By David Futrelle
The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.
In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.
Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.
“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.
And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.
“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.
“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.
“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”
Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”
Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.
There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”
Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.
“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.
You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.
If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.
I believe that’s called “wishful thinking on their part”.
RE: “Semen Damage”
When I was a HIV/STI educator, I met a woman whose boyfriend had told her that if she had sex with more than one man, their semen mixed together in her womb and became poison and that’s what caused STIs.
It took me awhile to even figure out what she was asking me and then I had to try to debunk it without laugh/crying.
I know this is pointing out the obvious, but if women would rather rim a statue that touch an incel, doesn’t that say something about the incels? Oh, and they reeeaaaallllyyy need to stop referring to women as ‘femoids’. That in itself is yet another reason they never get laid, disrespectful gits.
I don’t understand this either, because if sex did physically harm women every time wouldn’t that explain why women don’t want sex with them? Or then why would women be super eager to ride the cock carousel if it hurt all the time?
Yes, I know
We should come up with a logical fallacy bingo card for when David reports on these incel threads. When you BINGO! you get a free kitten.
Is “semen damage” a supported damage type? What spells deal semen damage? And can you get resistance or immunity to it?
Fools, all they have to do is build their own perfect statue, fall hopelessly in love with it, and then Aphrodite will bring it to life. That’s just science.
@Nicki: Hercules tried that in the animated series, and I imagine that the incels won’t fare much better with their views on women. Sorry, feeemales.
I just imagine the incels would be mad that Aphrodite (a married woman, by the way) won’t fuck them when she shows up.
OMG, Korean Swole Jesus is hilarious! What was the artist thinking? Judging by the expression on his face, he’s about to rip out those nails and smite anyone who lifteth not.
That would happen in my state.
2 year sentence? So, one gets more jail time for raping a statue than raping an actual person? Of course they do.
I’d love to hear their rationalization for this. “Statues can’t fight back” maybe? “Statues can’t help it if their skirts are too short and so they’re leading people on”?
Bah. Victimless crimes get severe penalties. Actually victimizing people gets a slap on the wrist, unless you victimize rich white cishet people.
Hurry up Musk with that man-rated reusable Falcon. I want off this planet.
Incels make conservative politicians look self-aware and cognizant of irony.
@Mattie
Incels make me look like a genius, a diplomat,* and a saint.
*Wait, wait, I actually am a diplomat. An ambassador, in fact. It’s just that no one else applied for my position.
@AsAboveSoBelow, Deviated Preevert
That’s not Jesus, that’s Conan while he was crucified by the bad guys!
OK, so I just discovered both Incels and this blog yesterday (I know, I’m sheltered). Wow, I have a whole new group to whom I can direct my Schadenfreude. I love the Intertubes.
For those of you interested in more sightings of incels’ insanity in the wild, try https://rantsofanincel.wordpress.com . Oh boy. I posted there a few times as “Anonymous” but was quickly banned, of course.
Executive summary: the blog owner is in favor of rape, murdering women at random, denying women the right to vote, and rants in public against his own mother for “teaching him to be a nice guy”, a feminist plot to emasculate men. Yet he has NO IDEA why women are not attracted to him.
BTW, the lack of self-awareness by the commentators on the blog is astounding, too. E.g., one of them declared that, in “revenge” for women not giving him sex, he had decided to become a “MGTOW monk”. Or, in other words, he is going to “avenge” 20-30 years of loneliness and celibecy by having another 20 -30 years of lomeliness and celibacy. That’ll show ’em!
Do Incels ever realize why nobody wants them? I’ll give a few hints:
It’s not their looks,
It’s not their weight,
It’s not the fact they’re sexually inexperienced,
Did they give up?
OK
It’s their toxic personalities!
Plot twist
@Skeptic: Comment policy pls.
@Surplus: you mean the post that was not published as off-topic (I suppose)? Sorry about that, won’t do it again…
@Skeptic
You used the word insanity to refer to the incel world view. Not only is misogyny not recognized as an illness in the DSM, it’s bad form to armchair diagnose even if it were. There’s more info in the comments policy if you’re interested.
Ah, I see. You are correct. The comments policy recognizes that the use of such words as “insanity” or “crazy” is often used casually without intending it to mean the person described is actually psychotic (which is indeed the way I meant the term) but requests not to use those terms even casually in the comments.
Fair enough, will do. Sorry for violating the policy, it wasn’t intentional. A strict rule, but I can see the motivation behind it. The intention is to avoid endless bickering about the sense in which somebody “really meant” this or that word. In any case it’s a private blog and it’s the owner’s right to have any comments policy they wish.
The intention is to avoid splash damage, and to avoid giving misogynists and other bigots an out for their behavior.
Found a very good article on the online “incel” community here
It carefully distinguishes between real support groups for lonely men, and the woman-hating subculture of the Reddit “incels” and similar groups.
I missed how Skeptic ‘splained the crazy-talk section of the comments to us. Good times.