By David Futrelle
It’s a rarity in this year of terrible, but tonight has been a night of actual good news! Dems are winning elections, and Reddit has banned the toxic cesspool known as the Incels subreddit! Celebrate while you can in this open thread!
No trolls. Fuck trolls.
This is the first time a wall of news notifications hasn't been a nightmare in god knows how long pic.twitter.com/NpTaW5QK6e
— Ashley Feinberg (ashleyfeinberg.bsky.social) (@ashleyfeinberg) November 8, 2017
Dems have won all three of the marquee off-year races — NJGov, VAGov, NYC Mayor — for the first time since 1989.
— David Weigel (@daveweigel) November 8, 2017
Democrats decimated Republicans across the country tonight, at every level and in every branch of state government.
— Seth Abramson (@SethAbramson) November 8, 2017
Thanks, Trump!
And this is the icing on the cake:
Trans woman Danica Roem (D) just defeated anti-LGBTQ candidate Bob Marshall (R) in Virginia, becoming the first trans state legislator in America.
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) November 8, 2017
The man who wrote the anti-trans bathroom bill just lost the election to a trans woman. Let that sink in. https://t.co/KFEZXSYvMy
— Laura Bassett (@LEBassett) November 8, 2017
Oh, and there’s this:
Jeff Sessions' DOJ Drops Prosecution Of Woman Who Laughed At Jeff Sessions https://t.co/slOPOhmLYN pic.twitter.com/ekRsU1RJAq
— Curt and Frank 🏳️🌈 (@curtandfrank) November 7, 2017
Let’s all celebrate by laughing at Jeff Sessions!
Meanwhile, on Reddit:
Reddit has banned the Incels subreddit. About fucking time; it was a cesspool of misogyny and violent hate. pic.twitter.com/8RieXtxZLN
— David Futrelle (@DavidFutrelle) November 8, 2017
HEALTH NOTE: Though cheered by tonight’s news, I’m still dealing with a shitstorm of health issues. I will return to regular posting as soon as I can, but I’m not sure when that will be. Thanks again for your patience and your support!
@LittleLurker’s “First Off” paragraph
Thank you for saying what I was trying to say in a much better and nicer way.
The phrase is not MEANT to refer to “the way it’s always been done”. Sure, the fundies, conservatives, power brokers and etc. would love it if that was what people HEARD when the phrase was used, but what they MEAN by the phrase “traditional [insert social behavior under discussion here]” is THE WAY WE DO IT
I mean, he’s gotten this far by ignoring all forms of decency, morality, and common sense, it’s not like he’s going to stop that now.
I will be pleasantly surprised if either Dump or Moore face any kind of fallout or consequence for these actions. But given the way that politics seems to be going, I’m not holding my breath. /cynicism
F.T.F.Y…
you’re welcome
Not only does their bullshit not threaten the status quo, it holds it up. It always kind of amazes me that so many people manage to believe “political incorrectness” or evo psych or Bible thumping or Ayn Randesque opinions are new and innovative and bold when we all hear it constantly.
Not just that but statutory rape. Including one victim who was only 14. We thought it was bad when the Republican party was the party of racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and classism. Turns out they could sink so much lower. Now they’re also the official party of child rape and child conscription.
So Christlike!
First of all, it repulses me that all these older men think teenagers are constantly fantasizing about them. Sure, lots of girls are into various adult male celebs or younger adult men in the 18-25 range. They’re not typically having “sweet dreams” about average schmoes old enough to be their dads. Retch.
Second of all, having breasts =/= can pass for twenty. I remember a friend from high school who looked slightly older than the rest of us and we all thought she looked like an adult. A couple of years ago I was looking through one of my high school yearbooks and when I saw a picture of her, I don’t know what I was thinking back then. Her face was a kid’s face, she just had a tall and shapely body below her obviously underage face.
I don’t interact with teenagers often, but sometime high school cheerleading or sports teams do fundraising events outside the grocery store and it’s always very obvious to me that they are kids. There’s never any mistaking them to adults.
Roy Moore was purposely seeking out teenagers. All these perverts who pretend like the girls they abuse or attempt to abuse can pass for adults are fucking lying. So are the abuse apologists like this Pastor Wise douche. Someone should look into his past and see if he’s been abusing kids too. He sure sounds like guilty to me.
Adult men know when they’re targeting kids. And they are kids. Having breasts and a period does not mean a girl has the brain of an adult. That’s exactly why adult men target barely pubescent girls. They’re vulnerable. We’ve discussed this before here many times, but I’ll say it again. It’s incredibly common for street harassment to peak in the teen years. It was that way for me. I got catcalled everywhere I went when I was 15, 16 years old. I wasn’t passing for an adult either. I was so very obviously a dorky kid. But a dorky kid with big boobs. Although I got plenty of harassment when I was still in a training bra too. I still got plenty of street harassment in my twenties when I was at my most conventionally attractive but not like I did when I was an obvious adolescent.
