: Because cats are assholes.
In one thread in the Red Pill subreddit from a couple of years ago, one enterprising fellow known as poopin urged his fellow alpha male wannabes to “Have the personality of cats. Bitches love cats.”
“I have always hated cats personalities and wondered why so many girls were so attracted to cats,” poopin wrote.
Cats treat you like shit, are mostly unaffectionate, and are assholes. Yet a LOT of girls love cats. You never hear of cat guys (as opposed to cat ladies).
I have always wondered why girls are attracted to an asshole pet. The Red Pill has made it all clear to me.
He then posted a long list of cat traits, real and imagined, that in his mind make them the ultimate alphas. Cats, he assured his fellow Red Pillers, are
*Cute
*Aloof
*Independent.
*Want affection(rare) on their own terms …
*You serve ME, I do not serve you attitude. …
*I do what I want. …
*Indifference mildly peppered with punctuated affection (to keep interest).
*The only interaction you get is when you play with me (sex)
A note of caution: If you think that sex and playing with cats are basically interchangeable activities, chances are good that you’re doing at least one of these things very, very wrong — unless your (human) partner has, say, a fetish for batting at dangly things.
Poopin is hardly the only Red Piller to suggest that his fellows emulate the “aloof” behavior of cats. “If you want to be more alpha, strive to act like a cat not a dog,” wrote one of his colleagues in a post last year. ” Commenter torodinson agreed:
You ever try to pet a friend cat you just met? They will likely avoid you like the woman and the thirsty beta. But if you ignore a cat they well need your attention like the woman and the independent alpha.
In a thread from last week, someone called Porespellar declared that
Cats are masters of holding frame
Cats rarely break frame. You can yell at them, threaten them, etc and all you’ll get is a bemused stare back at you. We can learn from this.
As something of a cat enthusiast I have to say that Red Pillers understand cats about as well as they understand everything else — which is not very well at all.
Yes, cats can be assholes. They more or less do what the hell they want, even when they know full well we don’t want them to do it.
But cats are hardly the aloof, indifferent creatures Red Pillers — and a lot of people who don’t actually own cats themselves — think they are. Red Pillers think cats are all like this:
What they don’t seem to understand is that cats are also like this:
Yes, cats can seem pretty aloof to people they don’t know or like, but sometimes their seeming aloofness isn’t the result of indifference but of their social anxiety. Many cats that are notoriously standoffish with guests can be endlessly and often ridiculously affectionate with their owners and other trusted humans, and not just because they want to mark “their” people with their scent. One of my cats insists on curling up in my arms like a (human) baby multiple times a day for as long as my arms (or my patience) can stand it, while the other stares at me affronted like a jilted lover in a Mexican Telenovela.
Cats also have a number of other habits, some deeply weird, that aren’t a good idea to copy if you’re looking to charm your way into someone’s heart, or at least their pants. They like to watch people poop. They sit on your head when you’re trying to sleep. They stick their butts in your face when you’re just trying to watch TV. They walk across your keyboard and sometimes take naps on it. They bring you dead animals as gifts. They sprint around the house at 4 AM for no discernible reason. As the video above demonstrated, some of them just really enjoy knocking things to the floor.
So here’s a thought, Red Pill dudes: Instead of trying to emulate animals, whether gorillas, lobsters, or cats, why not try emulating, I dunno, decent human beings? Play “hard to get” if you want — it’s a time-honored and basically harmless romantic trick of the trade — but don’t fetishize aloofness or turn it into a lifestyle.
There is, however, one thing about cats that some Red Pill pickup artists would do well to emulate. Cats are pretty good about cleaning their own asses without making a fuss about it. Just something to think about, Roosh V.
I’ll take a cat over these whining RP’s any day.
Yep.
I mean, I got three cats right now. I’m also down with hellish flu, and even my cats seem to realize that there’s something horribly wrong with kittymom. They’ve kept pestering me (and my poor Otter, he’s also totally struck by it as well) down to minimum; it took some time to find out that food bowls were empty and they were not shrieking over it.
I’ve slept my last two days in a bed full of cats, sharing body warms (I wish that Didi would realize that she’s NOT a tiny cuddly kitten, but a 15 pound monster). Big Boi decided that treating kittymom with deep facial exfoliation is the best, and gave me lots of licking while draped around my neck (I’m trying to forget that 30 minutes earlier he was licking his own butt).
I think that for a lot of those douchebros it is about the ol’ word association game: cats are women, dogs are men.
Consider: why is the default female cat just “cat” in everyday English (we’re leaving our the breeding wonkery of words, since that’s jargon), and the default dog is male?
Cat – Tomcat
Dog – Bitch
This is not unique — the same happens in Finnish:
Kissa – kolli
Koira – narttu
And then we can unpack the thing some more with “when tomcat is used, it is used as a badge of honor — such as tomcatting around, and when bitch is used, it is used with derision and horror”.
*achoo*
I’m gonna go back to bed now, kthx.
