Categories
Uncategorized

Pickup guru “Heartiste” hallucinates a quote from Stormy Daniels to prove the Donald is a total sex god

Storm warning

By David Futrelle

Imagine being so invested in the idea of Donald Trump as a Sex Lord that you hallucinate — or simply invent — a quote from Stormy Daniels as “proof” of the Donald’s prowess.

That’s what our dear friend, the floridly racist, lady-hating pickup guru who calls himself Heartiste has done. In a recent blog post, he announced (with, one presumes, a swelling of pride) that

Stormy Daniels alluded on-air in 2007 that Trump was “the best sex she ever had”. Reminder that this was when Trump was in his 60s, and she was a porn whore who had taken untold numbers of cock to all of her holes. Add her to the list of Trump’s lovers who have said the same about his bedroom prowess. (Also add to the list of Trump qualities that drive shitlibs insane with rage and envy.)

I suppose it might, if it were true. But it’s not. As Heartiste would have surely realized had he actually read the article he posted as proof with any degree of care. Here’s Heartiste’s proof, in the form of a “meme” that it looks like he put together himself, adding a weird anti-Semitic rant to a screenshot from the Daily Beast.

Wait, what do the Jews have to do with this?

Here’s the highlighted line from the Daily Beast article, in case you can’t read the tiny blurry type:

She also said it was “horribly embarrassing” that this person was the best in bed out of the three names listed, and she claimed he had contacted her “twice a month.” 

Emphasis mine. Though the Daily Beast summary doesn’t make it completely clear (though the original article that was its source does), Mr. The Love Sponge didn’t ask Ms. Damiels to write down the name of everyone she’d ever slept with, just the famous ones. Of those three famous people, she said Trump was the best. Which means the other two must have been just terrible, because in recent months she has not exactly said terribly flattering things about Trump’s bedroom moves.

In a famous interview with In Touch magazine, Daniels described her first “date” with Trump in his hotel bedroom:

He was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.

She told In Touch that the sex itself “was textbook generic,” adding

I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please, don’t try to pay me.”

What a sex god.

Now there was one woman who was famously quoted as saying that sex with Trump was “the best sex I ever had.” That was his ex-wife Marla Maples.

But earlier this year Maples told a Page Six reporter that

I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here.

We’ll just have to see what Stormy says tonight. [EDITED TO ADD, POST INTERVIEW: If you check out the transcript of the interview you will see that it didn’t exactly back up the “Stormy thought Trump was a sex god” theory. I’ve pasted some appropriate bits in the comments below.]

Not that it really matters if The Donald is a stud or a dud (though, I mean, come on; how could someone so utterly self-absorbed possibly be good at sex?). What’s amusing to me is that it seems to matter so much not just to Mr. Trump himself but to so many of his most fervid fans.

Subscribe
Notify of
guest

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

104 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Jo
Jo
3 years ago

Personally, I find the idea of Trump being good in bed no less revolting than the idea of Trump being bad in bed.

PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
3 years ago

Welp, got the popcorn ready, we’ll see of this interview is much ado about nothing…

Bina's Little iPad Sock
Bina's Little iPad Sock
3 years ago

Stormy says what Marla Maples couldn’t. Namely, that Donnie is boring in bed. Ha, ha.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I couldn’t care less what Trump was like in bed. I’m interested in the interview because her lawyer said she was physically threatened and I want to know by who and what was said.

Ivory Bill Woodpecker
Ivory Bill Woodpecker
3 years ago

comment image

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

Ok, there’s so much to unpack from that. But, right now, I’m having trouble getting past the part where he tells a porn star, who he wants to sleep with, that she reminds him of his daughter. That’s not entirely a new revelation about him, I know, but still.

Uly
Uly
3 years ago

Stormy Daniels: Yeah. He was like, “Wow, you– you are special. You remind me of my daughter.” You know– he was like, “You’re smart and beautiful, and a woman to be reckoned with, and I like you. I like you.”

That is so gross, and I am suddenly blindsided by so much unexpected sympathy for his daughters.

RosieLa
RosieLa
3 years ago

I’ve been seeing incest in Ivanka’s eyes since she was first debuted to the public.
I’m still waiting on something to prove me wrong, rather than alluding to it.

PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
3 years ago

Welp, it was about what I expected, and have already read about from other sources.

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
3 years ago

BUT HER EMAILSSS!!!!!

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

That threat was horrific given that it was in the presence of her baby and Trump’s thug used her baby against her. That’s the lowest of the low right there. I wonder if white evangelicals who claim to be anti-abortion because they’re just soooo concerned about the lives of precious babies will still support Trump knowing that he (or his lawyer) sent a thug out to menace a mother in the presence of her baby? That’s not a very family values and sanctity of life thing to do now is it?

Just kidding. Of course they’ll still support him.

The rest of the interview was no surprise at all.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
3 years ago

[Insert improvisatory screaming, preferably of profanities, here.]

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

A brief glance at Twitter tells me that yes, Evangelicals are still supporting him.

They’re saying it was in the past so who cares? And then immediately bringing up Bill Clinton and JFK as if they are not further back in the past.

They’re saying she’s probably lying but hey, Trump isn’t perfect, we’re all sinners, and he probably repented.

I’m honestly not sure how the cognitive dissonance doesn’t make their heads explode. With apologies to Jordan Chiles who doesn’t deserve to be associated with these people in any way, the mental gymnastics they are going through to justify the Stormy Daniels story to themselves looks something like this
comment image

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

I’ve forgotten where I read this, but the Playboy model who also says she had an affair with the Cheeto, has also said he told her she reminded him of his daughter. Unreal, if true.

The visual I get, of his orange derriere heaving around during intercourse, is enough to put me off sex for the rest of my life.

One positive of the current administration, IMO, is it really drives home what a bunch of hypocrites the Evangelicals are. And the American Catholics.

Mels
Mels
3 years ago

(CN: elaboration on incest discussion)

@RosieLa

I’ve been seeing incest in Ivanka’s eyes since she was first debuted to the public.

Does something tip you off about it even without her father’s nasty comments? A general uneasy feeling?

I think Ivanka is terrible and absolutely complicit in our current political mess, but when I see her, I feel horrible for the little girl she used to be. Even if he “only” ever made comments and didn’t physically harm her, what a nightmarish mindfuck to be sexually appraised like that by your own father…

Glad Marla Maples got Tiffany away from him.

Dreamer
Dreamer
3 years ago

I’m glad Tiffany was raised far away from him too.

Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
Mish of the Catlady Ascendancy
3 years ago

Adding to the ew incest thing: One of the many trolls attacking Stormy Daniels on Twitter over recent weeks said:
“Why would Trump want to fuck you when he has Ivanka?”
Not Melania. Ivanka.
(I know; it’s nothing to do with Trump’s actual behaviour, but still just gross).

On a different note: Posobiec & others were tweeting in true conspiracy fashion about the fact that marchers over the weekend had buses arranged for transport.
Apparently this proves that gun control advocates are funded and controlled (I wonder who by?). I was thinking “ffs, arranging buses is standard practice when people organise a big rally … oh. A big rally. Now I get why these guys are confused.”

kupo
kupo
3 years ago

You know the episode of Futurama where Frye defeated the brains by making them read his terrible writing? I am defeated by having to read women’s descriptions of their interactions with Trump. You win this time, internet.

Bonelady
Bonelady
3 years ago

Ivanka has always looked (to me at least) as though she were about to burst into tears. Her resting face is so sad and I wonder why. Trump definitely behaved inapropriately with her in public when he put his hands on her at the GOP convention. I thought it was interesting how Tiffany diverted him when he tried to do the same thing to her at that convention. What a disgusting man.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

Didn’t Dr. Nick Riviera Bornstein say that Trump uses Propecia, which has several sexual side effects including erectile dysfunction and inability to orgasm? So I mean, besides the fact that he’s a rotting apricot filled with ants,

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

I was going to finish that thought but then I got tired.

kupo
kupo
3 years ago

It’s ok, we understand. I’m still broken.

The big brain am winning again! I am the greetest! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Now I am leaving Earth for no raisin!

Fluffy Spider
Fluffy Spider
3 years ago

I generally think Fartiste likes to sexually roleplay as Trump or being taken by Trump. Im all For kinks but I need a shower now after thinking of this

Mels
Mels
3 years ago

@Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Few things make me laugh harder than a non-sequitur followed by a hanging comma.