@Z&T and @David
?quality=85
I hope some kitty hugs help during these tough times.
@Mish
And the fact that they don’t even think they need to cite sources is another tell. It really does come off as them trying to justify their biases to themselves.
And of course, Jordan Peterson’s smug mug and that of his WilfLau lackey are gracing my newspaper again: https://www.thestar.com/opinion/editorials/2017/11/21/a-turning-point-in-the-debate-on-free-speech-editorial.html
There are a lot of things that infuriate me about this whole “campus free speech” argument, but what pisses me off most about this particular case is that The Star seemingly didn’t bother reporting what trans students thought of the matter. I’m a cisgender male, so I haven’t experienced what they have, but I sure as hell have read enough accounts of their hardships to know the kind of bullshit they have to put up with, so I’m willing to bet dollars to donuts that they’re tired of being everyone’s choice of free speech football.
I can appreciate the matter of clueless administration. Perhaps they did go to far in censuring this grad student and reducing her to tears without explaining who was complaining and why. But if this is being made into a “free speech” issue, then really, what’s the goddamned point of these universities if they’re just going to be the dumping ground for mainstreaming bigotry by dressing them up in mortarboards and gowns and giving them tenured positions?! Because if anything “controversial” deserves a seat at the table for fear of free speech infringement, why stop at trans pronouns? Why not host a forum on “the Jewish question”? “The Holocaust: Was it really that bad”? For fuck’s sake, creationists used the excuse of “teach the controversy” to get their pseudoscientific bullshit into the classroom for years and we all knew they were full of shit! Apparently, they weren’t hollering about free speech enough; right this way “Dr.” Hovind, here’s your seat right here next to the real scientists. No, you’re right, there’s too much liberal bias in academia, like being understanding of trans students. I’ll schedule a debate with another cis white guy about it after your workshop about Noah’s Ark.
Boil my bloody brains, I’m sick and tired of these asinine conversations about “free speech” that always, always throw the most vulnerable under the bus for the sake of self-important ballbags to strut around calling themselves “principled.” How about we make our institutions of higher learning place where actual learning takes place and crap ideas are tossed out in the “waste of our precious time” bin? It’s not like trans students haven’t heard the transphobic pronoun gambit before, so fuck off with that “bubble wrap” talking point, MacLean’s!
Sorry, had to get that off my chest.
Z&T, I take a little inspiration from The Martian. Dude is in an impossible, huge, life threatening situation and for a bit he contemplates his impending doom. Then he just does The Next Small Thing that has to be done to survive. Have no water? Well, how do you make/find water? What do you need? What do you have? Then it all goes horribly wrong or the critical thing doesn’t work and he literally blows himself and his survival scheme up. So… after feeling the obvious despair and anger it’s on to the Next Small Thing. And the next and the next because what else is there to do?
“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
All you have to do is keep going. Promising lead on a lawyer hits a literal dead end? (<<future funny story) It may feel like the straw that broke the camel's back, but that's a feeling. You're not required to give up for all time for it. You're allowed space to feel. But then, give yourself a treat and ask what's the next thing? Maybe it's checking the bar association website, or asking someone you know if they know a lawyer. My sister basically just picked a guy. Was there a better one out there? I don't know. Stuff still got done. She's still dealing with legal stuff but hey, she's got a guy now to send that stuff to.
It might be helpful if you can see a doctor and/or therapist to help with the depression side of things. Remember your ability to cope – like your emotional/cognitive immune system – is not only being severely taxed but also compromised on top of that, so cut yourself a little slack and also try to give yourself as much help as possible. Sleep, nutrition, exercise–a daily walk made a big difference for me, though I didn't feel it right away) and an actual break to watch or do fun or inspiring or 'helping others' things, are like vitamin C drops or medicine.
—-
Student loan default is this big scary awful thing but taking care of it is actually not so bad.
You don't have to do this if you don't feel up to it — getting legal counsel is more important! — but here's some info that might help you be less confused and therefore feel less powerless:
ttps://studentaid.ed.gov/sa/repay-loans/default/get-out
With any other creditor, or private student loans, do NOT talk to them. Get legal counsel first.
If you have federal loans, you can see them at the NSLDS (click financial aid review) https://www.nslds.ed.gov/nslds/nslds_SA/
It will probably tell you you're in default. So you can call the Debt Collecion Service office of the Dept of Education at
1-800-621-3115, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. eastern time
to set up loan rehabilitation. They are not like most debt collectors; they are trained to be nice and not judgy. You will probably have to rehabilitate the loans first, then you can call back in like 6 months and get a forbearance (Make sure you do that!!!! Set an alarm in your phone or whatever you have to). Once you're out of default, many options become available to you.