PS: there’s nothing more cute than watching Otter play with the kitten and cats, so feck off, douchebros.
I love my cats – yes they’re very affectionate. Great post! Yes, red pillers, strive to be decent humans, kthxb.
Cats are so not cold and aloof.
My childhood cat Whiskers used to follow me most of the way to the bus stop.
Darrow likes to greet everyone at the door.
Dracarys is indifferent to or afraid of most people but she loves it when I pick her up and hold her. The second I lie down she snuggles on my chest and purrs. Often she’s so content she drools.
My mom’s cat Frankie follows her everywhere and gets on her lap every time she sits down.
On of the other family cats, Bijou used to ride on my dad’s shoulders. Clio seemed aloof sometimes but would get so sad when we left the house for vacation that she’d lose a bunch of her fur and she turned into quite a lap cat in her old age.
My grandmother’s cat Lovey is so into rubbing up on people’s hands that she covers your hand in enough shed fur that it looks like you’re wearing a fur glove. If you run into her while she’s outside she’ll roll around on the walk until you stop and rub her belly.
And all cats ime love baby talk. I’m sure red pillers would be quite upset if we baby talked them all the time.
“I think that for a lot of those douchebros it is about the ol’ word association game: cats are women, dogs are men.”
When I was about four or five, I used to think cats were girls and dogs were boys, which, yeah, checks out for the maturity level of the average red-piller.
I’m very much a dog person; but I do love cats too.
All animals have personalities, and cats have personality by the bucket load.
(I’ll leave whether you agree or disagree with this as an exercise for the reader)
Our two cats are both affectionate and aloof. We have one cat that is affectionate with me, and aloof with my husband. The other is affectionate with my husband and aloof with me.
We brought them home from the shelter the same day; one is older. They immediately (within a matter of a couple of hours, as soon as they finished exploring their new home) decided which human belonged to them, and they’ve never changed their minds.
That doesn’t mean aloof cat can never become affectionate cat. Both of them from time to time transfer their affection to their non-favorite human. For the most part, though, my husband’s cat will spend hours on his lap, while my cat will spend hours on my neck…especially if I’m trying to read.
My husband has finally gotten over his dislike for cats (though he still prefers dogs). And the only truly “cat person” we know is male – typically has at least four in a small apartment.
My husband’s childhood cat, Gracie, used to supervise his morning walks to school. She’d hang back from him a certain distance, but she kept him in her sight, like he was an enormous, freakish kitten of hers. I suppose, in a sense, that’s what he was.
I started reading that RPer’s list of cat characteristics, and I thought it was a list of the characteristics of a typical woman who won’t pay attention to him. But I guess it’s actually supposed to be a list of the prototypical man who can get women? I dunno, I guess I just don’t understand RPers. I mean, that whole list seems like a description of their imaginary Ebil Wymun who dares want affection as she herself perceives it.
Though I’ve got to say, that third cat in the main part of the post? Clearly just asking for it. Dat slut.
Let’s see: spend even a minute of time with Red Pillers or spend my life with cats?
One is a clever, interesting animal.
The other is an annoying bag of dicks.
The choice is clear.
Congratulations! You seem to have stumbled upon a true statement. You should be very proud. So do you want to talk about why we only shame women for having cats and what that says about our attitudes towards single women vs single men, or…
Oh. You’re going with Option 2: decide that only women own cats. Well that’s… that’s a choice.
It’s been a time and a half
Since I first saw your face
And I don’t know what to say
You’re a strange little thing
I still don’t understand you
Maybe there’s no way
But we’ve been together this long
And I don’t think anyone can disagree
If there ever was a duo
That will never be through, oh
It’s probably you and me
Day one was rough
Day two was tough
But by three I’d forgotten you’re there
Until day number five
It all came alive
Maybe it was your hair?
A touch and a toggle
And a standoff later
I kept to you, closer still
It might not be much
But I’ll make you a promise
I’ll die for your chosen hill
It’s a been a ride with you, big guy(?)
Through all your sound and my fury
If anyone needs two
I’ll know what to do!
Just call on you and me
You’d never seen me before
When I showed up at your door
I so sincerely hoped that you wouldn’t be a boor
But in you, I found something more
The approach was my biggest bet
With the biggest payoff I’d had yet
It would’ve been enough to get a single pet
But there’s so much more that I get
It’s been so long, I thought I was gone
But I’m still here for all to see
I may not always be close
But you’re who I love the most
I’m so happy that it’s you and me!
All 3 of my cats have been super affectionate;
Tom-Tom (my profile pic) is a feline of cuddling and watching over me like a slightly fluffy guardian angel. He is my constant companion and somehow talks more to me then my neighbors do.
Midnight was an affectionate cuddle buddy like Tom hated my old neighbors and they probably killed him.
Baby was only cuddly and sweet to me he disliked everyone else. Got out one night and was killed by a raccoon.
I miss those 2….
