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Prevent school shootings by giving guys holographic girlfriends, horny weirdo at Return of Kings urges

Unreal women: The solution to the gun debate?

By David Futrelle

Even a cursory look at the research on mass shootings suggests an obvious conclusion: the number of deaths in mass shootings seems pretty directly correlated to how easy it is to get hold of guns, in particular the assault rifles that have become the weapon of choice for mass killers. Countries that make it hard to get guns have drastically fewer mass shootings than the gun-friendly United States. Countries that have restricted gun ownership have seen the number of mass shootings fall.

But don’t tell this to the guys at Return of Kings, one of the favorite online hangouts for horny lady haters. Shortly after the shootings at Parkland, Return of Kings contributor Sten Morten waded into the gun debate with a set of five rather out-of-the-box “solutions” to the school shooting problem. I put the word “solutions” in quotes because they mostly extremely dumb.

As Morten sees it, we shouldn’t blame guns or toxic masculinity for the recent wave of school shootings in America. The real culprits are the stuck-up hot girls who refuse to have sex with the guys most likely to shoot up schools.

“School shootings are overwhelmingly carried out those boys disadvantaged in today’s sexual marketplace,” he writes.

The school shooting is not the fault of guns or an inherent flaw in the male psyche, but the inevitable result of a contracting sexual marketplace in which female hypergamy is unleashed in terrifying form upon the Western world.

Boys shoot up schools because they’re not getting laid. Time and time again, the perpetrators of these massacres are boys who aren’t getting laid and have no idea how to get laid.

Happily, I can report that Morten shies away from one rather troubling proposed, er, “solution” to the horny creep problem that is sometimes suggested by the so-called Involuntary Celibates of the internet: demanding that the government force high school girls en masse to have sex with horrible dudes they hate.

Morten’s own proposals are something of a grab bag. A few are almost, well, reasonable, at least in that they seem to have involved some degree of reasoning.

He suggests hiring more male teachers (to serve as “genuinely masculine” role models for teen boys) and urges parents to send their sons to boys-only boarding schools (where they can “develop lasting friendships with other boys”). (Just don’t send them to the boarding school that George Orwell went to, I guess.)

Apparently feeling that consistency (foolish or otherwise) is the hobgoblin of blue-pill minds, Morten then suggests that we simply ban schools altogether.

“School shootings all have one thing in common: they occur at schools,” he notes, as if this is somehow a clever thing to say.

Schools have devolved from educating and training the young for adulthood, to indoctrinating kids with far-left ideology and regulating so-called toxic masculine behavior. With e-learning and the vast array of educational materials available on the internet, the days of public schooling are numbered. …

In the future, school shootings might not even occur because nobody will attend public schools anymore. 

Huh. The deadliest mass shooting in the US took place at a country music concert. Should we ban those as well? Many mass shootings take place in buildings, so let’s get rid of them too. Others take place out-of-doors, so let’s just ban the entire world! Problem solved!

Morten’s other suggestions more directly address the sad boner/stuck-up hot chick problem that he sees as the central cause of school shootings. First, Morten calls on Americans to embrace prostitution more energetically and “Make Brothels Great Again.”

In his mind, legal brothels would not only make it easier for boys to lose their virginity and slake their ongoing sexual frustrations. They would also take stuck-up high school girls down a peg or two.

“In a best-case scenario,” he writes,

a legitimate brothel system would permit boys to dispel their sexual frustrations and force girls to up their game if they want male attention.

So take that, whatever girl it was who turned down Sten Morten for prom!

Of course, the problem with brothels is that they still involve actual women with needs and desires and feelings of their own; you can pay for sex but, as they say, you can’t buy love.

Unless maybe the girl of your dreams is actually just a very clever computer program.

And that’s where the holographic girlfriends come in.

As artificial intelligence continues to improve, it is likely that we will have virtual companions in the near future. While these companions will never usurp the position of a dear friend or loved one, they could potentially function as a makeshift social outlet for the desperately lonely. In less than a decade, we will witness the first iterations of these virtual companions on the market.

And presumably the horny creepy young men will be able to give their new virtual girlfriends all the characteristics they desire, from a compliant personality to humongous imaginary boobs. Though the fact that imaginary girlfriends would be required to put up with their shit is probably the biggest draw for them, I would guess.

Many science fiction films have depicted what these virtual companions could be like. Her (2013) depicted a virtual companion named Samantha, an intelligent female voice that the main character eventually falls in love with. Samantha acted as a friend and trusted confidant to the main character; it is probable that today’s Siri or Alexa could evolve into something similar.

