Happy Thanksgiving, to everyone who celebrates it! And a very merry Thursday to everyone who doesn’t.
Because I haven’t provided a health update in a while (outside of the comments) I just wanted to reassure everyone that I am still here, and still trying to sort through a bunch of medical issues with the help of assorted doctors, some very competent and others not so much.
The issues I’m facing aren’t lifethreatening, but they are still debilitating enough to keep me from regular posting here. Sorry to be so vague; I’ll offer more details once some of these issues are sorted out a bit more. I’ll return to posting as soon as I am able but I cannot predict when that will be.
I appreciate everyone’s patience and continued support. Thanks!
And Tom Baker has filmed extra footage so we finally get to see Shada.
Happy Thanksgiving to all as appropriate; and wishing David a speedy recovery.
Happy Friday, now, and very best health wishes to Mammotheers and especially to David.
@Lucrece
And on top of the Milo visit & the lack of progress on marriage equality, the guys on Manus were forcibly moved this morning. They’re hurt and frightened but somehow hanging in there.
(I must admit that Katter’s weird twitchy “but wait – what about them crocodiles?” was darkly amusing).
Buuuuut, in the Giving of the Thanks type moment, there are still some good things on a personal level, at least. I have some great work over the next few months, including a project on Muslims in New Zealand that I’m doing research assistance on (for award-winning academic authors, no less, whoo hoo).
More importantly, I hope you’re all well and safe, and happy (or at least, coping).
David F. – continuing warm fuzzy wishes for your health. There’s no need to tell us any details at all, so don’t apologise on that front. Just focus on looking after yourself and the kittehs!
Went to family thanksgiving, where no members of my family got my pronouns right even once. Our guest ( who hasn’t seen me since a couple years before my transition) did, though…
Lovely, free side order of personal invalidation with every serving.
*hugs* if you want them.
@Dalillama
Urgh. Hug if you want it.
It’s not fucking rocket surgery! My understanding:
Use the pronouns people prefer.
If you don’t know or can’t remember, use they – it takes a week or so to get into the habit of subbing they for he/she in conversation.
Always use the identifier/name they prefer.
You get ONE use of the person’s old name if you knew them before – habit happens. After that, you’re taking the piss.
It’s not “being PC,” it’s fucking MANNERS!!!
Miss anything?
Just me and husband and younger son for Thanksgiving, and I managed to get the cooking started early enough that we didn’t eat too late. One small turkey, spatchcocked to cook faster (plus if you lay it on its back to start, you can shove herb butter under the breast skin and it doesn’t drip out; it all sits there and bastes the meat gloriously). Two stuffings: fruit for me and husband, potato for the kid. Purple sweet potatoes, baked. Roasted carrots. Broccoli with lemon butter. Smashed potatoes. Gravy. Pumpkin almond cheesecake, by the request of and with the help of son. Cranberry tart, because I wanted to (cranberry curd on the bottom, cranberry citrus conserve on top, decorated with candied oranges).
I went to rest after the meal but before dessert. Fell asleep (I blame the cat). Went back in kitchen to find husband still eating. Lay down again. Woke up again and finally managed to actually get the desserts out. Husband didn’t have room for dessert. Cranberry tart still entirely untouched in fridge.
Also, I fed the cat a couple pieces of turkey and then a piece of carrot, just to see if he would take it. He did, but then he also eats canned pumpkin. We say he’s keeping himself orange.
I’m Canadian, so I had thanksgiving back in October. 🙂 It was the first time in over a decade that Thanksgiving didn’t suck, though. Instead of going to the whole extended family get-together it was just me, my parents, and my sister. We went down to the lakeshore (fifteen minutes away) and took a walk with my parents’ dogs, then had a little picnic. The weather was beautiful, we ate pie, one of the dogs jumped into the lake and got soaked. No one criticized my clothing choices, asked me if I’m dating anyone yet, made fun of me for being vegetarian, or suggested I should have majored in something different at university. It was amazing.
@Jayne Definitely sounds wonderful. 😀
And many well wishes to you, Dave. <3
Happy Friday, all!
@David:
No need to apologize or fill us in on your problems (unless it makes you feel better).
@Z&T:
You are not in any way obligated to allow horrid people to take up your time or be a part of your life, even if they are related to you.
I have a half brother that I don’t really know who used to occasionally send strange, unpleasant letters. Sometimes from jail, sometimes not.
Responding to the first one was a mistake. After getting a few more, I started tossing them out unread. I haven’t gotten one in years. Problem solved!
@Dalillama
Urgh that’s just awful, hugs if you want ’em.
@David, please do get better soon. Not for us, but just so you feel better.
