By David Futrelle
It’s like a regular Peyton Place, but with Nazis. Violent Alt-Nazi doofus Matthew Heimbach, leader of the so-called Traditionalist Worker Party, has gotten himself into a little bit of trouble with the law, and his followers, and perhaps most of all his extended family after allegedly assaulting his wife and father-in-law after allegedly being caught in flagrante delicto with, er, his mother-in-law.
It’s a novel way to try to fulfill the Traditional Worker Party’s mission of “defending Faith, Family, and Folk,” I’ll grant you that, but Heimbach had apparently been honoring Family pretty enthusiastically with his mother-in-law for several months, if you know what I mean and I think you do.
According to the police report on the incident (which you can find here, courtesy of the Southern Poverty Law Center), Heimbach’s wife and father in law (now ex-TWP spokesman Matt Parrot) discovered the affair last week, and after being confronted with this, young Mr. Heimbach and not-quite-as-young Mrs. Parrott said they had broken it off.
But dad and daughter didn’t believe it, so they decided to spy on the star-crossed couple to see if they could really manage the difficult task of not boinking each other. The amateur spies snuck up on the trailer where the two had gone — did I mention that they all live in the same trailer park? — and peered in a window only to find that, well, the affair wasn’t quite over. Matt Parrott literally watched himself get cucked by the leader of the organization he had sworn loyalty to.
At this point, the police report notes, Heimbach’s wife
got scared and ran away while [Matt Parrot] stayed behind watching the encounter on a box through a window. While doing this the box broke and he ran around the trailer to confront Matthew.
It’s like a fucking Coen brothers movie.
In the scuffle that ensued, the report continues, the lovely lad allegedly choked his father-in-law twice, leaving him briefly unconscious both times. Matthew H. fled to his trailer, where he was later arrested for the alleged assault on Matt Parrott and for allegedly assaulting his wife in front of their young children.
In case you’re having trouble following all this, one Twitterer has prepared a chart:
https://twitter.com/itsadamntragedy/status/973786599556354048
On the police report, all those involved declared that their occupation was “white naitonalist.”
When a reporter at the Southern Poverty Law Center called papa Parrott to ask him about the whole weird thing, the not-so-proud papa-in-law bitterly declared that
I’m done. I’m out. SPLC has won. Matt Parrott is out of the game. Y’all have a nice life.
He’s not the only one quitting, evidently. The TWP web site is currently down and the future of the group (or whatever emerges from all this mishegoss) is in doubt.
Over on Gab — the social media site that Twitter-banned Nazis have made their home — some mourned the TWP implosion.
A few hoped that something could be salvaged from the wreckage FOR THE SAKE OF THE (WHITE) CHILDREN.
Others gloated.
A parody TWP account offered a new slogan for the now apparently non-existent group.
Still others riffed on the same theme.
And of course there were the memes.
This fellow, meanwhile, knows who the real villain in all of this is: WHITE WOMEN.
Yeah, I’m pretty sure that the current troubles of the Alt-Right have a lot less to do with female betrayal than they do with the fact that it’s a movement full of macho shithead losers overflowing with hate and rage and bitterness and ego.
Also the fact that people have been standing up to them every time they try to organize anything.
With all the horrific crap that’s going on these days, it’s sort of nice to see some of the world’s worst humans bickering and demoralized.
And, well, no-one really feels that badly about it?
@Moggie: That’s beautiful!
Actually, that’s basically what I’m clinging to in this time of shit. Not that it was rigged, but that everything happens for a reason. That this is horrible, yes, but we’ll end up better for it, that the scum of the earth will be exposed, that people will become more active in the politics of their country, talk about -ism-issues and so on. That this, as much as it sucks, will make the future brighter in the end.
Oh, and – their spokesman had the surname Parrot? This whole thing is too good to be true!
Quoth the Parrot
No no, he’s just resting. Probably pining for the fjords.
@Surplus, that’s what the Berniebros were arguing for, and was one of the big arguments they had for why those who voted for Trump did so. “This’ll just bring on the revolution”, it’ll “wake up the sheep”, etc, etc. “Gotta break a few eggs to make omelettes” and all that.
Fauxgressive assholes who decided to sell out people of colour, minorities, and women so that they could goad them into activity – while it was always the lazy white assholes who were the ones who needed goading. They’re the ones that got us into this mess, and entirely in the way you suggest.
They’re getting what they said they wanted, but it’s not what they wanted – they wanted the progressive wave to be about centrist white dudes gaining power and not the minorities they decided to sacrifice. So now they mad, and I suspect we won’t see them show up next election for brand new reasons.
Makes me happy in a very grim, bared-teeth sort of a way.
