By David Futrelle
Imagine being so invested in the idea of Donald Trump as a Sex Lord that you hallucinate — or simply invent — a quote from Stormy Daniels as “proof” of the Donald’s prowess.
That’s what our dear friend, the floridly racist, lady-hating pickup guru who calls himself Heartiste has done. In a recent blog post, he announced (with, one presumes, a swelling of pride) that
Stormy Daniels alluded on-air in 2007 that Trump was “the best sex she ever had”. Reminder that this was when Trump was in his 60s, and she was a porn whore who had taken untold numbers of cock to all of her holes. Add her to the list of Trump’s lovers who have said the same about his bedroom prowess. (Also add to the list of Trump qualities that drive shitlibs insane with rage and envy.)
I suppose it might, if it were true. But it’s not. As Heartiste would have surely realized had he actually read the article he posted as proof with any degree of care. Here’s Heartiste’s proof, in the form of a “meme” that it looks like he put together himself, adding a weird anti-Semitic rant to a screenshot from the Daily Beast.
Here’s the highlighted line from the Daily Beast article, in case you can’t read the tiny blurry type:
She also said it was “horribly embarrassing” that this person was the best in bed out of the three names listed, and she claimed he had contacted her “twice a month.”
Emphasis mine. Though the Daily Beast summary doesn’t make it completely clear (though the original article that was its source does), Mr. The Love Sponge didn’t ask Ms. Damiels to write down the name of everyone she’d ever slept with, just the famous ones. Of those three famous people, she said Trump was the best. Which means the other two must have been just terrible, because in recent months she has not exactly said terribly flattering things about Trump’s bedroom moves.
In a famous interview with In Touch magazine, Daniels described her first “date” with Trump in his hotel bedroom:
He was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.
She told In Touch that the sex itself “was textbook generic,” adding
I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please, don’t try to pay me.”
What a sex god.
Now there was one woman who was famously quoted as saying that sex with Trump was “the best sex I ever had.” That was his ex-wife Marla Maples.
But earlier this year Maples told a Page Six reporter that
I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here.
We’ll just have to see what Stormy says tonight. [EDITED TO ADD, POST INTERVIEW: If you check out the transcript of the interview you will see that it didn’t exactly back up the “Stormy thought Trump was a sex god” theory. I’ve pasted some appropriate bits in the comments below.]
Not that it really matters if The Donald is a stud or a dud (though, I mean, come on; how could someone so utterly self-absorbed possibly be good at sex?). What’s amusing to me is that it seems to matter so much not just to Mr. Trump himself but to so many of his most fervid fans.
Ivanka has always looked (to me at least) as though she were about to burst into tears. Her resting face is so sad and I wonder why. Trump definitely behaved inapropriately with her in public when he put his hands on her at the GOP convention. I thought it was interesting how Tiffany diverted him when he tried to do the same thing to her at that convention. What a disgusting man.
Didn’t Dr.
Nick RivieraBornstein say that Trump uses Propecia, which has several sexual side effects including erectile dysfunction and inability to orgasm? So I mean, besides the fact that he’s a rotting apricot filled with ants,I was going to finish that thought but then I got tired.
It’s ok, we understand. I’m still broken.
I generally think Fartiste likes to sexually roleplay as Trump or being taken by Trump. Im all For kinks but I need a shower now after thinking of this
@Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Few things make me laugh harder than a non-sequitur followed by a hanging comma.
So… I know this might be off-topic, but I was checking out the MGTOW subreddit for sh*ts and giggles, when I stumbled upon this gem of baffling awfulness-
https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/8722pu/women_are_antifreedom_antimen_and_antisociety/dw9vt99/
MGTOW; now with 20% more antisemitism
I’ve been meditating on this exchange and the way it showcases the “it’s shameful to admit you are a victim” meme to shift the blame onto a woman who was pressured into having sex she didn’t want to have, and I’m really pissed off. I propose we fix this with nuclear bombs. Nuclear bombs stuffed with rats. Angry rats. Armed with sharp sticks.
All this reminds me, btw, of something:
“Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?”
Read more: https://forward.com/schmooze/357185/7-creepy-things-donald-trump-has-said-about-ivanka/
I AM GOING TO THROW UP YOU GUYS. I WORKED HARD TO FORGET EVER READING THAT.
@EJ(TOO):
That sure as hell doesn’t sound like enthusiastic, ongoing consent.
It wasn’t entirely consensual.
Ms Daniels can define herself however she wants.
I wish there was at least the option to define what The Orange One did as a crime and prosecute it like that.
@Uly:
I think I need a shower after reading that.
Hmm. So Stormy Daniels said that sex with Donald Trump was the best ever — or maybe the best out of three.
Whatevs. Either way, I have to conclude that Stormy Daniels is giving interviews because she wants him back. “Don’t forget me, Donald!” she might as well be saying.
She changed her hair, makeup, and style of clothing for the interview. Just a way to pique his interest.
And that whole thing about not being sexually attracted to him? Not ever? No way? Just a seductive come-on. She knows that he can’t resist a challenge.
And yeah, I do sort of expect that Heartiste will pick up on these “alternative facts” and run with them.