Er, did Morten actually watch Her all the way to the end? Aside from having the voice of Scarlett Johansson, I’m not sure that Samantha is the not-quite-real girl for Morten, or for that matter for anyone who reads Return of Kings. Without dropping any major spoilers, let’s just say that she may be a little too advanced for them. Like the flesh and blood women they hunger to dominate, she’s out of their league.

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Moon_custafer
Moon_custafer
2 years ago

Unless maybe the girl of your dreams is actually just a very clever computer program.

Why can’t they just learn to write erotic fiction like the rest of us?

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
2 years ago

I find it highly entertaining that these Ayn Rand cultists keep on raving about the “sexual marketplace”, and adapting anything related to love and sex to libertarian mantra; yet at the same time they refuse to apply said mantra in regard to libertarian economics, where you have to adapt to the marketplace instead of asking the marketplace to adapt to you.

And is it me, or are these dudes asking for government programs to help them find a partner?

The inside of a black hole couldn’t be this dense.

Katamount
Katamount
2 years ago

This Morten guy didn’t see Blade Runner 2049 either, did he?
comment image

Shadowplay
2 years ago

And is it me, or are these dudes asking for government programs to help them find a partner?

Don’t get so close to his name please … it’ll summon him. 😛 That was one strange dude.

jsrtheta
jsrtheta
2 years ago

These guys have a wildly “optimistic” understanding of technology and its future.

I’m still waiting for those personal flying machines and jet packs we were promised when I was a kid.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

If school shootings are due to evil western girls turning boys down, why are there so many fewer shootings western nations that aren’t the US? Are British boys or Danish boys not sexually frustrated like American boys are? Because I thought that RoKers were under strict instruction not to bang Denmark due to female uppitiness there?

Katamount
Katamount
2 years ago

These guys have a wildly “optimistic” understanding of technology and its future.

They do, don’t they? I mean, from Cherry 2000 to Her, I can’t think of a single work that involves an AI significant other that portrays the outcome of the relationship in a positive light. Not even a comedy show like Trippin’ The Rift.

JennyWren
JennyWren
2 years ago

These are children he’s talking about. Children who don’t get enough sex.

Stephanie Tohill
Stephanie Tohill
2 years ago

It shouldn’t surprise me by now, but I continue to be baffled by how little respect these guys have for the concept of bodily autonomy as it pertains to women.

And assumin “female hypergamy” is a thing, why is that an issue yet these men wanting the most beautiful woman they can get (happily trading in wives for younger models) not a problem?

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
2 years ago

Welcome to the trend that’s sweeping the nation
Haven’t worked a minute on automation
But here, take this pretty little simulation
That never ever needs to take a vacation

She’ll listen to your ramblings and not once speak
And never needs to slip out and take a leak
Humanity’s reached its ultimate peak
Don’t look behind the curtain, nothing’s bleak

Programmed for satisfaction!
Let’s take up your reaction!
Just take a short survey

Would you be so kind
To tell us if you really mind
If we can hear everything you say?

Take a load off again, o ye of wealth!
Forget about the issue of the people’s health
A pretty little gadget to sit on the shelf
With absolutely no sense of self

She’s got no concept of reality
Only sees what she’s told to see
And just between you and me
She can tell you about infinite entropy

But you don’t really care
So I suppose you do dare
To take this short survey

Would it weigh down on your heart
To take your girl apart
Or…

…sweet fucking Jesus.

Uh.

Okay.

Okay, sir, that’s nice…please, don’t tell me more. Please.

*sigh* The RealDoll effect…

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

Troubelle, I have missed you.

EJ (The Other One)
2 years ago

@Stephanie Tohill:

And assumin “female hypergamy” is a thing, why is that an issue yet these men wanting the most beautiful woman they can get (happily trading in wives for younger models) not a problem?

My hypothesis? It’s because, as well as hating women, these men hate other men.

To them, a woman choosing to sleep with another man rather than them, gives that man higher status than them, so female hypergamy is a threat. However, having an older wife than another man also gives that man higher status than them, so an inability to replace their wives is also a threat.

As Sarkeesian said, in the game of patriarchy, women aren’t the opposing team: women are the ball.

Female Yid
Female Yid
2 years ago

@Stephanie Tohill

Return of Kings prides itself on taking sexist double standards and amping them up to eleven. When women cheat, it’s offensive. When men cheat, its natural.

