By David Futrelle
Imagine being so invested in the idea of Donald Trump as a Sex Lord that you hallucinate — or simply invent — a quote from Stormy Daniels as “proof” of the Donald’s prowess.
That’s what our dear friend, the floridly racist, lady-hating pickup guru who calls himself Heartiste has done. In a recent blog post, he announced (with, one presumes, a swelling of pride) that
Stormy Daniels alluded on-air in 2007 that Trump was “the best sex she ever had”. Reminder that this was when Trump was in his 60s, and she was a porn whore who had taken untold numbers of cock to all of her holes. Add her to the list of Trump’s lovers who have said the same about his bedroom prowess. (Also add to the list of Trump qualities that drive shitlibs insane with rage and envy.)
I suppose it might, if it were true. But it’s not. As Heartiste would have surely realized had he actually read the article he posted as proof with any degree of care. Here’s Heartiste’s proof, in the form of a “meme” that it looks like he put together himself, adding a weird anti-Semitic rant to a screenshot from the Daily Beast.
Here’s the highlighted line from the Daily Beast article, in case you can’t read the tiny blurry type:
She also said it was “horribly embarrassing” that this person was the best in bed out of the three names listed, and she claimed he had contacted her “twice a month.”
Emphasis mine. Though the Daily Beast summary doesn’t make it completely clear (though the original article that was its source does), Mr. The Love Sponge didn’t ask Ms. Damiels to write down the name of everyone she’d ever slept with, just the famous ones. Of those three famous people, she said Trump was the best. Which means the other two must have been just terrible, because in recent months she has not exactly said terribly flattering things about Trump’s bedroom moves.
In a famous interview with In Touch magazine, Daniels described her first “date” with Trump in his hotel bedroom:
He was sitting on the bed and he was like, ‘Come here.’ And I was like, ‘Ugh, here we go.’ And we started kissing.
She told In Touch that the sex itself “was textbook generic,” adding
I actually don’t even know why I did it, but I do remember while we were having sex, I was like, “Please, don’t try to pay me.”
What a sex god.
Now there was one woman who was famously quoted as saying that sex with Trump was “the best sex I ever had.” That was his ex-wife Marla Maples.
But earlier this year Maples told a Page Six reporter that
I never said that, someone else said that. [But] is it true? I’m not going to talk about that. The truth will come out, just not here.
We’ll just have to see what Stormy says tonight. [EDITED TO ADD, POST INTERVIEW: If you check out the transcript of the interview you will see that it didn’t exactly back up the “Stormy thought Trump was a sex god” theory. I’ve pasted some appropriate bits in the comments below.]
Not that it really matters if The Donald is a stud or a dud (though, I mean, come on; how could someone so utterly self-absorbed possibly be good at sex?). What’s amusing to me is that it seems to matter so much not just to Mr. Trump himself but to so many of his most fervid fans.
Personally, I find the idea of Trump being good in bed no less revolting than the idea of Trump being bad in bed.
Welp, got the popcorn ready, we’ll see of this interview is much ado about nothing…
Stormy says what Marla Maples couldn’t. Namely, that Donnie is boring in bed. Ha, ha.
I couldn’t care less what Trump was like in bed. I’m interested in the interview because her lawyer said she was physically threatened and I want to know by who and what was said.
The transcript of the interview is already out even though the show itself hasn’t started yet:
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/stormy-daniels-describes-her-alleged-affair-with-donald-trump-60-minutes-interview/
Stormy Daniels: Yeah. He was like, “Wow, you– you are special. You remind me of my daughter.” You know– he was like, “You’re smart and beautiful, and a woman to be reckoned with, and I like you. I like you.”
Anderson Cooper: You were 27, he was 60. Were you physically attracted to him?
Stormy Daniels: No.
Anderson Cooper: Not at all?
Stormy Daniels: No.
Anderson Cooper: Did you want to have sex with him?
Stormy Daniels: No. But I didn’t– I didn’t say no. I’m not a victim, I’m not–
Anderson Cooper: It was entirely consensual.
In May 2011, Daniels agreed to tell her story to a sister publication of In Touch magazine for $15,000 dollars. Two former employees of the magazine told us the story never ran because after the magazine called Mr. Trump seeking comment, his attorney Michael Cohen threatened to sue. Daniels says she was never paid, and says a few weeks later, she was threatened by a man who approached her in Las Vegas.
Stormy Daniels: I was in a parking lot, going to a fitness class with my infant daughter. T– taking, you know, the seats facing backwards in the backseat, diaper bag, you know, gettin’ all the stuff out. And a guy walked up on me and said to me, “Leave Trump alone. Forget the story.” And then he leaned around and looked at my daughter and said, “That’s a beautiful little girl. It’d be a shame if something happened to her mom.” And then he was gone.
Anderson Cooper: You took it as a direct threat?
Stormy Daniels: Absolutely.