DrSpleen
DrSpleen
3 years ago

So… I know this might be off-topic, but I was checking out the MGTOW subreddit for sh*ts and giggles, when I stumbled upon this gem of baffling awfulness-
https://www.reddit.com/r/MGTOW/comments/8722pu/women_are_antifreedom_antimen_and_antisociety/dw9vt99/

MGTOW; now with 20% more antisemitism

EJ (The Other One)
3 years ago

Anderson Cooper: Did you want to have sex with him?

Stormy Daniels: No. But I didn’t– I didn’t say no. I’m not a victim, I’m not–

Anderson Cooper: It was entirely consensual.

I’ve been meditating on this exchange and the way it showcases the “it’s shameful to admit you are a victim” meme to shift the blame onto a woman who was pressured into having sex she didn’t want to have, and I’m really pissed off. I propose we fix this with nuclear bombs. Nuclear bombs stuffed with rats. Angry rats. Armed with sharp sticks.

Uly
Uly
3 years ago

All this reminds me, btw, of something:

“Is it wrong to be more sexually attracted to your own daughter than your wife?”

Read more: https://forward.com/schmooze/357185/7-creepy-things-donald-trump-has-said-about-ivanka/

I AM GOING TO THROW UP YOU GUYS. I WORKED HARD TO FORGET EVER READING THAT.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
3 years ago

@EJ(TOO):

That sure as hell doesn’t sound like enthusiastic, ongoing consent.

It wasn’t entirely consensual.

Ms Daniels can define herself however she wants.

I wish there was at least the option to define what The Orange One did as a crime and prosecute it like that.

Knitting Cat Lady
Knitting Cat Lady
3 years ago

@Uly:

I think I need a shower after reading that.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

Hmm. So Stormy Daniels said that sex with Donald Trump was the best ever — or maybe the best out of three.

Whatevs. Either way, I have to conclude that Stormy Daniels is giving interviews because she wants him back. “Don’t forget me, Donald!” she might as well be saying.

She changed her hair, makeup, and style of clothing for the interview. Just a way to pique his interest.

And that whole thing about not being sexually attracted to him? Not ever? No way? Just a seductive come-on. She knows that he can’t resist a challenge.

And yeah, I do sort of expect that Heartiste will pick up on these “alternative facts” and run with them.

occasional reader
occasional reader
3 years ago

Hello.

So, let us make Reddit-like theories.
– In the transcript, we learn that Trump thinks of his daughter while having sex with Mme Cliffords.
– Heartshit says that Trump sexual prowesses make the Jew hating him (why ? We will never know).
– We know that Ivanka is married to someone who is ofJewish confession.
=> Conclusion : Trump is trying to claim his daughter for himself by making his stepson hating him, thus having a reason to evict him.

Now, if you excuse me, my breakfast is reaching back fast…

Have a nice conspiracy day.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

@occasional reader
Isn’t it fun to make up these theories? And easy? Best of all, there is no need for consistency between theories — or even within one theory!

That said, I still don’t know how some people manage to make any money at all from them. I suspect some sort of alliance with Satan.

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

Mish:

Apparently this proves that gun control advocates are funded and controlled (I wonder who by?). I was thinking “ffs, arranging buses is standard practice when people organise a big rally … oh. A big rally. Now I get why these guys are confused.”

Ah, but you see, everyone on this march was a kid (they weren’t). And high school students couldn’t possibly organise or pay for transport (some of them could). And if adults helped, that must mean that they were manipulating the young people like puppets (assistance doesn’t necessarily imply manipulation).

It’s an interesting double standard:

Young person supports right-wing politics: obviously they arrived at this position through their own superior intellect.

Young person supports left-wing politics: they’re immature, they’ve been brain-washed, they’re a crisis actor, how much are they being paid?

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

Young person supports right-wing politics: obviously they arrived at this position through their own superior intellect.

Plus their parents raised them properly.