I’m not absolutely sure but I think around this time of year is when you usually do some fundraising – so if anyone has a few spare legal-tender-type-items, please do contribute them if you can. I’ve used PayPal very successfully to contribute to WHTM.
@nequam – my mother and I did not always get along but in her later years I did enjoy her visits, not least of all because she kept my house cleaner than I have ever been able to maintain working full time. It was also heavenly to have a fully cooked hot meal when I got home from work!
@Z&T and others who have fractured relationships with their family of origin, or who just dislike the whole hullabaloo of big family-type holidays, you just do whatever is healthy for YOU. I broke contact with my family many, many years ago and I have been the happier for it. I have a child but I don’t make a big deal out of holidays, I am much more content having just an extra day off that I can wear my pajamas and eat (if I feel like cooking) all day. Spend time with my son and my pets (although sometimes my son spends holidays with his father, which is just fine with me as I like my alone-time too). Sleep if I feel like it.
No one should feel miserable, under pressure and obligated to spend time with people who make them miserable. I get many invitations to spend holidays with various friends but I usually prefer to spend the day in my cozy home with unscheduled time to just do whatever.
This year I gave my son his Christmas/Birthday combo present on Thanksgiving (a new gaming computer) so he has been busy with that. We slept in until 10 am. I went over to a friend’s house at 11 to have him deep-fry our turkey because he always offers every year lol. I wouldn’t normally choose to make turkey but A) my boss gives me one every year, and B) making turkey means I can make turkey tetrazzini afterward and eat that for a week!
I made stove-top stuffing, gravy, and mashed potatoes, and broccoli. I had carrot cake I bought at our little hometown bakery the day before for dessert. The two of us feasted!
I went to lay down but my phone rang. I don’t get many calls but this was from my best friend back in my hometown, who is also “alone” on Thanksgiving. She said she was just going to DM me but decided to call, and we spent 2 hours on the phone just laughing our asses off.
My son set up his new fast computer and played online with some of his friends in the evening, and I binge-watched some old episodes of “Father Ted”. It was a good day and no ugly intra-familial wars or squabbles at all!
Happy Days everyone <3
@Dalillama: I’m so sorry about that. I hope the rest of your weekend is better.
Alex Jones appears to have violated a law against revenge porn, after Infowars posted a video showing a sitting Congressman masturbating:
https://lawandcrime.com/uncategorized/infowars-likely-just-violated-law-by-posting-rep-barton-masturbation-video/
My old high school football team won big yesterday and I had a nice long visit with Mom, so my Thanksgiving was awesome.
Also I’m the proud owner of a new lunch cooler.
Z&T – I have six siblings. My children have met two of them; there’s a third who they could meet, except that he lives in another state.
The other three – no. I don’t hate them, but there’s no reason for me to expose my kids to them. Consanguinity is not enough.
Keeping toxic relatives out of your life is self-care.
This. It’s something I wish my grandmother would heed.
One of my uncles died last night. We didn’t hear about it until today because that portion of the family is estranged from the rest of us.
The hopefully not too long and boring version of the story is that when my aunt died five years ago, her husband was already dead and she had no kids so her estate went to my grandmother. My uncle was the executor and started dragging his feet on getting her house sold and the money to my grandmother. We also think he let one of his kids, who I’ll call E take some my aunts things that had sentimental value to my other aunt. So my dad and aunt intervened and had the handling of the estate turned over to an attorney who got everything done quickly. My uncle’s family was almost certainly trying to get at that money, which is a considerable amount.
So, my uncle and his wife and all his kids but one got super duper pissed off about this and stopped speaking to everyone. The whole thing was primarily instigated by my cousin E who is really toxic and horrible and basically manipulated everyone else into hating the rest of us. I was never close to any of these people and never really liked them so I don’t give a shit if they aren’t around. But I give a whole lot of shits that every time my grandmother tried to call them and mend fences my uncles wife, or my asshole cousin E would yell at her and tell her how horrible she is.
A whole ‘nother round of shitstorm occurred earlier in the year when they somehow found out that my grandmother is leaving her house to my dad. It’s a townhouse. She lives on one side and we live on the other. He’s the one who takes care of her and the house every single day. So it makes sense that he should have it. But they’re all pissy because they probably wanted the house sold and my dad forced to move so they could get some cash. My uncle’s wife actually called her at 3 in the morning to yell at my grandmother about it.
So tonight, my grandma – who is 92 years old and although her mind is pretty sharp for her age she still doesn’t always make the best decisions anymore – makes the mistake of calling over there and E. answered. She yelled at her for not being at the hospital yesterday. Well, nobody fucking called her and told her he was dying in the hospital. So how was she supposed to go there when she didn’t even know? She’s also on oxygen and 92 years old so it’s not easy for her to go out for any length of time. Do they give a fuck about that? No they do not.