Stormy Daniels: I was rattled. I remember going into the workout class. And my hands are shaking so much, I was afraid I was gonna– drop her.
(These are all cut and pasted from the transcript)
Anderson Cooper: Was it hush money to stay silent?
Stormy Daniels: Yes. The story was coming out again. I was concerned for my family and their safety.
Anderson Cooper: I think some people watching this are going to doubt that you entered into this negotiation– because you feared for your safety. They’re gonna think y– that you saw an opportunity.
Stormy Daniels: I think the fact that I didn’t even negotiate, I just quickly said yes to this v– very, you know, strict contract. And what most people will agree with me extremely low number. It’s all the proof I need.
Anderson Cooper: you feel like if you had wanted to go public, you could have gotten paid a lot of money to go public–
Stormy Daniels: Without a doubt.
Anderson Cooper: So you signed and released– a statement that said I am not denying this affair because I was paid in hush money I’m denying it because it never happened. That’s a lie?
Stormy Daniels: Yes.
Anderson Cooper: If it was untruthful, why did you sign it?
Stormy Daniels: Because they made it sound like I had no choice.
Anderson Cooper: I mean, no one was putting a gun to your head?
Stormy Daniels: Not physical violence, no.
Anderson Cooper: you thought that there would be some sort of legal repercussion if you didn’t sign it?
Stormy Daniels: Correct. As a matter of fact, the exact sentence used was, “They can make your life hell in many different ways.”
Ok, there’s so much to unpack from that. But, right now, I’m having trouble getting past the part where he tells a porn star, who he wants to sleep with, that she reminds him of his daughter. That’s not entirely a new revelation about him, I know, but still.
Stormy Daniels: Yeah. He was like, “Wow, you– you are special. You remind me of my daughter.” You know– he was like, “You’re smart and beautiful, and a woman to be reckoned with, and I like you. I like you.”
That is so gross, and I am suddenly blindsided by so much unexpected sympathy for his daughters.
I’ve been seeing incest in Ivanka’s eyes since she was first debuted to the public.
I’m still waiting on something to prove me wrong, rather than alluding to it.
Welp, it was about what I expected, and have already read about from other sources.
BUT HER EMAILSSS!!!!!
That threat was horrific given that it was in the presence of her baby and Trump’s thug used her baby against her. That’s the lowest of the low right there. I wonder if white evangelicals who claim to be anti-abortion because they’re just soooo concerned about the lives of precious babies will still support Trump knowing that he (or his lawyer) sent a thug out to menace a mother in the presence of her baby? That’s not a very family values and sanctity of life thing to do now is it?
Just kidding. Of course they’ll still support him.
The rest of the interview was no surprise at all.
[Insert improvisatory screaming, preferably of profanities, here.]
A brief glance at Twitter tells me that yes, Evangelicals are still supporting him.
They’re saying it was in the past so who cares? And then immediately bringing up Bill Clinton and JFK as if they are not further back in the past.
They’re saying she’s probably lying but hey, Trump isn’t perfect, we’re all sinners, and he probably repented.
I’m honestly not sure how the cognitive dissonance doesn’t make their heads explode. With apologies to Jordan Chiles who doesn’t deserve to be associated with these people in any way, the mental gymnastics they are going through to justify the Stormy Daniels story to themselves looks something like this
I’ve forgotten where I read this, but the Playboy model who also says she had an affair with the Cheeto, has also said he told her she reminded him of his daughter. Unreal, if true.
The visual I get, of his orange derriere heaving around during intercourse, is enough to put me off sex for the rest of my life.
One positive of the current administration, IMO, is it really drives home what a bunch of hypocrites the Evangelicals are. And the American Catholics.
(CN: elaboration on incest discussion)
@RosieLa
Does something tip you off about it even without her father’s nasty comments? A general uneasy feeling?
I think Ivanka is terrible and absolutely complicit in our current political mess, but when I see her, I feel horrible for the little girl she used to be. Even if he “only” ever made comments and didn’t physically harm her, what a nightmarish mindfuck to be sexually appraised like that by your own father…
Glad Marla Maples got Tiffany away from him.
I’m glad Tiffany was raised far away from him too.
Adding to the ew incest thing: One of the many trolls attacking Stormy Daniels on Twitter over recent weeks said:
“Why would Trump want to fuck you when he has Ivanka?”
Not Melania. Ivanka.
(I know; it’s nothing to do with Trump’s actual behaviour, but still just gross).
On a different note: Posobiec & others were tweeting in true conspiracy fashion about the fact that marchers over the weekend had buses arranged for transport.
Apparently this proves that gun control advocates are funded and controlled (I wonder who by?). I was thinking “ffs, arranging buses is standard practice when people organise a big rally … oh. A big rally. Now I get why these guys are confused.”
You know the episode of Futurama where Frye defeated the brains by making them read his terrible writing? I am defeated by having to read women’s descriptions of their interactions with Trump. You win this time, internet.