What’s there to wonder ’bout
Aside from why y’all scream and shout
‘Bout a little bit of love between those so keen
If one–and no more–has that pearly sheen
When apparently things like this
Occur with no sense of bliss
In a country where ‘people die’ don’t mean it’s broke
Everything’s elaborately Schrodinger’s joke
You read, you watch, you salivate
America’s never ever ever been great
Across the pastures one can roam
But one can’t help but know somethin’s wrong
It’s hell incarnate, but fuckin’ hey
We’ll take a chip in the shell any day
Still, this country in which I’ve grown
It just don’t feel like home
No more
Every day presents a new parody
Aired on the screens for all to see
So used to all the bull that we’ve been fed since birth
Walkin’ as eleven people choose to salt the earth
There’s only so much that this can take
Either somethin’ bends or somethin’ breaks
We’ve got no magic charm
But what we can do is pull every alarm
We walk, we run, can’t get away
From what’s goin’ on every single day
Coverin’ your ears, denyin’ your peers, and makin’ noise
Only works until you’re taken by the good ol’ boys
Just look around, take the sound, and come with me
We’ve never ever ever been truly free
Look around at our biome
It just can’t be our home
No more, no more, we’ve gotta
Take back, no more “we-oughta”
Do-or-die, sound off, don’t need a
Single hero, we got our own backs
Fendin’ off the real attacks
Starin’ up at smokin’ stacks
Operators are dodgin’ tax
They sit, they watch, ’till the spotlight nears
And they dodge before they’re hit with all the sum of their fears
But near or ever-far
Now we know who they are
Come one, come all, and show your face!
Don’t let this be humanity’s final restin’ place!
Look at the world we got
Don’t let them tell ya that they can’t be caught or bought or fought or slaught-ered–
No more
Oh, effing Jeeeeezus, I didn’t just LOL at this, I straight up gaffawed! Hard!
David, I love WHTM and I shop through your Amazon link all the time, I just have to say that reading your article today was possibly my first good laugh of 2018. I had to read it a second time to get all the finer nuances that I missed from laughing too hard through the first read.
(And hey, the Matt vs. Matt Schadenfreude alone was pretty darned uplifting on its own. I’m going to go Google this event and read all that I can find!)
There’s something beautifully efficient about Nazis punching each other.
He was fn his MOTHER IN LAW?
HIS family …watched eerrrah spyed on THEM?
Oh sweet baby Jesus aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh aaaaaaaaa. Haaaaaaaa OMG aaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhaaaaas
Can somebody say white trash?
Please no name calling!
But but … a trailer park? … a Wal Mart? …. lawd have mercy ….hhhhhhhhaaahhhhaaa …please make it stop aaahhhhhaaaaaaa!
Cough cough ….haaaaahhhhhhhaaaaaggggggghaaaa!
THIS from the self proclaimed master race!
Haaaaa hhhaaa … I am sure there are good people on BOTH sides!
Hhhhhaaaahhhhhhhaaaa!
Did they use tiki torches to light the trailer for better viewing?
When will THESE people be on TV for “The Interview”?
OMG!
Subtract Hominem, remarkable bird. Beautiful plumage.
Well, except for the ones actually on fire from all the flying tiki torches.
As for the “gas all white women” guy… setting aside the demise of your precious, precious pure white race: consider for a moment whether that race really deserves to survive? If your assertion is true, then shouldn’t we all just die out already? There’s nothing left worth saving, surely.
A fascist organization that isn’t a cult of personality? That’ll happen. Sure…
Well, that cheered me the hell up.
Oh. and Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement?
That fucking rocked. Bravo.
I’m really confused. You get caught, by your wife’s father, shagging your wife’s mother (who is still married to him). You run home to safety, and your next move is to assault your wife.
If this was Romeo & Juliet – the alternate ending – this might make more sense. As it is, it’s misogyny 101; if you’re shagging your MIL and are scared of your FIL, that is your wife’s fault. Because everything is.
Quoted for truth.
You and me both, Scildfreja.
@Weatherwax
No, it’s his wife’s stepmother, apparently; her father’s second wife.
In response to their assumptions this has “sullied their good name” broheims you’re name was never good to begin with. This scandal isn’t surprising to me.
This is sub-Jerry Springer stuff. And the fact they gave their occupation as ‘white nationalist’ is simply the icing on the cake.
Nice poem, Troubelle. Very imaginative.
Man, that gene pool just keeps getting shallower. And pissier.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
Ahem.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Oogly – I genuinely laughed at that response. 🙂
I know I’m late, but thank you David. I’ve missed you!
Mr. Dakry messaged me about this whole shambolic joke of a situation earlier today. My schaden, it was very freudey.
@Alan & Jo
thanks. I thought it is a Nazi word or something because he written like this (((opitics)))
I’m not sure if this is about me, but no it is a real question! I seen Davis Aurini use it before in Twitter but not anywhere else, so I don’t know what it means exactly.