Mels
Mels
2 years ago

As Sarkeesian said, in the game of patriarchy, women aren’t the opposing team: women are the ball.

I forgot about that quote. It makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Ugh.

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
2 years ago

@EJ

I’m glad you’re glad!

And re: baseball analogy: Explains why we get so few out-of-the-parks.

(Also, the aft end is referring to…well, I can’t find the article for some odd reason, but I recall reading of a RealDoll repairman who dealt primarily not with lack of maintenance or an accidental scrape, but with dolls that had clearly been purposefully mangled, with their faces bashed in or the doll arriving in several parts.)

Shadowplay
2 years ago

@Troubelle

Read something like that too – except it’s focus was on a real doll brothel (can’t remember if Berlin or the one in Spain).

Nequam
Nequam
2 years ago

Anyone else here read Franken Fran?

Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
2 years ago

Boys shoot up schools because they’re entitled shits who’re indoctrinated by society into believing they’re less than for not getting laid

FTFY

Also, how the fuck would he know if the teenagers shooting up their classrooms are or aren’t having sex? Why the fuck would he want to know? Rhetorical, but, still, blergh…

tim gueguen
2 years ago

Unfortunately for Sten when female AI comes along it will be like May and Momo from Questionable Content, robowomen who will not stand for you being a jerk to them. If he’s really unlucky he’ll meet Spookybot. You really, really don’t want to upset Spookybot.

Bina
2 years ago

“School shootings all have one thing in common: they occur at schools,”

Actually, they all have another thing in common: They all occur when someone who shouldn’t own a gun still somehow manages to get his hot little hands on one. Legally, even.

Maybe the real answer isn’t holographic girlfriends or no more public schools, but…(gasp)…GIVING THEM ONLY HOLOGRAPHIC GUNS.

No, wait, that’s too sensible. Maybe better go with some cockamamie alt-right PUA bullshit, instead. Yeah. That’s the ticket.

Bina
2 years ago

Also, all this talk of purchased “girlfriends” reminds me of a song from way back when…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ_k_VG6Syc

(Damn, that video has some creepy imagery in it…)

Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
Redsilkphoenix: Jetpack Vixen, Agent of the FemiNest Collective; Keeper of a Hell Toupee, and all-around Intergalactic Meanie
2 years ago

Deliberately creepy, since I believe The Tubes were critiquing consumerist culture in that video/song.

Fabe
Fabe
2 years ago

Unfortunately for Sten when female AI comes along it will be like May and Momo from Questionable Content, robowomen who will not stand for you being a jerk to them. If he’s really unlucky he’ll meet Spookybot. You really, really don’t want to upset Spookybot.

Imagine what would happen if they tried something with Bubbles.

Tosca; Chaos made Flesh, Servant of the Purring Jew
Tosca; Chaos made Flesh, Servant of the Purring Jew
2 years ago

If a boy turns into a school shooter because he can’t get laid, it looks like the best solution is to quarantine all those boys who can’t get laid. They’re the problem, not the girls who don’t want to sleep with them.

I’m reminded of the story where a serial rapist was running around an area, attacking women at night, and men suggested a curfew on women. Women of the area countered that the curfew should be for men, as it was a man doing the raping. Why should the victims be punished with a curfew, rather than the perpetrator?

Men lost their minds at the thought of having their liberty curtailed because someone else was being a violent shithead. That wasn’t fair!! The irony that every woman does that every day of their lives was apparently lost on them.

These creeps are the same.

Ariblester
Ariblester
2 years ago

No, no, David. You see, as has been explained to me by a Very Reasonable Man online in the comments section of another website, the problem of mass shootings is a mental health issue.

Specifically, it’s that modern society has taught our youth to be sensitive little snowflakes, unable to handle severe emotional stress. This causes them to lash out in unpredictable ways when they are met with challenges, hence why mass shootings occur.

(Never mind that the deadliest mass shooting in recent memory was carried out by a 64-year-old businessman.)

Clearly, clearly, the problem isn’t access to firearms.

/s if it wasn’t obvious enough.

occasional reader
occasional reader
2 years ago

Hello.

Hmm, if the problem is the so-called “sexual marketplace”, why not suppressing this term and this idea (which give me nausea) all along ?
And why does he speak of love ? Sexual gratification is just a (facultative) small part of the love feeling, not the opposite, is it that hard to understand ?

