By David Futrelle
I get a lot of, well, less-than-complimentary emails from dudes who aren’t what you’d call big fans of this site. But I don’t get a lot of poems.
So imagine my surprise when I checked my email this morning and found this. Enjoy!
You, sir. are an absolute Knave
By G—— R——
David Foo-troll, you son of a bitch.If journalism were art, you’d not even be kitsch.
You riffle through trash, and you dig in the ditch
When you look for your subjects, and you give your pitch.
Your writing is garbage, your ideas are trite,
Not even a pro could set your blog right.
The fix is in, it must be set alight
While flames of justice glow in the night.
The call of the real men, the bark of the wild
Will show you the faces of those you’ve reviled
Male disposability is not a subject mild
All of civilization is on men’s backs piled.
Come to your senses, I beseech you to change;
You’ll find that Men’s Rights are not at all strange,
And feminists your ally badge shall exchange
The moment you see men’s needs on the range.
Give aid to the harpies, give aid, if you dare
But a happy man who did so, never was there
I advise you in such company to take care,
Of their pack-minded bloodlust, I warn you, beware.
The approval of women, these ephemeral things,
Can’t give you the happiness that men’s rights brings
.
Well, it doesn’t always scan, and some of the rhymes are a little rough. But I have to applaud the effort.
Honestly has better scansion than I expected.
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Not that I like you or anything
Baka desu
Roses are red,
Carnations are pink
Mens rights poems,
Surely do stink.
I have a brief men’s rights poem of my own. It’s called Ode to a Sad Boner.
My sperm is liquid fucking gold
I will not waste it on women fat and old
When I look around my boner is so sad
Because short haired women are so icky and bad
They all get tattoos and dye their hair pink
Their scented fucking candles sure do stink
Yet they only want to sleep with alpha males
In front of them, my niceness pales
Hypergamy, hypergamy! It’s all I do behold
Oh, why do no HB10s want my liquid fucking gold?
There. Best I can do with zero effort. If this doesn’t make me Trump’s poet laureate, that’s misandry.
Can I opt out? I never agreed to this capitalism or toxic masculinity shit.
@Jamesworksop
LMAO!
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Just shut the fuck up already MRA assholes.
IMO, haiku > sonnet any day of the week.
An MRA writes
iambic pentameter
What pretentious shit.
@ Jamesworksop
Too tsun. ^^
He’s been mocking you since the days of Manboobz,
Digging through reddit, 4chan and YouToobs
Go on, bark in the wild,
You pathetic man child.
“But we hunted the mammoth for you!”
A one-word acronym response to this “poem”.
PRATT.
*Fin*
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Bad poetry is a blight upon our collective literary heritage.
Roses are red
Fuck MRAs
All feminists and mammoths quake
At this, our Nimrod, here;
I wonder what could haply make
Our hunter-poet fear?
Nor fiends, nor storms, nor wind, nor hail,
Nor loss of Internets,
But makes our noble critic quail;
At many things he frets:
At justice, knowledge, liberty,
And also “women’s lib”,
And too responsibility,
And not to tell a fib.
Now, Nimrod, writing verse is hard,
Especially to scan,
But if you think yourself a bard,
Then practise till you can.
Well it’s not bad poetry, exactly, but ROTFLMFAO
https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_5a952956e4b02cb368c568be?ncid=engmodushpmg00000004
I have eaten
the seagull
that was in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for something
Forgive me
it was disgusting
but I’m going
my own way now
There once was an MRA,
Who stared at porn for many a day.
Scorning all roasties and thots,
He patiently awaited the arrival of sexbots.
He’s gonna wait for a long, long time, I’m afraid.
I just have to marvel at how some guy sat down and put effort into a poem about how David would be happier with MRAs. I call bullshit; those guys never seem truly happy.
Off topic, but supposedly right-wing group Turning Point USA is organizing a visit to my campus by Christina Hoff Sommers.
Roses are red,
pink, yellow, and white —
but MRA poetry
is always shite.
BURMA SHAVE
Also:
Well, at least he’s admitting
his side is a ditch
awash with garbage.
Isn’t that rich?
BURMA SHAVE
He wanted to set
the world ablaze —
now his scalp is ashes
and smoking for days.
BURMA SHAVE
This verse is so turgid,
it standeth erect —
just like Ozymandias
and just as wrecked.
BURMA SHAVE
Roses are red,
My balls are blue;
So sad I’m an incel
Who can’t get a screw.
Roses are sometimes red
Violets usually purplish
MRAs facts do whirl
As fast as a dervish
I think this guy is the William McGonagall of the MRM. With time, he might even reach the heights of James McIntyre.
Call me a cuck
I don’t give a fuck
And I’ll carry on drinking soy
You say it’s Low-T
Well that don’t bother me
I appear to still be a boy
I’m afraid I must doubt
The rubbish you spout
I hope I’m not being rude
But the plain truth of it
Is your claims are shit
And I doubt if they’ve been peer reviewed
Shorter:
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/sam.gif
Burma Shave signs were probably humanity’s greatest achievement in poetry.
It’s hardly David’s fault that your movement is like that, now is it?
Roses are blue
Violets are red
I logic at you
Then flounce from the thread