It’s been a while.
I’ve been taking time off from the blog for as I try to deal with an assortment of health issues that have been hitting me especially hard in recent weeks. This year has been a tough one for me, health-wise, as I’ve continued to deal with seemingly unending chronic migraines as well as worsening sleep problems that have seriously derailed my life and my work.
Progress in dealing with these issues — and several others I’d rather not go into right now — has been frustratingly slow, in part because my particular problems have proven rather resistant to treatment and in part because, well, let’s just say our healthcare system here in the US isn’t what you’d call perfect.
But things have been getting a little better in recent days and I’m hoping I can get back to regular posting shortly.
Thanks for your patience. I very much appreciate your support.
— David
Your health matters more than anything, it’s ok.
@PoM
If your sister does that (ugh, what an awful thing to do if she does), I would explain to the niece that you don’t want a roommate. Don’t go into why you don’t want her, specifically, as a roommate, because that might hurt her feelings and it’s not really all that important since you don’t want any roommates at all.
@PeeVee the (Tired of the Militant Plasticfaced) Sarcastic
ha ha ha! But seriously the sooner they all get the boot the better.
@Policy of Madness
Your health is top priority. Plus from what you’re saying it doesn’t seem like having your niece live with you is going to be a good thing for anybody.
Good to hear from you, David – thanks for doing all you do, and take care of yourself! Glad to see that thanks to activists like you, you still have healthcare to cover you.
I had mental problems that went undiagnosed for ages due to built-up stress – if these happen to be among the issues you’d rather not go into, I want to say that there is no shame in them 🙂
David, glad you’re starting to feel better. Take the time you need.
@Jesalin (from other thread) – Glad to hear you’re recovering! Congratulations too!
@PoM – If your niece does hear about this and wants to come live with you, you might want to say why it wouldn’t be the best for her, and suggest alternatives, or offer other means of support (not money if it’ll feed her addiction, but maybe help finding a place or a job?)
Then again, she might not want to move in at all, which would avoid that problem. But still, sounds like those two relatives are not easy people. Best wishes.
warm feelings and good luck, david.
As someone who used to be represented by Price, happy day 😀
@PoM
What everyone else said. You don’t need to explain yourself or your boundaries to anyone else. But, if you want to/feel like you should, focusing on why it’d be a bad idea for y’all to cohabitate is probably the best bet. Keep it to the ways in which you both would come out worse for wear. That’s all I got
David,
Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit better, and may it continue!
🙂
@ PoM
If niece really wants a reason beyond you just not wanting a roommate, saying that you’re worried about how your shared condition of being bipolar would almost certainly not play well together. You don’t want either of you to get caught in a feedback loop that would make the mental illness harder to manage. I think that’s a fairly safe/diplomatic reason to give.
Hope you feel better soon, David.
I hope you feel better soon.
This doggie has some words for you David.
@POM Hugs (if you want them.) I suspect your sister finds your niece exhausting, but that doesn’t make it your problem. You say two bipolar people living together is bad for both of them, and you’re the one who’d know. But if you can suggest someone else, it’ll take the heat off you.
Of course if the someone else finds out that you made the suggestion, you won’t be popular.
Good luck.
As someone who usually lurks, and only occasionally pops up to comment, I just wanted to say that I hope you feel better! I look forward to more blog posts in the future, but in the meantime take the time you need to rest and recuperate.
@David
Glad to hear of you. Hopefully you’ll feel better soon!
@PoM
I’m seconding what everyone had said: don’t let her move in with you. Remember, it’s possible that your niece is not half as enthusiastic at moving in with her aunt as your sister claims, so she might not be as disappointed as you fear. I think Sheila is close to truth with the observation that at least part of your sister’s motivation might be her own exhaustion with your niece.
If your sister or niece confronts you about your decision and tries to guilt-trip you, just keep saying no – and blame your sister.
No, hear me out. This was her idea and if the niece is disappointed, that’s because your sister oversold the situation to her. You didn’t give your niece any false promises.
“I understand you are disappointed, but I can’t have a roommate right now.”
Don’t specify why or she might just start arguing about your stated reason(s) instead of respecting your decision. If the niece indeed demands a reason or fixates on that “right now”, continue saying no:
“I’m sorry [my sister] gave you a wrong impression of the situation.”