Briefly explain your situation- your mom handled your accounting, you're not working as much so you could help her, she died, and now you're dealing with a financial mess you can't pay. They hear all kinds of horror stories and are there to help you get out of default. You may have to submit a form about your finances. Mine was handled in one phone call.
Good luck.
Not at all. Needs to be said often, said loudly and said with conviction.
E.T.A. and the conversations of the ballbags spoken of above ALWAYS seem to mourn the plight of whites (particularly white men), a majority group that literally controls 100% of everything, yet still paints itself as a disenfranchised and dispossessed minority.
@WWTH
“Roy Moore was purposely seeking out teenagers. All these perverts who pretend like the girls they abuse or attempt to abuse can pass for adults are fucking lying. So are the abuse apologists like this Pastor Wise douche.”
And even if these young girls did “look like adults”, signing a girl’s yearbook really should be a giant flashing red sign saying “fuck off”. What would Moore say in court? “What do you mean, your honor, Juniors in high school are not in their mid 20s? Who knew? I’m just a bumbling man ladedadela”.
Speaking in general (not to you specifically WWTH), what impresses me about the “looked like an adult excuse” is that it falls apart even WHEN it’s true. Unlike WWTH, I can’t always tell a girl’s (or guy’s) exact age. I’m also gay, and have a healthy sex drive. Even so, when confronted with a girl (or guy) who is very attractive, but who seems like they are only maybe in their 20s at the oldest, I mentally move on. I don’t worry about whether or not they “have the equipment”, or whether or not they’re legal, because honestly anyone who is in, or barely out of college, is not going to be in the same life stage as me, and the result is that anything that follows is absolutely going to be this weird and abusive dynamic.
Yes, I’m going to be judgy here. Until both participants in a relationship are as equally set in their “adult” lives, May and December relationships are abusive. All these assholes, who say that it’s ok for men* in their 30s+ to go after “barely legal” people, get no quarter from me. Dudes, who gives a fuck if it’s legal, or if her parents gave consent? It’s still abusive, and it’s still gross. Stop using what your dick wants as an excuse, and go fuck off!
*And lets face it, it’s only cis men that get to use this excuse. If anyone else even thought about trotting out this line, they would be instantly called on their shit- which they should be! It’s just so interesting to me as a gay female that the stereotype of the “bumbling cis dude” who “accidently” molests others, exists in the same society as the stereotype as the “predatory lesbian”, who preys on unwilling straight girls.
Interesting indeed. Remember folks, as the good MRAs tell us, women have no accountability, and it’s the men who are always held to task for everything!!! (/s)
Z&T – Probate is a bitch. It took a year and a half for my dad’s estate and that was, according to my lawyer, an uncomplicated case!
But it’s really amazing how much *nicer* and more helpful the people you have to deal with are when they know you have legal representation!
Also, grief can do things to your brain; It’s been two years and I still don’t feel like the old me. My ability to concentrate seems permanently ruined. Professional help (and Husbeast, ofc) saved me many times over. Be good to yourself, I wish you all the best!
Alan – I think probate *might* be a bit more complicated here in the States nowadays; my lawyer had a paralegal who just handled that stuff for him in L.A. county (where my dad died and where I no longer live) and it wasn’t just a matter of distance; they do things differently. My lawyer is local to me.
David – I’m not a praying person, so please accept my wishes for your good health to return soon. You, your blog, and all of the people here are quite precious to me!
Gosh, I’m just noticing that I seem to really love exclamation marks!!
@Jules
“You will probably have to rehabilitate the loans first, then you can call back in like 6 months and get a forbearance (Make sure you do that!!!! Set an alarm in your phone or whatever you have to).”
People should be cautious with forbearances. It’s one thing if they know for a fact that they will be in much better shape financially once the forebearance ends, but in literally every other case they are kicking the can down the road while continuing to sink further into debt. (Remember, the amount owed will grow while in forebearance, which can add up to quite a bit of money depending on the loan amount and the interest rate). I also believe that the number of forbearances that they can take is limited, but maybe that’s changed and I’m wrong.
Personally, I think it’s better to try one of the “low monthly payment options” if they can, even if it really increases the life of their loan. I believe it’s possible pay MORE than the minimum required with all loan types, and pay off the loan faster if they end up with extra money, but it’s always a good idea to ask that up front.
“Once you’re out of default, many options become available to you.”
For real. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, Z&T.
Thanks for the thoughts all, I suppose I’m just very stressed out. I have to remind myself not to add to it by worrying. I have a tendency to worry.
Yes, taking one thing at a time. I agree completely. Just told myself, you have to eat something, and take a vitamin.
Toast popped up and I nearly jumped a foot! Nerves. At least I was able to laugh at myself for that.
@Z&T:
A friend of mine (and tenant for a time) went through student loan debt problems as well. I don’t think ‘find expert advice’ can be said loudly enough.