TreePerson
TreePerson
3 years ago

So apparently rick [really gross thing] thinks the response to school shootings should be to teach kids CPR and nothing else,
if we are going to teach kids medical skills for saving lives while under fire instead of preventing the situation in the first place I think combat medic training would be more appropriate Interestingly the army says “Note: In
combat, the most likely threat to the casualty’s life is from bleeding. Attempts
to check for airway and breathing will expose the rescuer to enemy fire. Do not
attempt to provide first aid if your own life is in imminent danger.”

So it kinda sounds like the last thing you do when treating gun shot wound while taking fire is perform CPR.

TreePerson
TreePerson
3 years ago

Also you know its bad when @Troubelle posts something about screaming instead of a rhyme.

And “That’s a beautiful little girl. It’d be a shame if something happened to her mom.” sounds like a direct threat to her life to me.

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, FemiNest Collective agent, Hell Toupee keeper & Intergalactic Meanie
3 years ago

@WWTH,

I posted this link a few threads ago on a post where I was shortening my nym, so it got stuck in moderation where no-one saw it. Seems more relevant on this thread, so I’m reposting it.

https://www.yahoo.com/news/blessed-religious-theirs-presidency-trump-130056692.html?utm_content=buffera4ce6&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Basically it’s a look at White Jesus and how that construct helps the Evangelical agenda, as opposed to the actual guy who was written about in the Bible. It does give an insight into why so many Evangelicals consider Trump ‘of of theirs’.

Dvärghundspossen
Dvärghundspossen
3 years ago

Just chiming in to say that I think “I didn’t want to have sex with him but I’m not a victim” can be something more than just people don’t wanna admit to themselves that they were raped. I mean it’s possible that you do things you don’t actually wanna do for stupid or even self-destructive reasons even if there’s no other person coercing or pushing you.
But yeah it hardly sounds as if she describes a great sexual experience with some kind of sex god.

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

TreePerson:

So apparently rick [really gross thing] thinks the response to school shootings should be to teach kids CPR and nothing else

Great, so you could keep someone’s heart going while they bleed out.

Survival rates (and rates of survival without brain damage) are fairly dismal for CPR subjects: it’s not like you see on TV. The situation is improved where people have access to an AED (automatic external defibrillator), and are trained in its use. Do schools already have these? In every classroom? You don’t want to waste time running around the school to find one, particularly with an active shooter on the prowl. If the answer to that is no… well, it wouldn’t be a bad thing to give kids such training, and find funds for a large number of AEDs, but that’s a shitty set of priorities when schools struggle to afford basic educational materials. And it’s not going to save many shooting victims.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

It’s probably a good idea for as many people as possible to know CPR and how to use a defibrillator anyway; but for traumatic wounds like gunshots then the only fighting chance a non professional might have, is to know how to use those clotting granules; and that takes pretty special training. The course I did took a whole day and it was very much just the basics to keep someone alive for the nine minutes it’s meant to take for an ambulance to arrive. And of course I’d be able to start straight away; I wouldn’t have to wait until the shooting had stopped. Santorum seems to have forgotten that.

Shadowplay
3 years ago

Meh, got no beef with kids being taught CPR or other life saving techniques, in fact I’m completely in favor of it. It should be a basic skill, like tying your shoes. It never hurts to know how to do things, whether or not you ever need to do them!

Of course, such teaching should be an AND to gun control. Not a replacement for it.

(I’m rapidly getting towards the age where dropping in the street has gone from lottery level odds to Cheltenham level odds, so absolutely no vested interest here! Not a smidgen! 😛 )

Edit to add: @Alan – they’ve improved the clotting granules significantly. No more burn damage or migration issues, for one – now if the casualty loses a limb or worse, it’s not because of the additional damage the clotting agent does.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

@ shadowplay

they’ve improved the clotting granules significantly

Ah that’s useful to know. Presumably, they’ll update me in 2019 when I need to refresh. I did think they were amazing anyway, especially with the examples they were giving from war zones. But obviously you do get a little concerned when they’re saying “Get this exactly right or you’ll cement someone’s heart, but no pressure”.

Did you know they’re made from prawn shells?

JoeB
JoeB
3 years ago

If we are going with made up quotes about Trump’s sex life I’ve got to share the one burned into my memory. Twitter user claimed Ms. Daniels described Trump’s dick as “like a sandwich bag full of icing. There wasn’t a front to it.”

1 2 3