“I understand your disappointment, but it’s not really possible for you to move in with me.”
“I’m sorry if you are feeling betrayed – I was shocked as well when I heard how [my sister] had mispresented the situation to you.” (<-only if your sister pretty much lied to the niece)
Like others have said before, the key is to stay firm. Don't give her false hope that the situation will change in the near future.
You can do it – good luck!
I can only imagine how frightening and exhausting these incessant Obamacare repeal efforts must be to someone who is actually seriously ill and depends on Obamacare for their treatment. How heartbreaking and offensive it must be to know that a good portion of the country genuinely doesn’t care if you die if it means a few billionaires can be even richer than they already are, and whom would in that event reflexively write you off as a lazy bum who just should have worked harder despite not knowing the first damn thing about you. And that, for all of the above, this good portion of the country actually has the nerve to label itself “pro-life”!
I’m really not kidding when I recommend people move to Canada, if it’s at all a possibility. Nobody except the people who voted for them deserves to live under the GOP’s level of delusion and callousness.
You take as long as you need, David.
I would totally vote for that doggo for president. Very much better tempered and no “American psycho” looking kids getting involved with Russian ‘adoptions’ to worry about with Doggo!
Thanks, y’all. You’re all correct about not going into my reasons. I know that “no” is a complete sentence, but I’m so panicked about the idea of my niece coming to live with me that I sort of forgot that this rule applies to me, too.
When one of them comes at me with this idea again (and I know from experience that this isn’t over yet), I will just tell them that I don’t want a roommate and maybe the reasons why I don’t want any roommate. Like, I enjoy not having to close the bathroom door when I take a shower. I enjoy not having to put on pants until I’m ready for pants. I enjoy the quiet. etc.
My niece is a boomerang. She goes out and gets her own place, then crashes and burns and comes back to live with my sister. She’s a thief, as I said, and has stolen things to sell for drugs, and once stole my nephew’s car to take out her friends somewhere and crashed it. She’s insufferable because her bipolar isn’t properly treated. I don’t know exactly how this manifests, but I know how insufferable I am when I’m not properly treated, and it’s probably similar to that.
I am absolutely certain that my sister is tired of dealing with her, but y’know, it’s my sister who chose to have children, not me. She’s not my problem. I love my niece dearly, but she’s not my kid and I won’t accept responsibility for her because wtf sis.
Thanks, everyone!
Very unclear what’s going on here at the Nazi march right now. The protest is massively delayed and the Nazis are seemingly still stuck close to where they started. News reports say 20-30 people have been arrested but, it’s not clear from which side. The Nazis reportedly tried to breal through police blockades in order to walk a different route, but they’re still allowed to keep marching for some reason. I think the strategy by counterprotestors is to delay and run down the clock until the time window for the protest permit is closed. News reports say there are about 300 Nazis. There’s about 10K counterprotestors just in our location, and it seems the march won’t even reach here. Bangers/firecrackers are going off here and there. People are clearing out from this area now since it seems the Nazis aren’t really going anywhere at the moment.
Best wishes, Dave!
The police abandoned the counterprotest to focus on the more violent areas. We walked straight past their blockades and marched up the street to make it impossible for the Nazis to occupy the road in any way. We are now at the Scandinavium sports complex where the Nazi protest was supposed to start at 1pm. They never made it here. The Nazi leader has been arrested. We cheer when Nazis are shoved into police vans and removed from the area.
The local public transportation website has been hacked and unavailable all day. Basically, that means people have been able to ride buses and trams for free.
David, I’ m sorry to hear about your health problems. I hope you feel better soon. I don’t get migraines, but I know how frustrating sleep problems can be.
@POM
I know at least one other commenter has said this already, but you don’t need to give anyone an explanation of why you don’t want your niece living with you.
@POM even if both of you were perfectly healthy mental wise, you’d still be within your rights to say no. And that’s all you need to say.
If she tries to browbeat/guilt trip/threaten/beg then you just become a broken record. Imagine there’s a giant no tattooed to her forehead.
Glad to hear you’re still with us David!
Hope your health issues start to improve soon. But to bring in POM’s dilemma; don’t allow seeming obligations to others to take precedence over your own well being. Take as much time as you need to get better.