One thing you have to remember: the debt collector sees you as prey. Getting calls from a collector often means the original owner of the debt has written it off and ‘sold’ the debt to someone less scrupulous and with less reputation to lose to try and collect it. Keeping you scared and off-balance is exactly what the debt collector wants, because they don’t want you to be able to think about anything but paying them. And, as others have noted, it’s quite possible for debt collectors to also be lying about whether or not they actually own the loan to be legally allowed to collect on it. Once a debt gets into the collection system, it pretty much needs an expert to track it.
The counsellors that my friend was seeing, among other things, got him to negotiate a reduced rent payment with me, and I had to write and sign a document agreeing to the reduced rent for him to take back so that they could better arrange plans with everybody else. In this case, everything did work out in the end.
@Katamount, Mish:
Yeah, a lot of these guys have a serious case of ‘smartest guy in the room-itis’, with massive amounts of associated Dunning-Kruger Syndrome. They’ve always considered themselves the smart person in a room full of idiots, and actively refuse to grasp that perhaps now that they’re speaking to a wider audience than just their elementary school that it may no longer be true.
Some of them may be almost as smart as they think they are in some fields. (See, for example, Penn Jillette.) That doesn’t necessarily stop them from assuming that they’re equally more brilliant than thou in other fields as well.
And I say this as someone who actually was the smartest person in the room for much of my schooling. Fortunately, between having teachers in the family with experience of dealing with smart kids, and being in a position to get early views into the bigger ponds to realize that I would be a small fish there, I got a certain amount of humility drilled into me pretty early. So I didn’t go too far down that path.
(I was in the International Mathematics Olympiad one year. Being beaten by one of the Australian team members who was only ten years old was a definite dose of humility. Said ten year old would get the Fields Prize twenty years later.)
Leaving aside the question of whether or not I could tell the age of a person by looking at their body… it would seem predatory up front for me to be planning a sexual liaison with someone whom I don’t even know. I know that P.U.A. culture is widespread, it just seems creepy to me.
Me, not so much, but there was a moment in 7th grade, mathematics of some sort, for about 3 days, we were studying a concept and I was the only one in the class who “got” it. It was cool to watch as the “light bulb” turned on, one by one and in bunches, for the all others!
@mrex:
There was an amusing story I saw lately on judging ages:
https://notalwaysright.com/73-reasons-get-id/99077/
Short version: convenience store clerk tells customer who doesn’t want to go back out to his car to get his ID that if he can guess her age within five years, she’ll accept that he is how old he says he is.
U.S. Gymnastics team doctor pleads guilty
@Weird Eddie:
Heh. I remember that happening to me in University once, in a course on Group Theory. (The professor was leading up to the point that the order of a subgroup must always be an integral factor of the order of the group, and I saw where he was going a step or two ahead of everybody else.) Then again, Group Theory is one of those things that people seem to either ‘get’ or ‘not get’, and I suspect the marks distribution for that course was pretty bi-modal.
But yeah, there’s something pretty fantastic about that ‘light bulb’ moment.
@mrex
What do you mean by this? I’m trying to parse it and having difficulty determining what you mean.
When the person who actually invented the light bulb suddenly came up with the idea, what sort of moment did they have?
“Boy, I really hope Thomas Edison doesn’t steal my ideas” moment?
@Alan A bathtub one? 😉
@Schnookums Von Ghostface Fancypants Killer Poor Tesla. :/
Isn’t it interesting how “but he/she looked older!” wouldn’t be considered an acceptable excuse for a store clerk selling tobacco or alcohol to someone underage but it is considered an acceptable excuse for sexual abuse of someone underage. But rape culture doesn’t exist. Don’t be ridiculous!
@Jenora
Yeah, I had a pretty similar experience. I was in gifted classes throughout elementary school, but once I hit high school, there were plenty of other kids that got higher marks because there were smarter and more driven than me. Granted, I was a slacker and didn’t apply myself as much as I could, but I still got into a top university engineering program and I was glad to graduate that in the middle of that class without being on academic probation.
Despite the dudebro culture of STEM, I did come away from my postsecondary education with an appreciation for the humanities and the work that goes into it. It’s bad enough to have “smart stupid people” the likes of Jordan Peterson or Ben Carson, who are gifted in one area and think that makes them gifted in every area, but the self-styled “autodidacts” of YouTube are really obnoxious in their contempt for not only academia, but just education in general.
@Fishy Goat:
Eureka!
(At least, I assume that’s the ‘bathtub moment’ you were referencing.)
And yeah, Edison wouldn’t have got as far with light bulbs as he did without a whole bunch of poorly-paid assistants doing massively parallel testing of ideas for him. Wasn’t the first electric light bulb filament basically a sort of carbonized cotton fibre similar to what was used in gas mantles before that?