By David Futrelle
I thought I’d take a moment this Friday evening to signal-boost a very important tweet from film producer Keith Calder on the subject of dudes so wrapped up in their own supposed machoness that they can’t “poop properly” or, even worse, clean up afterwards.
Here’s the tweet.
https://twitter.com/keithcalder/status/918598272243126272
Let us consider each of the three screenshots in turn.
The first one is almost poignant in its innocence, from a Reddit dude who’s been perching on the toilet rim to poop his whole life because he somehow grew up believing that toilet seats are meant only for girls.
The other two (also from Reddit) are a little more disturbing — and disgusting — partly because they involve massive failures in butt hygiene and partly because they feature posts from women who have apparently been putting up with these massive butt hygiene failures from their dudes for a long time.
Also both of the dudes in question refuse to change their ways.
Brace yourself!
I have a number of questions here, not least: how exactly did the author of this post not realize this unpleasant fact about her angry stinky dude BEFORE THEY GOT MARRIED? I’m not trying to blame the victim here but I simply don’t understand how this would even be possible.
Also I hope she has managed to get this abusive shitstain out of her life.
The next story is similarly puzzling:
YES IT IS YES YES AND AGAIN YES.
I can only hope that at least one of these posts is a troll job, if not all of them, but given what I have learned about my fellow men in my years writing this blog I have to admit that they could very well all be true.
DUDES, WIPE YOUR DAMN ASSES.
H/T — Thanks to @RemingtonWild on Twitter for alerting me to Calder’s tweet
@calmdown:
I don’t know. Somehow, a cardboard fortress with a crayoned sign at the entrance saying “NO GURLZ ALOWD” seems to me to be exactly their speed. And mental age.
@PV:
I spy with my little eye a loophole you could drive a Galaxy-class starship through.
We grew up in a traditional Persian family, and were properly taught our gender roles. Femininity not feminism!
I know you all think you cut me down with your snark, but your anger and bitterness is palpable.
Govern yourselves accordingly.
Hmm…
Anyone else starting to get a certain seagullish vibe?
Cool story, bro.
Kaitlin,
That was a spectacular non-answer.
Try again, this time actually answering what was asked of you.
Why is your brother adverse to personal hygiene?
WWTH,
Most definitely. That last answer did it for me.
@Kaitlin
Govern myself according to . . . what?
Kat,
The whims of 329 year old engineers, of course!
If we’re going to talk about old Middle Eastern culture, I think this would spark an infinitely more interesting discussion:
http://www.middleeasteye.net/in-depth/features/ottoman-era-court-cuisine-makes-comeback-turkish-restaurants-119145065
How can you not take them seriously? They are totally “subversive to the establishment,” and that means they’re ADULTS and they do WHATEVER they want!
@Kaitlin
Wow, I’ve accidentally had conversations with spambots that addressed my questions better than that through pure coincidence! Maybe you just aren’t familiar with the concept of joy, but I’m not seeing any bitterness here, we’ve all been having a lot of fun at your “brother’s” expense. I mean, the dude literally lives in his mother’s basement, and she probably wipes his ass for him.
Heh, heh,
/ cantos internally
There aren’t
@Nequam
http://www.middleeasteye.net/in-depth/features/ottoman-era-court-cuisine-makes-comeback-turkish-restaurants-119145065
That looks so delicious. I hope I can find a turkish restaurant in my area that serves those dishes.
Is it even possible to tell when someone has moisturized?
If they have a beard, as Roosh attempts to – yes. Not moisturizing = beardruff, especially if you don’t get a whole lot of sun thanks to working at night/living in a basement.
@Shadowplay
How does one moisturize with a beard? Wouldn’t the moisturizer gunk up your beard? I know that I never apply lotion to my scalp for that reason. I suppose beard hair is of a different consistency than head hair and isn’t as prone to getting horribly, horribly greasy if you get lotion in it? Or do you mean moisturizing around the beard, upper cheeks and things?
I’ve never once had to consider this before.
@Catalpa
Skin moisturizer as sold is a bit too claggy and slow to absorb and hair conditioner (like shampoo) makes things worse – the hair and skin are completely different from your scalp.
Oil is better than creams. Pretty much any oil that is similar to skin oil will do – grapeseed seems best/most similar for my skin, at least, though coconut oil works well too. (Partner is into aromatherapy, so she’ll make me a batch: grapeseed oil; bit of lavender, bit of cypress, couple drops of tea tree oil to kill the yeast; then lemon oil and marjoram to improve the smell to something we both can stand).
Or there are over the counter creams you can use if you don’t mind a LOT of rubbing in.
Sorry for the divert! It’s still absolutely nothing for Roosh to complain about. If he didn’t do it he’d be scratching constantly. Not a good look! 😛
Why is this troll pretending to be Roosh’s sister?
And if they were truly raised in a traditional Persian family why is Roosh sleeping around and why has he not married?
It’s some MRA baby pretending to be the kind of woman he would love to marry – a completely submissive one.
@Kaitlin, you didn’t answer the question! What did Roosh mean when he listed grooming one’s butt as an unreasonable standard of hygiene?
I thought Kaitlin was kidding with the whole Roosh’s sister thing, but apparently they’re doubling down on it. Great story, very believable, 10/10.
@Kaitlin
Is going around the world trying to trick and cajole and ultimately force women into giving you sexual pleasure the traditional Persian male gender role?
This so-called Kaitlin wouldn’t know a traditional Persian upbringing if it landed on her head. Source: have traditional Persian in-laws.
Also, femininity and feminism are not mutually exclusive.
@ kivutar
I like how Philomena Cunk refers to ‘Femininism’.
what the fuck am I reading?
I’ve also met Persian feminists, so there’s that. I know the manosphere would have us belief that only white and WASPy Americans, Brits and Canadians are ever feminists but that’s just not true.
@Shadowplay
Not at all! Thanks for satisfying my curiosity on the subject.
@Steph
Matt Forney did that too. Had a whole blog where he RPd as his ideal wife. (Basically one of the Stepford Wives)
You know… I RP as a vampire sometimes and that is more realistic.
@TheKND
Stefan Molyneux, too.
Molyneux totally wrote that himself…nice tapdancing, though.