Hello.
So, let us make Reddit-like theories.
– In the transcript, we learn that Trump thinks of his daughter while having sex with Mme Cliffords.
– Heartshit says that Trump sexual prowesses make the Jew hating him (why ? We will never know).
– We know that Ivanka is married to someone who is ofJewish confession.
=> Conclusion : Trump is trying to claim his daughter for himself by making his stepson hating him, thus having a reason to evict him.
Now, if you excuse me, my breakfast is reaching back fast…
Have a nice
conspiracyday.@occasional reader
Isn’t it fun to make up these theories? And easy? Best of all, there is no need for consistency between theories — or even within one theory!
That said, I still don’t know how some people manage to make any money at all from them. I suspect some sort of alliance with Satan.
Mish:
Ah, but you see, everyone on this march was a kid (they weren’t). And high school students couldn’t possibly organise or pay for transport (some of them could). And if adults helped, that must mean that they were manipulating the young people like puppets (assistance doesn’t necessarily imply manipulation).
It’s an interesting double standard:
Young person supports right-wing politics: obviously they arrived at this position through their own superior intellect.
Young person supports left-wing politics: they’re immature, they’ve been brain-washed, they’re a crisis actor, how much are they being paid?
Plus their parents raised them properly.
So apparently rick [really gross thing] thinks the response to school shootings should be to teach kids CPR and nothing else,
if we are going to teach kids medical skills for saving lives while under fire instead of preventing the situation in the first place I think combat medic training would be more appropriate Interestingly the army says “Note: In
combat, the most likely threat to the casualty’s life is from bleeding. Attempts
to check for airway and breathing will expose the rescuer to enemy fire. Do not
attempt to provide first aid if your own life is in imminent danger.”
So it kinda sounds like the last thing you do when treating gun shot wound while taking fire is perform CPR.
Also you know its bad when @Troubelle posts something about screaming instead of a rhyme.
And “That’s a beautiful little girl. It’d be a shame if something happened to her mom.” sounds like a direct threat to her life to me.
@WWTH,
I posted this link a few threads ago on a post where I was shortening my nym, so it got stuck in moderation where no-one saw it. Seems more relevant on this thread, so I’m reposting it.
https://www.yahoo.com/news/blessed-religious-theirs-presidency-trump-130056692.html?utm_content=buffera4ce6&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Basically it’s a look at White Jesus and how that construct helps the Evangelical agenda, as opposed to the actual guy who was written about in the Bible. It does give an insight into why so many Evangelicals consider Trump ‘of of theirs’.
Just chiming in to say that I think “I didn’t want to have sex with him but I’m not a victim” can be something more than just people don’t wanna admit to themselves that they were raped. I mean it’s possible that you do things you don’t actually wanna do for stupid or even self-destructive reasons even if there’s no other person coercing or pushing you.
But yeah it hardly sounds as if she describes a great sexual experience with some kind of sex god.
TreePerson:
Great, so you could keep someone’s heart going while they bleed out.
Survival rates (and rates of survival without brain damage) are fairly dismal for CPR subjects: it’s not like you see on TV. The situation is improved where people have access to an AED (automatic external defibrillator), and are trained in its use. Do schools already have these? In every classroom? You don’t want to waste time running around the school to find one, particularly with an active shooter on the prowl. If the answer to that is no… well, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to give kids such training, and find funds for a large number of AEDs, but that’s a shitty set of priorities when schools struggle to afford basic educational materials. And it’s not going to save many shooting victims.
It’s probably a good idea for as many people as possible to know CPR and how to use a defibrillator anyway; but for traumatic wounds like gunshots then the only fighting chance a non professional might have, is to know how to use those clotting granules; and that takes pretty special training. The course I did took a whole day and it was very much just the basics to keep someone alive for the nine minutes it’s meant to take for an ambulance to arrive. And of course I’d be able to start straight away; I wouldn’t have to wait until the shooting had stopped. Santorum seems to have forgotten that.
Meh, got no beef with kids being taught CPR or other life saving techniques, in fact I’m completely in favor of it. It should be a basic skill, like tying your shoes. It never hurts to know how to do things, whether or not you ever need to do them!
Of course, such teaching should be an AND to gun control. Not a replacement for it.
(I’m rapidly getting towards the age where dropping in the street has gone from lottery level odds to Cheltenham level odds, so absolutely no vested interest here! Not a smidgen! 😛 )
Edit to add: @Alan – they’ve improved the clotting granules significantly. No more burn damage or migration issues, for one – now if the casualty loses a limb or worse, it’s not because of the additional damage the clotting agent does.
@ shadowplay
Ah that’s useful to know. Presumably, they’ll update me in 2019 when I need to refresh. I did think they were amazing anyway, especially with the examples they were giving from war zones. But obviously you do get a little concerned when they’re saying “Get this exactly right or you’ll cement someone’s heart, but no pressure”.
Did you know they’re made from prawn shells?
If we are going with made up quotes about Trump’s sex life I’ve got to share the one burned into my memory. Twitter user claimed Ms. Daniels described Trump’s dick as “like a sandwich bag full of icing. There wasn’t a front to it.”