Dems win big! The Incels subreddit is banned! Celebrate in this open thread

It was satirical sex.

Good. Looks like Goodman found out that God has a bit of a sense of humour when it comes to hypocrites. 😛

Completely off topic, but it’s been bugging me and you all are better at the social stuff (I’ve got blind spots on that sort of thing you could drive a bus through):

My partner has no other friends outside family. She doesn’t go out much – it’s like pulling stumps barehanded to get her to go and do something she enjoys. She seems happy enough this way, but it bugs me.

Should I encourage her to make some? I mean, she’s happy, she’s an adult – do I have the right to even do that? How important is it?

@Shadowplay
Seconding Jesalin. Try your best to avoid phrasing it in a way that can be perceived as hurtful. Nobody wants to be shamed for being more of a homebody. I speak from experience since I’m someone who’s an introvert, likes quiet hobbies &maintaining my alone time.

OT:

I hope David is doing alright 🙁

& this MakeApp debacle is making alot of waves – is anyone following it? em>’Take her swimming on the first date’ mgtow/incels types. They hate makeup so much but they won’t leave women alone for it? It should be a win/win situation. If she wears some, they should go their own way. But nope, they just hate women that much and have to make living life more unbearable.

I’m guessing that Goodman supporters were mad about the boy part. Not the underage or assault part. Considering that conservatives are not mad at all about Roy Moore.

@Jesalin, @Haise, @Axe
Thank you for the concensus: Phrasing is key. 🙂

Not a strong point of mine, we’re both pretty blunt about most things, but it gives me a starting point to think on, at least.

@Axe

Obvs, it’s important to you and not so important to her. Do you mean, like, for her wellbeing and whatnot?

Pretty much. She’s my best friend. I’m hers. Been that way for years. It’s nice and certainly nothing to sneeze at!
I’m not going to live forever though. Neither’s her sister, who’s health is not doing so well . She really has no other emotional supports. So that does prey on my mind some.

@kupo

I’ve heard of that. Not happened to me – my mates and I can go years (literally) without talking or even a card at Christmas, then we’ll talk and it’s like there’d never been a pause at all. No stress, no hassles.
But … some of my women friends have mentioned it about other friends of theirs. Communication drops off for a bit with someone and they basically get blamed. Or they’ll arrange a meet-up and get blown off at the last minute – then get blamed for never hanging out. 🙁

Seems a bit stupid to me – friendship runs both ways, right? It’s not turn based – you think of someone and the timezones/workload are favorable, you give them a call. Or drop them a line or two.

I’m interested to see that “friends” is an emotionally fraught topic for some Mammotheers.

I’ve got issues too, including the fact that I find it hard to trust human beings.

Ugh, friends.

I’m working on this right now. From several directions. But it requires patience and self-compassion and a willingness to just keep showing up even when you just want to hide under your covers. And you have to want to do it for yourself.

@Oogly

I, too, have spent my fall with the Blevins and the Guthries and the McClanahans 🙂 BlockAcademy fistbump! I hope you get hired if that’s what you want. They’re really understaffed in my area and I’m really nervous about it, but I’m onboard.

I’ve never felt comfortable calling men like Goodman hypocrites, since I doubt they ever felt “ok” with their own sexuality. They’re just plain old monsters to me.

@Axecalibur: Middle Name Danger
Thanks Bud 😀

@Z&T

I, and most people I know, have always had to hustle, we hear ya! ?

And sometimes just showing up is all you need to do. There are plenty of people who are uncertain and confused as to what to do. And on the other end, employers wanting people and – no one shows up for the jobs.

They need you just as much as you need a job, don’t forget ?
And sometimes just showing up or emailing back is most of it done.

Thank you for the advice. I never really thought about it that way. When I got time I’ll need to call HR back.

@Kat, ambassador of the feminist government in exile
You betcha. Also lol at the GOP hypocrisy. Glass houses and all that.

@eli
I feel ya there. Even getting close to people feels like a scary prospect at times. Also congrats on the job! They’re lucky to have you.

re: Friends

I used to run into the same problem as you did kupo.
I finally realized that there were two kinds of friends in my life. Four of them I trust with nearly anything and on whose doorstep I could show up in the middle of the night if need be. Those guys understand that I’m an introverted person – and mostly they are the same, so going long periods of time without meeting or talking has never been a problem between us. We don’t meet more than 4 times a year max, but it doesn’t matter. When we see each other, it’s as if we’ve never been apart. And as I said, those people I trust completely and would do nearly anything for.

The other kind of friends are people I like to hang out with and have fun, but who aren’t that close. Those kind of drift in and out of my life. I used to be worried about that, since I grew up with the mantra that you should have a large active social circle of friends and do lots of stuff together. Until I realized that I was actually pretty lucky to know those four amazing people I could rely on and that most people I met would never be that close to me anyway, so I could stop stressing about that. So now, if I find myself in a one-sided “friendship” as described here, I can simply shrug and tell myself that this person is obviously not real friend material for me (or I for them) but we can still hang out and chat/have fun.

Really obvious realizations these, but until my early twenties I had really swallowed that narrative about how a “healthy” and “successful” social life had to look… And the fact that that clearly wasn’t me and honestly I didn’t even want it, used to seem to me like yet another “proof” of my “wrongness”.

@shadowplay
That you worry about your partner’s wellbeing like that is touching. I’d say instead of encouraging them, you could also make it more like an offer. As in: “If you’re happy like this, that’s okay for me, but if you ever want to change it, I’d support you.” Or something like that.
Maybe even let them know about why you’re worried, so they know you’re not just trying to “change” them.

@LittleLurker : on behalf of poor people, I do like how this push Merkel out of power. It’s not like the coalition had any real chance of working anyway.