By David Futrelle
The deeply bitter dudes who call themselves Incels – short for “involuntarily celibate” — are jealous of pretty much every other human being, living or dead, aside from their fellow incel brethren. So I suppose it was only a matter of time before they started feeling jealous of inanimate objects.
In the Incels subreddit today, they’re getting mad at a literal marble statue for getting female attention of a most intimate kind — the sort of attention they’re concinved they’ll never ever get. Here’s the statue in question — a veritable marble Chad.
Apparently Reddit’s incels do not consider a woman pretending to toss the salad of a giant hunk of carved rock to be a joking matter.
“I’m laughing on the outside, and crying on the inside at this blatant display of degeneracy,” reports one commenter calling himself bigantennaemay1.
And he’s apparently the only one even pretending to laugh.
“tfw you will never get a rimjob,” laments xxxrivenmainxxx.
“Chad object > Incel,” drincelery sadly concludes.
“Normally I roll my eyes when you folks talk about ‘the degeneracy,'” reports LooksMatterToWomen, “but THIS is legit. 912 likes? Really?”
Someone called dr_gunit, meanwhile, attacks the anonymous woman in question for what he sees as her blatant height discrimination. “If that statue was shorter than 5’8 she would not be doing that,” he complains. “[S]he wants a BIG cock in her RED c*nt and she wants BIG babies.”
Big … marble babies? I’m not altogether sure that dr_gunit was paying attention in sex ed.
There’s one commenter in the bunch who doesn’t seem overly bothered by the notion of someone licking a hunk of stone. “[T[he statue doesn’t talk or smell, that’s the whole point,” TotallyTroll explains. “I’d rather lick a statue than talk to someone.”
Naturally, he is taken to task by one of the other commenters for his heresy.
“Well Aren’t you an ignorant one,” Inceldemographic thunders.
You are such a whiteknight that you are willing to appear like a dumbass just to continue being a doormat for women. Statues or any form of public property are the dirtiest surfaces around. There’s a reason why they are regularly doused in antiseptic during a SARS outbreak. If you want to be a cuck bending over backwards to defend all kinds of behaviour, go ahead, just don’t lose your IQ over it.
If these guys get this worked up over a woman pretending to rim a statue as a joke, let’s just hope they never find out about dildos.
This just in, people do stupid stuff with statues. In other news, the Pope has released a statement, “still Catholic.”
Although, the point that licking a statue is not clean in the slightest IS a fair one. I suppose even a broken clock is right twice a day.
Your Gay, Elfy, Bull Riding Friend,
The Fereldan Magister
Young man yells at cloud.
Now I’m picturing incels getting mad because hurricane Irma didn’t hit them. What a hypergamous slut going for large wealthy Florida and tropical paradise islands instead of hanging out over their houses! They should just rename every hurricane Stacey! Cause that’s all they are! Filthy no good Staceys with eyewalls that look like roast beef!
@ WWTH
Hope this works
https://i.imgur.com/KI9vgk4_d.webp?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=medium
“Hurricane Stacey turns around after approaching US Virgin Islands, makes rapid landfall in West Africa instead and somehow makes it inland towards Chad without diminishing into cat “lady”. See our direct report from Virgin Islanders complaining about their lack of hurricane action.”
Hurricane Stacey is predicted to weaken after Chad’s alpha landmass weakens her. But she is projected to regain enough strength after becoming a bitter and lonely feminist to head for Japan and destroy the sexbot factories in order to keep MGTOW from happily leaving the sexual marketplace.
I choose to believe that the lady in the picture was making tuba sounds while she was doing that.
Thanks to everyone who dared dip into r/incel. It sounds like you’re expected to slink off quietly, so incels who get laid might not necessarily leave any evidence of their changed status behind on the subreddit.
That’s kinda sad. If one of the regulars round here disappeared, we’d definitely notice and hope they were okay, but there it seems like as soon as you have sex they don’t want anything to do with you. I guess you would spoil the angst-fantasy that they’re permanently outcast from society in some way.
I get child support checks every month from the Easter Island heads.
The moai do actually have full bodies, including those bits. 🙂
The bodies were buried for some reason; but this is what they’re like when excavated:
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/images/easter-statues-3jpg
The bodies were buried for some reason, but this is what they look like when excavated:
@Alan – I know the moai are full-bodied, but the idea of heads (w/o the relevant bits) cutting in front of incels to receive feeeemale ministrations is way funnier.
Well, to me anyway. 🙂
Well look at him. That canthial tilt, those chunky wrists, and he is quite tall. Those poor incels never stood a chance.
#chadmoai
Christ the Redeemer is even taller and chaddier. Too bad he’s off the market.
Amazing that he’s found a way to make it her fault.
I just can’t imagine why she wouldn’t like him. It’s a mystery.
Hahahahahaa I’m laughing forreals on the outside. Shush! Nobody tell the incels that I have a photo of me riding Stalin’s moustache! (Taken on top of a massive toppled bust of Stalin in a Soviet statuary graveyard in Tallinn.)
Stalin statue >>>> incels, sorry not sorry! OH MY THE LEFTIST DEGENERACY!!
Offtopic: mum, the dogs and I all made it through Irma intact! Thank you so much for your well wishes, it definitely helped me make it through! We are fully powered and up and running, we got very very lucky that the storm kinda veered inland just before reaching our area. Much love to all of you from us!!
Is this also a “blatant display of degeneracy” cause, ya know, a guy is doing it?
NSFW (and incel snowflakes) !
https://downtrend.com/71superb/teen-who-faked-oral-sex-with-jesus-statue-faces-2-year-sentence
Christ the Redeemer is a beta weakling next to the Korean “Jacked Jesus” statue.
Bending, maybe. But I don’t think the appeal for the (alleged) cuck is bending over backwards.
Maybe I’m wrong.
In any case, that picture is hysterical. I so love it.
*Looks at Moai statue pictures*
I’ll be in my bunk
@The Adjunct
A) I’ve been thinking about what to do to the Stalin statue in my town to piss these guys off, so thanks for the ideas, and B) so glad you and your family made it through safely.
@The Adjunct
So glad to hear that! Please give your mum and the dogs my very best. Posthurricane hugs to any and all who want them.
Maybe it’s too soon, but does anyone want Disney to give Anna and Elsa (from Frozen) a cousin named Irma who has power over tropical winds, and sings her own version of “Let It Go”?
Anyone else find themselves wondering if dr_gunit actually thinks the size of a baby depends on the size of the penis of the father? Given the nonsense people believe about sex I’d be entirely unsurprised if he did believe that.
So I look at the picture, and I think, at once, “Oh, that’s tasteless,” and “Nice butt on the statue”.
And then I get the full force of the incel freakout, and I’m ready to get out there and tongue statues myself.
Between the ‘roastie’ thing and the semen damage, I’m really struck by their apparent belief that sex actually physically harms women, and that having sex with with a number of different partners is MORE harmful than sex with one.