By David Futrelle
Despite their often quite limited experience with vaginas in the field, so-called Men Going Their Own Way have very strong opinions on the subject. For example, that vaginas are all super stinky and gross. Sour, like grapes.
In a recent discussion in the MGTOW subreddit, a number of forum regulars set forth their theories on vaginal yuckiness, and why gay men are lucky that they get to avoid them.
By contrast, penises totally aren’t gross at all. Not that any of these guys are into them! 
Still, life would be so much easier if they were gay, though NO WAY THEY’RE NOT INTERESTED, nope, definitely DO NOT WANT.
Also, did you know that 20-year-old vaginas are much cleaner than those attached to old hags over the age of 25 or so? SCIENCE FACT.
My condolences to all those who will never get to experience the joy of sex with one of these dudes because their vaginas are too old and stinky.
Never have I been so glad to be a 30+, post-childbirth woman. There’s ain’t no way these turds are coming near me. *pats crotch* Good vagina!
Perhaps the most misogynist thing anyone’s ever said. Not the most vile, but the most fundamental. If men do/have/are a thing, it’s OK because men do/have/are it. And the inverse for women. Pretty simple (and terrible) logic, but these people think they’re geniuses
Were taken more by it’s distinctly trans un-friendly nature, but the statement as a whole – agreed. Foundation of misogyny there.
Shadowplay:
In a broad sense, as they say, every culture has a Petri dish.
Alan:
Not very anatomically spot on, so to say, but I can see the appeal.
Croquemboche:
Oh, it dates back to 2011. I’m a recent fan of Gunter, but have been seeing that phrase pop up for many years. Still can’t imagine how an oven could be self-cleaning.
My oven is self cleaning,
But I still have to clean now and again,
Because of pizza cheese.
Same way fridges are. Leave them alone long enough and the gunge attains sentience, gets a job with an estate agent, and moves out.
Can confirm that my vagina is unsightly and smelly. Also, constantly balancing my vaginal pH is a tricky and time-consuming process.
Penises, however, are — in my experience — always objectively attractive and freshly bathed. Never stinky. Never have any smegma under the foreskin.
And male butts? Always fresh as a daisy. Always.
Not to mention male feet (no athlete’s foot there!) and male underarms (no rank sweat there!). Really, the entire male body should be worshipped. It’s hard to believe that some women refuse to do so.
So…we women all got together the other day and had a meeting about you MGTOW boys, and we thought you might like to see what we finally decided. Read and enjoy:
Dear MGTOWS and other like-minded penised persons,
Perhaps if more males who hate vaginas, like raping and beating women and fighting in old men’s wars and who, in general, see nothing wrong with behaving as though the world and everything on it were their own private toys – to do with whatever they want – go “their own ways,” our population will decrease, war and poverty will end, and we women will finally have the time, energy and resources to live our lives freely, creatively and without all the patriarchal bullshit.
Oh, and we will then be free to really enjoy and engage with the good guys, who really are out there. Who needs MGTOWS when we can have real men to share our lives with, in so many ways?
So…you go, MGTOWS! Spread the word about our “stinkiness,” stupidity and general evil. Why, I am sure that there are gazillions of us women, willing to cheer you on…pack your bags…show you the doors to your own “freedom.” Have yourselves great, hate-filled lives. We’ll even pack your lunches!
After all, you will do the species a huge service, eliminating yourselves from the gene pool by going your own way. And we thank you for the upgrade.
Love and kisses,
The women of the world
Penises (penii??) are objectively ridiculous.
How the fuck do cis women (or indeed gay men) manage NOT to crack up laughing every damned time the periscope rises?
….whereas penises are always delightful
and minty fresh…?!
If vaginas are petri dishes, does that make people who’re into them microbiologist trailblazers? Because if so, yay, HARD SCIENCE!
(Sorry, will see myself out, not enough sleep, over-partyed and have no voice today)
@Arctic Ape
Basically there’s an added really hot setting that scorches everything off. Allegedly.
Mr. Parasol wonders if MGTOWs thinks vaginas should come with a timer that goes “ding!” once the stinky stage is reached.
I share your question. I have a suspicion that the answer is that we as cis men are trained to see it as hilarious, because we are trained to humanise and not to objectify our own bodies.
@epitome of incomprehensibility
Bless your face for that Twitter thread! The entire thing is comedy gold ?
Re the “periscope rising”, I will laugh like an idiot at all the jokes (see above comment to @epitome), but…
possible TMI…
I find rising periscopes pretty hot, myself ?
Allow me to explain the ad.
If they manage to persuade women that they stink, then women will part with lots of lovely cash to solve the problem. It doesn’t matter whether the problem exists or not as long as you can get them worried.
There is a simple answer to any man who says vaginas are ugly and it works on two levels.
Balls!
Dalillama:
Whoa, that sounds like a brutalist solution to dirt. Probably works best if it burns down your entire house.
Mish of the Catlady Ascendency,
I find the “up periscope!” phase while engaging with good, decent men rather fun myself.
The thing that incels and MGTOWs don’t understand is that many women don’t care much about appearances. To look at in the movies, or while shopping at the mall, sure. But for actual relationships? Not all that important. Biggest crush I’ve ever had was a guy who is objectively ugly. I didn’t care about that, because he is smart and funny and kind. Unfortunately for me, he is also married. To an absolutely gorgeous woman.
It ain’t about your looks, guys. It doesn’t necessarily have much to do with being socially awkward, because plenty of women have the same problem. You can’t get laid for 2 reasons. 1. You are only interested in ”8 or aboves”. Ordinary women need not apply. 2. You are an entitled little shit and most women can see your type coming from across a crowded room and when they do, they run away.
Absolutely true. I remember years ago talking to a guy who was complaining that women can’t see past his looks to see what a great guy he is inside. I asked him why he can’t do the same with women. His actual words: “I need to be turned on.”
Most of them won’t be so blunt. They’ll try to talk about how men and women look for different things, maybe try some sort of evo pscyh. But in my experience, every “nice guy” who has complained about not being able to go out with a woman has been talking about a conventionally attractive woman.
Yep. As we’ve discussed here before, it’s how the theory that 20% of men are sleeping with 80% of women makes sense to them. Only the hot women count.
… some MGTOWs really need a hobby….
@Some Guy
I missed this from page 1 yesterday. Maybe it was in moderation?
Edit: And yes, I know it’s H2 O2
Does that mean that if I can manage to position my head directly under my vagina, I can bleach my hair for free?
@Alan, @Arctic Ape, tsk tsk:
You’re making me laugh and here I am trying to write serious things! (While simultaneously browsing funny things the Internet, I know… but I have to blame someone who isn’t myself, right?) 😀
I also blame SFHC’s earlier interpretation of “legbeard”! ?
@tim gueguen – Yay, another Dumbing of Age reader! Yes, I saw that too!