Sorry to go on longer than I meant to, but I’m really fucking mad about this. I wish she would just stop trying to reach out to them. My dad keeps trying to convince her to stop trying. Because they are verbally abusive to her every time. But family is really important to and she just won’t let go.
@ Weirwoodtreehugger,
I understand.
I was just ruminating about my relatives.
Yes, avoid the toxic ones as best you can.
@wwth
Oof, that’s awful. Especially seeing someone you care about get continually abused and hurt.
Re toxic relatives – it’s easier to cut someone off (as in slightly less horrible) when they’ve been awful the whole time. I’ve had to do that. But lately I’ve had to consider cutting off my half-sister, which is a whole different issue because we’ve been very close for most of our lives.
For about a year now she’s been a completely different person, and so full of rage. She insists that my brother wrecked our lives by going to prison (he went in 30 years ago, been out for some time now – so why the sudden fury?). She accuses our mum of favouring him, and covering for him, enabling him, etc. etc. Recently she subjected mum to a full-blown tirade that lasted 90 minutes (mum is 71 and not super healthy). She also threatened to call the parole board and tell them stuff about my brother – which would get him put back in jail.
So that’s the point at which I thought of cutting her off, maybe even just temporarily. Anyone else, I wouldn’t even think twice. But this is my sister that I grew up with, that I used to sing Nick Cave songs with.
As Foul Ole Ron would say, “Bugrit, millennium hand and shrimp!”
Welcome back, David. Get well soon!
Report from the archives … 😛
Remember Candace Owens and Social Autopsy? I got curious about what she’s up to now and if she ever worked out why doxxing “bullies” might be a bad idea. Or if she melted down off the face of the planet.
She’s a full on red pill Trumpster fire now. Not a surprise – other than her 15 minutes seems to have lasted a bit longer than 15 minutes. 😛
Welcome back, David, and i hope you feel better soon!
I don’t comment here much, but I’m feeling really messed up and this commentariat is a great source of support for me; even just reading your lovely messages of support to each other often reaffirms my faith that humanity can be good and kind and accepting if we try.
I’m just having a very lonely Thanksgiving. I’m spending it with my dad and stepmom, but we don’t talk very much, disagree on nearly everything important, and it’s been three days of nothing but perfunctory conversation and silence. We ate Thanksgiving dinner at their country club (blech), where the 95% white crowd was served by 90% POC servers (the other 10% were pretty young white women, I’m guessing chosen for their pretty youngness). There’s a reason we don’t stay in touch.
I got divorced a few months ago, and these family trips were always bearable because my ex-wife and I could decompress, analyze, and vent about the day’s injustices (both of our families are of the Evangelical “we love you as long as you’re not queer, trans, black, or Democrat” variety), but now she’s gone and it’s just me, and I’m missing my best friend.
On top of that, I’m giving up on writing fiction despite being over 100k in debt from an MFA that I hardly remember taking because I was stoned and fighting depression during the whole thing, and every time I try to read a book I just feel jealous and sad because I know I’ll never be able to write like that, and I doubt I ever could in the first place.
I know other people have it so much worse than me. I’m white, cis, male, have a decent job and a place to live. My family hasn’t disowned me, they just don’t want to know anything real about me. My problems feel small and petty and stupid compared to people who have real ones, like family members dying and being dead named constantly or facing systemic oppression, which in turn makes me feel small and petty and stupid for complaining.
Sorry to detail, I just kind of wanted to vent and I know y’all are some wonderful people. Thanks for listening.
1 end of year, family get together holiday down. 2 to go. Making my New Year’s resolution early: a 2018 without the fam for ‘the holidays’ (nor Memorial Day. I coulda had a heart attack, assholes!)
*hugs* to those whose ‘holidays’ are less than picturesque <3
@poglodyte
Don’t have much to say except I hear you. Sounds rough.
Well – do got one thing to say 😛 :
Problems are just that – problems. There’s no absolute scale of magnitude to compare them to each other. If you are hurting then you are hurting, simple as, and you should respect that. Not wallow in it – and you’re not – but the hurt does exist and will have an effect on you for a time.
“But,” you say, “I’ve got a mere splinter while others have gunshots. I feel silly for complaining.”
Don’t, eh? Everyone can see gunshots. They can’t see splinters unless you show them. Or until they become infected.
Best to you.
Poglodyte,
You don’t have to win the Oppression Olympics to feel down. Divorce is a major stressor, as are the holidays if you don’t have the perfect relationship with your family. Hugs and feel free to vent here when you need to.