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fan mail feminism men who should not ever be with women ever misogyny MRA

Roses are red, women are shrews, here’s a men’s rights poem for youse

Let’s see — brunt, bunt, hunt, shunt … so many possibilities!

By David Futrelle

I get a lot of, well, less-than-complimentary emails from dudes who aren’t what you’d call big fans of this site. But I don’t get a lot of poems.

So imagine my surprise when I checked my email this morning and found this. Enjoy!

You, sir. are an absolute Knave

By G—— R—— 
 
David Foo-troll, you son of a bitch.

If journalism were art, you’d not even be kitsch.

You riffle through trash, and you dig in the ditch

When you look for your subjects, and you give your pitch.

 

Your writing is garbage, your ideas are trite,

Not even a pro could set your blog right.

The fix is in, it must be set alight

While flames of justice glow in the night.

 

The call of the real men, the bark of the wild

Will show you the faces of those you’ve reviled

Male disposability is not a subject mild

All of civilization is on men’s backs piled.  

 

Come to your senses, I beseech you to change;

You’ll find that Men’s Rights are not at all strange,

And feminists your ally badge shall exchange

The moment you see men’s needs on the range.

 

Give aid to the harpies, give aid, if you dare

But a happy man who did so, never was there

I advise you in such company to take care,

Of their pack-minded bloodlust, I warn you, beware.

 

The approval of women, these ephemeral things,

Can’t give you the happiness that men’s rights brings

.

Well, it doesn’t always scan, and some of the rhymes are a little rough. But I have to applaud the effort.

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Michael P
Michael P
3 years ago

Honestly has better scansion than I expected.

Jamesworksop
Jamesworksop
3 years ago

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Not that I like you or anything
Baka desu

Shadowplay
3 years ago

Roses are red,
Carnations are pink
Mens rights poems,
Surely do stink.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I have a brief men’s rights poem of my own. It’s called Ode to a Sad Boner.

My sperm is liquid fucking gold
I will not waste it on women fat and old

When I look around my boner is so sad
Because short haired women are so icky and bad

They all get tattoos and dye their hair pink
Their scented fucking candles sure do stink

Yet they only want to sleep with alpha males
In front of them, my niceness pales

Hypergamy, hypergamy! It’s all I do behold
Oh, why do no HB10s want my liquid fucking gold?

There. Best I can do with zero effort. If this doesn’t make me Trump’s poet laureate, that’s misandry.

Diego Duarte
Diego Duarte
3 years ago

All of civilization is on men’s backs piled.

Can I opt out? I never agreed to this capitalism or toxic masculinity shit.

@Jamesworksop

LMAO!

feartheminotaur
feartheminotaur
3 years ago

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Just shut the fuck up already MRA assholes.

flexitarian haruspix
flexitarian haruspix
3 years ago

IMO, haiku > sonnet any day of the week.

An MRA writes
iambic pentameter
What pretentious shit.

@ Jamesworksop

Too tsun. ^^

laserqueen
laserqueen
3 years ago

He’s been mocking you since the days of Manboobz,
Digging through reddit, 4chan and YouToobs
Go on, bark in the wild,
You pathetic man child.
“But we hunted the mammoth for you!”

PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
3 years ago

A one-word acronym response to this “poem”.

PRATT.

*Fin*

Victorious Parasol
Victorious Parasol
3 years ago

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Bad poetry is a blight upon our collective literary heritage.

Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
Sinkable John : Pansy Ass Pinko, Regicidal Beast-of-Burden
3 years ago

Roses are red
Fuck MRAs

Laugher at Bigots
3 years ago

All feminists and mammoths quake
At this, our Nimrod, here;
I wonder what could haply make
Our hunter-poet fear?

Nor fiends, nor storms, nor wind, nor hail,
Nor loss of Internets,
But makes our noble critic quail;
At many things he frets:

At justice, knowledge, liberty,
And also “women’s lib”,
And too responsibility,
And not to tell a fib.

Now, Nimrod, writing verse is hard,
Especially to scan,
But if you think yourself a bard,
Then practise till you can.

PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
PeeVee the (Perpetually Ignored, Invisible but Noice) Sarcastic
3 years ago
Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

I have eaten
the seagull
that was in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for something

Forgive me
it was disgusting
but I’m going
my own way now

Dormousing_it
Dormousing_it
3 years ago

There once was an MRA,
Who stared at porn for many a day.
Scorning all roasties and thots,
He patiently awaited the arrival of sexbots.

He’s gonna wait for a long, long time, I’m afraid.

Fujimoto
Fujimoto
3 years ago

I just have to marvel at how some guy sat down and put effort into a poem about how David would be happier with MRAs. I call bullshit; those guys never seem truly happy.

Off topic, but supposedly right-wing group Turning Point USA is organizing a visit to my campus by Christina Hoff Sommers.

Bina
3 years ago

Roses are red,
pink, yellow, and white —
but MRA poetry
is always shite.
BURMA SHAVE

Also:

You riffle through trash, and you dig in the ditch

Well, at least he’s admitting
his side is a ditch
awash with garbage.
Isn’t that rich?
BURMA SHAVE

The fix is in, it must be set alight

While flames of justice glow in the night.

He wanted to set
the world ablaze —
now his scalp is ashes
and smoking for days.
BURMA SHAVE

The call of the real men, the bark of the wild

Will show you the faces of those you’ve reviled

Male disposability is not a subject mild

All of civilization is on men’s backs piled.

This verse is so turgid,
it standeth erect —
just like Ozymandias
and just as wrecked.
BURMA SHAVE

Gummo Trotsky
Gummo Trotsky
3 years ago

Roses are red,
My balls are blue;
So sad I’m an incel
Who can’t get a screw.

Hexum7
Hexum7
3 years ago

Roses are sometimes red
Violets usually purplish
MRAs facts do whirl
As fast as a dervish

Moggie
Moggie
3 years ago

I think this guy is the William McGonagall of the MRM. With time, he might even reach the heights of James McIntyre.

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

Call me a cuck
I don’t give a fuck
And I’ll carry on drinking soy
You say it’s Low-T
Well that don’t bother me
I appear to still be a boy
I’m afraid I must doubt
The rubbish you spout
I hope I’m not being rude
But the plain truth of it
Is your claims are shit
And I doubt if they’ve been peer reviewed

Nequam
Nequam
3 years ago
Pagan Reader - Misandrist Spinster

You riffle through trash, and you dig in the ditch

When you look for your subjects

It’s hardly David’s fault that your movement is like that, now is it?

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

Roses are blue
Violets are red
I logic at you
Then flounce from the thread

F is for Fro
F is for Fro
3 years ago

Speaking of poetry…

Why are so many MRAs apt to use slightly antiquated word choice when they write something intended to be intellectual?

…Is that some sort of rule?

Specialffrog
Specialffrog
3 years ago

There was an MGTOW
Who said, “ladies I will no longer trouble you”
Yet day after day
At which women he may
He yells on the WWW

It kind of works if you pronounce the letters.

Shadowplay
3 years ago

Why are so many MRAs apt to use slightly antiquated word choice

Their patron saint and AVFM supposed cash cow that never yielded any gelt – Belfort Bax 😛

Alan Robertshaw
Alan Robertshaw
3 years ago

Such high IQ gents must be quite sesquipedalian
It’s their superior logic you see
And if to us they sound quite alien
Then that’s the fault of you and me
We’re just not on their level
So they can safely ignore us
Whereas they’ve swallowed the red pill
And a thesaurus

Buttercup Q. Skullpants
Buttercup Q. Skullpants
3 years ago

Roses are red
Dead grass is tan
My name is Roosh
Now get in the van.

Roses are red
Violets are super
I’ll lose my next blog post
If I wipe my pooper.

Roses are branch-swinging sluts
Violets are divorce-raping whores
Men unconditionally love
It’s why we keep score.

Bakunin
Bakunin
3 years ago

@Fujimoto

The best response to TP USA, and the definition of self-own, Charlie Kirk in a diaper.

PeeVee the Tired
PeeVee the Tired
3 years ago

I quite like the WHTM poetry slam.

*Finger snaps*

Malice W Underland
3 years ago

This reads like a combination of my sixth grade writing assignments, Black Sabbath lyrics*, and the poetry feature in the weekly seniors’ magazine in my grandma’s small town, all set in whatever alternate manospherian universe it is that this guy lives in.