Speaking of artificial “girlfriends”, there is a little trend on Youtube which is artificial Youtubers (quite often women, as you may guess).

Have a nice day.

Dan Kasteray
Dan Kasteray
2 years ago

As a science fiction fan this weird shit creeps me out more than your usual warped and mindless misogyny.

It almost makes me want to write a fiction where skynet was given over as a “girlfriend “ to one of these clowns and that’s why it went on to nuke the world.

Dating one of these incel freaks is a torment that one would find in the deepest circle of hell.

dslucia
dslucia
2 years ago

Ah, but see, the weapons used in these mass shootings are only semi-automatic, so they can’t be classified as assault weapons technically, therefore your argument is invalid! Checkmate, libruls!!!

(I saw quite a few gun-fetishist arguments last night that infuriated me. The gun lobby has done its job very well.)

Austin Loomis
2 years ago

According to Wikipedia, the song critiqued a specific subset of consumer culture:

Waybill says the song was originally inspired when he passed a booth on a San Francisco street outside a peep show, the booth being marked with a sign reading “Pay A Dollar, Talk to a Naked Girl”, and the frustrating conversation that ensued between him and the woman inside the booth.

Truth to tell, my brain took the talk of “purchased ‘girlfriends'” in a rather different direction:

Moggie
Moggie
2 years ago

occasional reader:

Speaking of artificial “girlfriends”, there is a little trend on Youtube which is artificial Youtubers (quite often women, as you may guess).

There’s also this Motherboard article on the topic, which makes the mistake of saying that Ami Yamato isn’t real (her fans know that she just uses really really good moisturiser).

Bina
2 years ago

Waybill says the song was originally inspired when he passed a booth on a San Francisco street outside a peep show, the booth being marked with a sign reading “Pay A Dollar, Talk to a Naked Girl”, and the frustrating conversation that ensued between him and the woman inside the booth.

“Wanna fuck?”
“Nope, sorry.”
“You fuckin’ bitch, gimme my dollar back!”

[peep-show window closes]

Scildfreja Unnyðnes
Scildfreja Unnyðnes
2 years ago

Also, how the fuck would he know if the teenagers shooting up their classrooms are or aren’t having sex? Why the fuck would he want to know? Rhetorical, but, still, blergh…

I suspect it’s because he goes to /r/incel and the chans, and he sees all of the anger and hate, all of the people talking about murder; he sees that every day. When someone talks about shooting up a school, his mind connects to the most recent, strongest memories on the topic – the interminable threads of rage from the manosphere. And then his mouth opens and sounds come out.

He thinks he knows the answer because it’s the sea he swims in. He knows that his fish are the culprits, not the victims.

That’s my thought on it anyways!

Hypatia's Daughter
Hypatia's Daughter
2 years ago

Tosca; Chaos made Flesh, Servant of the Purring Jew
That woman was Golda Meir, who was Prime Minister of Israel during the Yom Kippur War in 1973.
In wake of the war, “…Israel was experiencing an epidemic of violent rapes and someone at a cabinet meeting suggested women be put under curfew until the rapists were caught, Meir shot back, “Men are committing the rapes. Let them be put under curfew.”

Paradoxical Intention: Resident Cheeseburger Slut

The future holographic girlfriends after spending .00001 seconds with these dunderfucks:

JDSM
JDSM
2 years ago

Katamount, if you haven’t encountered even a single A.I. Story about Love/Sex/Romance that had a Happy Ending, then you must have never read/watched/played even a single Japanese story along those lines tsk tsk tsk

Fruitloopsie
Fruitloopsie
2 years ago

Paradoxical intention:
Lol, that’s how I imagine too if anyone with a decent heart and mind were to spend a few minutes with these rapey terrorists.

Hexum7
Hexum7
2 years ago
weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I feel sorry for Japanese people, especially Japanese women. Looks like as many creepy misogynists before him, our new friend JDSM is creepily obsessed with Japan.

azne
azne
2 years ago

Sigh… Foreign creeps obsessed with Japanese…media, and Japanese creeps both need to go away.
Anyway, yeah JDSM is creepy and I hope Japanese women never have the misfortune to meet him, they already have enough to deal with.

JDSM
JDSM
2 years ago

Ah, such an attitude is partly why the Japanese are going the way of the Panda (bear)

http://www.businessinsider.com/japan-fertility-crisis-2017-4

Pokedad
Pokedad
2 years ago

Women having more sex with more people is the reason these guys aren’t getting sex.

I see no problem with this. At all.