Other people’s cats like me for some reason as well I just have a personality that cats like and red pill weinees don’t
My cat Ash is affectionate, but only to me and Mr. Parasol (in that order). When strangers come by, Ash will either hide or will watch them suspiciously from one of his covert observation posts.
When I was in the hospital, Mr. Parasol informed me that Ash stomped around the house, growling at everybody and picking fights with the other cats. It was not a happy time. But when I came home from the hospital and sat on the couch for the first time, Ash jumped up in my lap and buried his face in my hair, purring up a storm. When I went to bed, he jumped up and curled against me, still purring.
Don’t tell ME cats are aloof.
I have two cats, one of whom will occasionally stroke my leg and the other of whom is the neediest little boy you ever did see. He’s delightfully sweet, but his meowing around dinner time does occasionally make me consider dropping everything and running off to join the circus. He’s EXCEPTIONALLY fond of the nose-bump, particularly when about to be petted.
I did recently present my nose to him, and he dropped his face to break eye contact, and I wondered for a moment if that was a “don’t want to interact now” or not. So I presented my forehead instead, and he went in for the loving-and-also-marking headbutt immediately. I picture that was “No nose. We’ve done nose. Headbutt.”
We also have a little dog who loves the cats to distraction. Needy cat is fine with this fifty percent of the time and the other fifty percent runs to us to be protected. Standoffish cat thinks this is great because he can swat the dog with his paws.
Anyway, my point is, screw you MRA jerks.
So what these Red Pillers are saying is that they would happily emulate the behavior of an animal who is content to spend most of their lives under the control of a owner or owners who provides them with food, shelter, protection and affection on demand.
Soo alpha.
(Incidentally, am I hallucinating this, or was the previously-acceptable word for pet-owners “masters”?)
Skinnybrat was a Siamese who while she had the Siamese voice, used it mostly to express Opinions, and things like the heating pad switching off or the smell of KFC brought out those Opinions in force. She would also do the stretch and cascading flop onto the ground to extend non-Euclidian expanses of kittymeat while looking up with her pointy face and and even more pointed expression of “Well? Shouldn’t you be doing something about this?” I called it her ‘carpet slut’ maneuver.
The Coconut Head was a dark brown snowshoe with a head shaped like a coconut and, we suspected, the same mental contents of one. She was very adept in using it to do the Rite of the Great Skull Impact, and in using the Whine of a Thousand Cuts in order to drive me to give her yogurt or treats before it drove me insane. She knew damn well who was the soft touch, and had years to refine her technique on me.
The end of December, I was in bed early that night aching from the flu. She camped out on one knee and gave me feline warms which helped a lot.
I remember it vividly, because not three weeks later she was dead from what we and the vet suspected was brain cancer.
I miss them both, bitterly. And if it was the choice between being with them again and single for the rest of my life, or dealing with these whiny brats who think that’s the ultimate punishment, I know which option I’d choose.
You have some good ones, but I still can’t get over Nerdy Love Song.
And then there are “cats” or “cool cats,” a complimentary term for men that probably came from the US jazz scene (largely African American) in the 1940s.
I can totally imagine black guys telling each other (and themselves) to “be cool” in order to avoid trouble from racists.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/cool_story/2013/10/cool_the_etymology_and_history_of_the_concept_of_coolness.html
@Bananananana dakry
So sorry to hear that your kitties died, especially Coconut Head, whose death was recent. How sweet that she gave you warmth while you had the flu. She and Skinnybrat are now chasing each other through fields of catnip.
Once again, RPers sound like aliens studying humans from their spaceship.
And if every cat you meet seems unaffectionate, the problem is likely to be you.
Seriously. The whole reason I begged for and eventually got a cat as a child is because there was a ginger tabby on my block who was always coming up to me and begging to be petted and I really loved him. How does one never encounter a kitty like that?
@Kat
Thank you a lot. Still miss her terribly, as does Mr. Dakry. We knew something was wrong when she had seizures on Christmas Eve and Day, but she seemed to improve for a week or so. But then she dropped weight suddenly and lost coordination before the final set of seizures that meant we had to let her go.
She was over seventeen and a half which is a hell of an age and all of it but the last couple of months good, but it’s still never long enough. It aches even more since we’re currently catless. Skinnybrat passed at 15 nearly three years ago from sudden renal failure but then we still had the Coconut. Now it’s too quiet.
I’m hoping they’re whacking at each other around an astral cat tree again. Sorry for the tl;dr, but the loss still aches.
It really doesn’t take much to be more “alpha” than these guys.
I hate it when people discuss “what cats and dogs are like”. They always end up making such blanket statements that show they have zero experience with at least one of these species, and project all kinds of human insecurities on them.
What I hate the most is when people trash talk dogs because they presumably show you love even if you treat them badly, and this presumably goes to show that they’re needy, dependent, have no dignity and so on. First of all, some dogs fight back when badly treated. But secondly – humans “show love” as well to people who treat them badly! It’s a survival method! If someone treats you like shit while simultaneously holding absolute power over you and your entire life, you might have no choice but to suck up to this person as best you can!