*Yes metal people, I love Sabbath too, but their lyrics are hilariously clumsy B-movie doggerel and you know it.

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

I Started Out with the Best of Poetic Intentions, But It’s Possible That the Following Is Mere Prose
Roses–
The MRM is a hate-filled scam, and its devotees are hate-filled liars.

Amazonia the BBW Dragin, Eater of Alpha Males and Tacos
Amazonia the BBW Dragin, Eater of Alpha Males and Tacos
3 years ago

My humble contributions to create fitting MRA (whiny ) poetry
Roses are Red,
You all are fake News,
My credibility has always been dead,
So I’ll blame the Jews

Roses are Red,
Males are always right,
We welcome all bros,
But only if they’re white

Roses are red,
I only dates hotties,
Every night I spend alone,
With pillows for sexy bodies

Roses are Red,
How do we have Bronies?,
It’s a colorful kids show,
With feminist ponies

Well that’s all I got

Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
3 years ago

Mammotheers, your poetry is wonderful!

Mary
Mary
3 years ago

Can I just say it’s nice to see you posting again. I missed it.

Bina
3 years ago

There once was an emgeeteeohdoubleyou
Whom Bina attempted to clerihew.
But what a sad gimmick —
It came out a lim’rick!
I’m sorry, good people, to trouble you.

Ooglyboggles
Ooglyboggles
3 years ago

How unexpected
He made his sentences rhyme
Meter needs rework.

TreePerson
TreePerson
3 years ago

I don’t know why but I have this image of this “gent” angerly rhyming this into his computer when there is a knock on on his door he opens it and there is this kid with a blank stair on their face and they say in a monotone “Traveler ###### you are off mission abort immediately.”

I have no idea why but I find that amusing (and yes its a travelers reference).

Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
Troubelle: Moonbeam Malcontent + Bard of the New Movement
3 years ago

Goodness gracious, someone’s upsought
But hey, it’s what the Cat-King’s brought
Less a hunt and more the vulture’s way
Is why we behold this today

Found dropped dead at his cold doorstep
Perhaps his feline wanted more pep
From their dear owner, and if that’s so
That’s quite a catty way to go.

Nevertheless, it isn’t much
At least it’s framed well, I’ll give it such
But still it’s trite, no matter how much it tries
As appetizing as school-lunch shoestring fries

And this, one and all, is how a man’s soul dies.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Ok. My comment keeps disappearing. I made a comment about how my comment disappeared and that showed up. When I hit the edit button and pasted the old text in it disappeared again. What the fuck!? It had no links in it. Nothing that goes in the mod filter. What gives?

Ok. Weird. I erased the first paragraph and now it’s posting.

Anyway, I’m just wondering if I’m being a cranky asshole or if this a reasonable complaint with the topic discussed below. Sorry for the off topic.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Back when Hulu had a free membership option, I had an account. When they switched to a pay only Netflix type model, I never signed up for a plan. I finally decided to sign up for the free trial and see if I wanted the service. Well, of course, I’ve long since forgotten my password. I clicked the reset password link and never got an email. Not in my inbox, not in my spam folder. I clicked the link again about 15 minutes later. Still no reset password email. So I went to the website and looked at the support page. Nothing useful. I hit the “contact us” link at the bottom of the page. It went back to the login page. So I went to the Hulu support Twitter account and explained what happened. They gave me a toll free number to call. That’s it.

Am I right to be salty about this? I sent a reply asking for an email or chat function because I don’t want to go through some horrible automated phone system and why should I sign up and offer them my money if I’m already getting terrible customer service? I hate to be mean and maybe it was just a chatbot sending a stock reply anyway, but seriously? Why should I beg a company to give them my money? At this point, I’d probably only sign up if I could get an extended free trial or something to make up for the aggravation I’ve already experienced, but the Twitter support didn’t hint that I might get anything like that. I’m just kind of pissed and offended that I’ve been put through the wringer when a big profitable company should be able to figure out to either send and email or offer an email for those needing support. How can an online service only offer a phone number for customer support and nothing convenient and online? It makes no sense to me.

