By David Futrelle
Leave it to the terrible excuses for human beings who populate the Incels subreddit to take victim blaming to its perverse extreme.
I’m not sure you really count as an “involuntary celibate” if you hold views so toxic that no women would even want to be in the same room as you.
@kupo
“If asking you to think about what you said and what it implies and asking if that’s really what you’re going with is an attack in your eyes,”
No, it’s not. But this is…
“No. Don’t feel sorry for incels. Not even by softening it with an ‘almost’. That almost in there is like a Devil’s Advocate argument. It’s a way for you to make an argument while still claiming that you weren’t actually making that argument. We see what you’re doing.”
Kupo, think about how you would have responded if I said this to you. And before you say, “that’s different”, let me just point out that I’m not any more of a fan of incels or Nazi murderers than you are.
“We’re not going to let problematic shit go unchecked.”
You shouldn’t.
“So I have a hard time believing you’ll even try to examine what you might be doing wrong.”
I always try to examine what I did wrong. Hell, I’m in therapy for it.
I was never going to say “that’s different.” This is a big part of the problem; you put words into people’s mouths and then respond to that instead of what they actually say.
As for what I said, I don’t see anything wrong with it. I don’t feel like it’s a bad thing to point out that you’re using that “almost” as a way to make an argument while having plausible deniability (basically being a devil’s advocate), and if someone else, say WWTH* were to say that to me I’d re-read what I wrote to see why it came off that way.
*Chosen because she’s outspoken and not someone I think is here to rile people up.
“anti-feminist”
Oh geeeez. Because I disliked 1 female politician? Please.
Oh my Katie, I wasn’t calling you anti-feminist. I was using that as an example of a reason I might pick apart something someone says on here. FFS.
Edit: and this is another reminder that if we say something about an argument you make, that something doesn’t extend to you as a person. If you make an argument that’s anti-feminist at some point (I don’t know if you have or have not, I don’t catalog all the disagreements we have), then if I call that out I’m not saying you’re anti-feminist. I’m saying the argument is. Now if everything you say and think is about reversing women’s suffrage or getting women out of the workforce, then I might make a claim like that, but I have absolutely zero reason to believe you are an anti-feminist at this point.
“I was never going to say “that’s different.” This is a big part of the problem; you put words into people’s mouths and then respond to that instead of what they actually say.”
Ok you’re right, I did put words in your mouth. And you’re right, I need to work on that.
As to that “almost”, I just don’t see how you’re getting that devil’s advocate reading. I just don’t. But then, I’m an idiot, so…
RE: the criticisms we make are not against you as a person
That’s fair kupo. Just… I’m not psychic either. I don’t really know your motivations, or what’s in your head, if you don’t clearly state them. I have enough trouble trusting people, without trying to interpet what they mean when they seem to be coming at me.
I should ask.
Thanks a lot for the awnsers. After a long think and talk with a mutual friend of the gg player I have decided to see if he brings it up at tomorrow’s game. This also because some of the other players and close friends thought I was just unreasonable.
Thanks for being here and being the awesome community that you are. Reading have helped me through some dark times.
@Lanariel
You shouldn’t be uncomfortable in your own place, regardless of what others think. It’s easy for other people to say YOU are the one rocking the boat and YOU are the one who should be quiet, because that’s the option that requires the least work on their parts. Keep that in mind when you make your decision on what to do. It’s not your job to suck it up so things are easy for other people.
@Lanariel: re: being unreasonable
As a player and not DM, i want to thank you for the time and effort you put in to preparing and running a game. I also want to thank you for hosting it, which means having a large enough space to have it, and cleaning up before and after.
If you’re doing it online, i want to thank you for holding a group together online. That isn’t easy.
After thanking you for ALL OF THIS WORK that you do to have fun with friends, i would like to weigh in on someone saying you’re being ‘unreasonable’ for not wanting to give time and effort to host and run a game that you might not feel comfortable in anymore.
Fuck that noise. Tabletop rping is a group experience, and the group makes it what it is. If you don’t like what someone brings to the table, you are well within your rights to ask them to leave. This is supposed to be fun.
Easy to say for me, where there are no social consequences. But i wanted you to hear it from some random person online, just in case that helps you in whatever decision you ultimately make.
But as PoM says, people often tell others to not make waves so they don’t have to deal with things.
-signed Rhuu, someone who has an inkling of how much time this takes and wants you to have so much fun playing
Good luck Lanariel! Here are some Halloween kittehs for you all:
http://www.petswelcome.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/Halloween-kitty.jpg
http://littlefun.org/uploads/521d1a62c8561116e1000000_736.jpg
http://pinxpets.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/catsincostumesfeatx-1386420425n8gk4.jpg
Thanks everyone. The last session went well and if he brings up that kind of thing again he knows he is out.
This man (the man referenced in the post) is despicable. I can’t even begin to fathom why anyone would think this. Ugh. More proof that everything is shit and the world is just going downhill and it will continue going downhill until women are considered scum/only good as sex objects.
They hate women. They hate life. They hate the world. Thats what self-hate can do. In some cases it radiates from yourself to other people who have done nothing wrong.
If everything you say and think is about reversing women’s suffrage or getting women out of the workforce, then I might make a claim like that, but I have absolutely zero reason to believe you are an anti-feminist at this point. For More more relationship blog check it
@John Smith
Hey, thanks for the link to the “inflatable love doll.” I backed out of that website quickly, but I’ll bet the price is super reasonable.
This thread makes me remember:
Today I had yet another conversation with someone I know at work (we both train new workers and are location managers) about a new worker screaming at Coworker and complaining to district manager/stomping out of training, and that’s after multiple complaints about workers who yell at Coworker and C. just had to yell back because C stands up for Cself!
I have never had to raise my voice at work. Funny that.
Coworker once told me the story of C’ s abusive marriage and linked it to C’ s determination to stand up for Cself. And I keep thinking this BURN IT WITH FIRE SELF DEFENSE I DON’T CARE IF YOU DON’T LIKE ME F YOU thing is…shall I say counter-productive?
Yes. Mrex, this is so counter-productive. I do not think this response is what you want. Therefore, telling us that you’ll strike back! You will! So there! is a thing you should stop. It does not protect you. It bores and alienates others.
Oh look, a spam bot (John Smith)! Should I feel complimented that it chose my comment to plagiarize?