Anyway, it’s hard for me to figure out the balance between wanting to resist the socialization I got as a woman to not stand up for myself and wanting to still be a decent non-entitled person. Is this a reasonable thing to be super pissed about?

Gerg
Gerg
3 years ago

In Response to a Misandrist Post Made by One Futrelle

You cretinous gonzo, are you lacking in shame?
Do you think that Men’s Rights is some kind of game?
I’ll bet that your response wouldn’t be so tame,
If of feminism and gynocrats I said the same.

You’d call me a sexist, send flying monkeys,
Summon six soy boys, awaken the chunkies,
Enlist the white knight, pugilistic punk, he’s
numbered amongst your army of flunkies.

Vaginocrats alive! There’s a mighty upsurge
Of women consolidating power to submerge
The order of men, through a ballot-box purge,
The west now quakes, for it hears its own dirge.

Tis but our last hope, the end is nigh.
To undo the damage, we may as well try.
Don’t bother with details, it matters not why;
But if you ignore me, don’t come to me and cry.

Support men and boys, it’s the only way
To keep our world from going astray.
From the hills on the horizon, I hear them all bray,
In powerful unison, for that wonderful day.

Shelters for men, play time for boys,
Meat on the grill, tools making noise,
Male contraceptives, masculine toys
Worthy accomplishments, red-blooded joys.

All of these things are things which may be
If you support men’s rights, you just might see.

Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
Valentin - Emigrantski Ragamuffin
3 years ago

Why are so many MRAs apt to use slightly antiquated word choice when they write something intended to be intellectual?

this is common mistake for many people when they try to write poetry, not just MRA. (of course MRAs seem to do it always). it is because what poetry people study at school usually from 1700 &1800, so people think that this is how they must write it. but this is mistake and actually makes people sound clumsy, or worse, arrogant

Good poetry is for many people. people alive in times of Pushkin or Wordsworth can understand what language they use, this is common language of that time. so modern poetry is most successful when it is on language of modern times. what is poetry which only poet can understand? only something to say ‘oh you are too stupid to understand my clever poem’.

I think poetry is like border between words and music – there is more than one meaning, more even than what poet wants to say, but best poetry is humble, something others can find the meaning or beauty inside, something which feels natural to read or to speak.

this poem he wrote is arrogant, awkward mess.

Shadowplay
3 years ago

@wwth

Why be pissed off? They don’t care. Just don’t give them your cash – it’s not like you had your heart set on it, right? Go with your gut – if the customer service sucks when they’re trying to reel you in, no god knows how bad it is when you are on the hook.

I know you said you were trying to sign up for a free trial to see if you liked it, but those things can be impossible to cancel. Take the cancellation, in triplicate and signed in all 4 blood types, to a monk who sits on the tip of K2 every second Thursday unless it’s a full moon sort of deal. (I’m still paying one of those)

TreePerson
TreePerson
3 years ago

@Shadowplay
The first thing I did when I did my amazon prime trial was figure out how to cancel it so I would not get charged at the end.

Shadowplay
3 years ago

Ah, but you’re organised. Not gifted in that department when it comes to money. 😛

Last free trial I signed up for was a seed club. It was OK, 3 month free trial, cancel anytime in the last 30 days. Was waiting for the cancel period to arrive, 6 weeks into the trial period – I got deployed for 7 months … 😛
Arrived home to a very nice garden – partner had planted the seeds as they arrived.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

Yeah, the Twitter support account just replied to me and said no, they don’t offer email support and they only offer chat support if you’re already logged in. So I guess they lost a customer. Because I’m not about to call and beg them to let me give them my money. I’m puzzled as to how they can send me emails asking me to sign up for a free trial, but they can’t contact me by email to reset my password so I can actually do it? No sense at all.

If I can sustain my annoyance into tomorrow, I might contact their corporate offices to complain and see if I can get something for free though.

weirwoodtreehugger: chief manatee

I do find it frustrating that corporations have such horrible policies that you have to really throw a snit to get your problem fixed. Because it’s not the fault of the customer service workers who have to hear the snit, but if you don’t put your foot down, you’ll just get scripted bs and your problem won’t be solved. Everyone loses but the executives.

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